We have had dozens of LONG conversations about him sleeping with other people. I am terrified that I will disconnect from him (withdraw, feel hurt, retreat etc) - that will ruin our relationship. Or that he'll decide he doesn't need me and end the relationship.
I (26F) and him (29M) have been in a relationship for two years and we live together. Our relationship is better than I could have ever imagined before we met. Communication and trust are great, sex is fantastic (7~ times a week), we have total value alignment - overall I'd say we're in a really stable place.
Early on in our relationship, my partner broached the topic of having casual sex with other people. At first, he thought it was because he didn't want to feel limited and this was a way he could prove to himself that he's not. (We have matching libidos.) In recent months, we've also uncovered that he misses casual sex (most of his previous sexual partners were purely friends-with-benefits and there was nothing else attached). We had long convos and I realized that right now, I am 1) Not capable of casual sex and 2) Even if I was, I don't want it right now. I gave him the green light to go ahead and sleep with other people because I don't want him to feel limited or to resent me for restricting him. But since I am not 100% comfortable with it, he keeps reaching the same conclusion to "drop the topic" because 1) There may be an emotional fallout and 2) He doesn't have the emotional energy to do all of the work required to manage this fallout.
The first time he reached these conclusions, I accepted them. But then a few months go by, and he asks me if my feelings about sleeping with other people have changed, and the same convo happens. I feel like this is something he wants and my feelings are in the way - and this isn't how I want our relationship to play out (otherwise I think eventually he'll resent me, feel restricted, we'll lose desire, etc)
I am looking for advice on the things that I am struggling with internally along with best steps to get started (do we start small, etc).
I am struggling with feeling conflicted:

1. On the one hand: I am totally on board with nonmonogamy when I look at it theoretically. I like the idea of my partner having experiences without me because I KNOW he loves me and desires me... so I see this as something that will heighten the trust and desire we have for each other since we know that we're unequivocally choosing one another and giving each other room to explore.
2. On the other hand: I think I have some (primal?) insecurities that if my partner is fucking someone else, it will render our relationship inconsequential. Eg. If I am feeling insecure about something, what is the point of doing all the emotional work to make sure I am OK if he's having his sexual needs met already (it's an embarrassing insecurity because our relationship is SO much more than sex). I also fear that him sleeping with other people will hurt me a lot and in response, I will withdraw from the relationship to protect myself from future heartbreak. I guess I am just afraid of nonmonogamy reducing the connection we have with each other.

Any advice on how to move forward? I have read Opening Up, listened to Esther Perel's podcasts with couples who opened up their relationship, and watched A LOT of Youtube videos on non-monogamy. I think we do have the levels of trust and communication to make this work... I am just deeply afraid and so is he (of hurting me).

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Greetings. So, I've played around the engine and its predecessors for years, always wanting to make my own proper RPG game, but never got to finish the ones I've worked with because I always grew anxious on whether the idea could work. So I decided to ask online which one of these concepts I should aim for:

1. Deseo Island: Semi-Lineal (You unlock harder dungeons doing earlier ones in any order they're currently in, think how unlocking levels work in Mario 64) game about a town of varied species finds itself in bad times, when they hear that in the isle of Trella, a treasure hunt will be done, and whoever finds more treasures will get a wish, so they send five characters who will secretly work together. The game has Five Elements: Red (Fire and Thunder), Green (Plants and Wind), Blue (Water and Ground), Yellow (Light and Healing), and Purple (Shadow and Poison), and each character represents one of them, so they all have offensive techniques of their element.
2. Sea-Archangel: More lineal but story-driven game, taking cues of the older Final Fantasy games but in a underwater, marine setting, about Caleb, a sea angel knight with a difficult past that finds himself in a disastrous incident where he's accused of betraying the Azure Order, and has to run to find how to clean his name, and finding in his way both allies, and clues that the very origin of his kind hides a dark secret. There are Four Elements: Heat, Cold, Bolt, and Venom. No PC represents neither so they're mostly limited to the designated "Black Mage" and "Summoner" of the group.

Is any of these ideas good? Which one is better? What tweaks should I do? And about the engine I chose, it is because I'm working alone in this and doing all the sprites myself (Which you can see some of them here, where I tried to answer this same question, but haven't got enough feedback to make a choice)

​
https://preview.redd.it/ey2r7vyae5pa1.png?width=967&format=png&auto=webp&s=375f77b3ef01522290c73da9be1f2d54a4977b61

TL:DR Slim, mature, responsible, and intellectual guy seeking a petite to average size (as in, not overweight, not that you have to be short haha) younger girl (18 or older) that's going to graduate HS this year, or did recently (i.e. the last few years or so) that wants the build the deepest, most romantic and loving relationship with someone that genuinely wants to get to know and understand them on a deep level! Also, someone that will DEEPLY appreciate them, on a level most boys her age could only dream of. Someone that will THOROUGHLY enjoy spending TONS of time with you, savoring every second, loving the memories you're making together, and the things you learn about each other as you get to know and understand each other that much better! A girl that wants to experience a "young love" style of romance, and by that I mean going on all sorts of dates, including some cheesy ones, holding hands a lot while we walk around in parks, at the mall, even at the supermarket if you wish (if you're super shy we can hold off on the PDA such as hand holding until you're more comfortable). By "young love" I also mean just being very romantic, excited to see and spend time with each other, and also lots of hugs and cuddles and kisses (only in private is fine at first if you're shy). Do all sorts of things in life together, cuddle, travel, explore, and just in general enjoy life together and spending time together. Also trying lots of new things together and really appreciating the memories we're making together! Basically just going all-in on the romance / relationship and giving it our all, and just thoroughly enjoying the ride as we get to know each other better and better, and hopefully we click well enough to stay together forever! <3
So that gives you a decent idea of who and what I'm looking for, but there's still more details I'd like to go into, as well as telling some more about myself, so you can better understand who I am.
Ideally I'm looking for a girl that just graduated HS (or did in the last few years), but anyone up to ~25 or so is welcome. If you're shy, even extremely shy, or have strict parents [those aren't requirements either], this could be a great opportunity for you, as I used to be extremely shy when I was younger too (and also had strict / controlling parents, so I understand how that can be too). If you're outgoing, and/or just want to explore new things and places in life, that's cool and fine too! Size wise, as I'm a relatively slim guy myself, I'm attracted to girls that are petite to average weight. I want to be able to do some athletic things together like walking/jogging/perhaps some sports (and/or other things, depending on what you're into). So it's not just an attraction thing that I'm not interested in people overweight, it's a matter of lifestyle / mentality / and being able to do certain things together. Of course I expect my partner to have the same expectations of me, that I don't get fat either.
Anyways, moving on, so thanks for reading my post so far, and if you're looking for what I'd described, hopefully you'll read on and find me interesting, and if so, PLEASE send me a message! It's fine if you are just curious and want to ask some questions and learn more first, before making any decisions / jumping into anything! With that in mind, let me describe myself a bit. I'm a slim, intellectual guy, often been called cute, and I'm pretty upbeat and optimistic, but I've been a bit lonely lately and would LOVE to find a girl that wants a deep, loving, emotionally and mentally close relationship, and is willing to put in the time and effort to build that - assuming of course we click well enough. That doesn't mean we need to rush into things, and I'm not looking to - I'm just saying that should be our end goal. If we date for a while and then decide we're not a close enough match, well, it happens sometimes, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try! So, to address the elephant in the room, yes, I would be a good bit older than you, so obviously you need to be OK with dating a middle aged guy, and I realize that's not for everyone - and that's fine. I'm not looking to pressure anyone into anything. But I also know that there most definitely ARE some girls out there that are open to that, as well as some that specifically prefer that. There's advantages to dating someone a bit older than you, such as them being a lot more mature, responsible, considerate, respectful, and, perhaps most importantly, appreciate life and a deep relationship sooooo much more. Someone whom knows when they have someone special with them, and can appreciate and enjoy that on a level that someone your age can't. Anyways, as long as you're genuinely open to a deep, serious relationship with someone my age, hopefully someday leading to a serious LTR and kids, that's fine. Like I said, I'm not looking to rush into anything, I want to spend some time chatting and getting to know each other first, so we can get comfortable with each other before meeting. So if you're shy, even extremely shy, don't worry, it's OK! I actually used to be EXTREMELY shy when I was young, so I totally understand how that can be, and I usually can get along well with shy people because I've been there and understand where they're coming from. Also, if needed I can carry the conversation until you start getting more comfortable and more talkative. ;) If you've been too shy to talk to guys you like (or possibly you do like older guys but are WAY too shy to approach one) - but genuinely DO want a relationship and would love to find someone willing to spend the time to get to know and truly understand you, this could be the opportunity you're looking for! On the other hand, if you're outgoing and love to chat [and looking for a relationship], that's totally fine too! haha Both sides of that coin can be fun, so I'm cool with either way you are. ;)
Alternatively, maybe you had a bad time at prom (or some other romantic event you were looking forward to), or didn't go, or didn't have anyone to go with, or maybe it was OK but didn't nearly live up to your expectations, and would love to get to have some romantic evenings and memories. Or maybe you just didn't get out much (or had super strict parents that didn't let you) and want to get out into the world and explore new places and new things, etc. and would love to have a romantic partner to share all those experiences and memories together with!
...or maybe you had suuuuper strict parents and want to finally get out from under the rock you were living under and finally get to see and do many of the things you've wanted to for a long time! (I would totally understand this one as I had very strict parents)
Maybe you've had a few relationships before but you never clicked very deeply with any of them (and/or they were just too immature), and you're looking for a relationship that's much deeper and more meaningful than that. Or maybe you've never had anyone that you've connected well enough to to feel that they really understand you. ...while I can't promise that we'll click well enough for that to happen, I'd like that to be the goal, and there's certainly a non-zero chance of it happening haha.
Perhaps you're REALLY wanting to be able to fully dive into a relationship as soon as you graduate, and are looking forward to, not necessarily Prom [although possibly that too], but also/mostly just would love to be able to take a long romantic vacation / visit once you're done with school and have some freedom. An opportunity to be yourself and learn about both yourself and your romantic partner.
Or, lastly, maybe you're just single and would love to have someone to cuddle with, talk to, share everything with, watch movies or shows together with, play games together, and travel or explore together!
Anyways, whatever the case is for you, if you think I'm interesting and would like to explore some or all of those things, I'd love to hear from you! Before I get too far ahead of myself, let you tell you a little about me. I'm 39 (but I look a bit younger), white, 5'11" and relatively slim at 165 lbs. I enjoy walking and jogging in the park, as well as exploring new parks / seeing new places and new scenery. Although it's 100 times better when I have someone to enjoy that with and talk to meanwhile! <3 Anyways, I do have a number of nerdy interests - games, movies, anime, computers, science stuff, etc., but I can also enjoy long conversations with a date, walks in the park - or on the beach, playing board, card, or video games together, or sports, etc. Plus I'm open to learning some interests of yours - I can't promise I'll be interested in all of your interests, but it's extremely likely that I'd at least enjoy hearing you talk about them, and some of them I may be happy to join you in (this is very likely). We don't need to share ALL of the same interests, as long as we share a few haha. As far as games go, I'm primarily (almost entirely) a PC gamer, but I occasionally play some console games (primarily older consoles). My favorite thing to do is to cuddle up and watch something fun or interesting, such as movies, YouTube (I watch a lot of YouTube), Anime, Netflix, or Kdramas (occasionally). So you need to at minimum be someone whom would enjoy cuddling up and watching things together with me haha ... but then, almost everyone enjoys doing that. Oh, and I also have a relatively newfound love for Theme Parks and water parks since I recently started going back to them for the first time as an adult recently, and there's many more I'd love to go to - as well as re-visit the ones I've been to with someone special going with me to share the experience with. <3 I'm also curious to try out some amusement parks now that I'm getting more comfortable on rollercoasters.
Anyways, that's a bit about me, I'd love to hear some about you and what your interests are! And maybe note some shared interests that we have! Of course I do have some additional interests, I haven't listed EVERYTHING haha, nor do you need to in a first message haha. Just because my post is long doesn't mean your messages have to be haha. ;)
As for requirements for you, I'm pretty open minded on most things, so I'll try to keep the requirements pretty minimal. Ideally I'm looking for someone that's white or Asian, or some mix thereof (i.e. if you're 50/50, or 50/50 white or Asian and something else, that's fine). I'd consider making exceptions to this for the right person, if we really clicked otherwise. ;) Age wise, while it would be nice to find someone about to graduate HS (and is excited to use their newfound freedom to explore so many new things in life and the world), I'm willing to consider someone a bit older, up to early to mid 20s, as long as we share a number of interests and you feel like you're looking for something similar to what I've described. It's more that I'm looking for someone with a certain mindset and/or at a certain point in their life, not necessarily that they're SUPER young. My main requirement is, as someone that's slim (and sometimes athletic, when I have time to get more exercise), I need you to also BE [as opposed "working on it"] average weight or below, and plan to stay there (but also to expect me to as well - I don't expect anything from a partner that I don't have at LEAST as high expectations of myself about). I find petite girls super cute, but average size girls are fun and cute as well! Both sizes have their fun and interesting points haha, so I'm fine if you're either one.
Anyways, I think I've talked long enough for now haha, but that gives you a decent idea what I'm looking for plus some basics about me. As the title says, while ideally I'd love to find someone within 3 hours of Harrisonburg, VA, I'm willing to consider someone anywhere in the US (probably just the lower 48 states). Drives longer than 3 hours are definitely still very plausible, possibly even 8 or 10 hours perhaps, and flying is an option if you live significantly further away (plus points if you live anywhere remotely near a major airport, but that's not a requirement). Anyways, my point is, if you're further away than a few hours drive, I'd need you to be willing to travel / work with the distance when the time comes - particularly with the drastically increased costs of gas/travel these days. For example, if you're pretty far away, then after the first visit or two, we'd probably need to be planning longer visits when one of us travels to the other. Anyways, I'm not looking to rush into meeting, but I'm also NOT INTERESTED in an online only relationship. We need to start meeting in person in the relatively near future (i.e. a few weeks or so (possibly several weeks if you're far), assuming we talk a good bit during those few weeks). Also, I'm willing to come to you the first visit (or perhaps more) if you're far, but after the first visit or two you'd need to be willing to visit me (I might be willing to pay for your flight if you can't, we'll see), as that's going to be a LOT cheaper than me flying out somewhere, getting a hotel, and renting a car. On the other hand, if you're much closer, within a reasonably driving range, if needed I could pick you up in my car once you're ready to visit (and I can just drive to you for the first few visits). And if you're within 3 hours or so drive, I'm happy to drive to you for several visits at first, until you're ready to visit me. Regardless of the timing, I'm not going to pressure you do visit me before you're comfortable doing so, and it's something we can play by ear. For example, if you're someone that's super shy I understand if it takes a few extra times of me visiting you before you're ready to visit me, or perhaps we need to chat some extra time first, etc.
Well, thanks for reading my rather long post haha, hopefully I've piqued your interest, and if so, I'd love to hear from you! Certainly feel free to ask me any questions you may have, either if you're interested, or if you're curious but need to know some more before you know if you're interested haha. Also, I'm happy to exchange some (clean!) pictures of each other after a few messages. On that note, when you message me, please tell me at least a little about you (i.e. age, race, height/weight, and a little about you and what you're looking for). Thanks again, and hopefully this can be a great opportunity for both of us, and the start of something amazing!
P.S. To the SUPER shy and lurkers out there - yes, you, you know who you are - if you've been looking and wanting a relationship for a while, but have been too shy to ever post yourself or respond to a post, but you find me / what I'm looking for interesting, THIS is the post for you, THE one you've been waiting for. I've talked to a few VERY shy girls occasionally, and it was such an amazing experience for some of them to talk to someone that understands them and is willing to take the time to get to know them, and give them time to get comfortable before meeting. Someone that can help them slowly come out of their shell, gently nudging them to try new things and slowly be more outgoing, but without being pushy. So if that's you, you fit what I described that I'm looking for, and you're THAT shy but really DO want to be in a relationship, THIS is the post that's the opportunity for you. You've found the person that's willing to spend the time to get to know you and let you get comfortable, and also the guy that's going to enjoy and appreciate spending time with you in person if/when we get to that point (hopefully, that's the objective). I understand that shy girls, if you can get to know them well enough that they get comfortable with you, can often build some of the deepest emotional connections, because they appreciate the few close friends they do have SO much moreso than average people. So, if that's you, and you've been wanting a relationship for a while but been too shy to message anyone, PLEASE do this time! <3 I can carry the conversation if needed, but you need to at least say "hi" so that I know you're interested! [If you're too shy to say much, just say "Hi, I'm shy but I'd love to chat" or something like that]. :) Romance doesn't have to be just something you read about in books or watch in movies, YOU CAN experience it yourself! <3

TL:DR Slim, mature, responsible, and intellectual guy seeking a petite to average size (as in, not overweight, not that you have to be short haha) younger girl (18 or older) that's going to graduate HS this year, or did recently (i.e. the last few years or so) that wants the build the deepest, most romantic and loving relationship with someone that genuinely wants to get to know and understand them on a deep level! Also, someone that will DEEPLY appreciate them, on a level most boys her age could only dream of. Someone that will THOROUGHLY enjoy spending TONS of time with you, savoring every second, loving the memories you're making together, and the things you learn about each other as you get to know and understand each other that much better! A girl that wants to experience a "young love" style of romance, and by that I mean going on all sorts of dates, including some cheesy ones, holding hands a lot while we walk around in parks, at the mall, even at the supermarket if you wish (if you're super shy we can hold off on the PDA such as hand holding until you're more comfortable). By "young love" I also mean just being very romantic, excited to see and spend time with each other, and also lots of hugs and cuddles and kisses (only in private is fine at first if you're shy). Do all sorts of things in life together, cuddle, travel, explore, and just in general enjoy life together and spending time together. Also trying lots of new things together and really appreciating the memories we're making together! Basically just going all-in on the romance / relationship and giving it our all, and just thoroughly enjoying the ride as we get to know each other better and better, and hopefully we click well enough to stay together forever! <3
So that gives you a decent idea of who and what I'm looking for, but there's still more details I'd like to go into, as well as telling some more about myself, so you can better understand who I am.
Ideally I'm looking for a girl that just graduated HS (or did in the last few years), but anyone up to ~25 or so is welcome. If you're shy, even extremely shy, or have strict parents [those aren't requirements either], this could be a great opportunity for you, as I used to be extremely shy when I was younger too (and also had strict / controlling parents, so I understand how that can be too). If you're outgoing, and/or just want to explore new things and places in life, that's cool and fine too! Size wise, as I'm a relatively slim guy myself, I'm attracted to girls that are petite to average weight. I want to be able to do some athletic things together like walking/jogging/perhaps some sports (and/or other things, depending on what you're into). So it's not just an attraction thing that I'm not interested in people overweight, it's a matter of lifestyle / mentality / and being able to do certain things together. Of course I expect my partner to have the same expectations of me, that I don't get fat either.
Anyways, moving on, so thanks for reading my post so far, and if you're looking for what I'd described, hopefully you'll read on and find me interesting, and if so, PLEASE send me a message! It's fine if you are just curious and want to ask some questions and learn more first, before making any decisions / jumping into anything! With that in mind, let me describe myself a bit. I'm a slim, intellectual guy, often been called cute, and I'm pretty upbeat and optimistic, but I've been a bit lonely lately and would LOVE to find a girl that wants a deep, loving, emotionally and mentally close relationship, and is willing to put in the time and effort to build that - assuming of course we click well enough. That doesn't mean we need to rush into things, and I'm not looking to - I'm just saying that should be our end goal. If we date for a while and then decide we're not a close enough match, well, it happens sometimes, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try! So, to address the elephant in the room, yes, I would be a good bit older than you, so obviously you need to be OK with dating a middle aged guy, and I realize that's not for everyone - and that's fine. I'm not looking to pressure anyone into anything. But I also know that there most definitely ARE some girls out there that are open to that, as well as some that specifically prefer that. There's advantages to dating someone a bit older than you, such as them being a lot more mature, responsible, considerate, respectful, and, perhaps most importantly, appreciate life and a deep relationship sooooo much more. Someone whom knows when they have someone special with them, and can appreciate and enjoy that on a level that someone your age can't. Anyways, as long as you're genuinely open to a deep, serious relationship with someone my age, hopefully someday leading to a serious LTR and kids, that's fine. Like I said, I'm not looking to rush into anything, I want to spend some time chatting and getting to know each other first, so we can get comfortable with each other before meeting. So if you're shy, even extremely shy, don't worry, it's OK! I actually used to be EXTREMELY shy when I was young, so I totally understand how that can be, and I usually can get along well with shy people because I've been there and understand where they're coming from. Also, if needed I can carry the conversation until you start getting more comfortable and more talkative. ;) If you've been too shy to talk to guys you like (or possibly you do like older guys but are WAY too shy to approach one) - but genuinely DO want a relationship and would love to find someone willing to spend the time to get to know and truly understand you, this could be the opportunity you're looking for! On the other hand, if you're outgoing and love to chat [and looking for a relationship], that's totally fine too! haha Both sides of that coin can be fun, so I'm cool with either way you are. ;)
Alternatively, maybe you had a bad time at prom (or some other romantic event you were looking forward to), or didn't go, or didn't have anyone to go with, or maybe it was OK but didn't nearly live up to your expectations, and would love to get to have some romantic evenings and memories. Or maybe you just didn't get out much (or had super strict parents that didn't let you) and want to get out into the world and explore new places and new things, etc. and would love to have a romantic partner to share all those experiences and memories together with!
...or maybe you had suuuuper strict parents and want to finally get out from under the rock you were living under and finally get to see and do many of the things you've wanted to for a long time! (I would totally understand this one as I had very strict parents)
Maybe you've had a few relationships before but you never clicked very deeply with any of them (and/or they were just too immature), and you're looking for a relationship that's much deeper and more meaningful than that. Or maybe you've never had anyone that you've connected well enough to to feel that they really understand you. ...while I can't promise that we'll click well enough for that to happen, I'd like that to be the goal, and there's certainly a non-zero chance of it happening haha.
Perhaps you're REALLY wanting to be able to fully dive into a relationship as soon as you graduate, and are looking forward to, not necessarily Prom [although possibly that too], but also/mostly just would love to be able to take a long romantic vacation / visit once you're done with school and have some freedom. An opportunity to be yourself and learn about both yourself and your romantic partner.
Or, lastly, maybe you're just single and would love to have someone to cuddle with, talk to, share everything with, watch movies or shows together with, play games together, and travel or explore together!
Anyways, whatever the case is for you, if you think I'm interesting and would like to explore some or all of those things, I'd love to hear from you! Before I get too far ahead of myself, let you tell you a little about me. I'm 39 (but I look a bit younger), white, 5'11" and relatively slim at 165 lbs. I enjoy walking and jogging in the park, as well as exploring new parks / seeing new places and new scenery. Although it's 100 times better when I have someone to enjoy that with and talk to meanwhile! <3 Anyways, I do have a number of nerdy interests - games, movies, anime, computers, science stuff, etc., but I can also enjoy long conversations with a date, walks in the park - or on the beach, playing board, card, or video games together, or sports, etc. Plus I'm open to learning some interests of yours - I can't promise I'll be interested in all of your interests, but it's extremely likely that I'd at least enjoy hearing you talk about them, and some of them I may be happy to join you in (this is very likely). We don't need to share ALL of the same interests, as long as we share a few haha. As far as games go, I'm primarily (almost entirely) a PC gamer, but I occasionally play some console games (primarily older consoles). My favorite thing to do is to cuddle up and watch something fun or interesting, such as movies, YouTube (I watch a lot of YouTube), Anime, Netflix, or Kdramas (occasionally). So you need to at minimum be someone whom would enjoy cuddling up and watching things together with me haha ... but then, almost everyone enjoys doing that. Oh, and I also have a relatively newfound love for Theme Parks and water parks since I recently started going back to them for the first time as an adult recently, and there's many more I'd love to go to - as well as re-visit the ones I've been to with someone special going with me to share the experience with. <3 I'm also curious to try out some amusement parks now that I'm getting more comfortable on rollercoasters.
Anyways, that's a bit about me, I'd love to hear some about you and what your interests are! And maybe note some shared interests that we have! Of course I do have some additional interests, I haven't listed EVERYTHING haha, nor do you need to in a first message haha. Just because my post is long doesn't mean your messages have to be haha. ;)
As for requirements for you, I'm pretty open minded on most things, so I'll try to keep the requirements pretty minimal. Ideally I'm looking for someone that's white or Asian, or some mix thereof (i.e. if you're 50/50, or 50/50 white or Asian and something else, that's fine). I'd consider making exceptions to this for the right person, if we really clicked otherwise. ;) Age wise, while it would be nice to find someone about to graduate HS (and is excited to use their newfound freedom to explore so many new things in life and the world), I'm willing to consider someone a bit older, up to early to mid 20s, as long as we share a number of interests and you feel like you're looking for something similar to what I've described. It's more that I'm looking for someone with a certain mindset and/or at a certain point in their life, not necessarily that they're SUPER young. My main requirement is, as someone that's slim (and sometimes athletic, when I have time to get more exercise), I need you to also BE [as opposed "working on it"] average weight or below, and plan to stay there (but also to expect me to as well - I don't expect anything from a partner that I don't have at LEAST as high expectations of myself about). I find petite girls super cute, but average size girls are fun and cute as well! Both sizes have their fun and interesting points haha, so I'm fine if you're either one.
Anyways, I think I've talked long enough for now haha, but that gives you a decent idea what I'm looking for plus some basics about me. As the title says, while ideally I'd love to find someone within 3 hours of Harrisonburg, VA, I'm willing to consider someone anywhere in the US (probably just the lower 48 states). Drives longer than 3 hours are definitely still very plausible, possibly even 8 or 10 hours perhaps, and flying is an option if you live significantly further away (plus points if you live anywhere remotely near a major airport, but that's not a requirement). Anyways, my point is, if you're further away than a few hours drive, I'd need you to be willing to travel / work with the distance when the time comes - particularly with the drastically increased costs of gas/travel these days. For example, if you're pretty far away, then after the first visit or two, we'd probably need to be planning longer visits when one of us travels to the other. Anyways, I'm not looking to rush into meeting, but I'm also NOT INTERESTED in an online only relationship. We need to start meeting in person in the relatively near future (i.e. a few weeks or so (possibly several weeks if you're far), assuming we talk a good bit during those few weeks). Also, I'm willing to come to you the first visit (or perhaps more) if you're far, but after the first visit or two you'd need to be willing to visit me (I might be willing to pay for your flight if you can't, we'll see), as that's going to be a LOT cheaper than me flying out somewhere, getting a hotel, and renting a car. On the other hand, if you're much closer, within a reasonably driving range, if needed I could pick you up in my car once you're ready to visit (and I can just drive to you for the first few visits). And if you're within 3 hours or so drive, I'm happy to drive to you for several visits at first, until you're ready to visit me. Regardless of the timing, I'm not going to pressure you do visit me before you're comfortable doing so, and it's something we can play by ear. For example, if you're someone that's super shy I understand if it takes a few extra times of me visiting you before you're ready to visit me, or perhaps we need to chat some extra time first, etc.
Well, thanks for reading my rather long post haha, hopefully I've piqued your interest, and if so, I'd love to hear from you! Certainly feel free to ask me any questions you may have, either if you're interested, or if you're curious but need to know some more before you know if you're interested haha. Also, I'm happy to exchange some (clean!) pictures of each other after a few messages. On that note, when you message me, please tell me at least a little about you (i.e. age, race, height/weight, and a little about you and what you're looking for). Thanks again, and hopefully this can be a great opportunity for both of us, and the start of something amazing!
P.S. To the SUPER shy and lurkers out there - yes, you, you know who you are - if you've been looking and wanting a relationship for a while, but have been too shy to ever post yourself or respond to a post, but you find me / what I'm looking for interesting, THIS is the post for you, THE one you've been waiting for. I've talked to a few VERY shy girls occasionally, and it was such an amazing experience for some of them to talk to someone that understands them and is willing to take the time to get to know them, and give them time to get comfortable before meeting. Someone that can help them slowly come out of their shell, gently nudging them to try new things and slowly be more outgoing, but without being pushy. So if that's you, you fit what I described that I'm looking for, and you're THAT shy but really DO want to be in a relationship, THIS is the post that's the opportunity for you. You've found the person that's willing to spend the time to get to know you and let you get comfortable, and also the guy that's going to enjoy and appreciate spending time with you in person if/when we get to that point (hopefully, that's the objective). I understand that shy girls, if you can get to know them well enough that they get comfortable with you, can often build some of the deepest emotional connections, because they appreciate the few close friends they do have SO much moreso than average people. So, if that's you, and you've been wanting a relationship for a while but been too shy to message anyone, PLEASE do this time! <3 I can carry the conversation if needed, but you need to at least say "hi" so that I know you're interested! [If you're too shy to say much, just say "Hi, I'm shy but I'd love to chat" or something like that]. :) Romance doesn't have to be just something you read about in books or watch in movies, YOU CAN experience it yourself! <3

Hello gafs,
Rules: Dibs rules applies. I can also do cash on my end if something doesn't add up to the trade value of optics I am interested in. Payment due within 15 minutes of dibs. If payment has not been received, I will move onto the next dibs in line. I accept with NO NOTES, pp ff, apple pay, venmo, carrier pigeon, and Zelle. Users who wish to use G&S will eat the cost. Comment and then PM, no chats.
Looking to trade or sell the following items (anything else not listed is not for sale):
the goods
DD MK18 upper from Brownells with the dark brown handguard and .07 diameter gas port. This includes the head spaced DD bcg, DD barrel, and BCM/Vltor CH. < 300 rounds fired through it. This is currently rattle canned but the underneath, supposedly there is no salt. (catch and release from here) I would prefer not to split, but willing to split if I have to. Upper must go first. SV:$950 TV: $1050
Trijicon Accupower 1x4 SFP on an ADM Recon H QD mount (1.93 height). Low salt, but it does have some lights scratches on the body and dings on the caps from being used. This does have the original box. It's extremely large, but I can send it if you want it. 223/55 gr BDC reticle. 30mm tube and green crosshair. I will split this no problem. This thing is super clear and a super nice optic.
SV:$600 TV:$620. Scope alone $400. $200 for the mount. Mount has approx 300 rounds through it.
27 brand new 30 round Tapco AK mags, one used pmag, two used CAI mag (steel reinforced lips), one used 40 rounder of unknown origin, It looks to be Bulgarian since it has the three little stars. I would prefer to get rid of this as a lot to avoid logistics issues. They are great range mags, but I have no use for them since I got out of the AK game. I have no idea what these are worth since they are no longer in business. $250 SV:TV? (No shipping to ban states)
​
Items I am interested in trading for:
Trijicon VCOG SCO 1-8. 100% has to be the SCO with the Larue mount and christmas tree reticle. If you have one of the SCOs, I will straight up buy it from you cash if you don't buy/trade any of my stuff.
Trijicon ACOG TA02 red crosshair reticle.

Metamorphosis, changing into something new. Fat hungry green caterpillars turning into vibrant lively butterflies that can fly to heights only those on the ground could dream to have. However, colors tend to describe liars and cheats. Those who can fly do it and avoid the ground as if it were a calling from the reaper of death. No one can stand to see such a magnificent butterfly next to the roaches and rats. A butterfly may flap its wings until the very parts that allow it to do so start to tear and rub against their bodies never wanting to be a caterpillar again. I don’t know what I am. Butterfly, caterpillar, rat... maybe even just dirt. The ground has always been my home in fact my being. This dirt feels week and malleable the rain making it weak and unpredictable. My thoughts and eyes work against their purposes. I see what I shouldn’t and hear, think what I shouldn’t.
Extending into the air raising quickly I pull down one of the beauties from their grandiose flights. Gushing and weaving my dirt through each wing feeling the squirm of the legs and silent cries. Is this not my nature? So, the butterflies say... In the past for years and years I have tried to let them fly with no abrupt change; however, as a result my soil flows with no nutrients, no life. Why must I suffer? But in change has come judgement as always.
Maybe my roots. My leaves, my body shouldn’t continue to flourish for it only causes pain. However, the only way I could meet the infinite abyss is by starving. Why within this cycle am I the last expected to starve? Because everyone else would suffer? A baseline for survival is my sacrifice. When I question, I am seen as cursed, angrily so, unaccepting of my duty to the ecosystem.
The butterflies being the greediest of the bunch. I wish to give more to the roaches and the rats; however, I am unable to give to them. In fact, the offer itself has become a taboo that only anger, and bitterness is produced from the exchange.
No more bitterness. No more judgement. No more hate. No more soap boxes.
I will starve.
Shriveling, turning brown, looking up at the sky I see the clouds and blissful trees. The trees that cannot see the ground, feel the shifts, and turns that occur from the day to day. From my earlier days, wanting to help becoming ingrained into the idea of living correctly and in such a pursuit my own home has become a pit in which I cannot dig up from. As everyone seems to get closer to the warm rays of the sun, I have only sunk closer to the unforgiving pull of the earth.
Accepting my wants I drift my face towards the dirt, towards my roots, hugging the ground. Cold and wet.
Taking my final breath, I see the storm approaching over the horizon. Dark grey clouds consuming the light blue sky. Raining, pouring, windy, and overwhelming. Holding onto the ground I begin to let go absorbing into my home. Face melting, melding with what had given birth to me many years ago.

We lay together that night. It seemed that this act was the ultimate stress reliever and comfort between bonded pairs, we’d done the same in our time together in Chi’cagoa Rea. Though we had little enough time together thanks to her ship obligations in the immediate time after that, as she’d engaged in a few extremely profitable trade runs from Earth to a Dlamias outlying colony that conveniently enough had no patrol ships around to ask any nosy questions about arrests or charges…
We made up for the lost time when we could.
Lisa always took full advantage of that absence, though as for what she thought of the Captain’s absences, [Redacted]. The homeworld did not get around to properly securing the colony where the liquor flowed from, until after the Earth government asked that she be pardoned as a show of good faith given her ‘exemplary services rendered in the pursuit of harmony between worlds’.
Which was a fancy way of saying she had a fanbase and it would look good if she were in favor again. I wag my tail sometimes, thinking of the apocalyptic fury that must have run through some bureaucrat’s veins when they had to process that request for an outlier turned infamous pirate. Even if she didn’t target the Dlamias fleet, her ability to wreak merry havoc must have presented all kinds of headaches back home. Not to mention stealing the ‘official envoy’s’ place.
That one did eventually arrive and now made occasional trade runs in a triangle shape between Earth, Dlamias, and the Maxiki home moon.
But I digress.
Our laying together proved relaxing to us both, and when she was nestled against me in the bed we shared, I would be lying if I said I could easily return to my former existence in general isolation.
The more I thought about it, the more the concept of human ‘pack like’ families appealed to me.
And I had a lot of time to think about it.
Unsurprisingly, a few days later a small team of six grief therapists arrived, three of them with experience dealing with what humans referred to as PTSD or, ‘Post Traumatic Stress Disorder’ or what Dlamias referred to as WIOS or ‘War Induced Outlier Syndrome’. In the past I would not have recognized it, but I cannot unsee what I have seen. And that is that the term ‘outlier’ in there is not just a medical identification for a traumatized soldier, but a deeply embedded mistrust of nonlinear thought and a noncompliance with the common cultural framework our government has approved.
In short, it helped make outliers appear inherently untrustworthy, though to their credit they recognized that soldiers were victims of this rather than internally flawed in some way.
I wasn’t present when the exerts arrived, but was present when the engineers on loan from Earth were assisting the Red Spark’s engineers with the installation of several virtual reality systems akin to what Bonny Red described as experiencing on board Captain Archer’s ship fifty years earlier.
Of course the new models were far more versatile and realistic, or so their chatter said.
“Yeah these things are great.” The skinny engineer in plain white overalls said as he tapped it, “There aren’t many like this one out there, the sense data is a lot more immersive, and the time dilation software is such that these Arachnae 9000 models can give you almost anything you want, thanks to their embedded creation kits. Now you can modify your games and customize them to your liking, and with Genesis mode, you can create your own world and games within it, and jump to other peoples designs on the network in the same way as long as they’ve either made it ‘public’ or given you a passkey access code.”
“That’ll make a good training system.” The engineer, Scotty, remarked. “Do we get to keep these after the mission?”
“Hell if I know. But…disconnecting them would be damn tough. And I don’t have a disconnect schedule date. So…probably?” The human remarked, “I’ve got to say, I envy you these things. Even the capital ships don’t all have these yet.”
I pretty quickly figured out that some of the humans on board the ship had pulled a few strings to get some entertainment on board the Red Spark. And probably done it quickly too, using the therapist costs as a late rider on a bill or something.
It was a guess, but I suspect, a good one.
As for the therapists themselves, as these systems were hooked up, the humans tested them and began installing the programs they would need. You might find this strange given that time dilating virtual simulators were used in the human confinement system of justice, as well as it simple games and the older models were used as toys to play games.
But as it turned out, virtual reality was also used in therapy.
I was able to briefly try one out while the therapists explained.
A therapist named ‘Carl’ went over it while the program ‘World of Healing’ loaded.
What began as a silent black world in which I stood, neither falling nor flying, nor seemingly standing on anything at all, stars came into view first, billions of tiny lights twinkling in the darkness. The sorts of things that inspired the dreams of generations.
Then there was grassland, rolling hills, and I was standing on soft earthen and green.
Then the hills loaded terraces with yet more greenery, and around them appeared little babbling brooks, creeks of water with the occasional small fish leaping through the water from one place to the next.
Then, young men and women clad in the outfits of human nurses, the traditional red and white shades.
The therapist appeared beside me a moment later, stepping out of the darkness as his avatar loaded. “Let there be light.” He said with a wave of his hand, and the sun began to rise in the distance. There was a strange warming sensation, like I’d stepped out into an early summer day, as well as the feel of a breeze, I looked down at my body, my hairs were moving.
“That’s good.” He said and cracked a little smile, he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Environments like this one are popular.” He said, “I actually worked on the development of some of these. The nurses,” he gestured to the unmoving simulations, “are designed to appear as nonthreatening as possible. Mostly female, but there is some demand for males as well. Do you know why?” He asked.
“No?” I didn’t, and as he began to walk down a trail of smooth stones that appeared beneath our feet, he explained.
“Do you know what the most common word among the wounded on the battlefield is?” He asked, and as we walked, I watched the scene continue to generate, the path leading to small islands of trees that swayed in the simulated breeze. I shook my head.
“Mother.” He replied. “Followed closely by ‘I’ and ‘want’ and ‘my’. In every language, the wounded scream for their mothers, even the fiercest, hardest, and most savage of men in their most painful hours, call for the one who provided care and comfort in their childhood. Usually, that is still the mother. Not always, mind you, but commonly.”
He smiled at the simulated nurse, and even without being activated, it made a radiant smile in return. “So we program the nurses of both sexes with simulated parental care and attention personalities. Ideally the personalities of the wounded based on known interview data are loaded beforehand to provide the best possible experience, thus allowing the AI to tailor itself to the needs of the wounded.”
I couldn’t deny I was impressed.
“And the environment?” I asked.
“A garden.” Carl replied, “Someone once said, ‘If any man has ever heard the voice of god, it was in a garden on a cool day.’ Our myths and legends often begin our existence in idyllic gardens. Of course we know those are just myths, stories. But it says something about our nature that when we need to create a paradise, ‘this’ is what we make.” He held his arms out as if to embrace the simulation.
“Running water has a calming effect, the feel of the ground and the breeze, the sun and the caring attendants, all serve to create the ideal environments for a group of wounded soldiers. The nurses,” he added, “can be taken over by real qualified people like myself to properly diagnose and help guide the healing of others. The truth is, we don’t heal anybody.”
“No?” I was surprised at his admission, and Carl stroked his russet beard and chuckled as he replied.
“No. A doctor of the body can claim he healed a disease or an injury. But people who deal with the mind, we are guides. That is all. PTSD isn’t something you ‘get over’. It doesn’t go away, it just goes from an open wound to a scar. It may hurt sometimes, like a scar, but it doesn’t have to dominate someone’s life. All we do, is try to make it easier for that scar to form. Environments like this?” He said rhetorically, “These are just ultra modern hospital beds.”
“Couldn’t you just, I don’t know, leave somebody in here for what feels like a hundred years until they’re a whole lot better?” I asked, and his head hung just a little.
“If we could do that, we would. But studies of simulation use show that long term continuous use makes it difficult to adapt to the real world again. In the distant past, astronauts who spent only a few weeks in space, took several days on Earth to remember that things they let go of wouldn’t just ‘float’ if they let go of them. I can only imagine how much coffee was wasted.”
He let out a mock gasp as we got to the little tree cluster where willow leaves hung in long strands to create a kind of gentle shadow casting barrier to the trunk within.
“If we leave somebody in a superhero game for what feels like a hundred years, they’ll try to use those powers in the real world. If we leave somebody here in paradise for a hundred years, they’ll no longer be able to function in reality. And time dilation in a simulation isn’t exactly the same as actually lived reality either. Even the best AI is predictable to a degree. The real world, not so much.”
That was unfortunate, but even so, I could see the use.
“So, an hour per day drawn out to a few days at a time for the grieving, the wounded, and whoever we need. We have simulations for almost everything. From the wounded veterans, to those who grieve the dead in a thousand times a thousand ways.” Carl seemed to me to be equal parts proud of, and saddened by, the existence of this simulated world.
“It gets really bad, doesn’t it?” I asked and out of curiosity, when we crossed a hill to find ourselves amidst an apple orchard, I reached up to pluck a bright red fruit from a branch. It felt so real in my hands. And there was even a real scent to it. ‘I wonder, can I taste it?’
“It does.” Carl replied. “A few decades ago there were some xenophobes who were protesting… something. I don’t remember what it was, I was a child at the time, but some of them managed to get a bunch of guns somewhere and took over a bridge and blocked a road. They brought out their wives and children to use as human shields, trying to force the government to kill them to create sympathy for their cause.”
The apple tasted fantastic, but at his words I coughed and spat and he slapped me several times on the back. This ran entirely counter to everything I’d studied in human society. My work showed that humans valued their offspring and mates to such an extreme degree that harming them was akin to suicide if the survivor got a chance to exact revenge.
“I see that sounds strange to you.” He affirmed and asked, “Are you alright?”
“Yes, yes but…” He slapped my back a few more times and then finished.
“There’s a subset of humans for whom mates and children are property, this is a dying cultural remnant of the past, but it dies hard. Xenophobes wouldn’t hesitate to use those they’re supposed to protect, as pawns for their vicious causes. My father actually worked with both the people who confronted them, and the unarmed people that were rescued.”
“How did it come out?” I asked.
“I was just a kid, I don’t know all the details. But the media stories that spun about it accused the xenophobes of every kind of abuse on their spouses and children, thousands of people were ‘doxxed’ when they posted support for the xenophobes actions. It’s like somebody was out to get them. It got messy, they were a laughing stock, referred to as maniacal cowards, and there were a lot of cartoons and comics where people whose faces and names were out there, became villains to be laughed at and despised. I guess pretty much any evil thing is easy to believe if you’ll put your own kid or your own spouse between you and a bullet just so other people will feel sad for you.” “I mean, were there deaths or…?” I wished I hadn’t asked, but he shook his head.
“No, not exactly. Some clever bastard came up with the idea of walling them in. They pushed these big metal walls into place to surround them, then tightened it up. Slid a roof overhead, and then gassed the lot of them with something to knock them out. There was a lot of gunfire, it made the news, but seeing them shooting at giant metal walls while hiding behind their families did nothing to help their cause. But there were a lot of people who needed mental healthcare to recover from that incident. That’s why I do what I do. My father did it, and I saw how badly it was needed. It’s kind of my purpose, I guess you could say.” Carl said and reached up to take a bite of an apple for himself.
“Tastes like reality.” He said, and then asked, “Have you seen enough?”
“Yes. But… thank you for coming, I think you can do a lot of good up here.” I said and he quickly recited the exit code.
“Admin Red Spark Arachnae nine thousand. Exit simulation.” He said, and the world faded away to nothing.
I was sure of one thing at least.
The wounded hearts were in good hands.

Which skill should I play?

The world is your oyster. However, your safest bet will be to play some kind of attack build. Casters, Summoners and other builds which rely on somewhat niche notables to get damage will be kind of screwed by the sheer amount of attack nodes. However, these may become viable once people have started revealing the entire tree.
I expect Attack Builds to be the best, because they benefit not only from a lot of generic damage notables, they also get a ton of niche notables on the tree that you can mix and match. Found 3 great axe notables in your starting area? Hey, your an axe build now! Oh, there's some dual wielding nodes up next? Congratulations, your swinging two of them now! You get the idea.
In addition, they also get the most amount of ascendancy notables. I've sorted all of them into a spreadsheet, which you can find here.

How do I plan my tree?

I’ve divided the entire thing into clusters with the least amount of travel nodes between them. You can find the entire graphic here.
The basic idea is to start by revealing as many notables as possible (the blue and green areas), then progress into specialized masteries once you know which good notables/keystones/ascendancy notables you want to plan your build around.
Notables are King. While there can be travel nodes that are great (+1% max res, 6% life, etc.) or at least somewhat useful for your build, revealing as many notables as possible will obviously give you the best chance to get the juiciest bonuses.
Plan around masteries. The way the announcement reads, masteries will not be scrambled. That means you can get guaranteed good nodes for your build just by taking the masteries. It also means if you’re planning on using a specific mastery, you’ll be limited to those areas of the tree that get access to them. No playing melee on witch if you need weapon range, unfortunately.

Which ascendancy do I play?

In order to have the best chances to get useful ascendancy notables, you'll want to reveal as many of them as you can! That makes Deadeye and Chieftain the best ascendancies to pick, because they both get 8 of them.
In addition, you want the fewest amount of "nestled" notables, because if a good ascendancy hides behind a terrible one, you're kind of screwed. You can find a list of ascendancies down below.
Lastly, you should remember what kind of build you would prefer to play. Picking Chieftain because it's the best theoretical ascendancy is kind of counter productive if you'd like to play bows, because you'll struggle to get the bow mastery.

Ascendancy Tier List

#1: Ranger - Quick access to the busted shadow starting area and it’s good jewel socket, goes through attribute notables to get there - Good access to many useful masteries (most attack builds, spell suppression, etc.) - Has one of the best theoretical ascendancy choices in deadeye Deadeye (6 direct, 1 semi-nestled, 1 nestled) Pathfinder (5 direct, 2 nestled) Raider (3 direct, 3 nestled)
#2: Marauder - Good access to many useful melee masteries - Can get to good jewel socket at duelist or templar while grabbing their notable clusters - Gets the best theoretical ascendancy in Chieftain Chieftain (7 direct, 1 semi-nestled) Juggernaut (5 direct, 2 nestled) Barbarian (5 direct, 2 nestled)
#3: Shadow - Best starting cluster and access to a good jewel socket - Below average ascendancies and a long path to most melee masteries Assassin (5 direct, 2 nestled) Trickster (5 direct, 2 nestled) Saboteur (5 direct, 2 nestled)
#4: Duelist - Most flexible choice, can reach almost any mastery - Below average starting cluster, but good jewel socket to make up for it - Below average amount of ascendancy notables Slayer (5 direct, 2 nestled) Champion (5 direct, 2 nestled) Gladiator (4 direct, 3 nestled)
#5: Templar - Decent starting cluster with good jewel socket and the best wheels on the edge of the tree - Has to travel a long way to melee masteries and can’t reach any ranged attack masteries - Average ascendancy choices Hierophant (5 direct, 3 nestled) Guardian (5 direct, 2 nestled) Inquisitor (4 direct, 3 nestled)
#6: Witch - Shittiest starting cluster, has the best notable per point value in there with the fire/lightning/frost walker wheel but very few notables with easy access - Bad jewel socket, shortest path to good jewel sockets does not travel through attribute notables - No good attack masteries in area except wands - Worst big clusters on the edge of the tree Elementalist (6 direct, 2 nestled) Necromancer (5 direct, 3 nestled) Occultist (5 direct, 2 nestled)

Hi all,
I am looking for a unique but affordable event venue to throw my son's 1st birthday party. My wife and I moved out of the DC area in 2019, this past year we have been in Texas where she gave birth to our son. We are moving back to the DC area in July. Since we were so far away for the first year of my son's life, a lot of family and friends have not had a chance to meet him. We were planning on throwing him a 1st birthday party so that everyone can meet him. This of course leads to a larger guest list of 150 people after cutting down. Realistically 30-40 people will not be attending, but want to be covered capacity wise just in case.
Of course with this many people we end up looking at wedding venue spaces with wedding venue budgets. This is a 1st first birthday party, so we do not have the same budget. Most guests will be adults with a handful of nephews and nieces, so the venue needs to be kid friendly but does not have to necessarily cater to entertain kids. My cousin did an evening dinner at the Baltimore Aquarium which was pretty awesome even for the adults. We started looking at similar venues but are having trouble finding something affordable. It seems that most of the Smithsonian places require a $5K deposit but then we would still need tables/chairs, catering, etc. We didn't necessarily want to rent out a restaurant but we are getting more and more open to it especially if it there is an indoooutdoor option. I also think that would make food/alcohol easier to coordinate as we would be moving back a week before this party so anything to make planning less of a headache is a plus. The tough part being that we would want to rent an indoooutdoor restaurant on a Saturday during the summer so I'm sure most places would rather have it open to the public. We reached out to a few restaurants already but short of renting the whole place, many don't have capacity. We have a meeting set up with Hook Hall as well but I have a feeling that may be out of budget.
I was hoping to keep the total budget (event space, tables/chairs, catering) to under 5K but have a little room to budge for a place that is worth it. Really appreciate some ideas that we can look into. Thanks!

So first off, i believe i tagged this correctly, please let me know if not- i can repost under the correct one if needed.
So, there's been 2 possible instances (months apart) of someone purposefully harassing me and my mother. Nothing is sent directly to us such as threats or letters or messages, but there have been 2 calls to the city on us. (It's more a nuisance type thing but we're both stretched thin at the moment so it's more emotionally distressing than it usually would be)
The first instance was (what we thought) a "freelance" Gardner who reported weeds to the city to get us fined (or so we'd hire him to do the work). We took care of everything ourselves, but the inspector we spoke to stated basically "we can't tell you even if someone did call in" but said it in such a way that insinuated that yes we were indeed called in on. He also mentioned that everyone in our area with weeds was also cited and the city would clean up the weeds if they did not.
There was also during that a whole fiasco of getting a 2nd notice for things we'd already done because the inspector hadn't actually make the trip out and just assumed we didn't do it.
(It's been roughly 3 months since then and there's been no such action taken on the many neighbor; they had threatened us with fines for the weeds and the city getting them cleaned up and jail time for ours- which leads us in combo with this next event to the conclusion that it was a targeted call and we were only told such things from the inspector to keep us from complaining on others they had no intention of pursuing).
The second just happened today, so we're still waiting on the complete info for everything, but we confirmed we were called in on to our water company for the property apparently being "vacant" and "possible water leak" so it needed to be shut off (its been raining with snow the recent week when they supposedly made the trip out). The water had been shut off and our account closed (its now turned back on, so only a few hours- roughly 5 hours about) as a technician apparently came and deemed the property vacant on the 16th- despite our current usage (the meter being different), personal property clearly visible, no weeds, average mail amount (so no "abundance of mail"), and myself and the dogs being home (we've also had packages, but no one at the door in the days the tech supposedly visited).
We spoke with two representatives- different calls- and were told "I don't know how this happened, we have procedures to prevent this from happening" all of which would have shown this wasn't vacant (as previously listed) if were checked in the slightest. My mother requested that we be told who called in and who the technician was (as he obviously didnt do his job and wanted to file a formal complaint), but we were told by the first that there were no notes on file about that so she didnt know, and the second came back (after stating yes, we were called in on) and said the system went down and she'd have to escalate it to her manager who'd give us a call. We had to explain that our home previous to our buying was vacant for 6 months (we've been here all through the lockdowns) and all power, water, trash, and gas was still active when it was visibly vacant in order for them to finally disclose that we were called on as we know this wasn't a "in the area random visit" event that they could have mistaken- if they even ever visited which we find highly unlikely. As well, we never recieved any kind of contact- email, call, text, or physically showing up - mentioning that there was a call on our property/account despite the visit being 5 days ago (Date of the call was not disclosed, only visit/determination of vacancy)
We ourselves cannot think of anyone who might do this (we don't speak with our neighbors so no disputes, I myself am a homebody/work from home freelancing, and neither of us bring people around so it's not like anyone knows where our house is)- the only possibility we can think of is if someone who worked with my mom in the past suddenly has a grudge as well as family in the city to pull our information in order to make such calls and/or connections within those companies and searched our info to make the reports.
We've had issues with bad employers as well as other disgruntled employees/coworkers practically all the time i can remember (there could be a whole list of things- mainly stemming from my mom being a "I'm here to work not socialize" type which either gives her a cold/unfriendly vibe when she's busy or intimidates people by the sheer volume she's capable of- ive worked in the office with her a few times so its not a "my mom can do no wrong" rose tinted glasses idea).
Back on topic though, I've skimmed NM laws, but the results I'm getting appear more for workplaces than general type instances so they're not particularly helpful.
Do we need to wait until this happens a third time/someone tries again- successful or not? Or do we need to wait a 4th time since we dont know with solid proof that it was the same person who called us in the first time?
Would authorities be able to get the info from both the city and the water company if they refuse to hand it over to us (like how the city refused to specify if we were called in or not) if/or when they get involved? Should we start looking out for a lawyer instead and keep an eye out for anyother possible harassment events?
We're considering calling the gas and electric companies tomorrow to give them a heads up and make a note on our account because of this, on the instance that these 2 aren't some freak events of bad and lazy employees but someone actually out to harass us (by messing with our necessities and wasting our time).

Long story ahead.
It started when I was just a kid. I'm in my mid 30s now, but that's when it started. I'd like to preface most of this with an obligatory, to the best of my knowledge, I'm not making any of it up. Whatever definitive knowledge I think I've got is based on speculation and heresay. Nothing has identified itself at all, let alone directly. For my own sake, and the sake of related parties I'm going to edit all names from the story(ies). Especially since I'm not using a throwaway or anything. This is going right up on my personal account. I fabricate or hold back nothing this time. Ill be doing my best to cultivate as much accurate information as I can remember, but I'm getting old and don't remember as well as I used to. I can't even tell you how genuinely I consider religion, supernatural whatever, all of it to just be some stuff made up by white men to continue on with the patriarchy. I don't buy into ghosts or any of it.
It started as shadows. The feeling of being watched. My childhood wasn't that great, it was full of physical and emotional abuse from my mother. We lived in my step father's own childhood home, so it wasn't haunted by any ancient ghosts. It was a dark place though, with their history already blotting the air with it's thickness.
I guess before I really go on, I should explain that, too.
My step father was twenty something years older than my mom. So he was in his fifties during my teen years. He wasn't bad, he wasn't great. I guess technically speaking he was a bad step father. We didn't have much of a relationship, let alone a even bad "fatheson" one.
The home itself was an old New England starter home. It was small, as far as modern houses go. Three bedrooms total. One bath, a large basement spanned the entire length and width. By the time we had met him and moved in, he had already mostly paid the house off, buying it from his own parents. Outside of four years in the coast guard, He, his brother, and older sister had all lived there(while they moved away, he stayed)
Their family dynamic was dated, and weird. His mom and dad were the type to call each other "mom and dad" respectively. His sister, even after joining the navy and marrying an officer was required to maintain a joint bank account with her dad so he could have uptime decision making. She had her own creepy qualities when we'd visit. She collected Barbies, never opening them. That in itself isn't weird. Hell, I collect action figures myself. But she had a voice for some of her favorites, and they'd talk amongst themselves if she was in the room. My Step father's brother, was actually an inventor and invented something I can't remember anymore. He wasn't Bezos rich, but had a nice house in Florida when we'd visit. Mom and Step dad both always warned me though to be careful. He was on a lot of drugs.
My Step father himself was a weird man. He was never taught hygiene. And he was never really nurtured or loved, and unfortunately it showed. He didn't know how to do those things, either. He was a nice guy, but had no idea what to do from there. He grew up in the fifties, and as a kid, I just imagined that's why he was the way he was. From a different time.
The legacy of their combined tragic legacy lived on in a ghost that I do believe was in the realitively new house. We lived there total for twelve years with him, however the time is broken up into two different six year stints. Half way through, my mom for whatever reason, moved us out. We lived in a one room efficiency apartment together for exactly one year, before they reconciled and moved back in together. While we were moved out - we adopted a stray cat. Well, he adopted us. We actually found him the very first day we left him on our own. He was a white cat, nearly completely blind. He was just outside our motel door. We took him in with us. He was actually great. We named him Doofus, because he was kinda fun and goofy. He stayed with us the entire year departure, and was reluctantly allowed back with us.
My Step father was a dog person. Awkwardly so. He loved his dog(s). To the point where I'd still say he more made out with them, as a form of affection. It wasn't okay. I'm sure of that. Let me clear something up, while I say all of these negative things about him. It's not like that. While we don't have any sort of relationship now, I believe that's more us both healing from my mother more so than each other. But anyway, let's keep going!
Within a year after introducing the new cat into the house, he had himself quite the affinity for the basement. It was cool in the summer, and kept itself warm enough to be down there without freezing in the winter. It was my home base as a teenage boy in the late 90s, early 00s with AOL internet access. Doofus would often lounge around, and we'd leave him to his own devices while down there. He never disappeared and always came running when we'd shake his bowl of food. That first summer back though, we were, even my step father was, convinced he had worked his magic on a neighborhood feline friend, and had a litter of kittens down there. It wasn't the mousy cries of fresh babies. Certainly a meow that wasn't his though. We thought maybe he had found his way into the walls, or was simply stuck. Inevitably one day it happened with him fast asleep on his window perch in the kitchen. Finally my step dad fessed up what comes to be an important story.
When he was a kid, himself and his younger sister, found a cat. They, with some kind of sitcom understanding of how the world works, brought it home and tried to hide it in the basement to keep. Their father found it and brutalized the animal to punish them and simply disposed of it like it was nothing.
I can't stress it enough how… from that point on, things changed. The meowing from the basement stopped. Forever. It never happened again. However I never felt alone down there again, honestly.
I want to take another brief intermission to point out that at the current point in my life, I've been in therapy and anger management both. I haven't spoken to my mother in over seven years, and I'm barely any contact with my family at all. I had a very good therapist that helped me through my trauma with my mom as a child that continued into adulthood. Most of the information I'm going to share here, and continue to share here are things that modern medicine and science have since explained away. Sort of. I didn't just feel not alone while in the basement of my childhood home anymore, I felt actively pursued. Someone wasn't just always watching, they wanted to be known. I also started to experience night terrors that felt lucid.
I eventually moved out as soon as I could, and moved to Florida. Unfortunately my abusive mother followed. However, years passed from there. Through circumstance, I maintained a relationship with her. I was young and dumb, and didn't know how to set or enforce boundaries. Anyway.
Fast forward to my mid 20s. I had just ended a long term relationship with what was essentially my first "real-life" girlfriend. Things went sour the way things do when you're young, and I ended up moving back in with my mom and her now new husband. It was a very short stay, but while there I fell on hard times with my health. That's where the story here really takes an interesting turn.
Their house wasn't just bad, it was absolutely the worst. It was literally just a shack. The way some of those poor places in Florida are really like. I was home alone. I did have my own private bedroom. It was small, couldn't even hold my bed and the dresser. There was no door. It was an old curtain pinned to the outside wall. The illusion of privacy. It all went from easy enough to explain, to outright bonkers that day.
I was in bed. Doorway clearly visible. The sheet had been pinned to the space above it so it stood open for me to come and go easily. In the doorway was a teenage girl. Shoulder length brown hair. Conservatively dressed, yet modern. She didn't speak. It was over. She was gone.
The same girl came to me two or three days later, same setting. Just standing in the doorway. She seemed far less relaxed. Even agitated. She was holding something but I couldn't make out what. Whatever it was just wouldn't manifest, but it was important to her. Whatever that item was I can't help but feel like it'd all make sense now, but who knows. She stayed for nearly a full five minutes, fidgeting eithcthecitem before leaving. It was only a couple of more days before she came back again, but wasn't alone. An older man. Older then I was at the time, at least. He seemed like her father. They were bickering and fighting about something and she, in her tantrum disappeared. But he stayed and said nothing to me. He made no motion or charades. He did however glare at me this empty, menacing eyes and then vanished.
I didn't see the girl again until the night before I moved out. By this point, I had been drained of the small savings I did have. I was literally starving. Stealing food from Walmart just to keep myself going. I had aloowedcmy mother to drain me of everything. The apparition came to me that night, and the sensation was different. She glowed a warm orange tint. it felt like we were together forever. She still never spoke to me, but shared knowledge. She told me things about myself I didn't know yet. Actual, real life things that wouldn't come to fruition for over a decade, but they have indeed come true. Not even as a warning. It was a parlor trick to prove her abilities to me. I didn't see her again, for nearly 12 years.
It was last year she came back. I wasn't startled, she communicated like we were old friends. By just, giving me the information. I had probably six or eight months prior to that, reconnected with an old friend. The girl told me matter of fact my, "reach out. They aren't okay." Which was weird because we were talking mostly daily at that point again. I knew things weren't perfect but not being okay raised alarm bells. I reached out to find out their dog had passed just that morning. Again not a huge flex of their ability, just enough to keep me hooked.
I was bewildered at this point. I knew nothing of psychics or spirits or demons. Outside of what I seen on TV of course. I didn't even believe in that shit, but I love reading and learning.
Because of the history with my newly rekindled friendship, it was actually my childhood crush - the love of my life. That was actually the context of us becoming friends again. I wanted to work on fixing the things between us so we could be there again. The situation felt ripe by description for either Dr. Phil, or Lilith. Though I didn't know what that was even supposed to mean.
My own research and learning has brought me here, to you. This sub. This long story of ghost cats, and dark places, the meddling of what I thought was Lilith, but I believe to be something else entirely.
You see I've reached out to the girl who manifests. She hasn't been back, but I can still feel her around. So I've worked up the courage to confront her. I ask for identification, and my ears fill with this droning white noise and it'll eventually tell me that shes Lilith, but I'm not convinced. But from the difficulty in expression, neither are they. I believe it's something that latched onto my belief at first of it being Lilith and won't let up on that. I do believe it's "male" in nature. Has a knack for tricks, and knows that pretending to be something it isn't is bad for him, so he's trying to keep it under cover. I also don't think it's here to help me in any capacity. It clearly wants something either from me, personally, or is trying to use me as a vessel.
I think something masquerading now as Lilith has been involved in my life from the house I grew up. It didn't leave me alone, it learned to be less obvious and scary outright. But it's here. It's always here.

A comment I made another post made me think of this but my wife and I have been married for 17 years. We both were raised in the Mormon religion, which is an extremely conservative, sexually repressive culture. Her upbringing was significantly worse than mine in that regard. I was 23 and she had just turned 20 when we married and of course were both virgins. We knew nothing about sex or healthy conversations about it. In fact, prior to our marriage, I went to the book store to read some sexual health books and when she found out, I thought she was going to call off the wedding because she thought I was a pervert. Well, we left the religion nearly two years ago and we have been working on processing all of our religious trauma and rethinking everything about what we were taught, including intimacy and sexuality. With this, I’ve been slowly slowly warming her up to the idea of incorporating oral sex. Just to be clear, I consider my self an extremely giving, respectful lover and will always seek consent before we do anything “new”. I let her know frequently how beautiful her pussy is and to me oral sex is outward display of my desire for her and to be as physically intimate with her as possible. On the occasion when she does let me go down on her, I am soft, gentle, and mindful of her reactions. But normally she just clenches her thighs together and is very guarded of her vulva and oral lasts for 20-30 seconds. Only during oral though. During PIV sex, she will ride me like a rodeo girl. On the last time I went down on her I was talking her through what I was doing, kissing her gently, caressing her, telling her to lie back and relax as I lifted her legs slightly to open her up. She told me that when I lift her legs like that, all she can think about is being at the gynecologist. I joked “does the gyno do what I was doing to you??” We laughed and eased the tension and moved on to PIV sex.. but is it time for me to accept that this just isn’t going to be a part of our intimacy?

Tigers @ Yankees - Tue, Mar 21

Game Status: Final - Score: 6-3 Yankees

Links & Info

• MLB Gameday
• Game Graphs
• Savant Gamefeed

	Tigers Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	Carpenter, K - RF	3	1	1	1	0	0	0	.293	.318	.610
	Ibáñez - 3B	2	0	0	0	0	1	3	.167	.231	.167
2	Schoop, J - 1B	3	1	1	0	1	2	0	.176	.263	.294
	2-Knapp - 1B	1	0	0	0	0	1	3	.280	.357	.760
3	Greene, R - DH	3	0	0	0	0	3	1	.317	.333	.634
	b-Papierski - DH	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	.313	.421	.625
4	Haase - C	3	0	0	0	0	3	1	.294	.306	.588
	Sands - C	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	.222	.250	.259
5	Meadows, A - LF	1	0	1	1	1	0	0	.244	.304	.317
	a-Maton, N - LF	2	0	1	0	0	1	0	.308	.372	.590
	3-Cabrera - PR	0	1	0	0	0	0	0	.000	.000	.000
6	Kreidler - SS	3	0	2	0	0	1	1	.262	.311	.476
	c-Workman - PH	1	0	1	1	0	0	0	.417	.500	.667
7	Hernández - 2B	3	0	0	0	0	2	3	.270	.372	.459
	Cruz - 2B	1	0	0	0	0	1	1	.000	.500	.000
8	Short - CF	2	0	0	0	1	1	2	.257	.395	.457
	1-Meadows, P - CF	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	.314	.385	.714
9	Davis, Jo - RF	3	0	0	0	1	2	2	.143	.268	.171
	Totals	34	3	8	3	4	18	19

Tigers
a-Struck out for Meadows, A in the 6th. b-Flied out for Greene, R in the 8th. c-Doubled for Kreidler in the 9th. 1-Ran for Short in the 7th. 2-Ran for Schoop, J in the 8th. 3-Ran for Maton, N in the 9th.
BATTING: 2B: Meadows, A (3, Severino, L); Workman (3, Norwood). HR: Carpenter, K (3, 1st inning off Severino, L, 0 on, 0 out). TB: Carpenter, K 4; Kreidler 2; Maton, N; Meadows, A 2; Meadows, P; Schoop, J; Workman 2. RBI: Carpenter, K (7); Meadows, A (7); Workman (2). 2-out RBI: Meadows, A. Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Kreidler; Short; Knapp 2. GIDP: Davis, Jo. Team RISP: 3-for-11. Team LOB: 8.
FIELDING: PB: Sands (2).

	Yankees Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	LeMahieu - 1B	3	0	0	0	0	0	1	.357	.400	.500
	b-Hardman - 3B	1	0	0	0	0	1	0	.250	.308	.250
2	Judge - CF	2	1	0	0	0	1	0	.345	.441	.655
	c-Mejia, A - CF	1	0	0	0	0	1	0	.333	.333	.333
3	Torres - 2B	3	1	1	1	0	0	0	.313	.313	.563
	Burt - 2B	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	.200	.200	.300
4	Donaldson - 3B	3	2	2	4	0	0	0	.226	.314	.548
	Rumfield - 1B	1	0	0	0	0	1	0	.111	.111	.222
5	Volpe - SS	2	1	1	0	1	1	0	.308	.438	.590
	Vargas, A - SS	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	1.000	1.000	2.000
6	Calhoun, W - DH	3	0	0	1	0	0	1	.314	.415	.457
	d-Durbin - DH	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	.000	.200	.000
7	Kiner-Falefa - LF	3	0	1	0	0	0	1	.241	.324	.379
	Pita - LF	1	0	0	0	0	1	2	.125	.222	.125
8	Trevino - C	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	.235	.316	.412
	a-Gasper - C	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	.750	.818	.875
9	Ortega - RF	3	1	1	0	0	2	0	.172	.333	.483
	Aguilar - RF	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.250	.400	.500
	Totals	31	6	8	6	2	8	5

Yankees
a-Singled for Trevino in the 6th. b-Struck out for LeMahieu in the 7th. c-Struck out for Judge in the 7th. d-Walked for Calhoun, W in the 8th.
BATTING: 2B: Volpe (5, Vest); Vargas, A (1, Cisnero). HR: Donaldson 2 (3, 4th inning off Turnbull, 0 on, 2 out, 6th inning off Vest, 2 on, 1 out). TB: Donaldson 8; Gasper; Kiner-Falefa; Ortega; Torres; Vargas, A 2; Volpe 2. RBI: Calhoun, W (4); Donaldson 4 (8); Torres (2). 2-out RBI: Donaldson. Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Pita; Kiner-Falefa. Team RISP: 2-for-7. Team LOB: 4.
FIELDING: DP: (Peralta, Wa-Burt-LeMahieu).

Tigers Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Turnbull	4.2	1	1	1	1	3	1	67-46	4.50
Vest (L, 0-2)(BS, 1)	1.0	5	5	5	0	0	1	30-18	29.25
Alexander, T	1.1	1	0	0	0	3	0	23-14	6.00
Cisnero	0.2	1	0	0	1	1	0	24-13	3.86
Chentouf	0.1	0	0	0	0	1	0	5-3	0.00
Totals	8.0	8	6	6	2	8	2

Yankees Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Severino, L	4.0	4	2	2	1	9	1	74-50	9.00
Holmes	1.0	0	0	0	0	2	0	8-8	1.80
Loáisiga (W, 1-0)	1.0	0	0	0	0	3	0	20-14	2.25
Peralta, Wa	1.0	1	0	0	1	1	0	18-8	9.00
Norwood	2.0	3	1	1	2	3	0	41-23	2.16
Totals	9.0	8	3	3	4	18	1

Game Info
WP: Norwood.
Balk: Vest.
HBP: Judge (by Vest).
Pitches-strikes: Turnbull 67-46; Vest 30-18; Alexander, T 23-14; Cisnero 24-13; Chentouf 5-3; Severino, L 74-50; Holmes 8-8; Loáisiga 20-14; Peralta, Wa 18-8; Norwood 41-23.
Groundouts-flyouts: Turnbull 7-4; Vest 3-0; Alexander, T 0-0; Cisnero 0-1; Chentouf 0-0; Severino, L 2-1; Holmes 1-0; Loáisiga 0-0; Peralta, Wa 1-0; Norwood 1-1.
Batters faced: Turnbull 16; Vest 9; Alexander, T 4; Cisnero 4; Chentouf 1; Severino, L 17; Holmes 3; Loáisiga 3; Peralta, Wa 4; Norwood 11.
Inherited runners-scored: Alexander, T 1-0; Chentouf 2-0.
Umpires: HP: Jerry Layne. 1B: Mark Wegner. 2B: D.J. Reyburn. 3B: Adam Beck.
Weather: 72 degrees, Sunny.
Wind: 3 mph, L To R.
First pitch: 1:05 PM.
T: 2:35.
Att: 9,772.
Venue: George M. Steinbrenner Field.
March 21, 2023

Inning	Scoring Play	Score
Top 1	Kerry Carpenter homers (3) on a fly ball to right center field.	1-0 DET
Top 1	Austin Meadows doubles (3) on a line drive to right fielder Rafael Ortega. Jonathan Schoop scores.	2-0 DET
Bottom 4	Josh Donaldson homers (2) on a fly ball to left center field.	2-1 DET
Bottom 6	Gleyber Torres singles on a ground ball to left fielder Nick Maton. Rafael Ortega scores. Aaron Judge to 2nd.	2-2
Bottom 6	Josh Donaldson homers (3) on a fly ball to left center field. Aaron Judge scores. Gleyber Torres scores.	5-2 NYY
Bottom 6	Willie Calhoun grounds out, second baseman Cesar Hernandez to first baseman Jonathan Schoop. Anthony Volpe scores.	6-2 NYY
Top 9	Gage Workman doubles (3) on a sharp line drive to right fielder Tayler Aguilar. Daniel Cabrera scores.	6-3 NYY

Team	Highlight
DET	Kerry Carpenter's solo home run (00:00:29)
DET	Austin Meadows' RBI double (00:00:27)
NYY	Breaking down Luis Severino's pitches (00:00:08)
NYY	Luis Severino's outing against the Tigers (00:00:22)
DET	Breaking down Spencer Turnbull's pitches (00:00:08)
NYY	Josh Donaldson's solo homer (00:00:28)
NYY	Gleyber Torres' RBI single (00:00:17)
NYY	Josh Donaldson's three-run homer (00:00:25)
NYY	Luis Severino strikes out nine (00:01:45)

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9		R	H	E	LOB
Tigers	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1		3	8	0	8
Yankees	0	0	0	1	0	5	0	0			6	8	0	4

Decisions

• Winner: Jonathan Loaisiga (1-0, 2.25)
• Loser: Will Vest (0-2, 29.25)

Division Scoreboard

LAD 0 @ CLE 0 Warmup
CWS 0 @ MIL 0 Warmup
TB @ MIN 06:05 PM EDT
CHC @ KC 09:05 PM EDT
Next Tigers Game: Wed, Mar 22, 01:05 PM EDT vs. Braves
^{Last Updated: 03/21/2023 03:56:33 PM EDT}

Tigers @ Yankees - Tue, Mar 21

Game Status: Final - Score: 6-3 Yankees

Links & Info

• MLB Gameday
• Game Graphs
• Savant Gamefeed

	Tigers Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	Carpenter, K - RF	3	1	1	1	0	0	0	.293	.318	.610
	Ibáñez - 3B	2	0	0	0	0	1	3	.167	.231	.167
2	Schoop, J - 1B	3	1	1	0	1	2	0	.176	.263	.294
	2-Knapp - 1B	1	0	0	0	0	1	3	.280	.357	.760
3	Greene, R - DH	3	0	0	0	0	3	1	.317	.333	.634
	b-Papierski - DH	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	.313	.421	.625
4	Haase - C	3	0	0	0	0	3	1	.294	.306	.588
	Sands - C	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	.222	.250	.259
5	Meadows, A - LF	1	0	1	1	1	0	0	.244	.304	.317
	a-Maton, N - LF	2	0	1	0	0	1	0	.308	.372	.590
	3-Cabrera - PR	0	1	0	0	0	0	0	.000	.000	.000
6	Kreidler - SS	3	0	2	0	0	1	1	.262	.311	.476
	c-Workman - PH	1	0	1	1	0	0	0	.417	.500	.667
7	Hernández - 2B	3	0	0	0	0	2	3	.270	.372	.459
	Cruz - 2B	1	0	0	0	0	1	1	.000	.500	.000
8	Short - CF	2	0	0	0	1	1	2	.257	.395	.457
	1-Meadows, P - CF	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	.314	.385	.714
9	Davis, Jo - RF	3	0	0	0	1	2	2	.143	.268	.171
	Totals	34	3	8	3	4	18	19

Tigers
a-Struck out for Meadows, A in the 6th. b-Flied out for Greene, R in the 8th. c-Doubled for Kreidler in the 9th. 1-Ran for Short in the 7th. 2-Ran for Schoop, J in the 8th. 3-Ran for Maton, N in the 9th.
BATTING: 2B: Meadows, A (3, Severino, L); Workman (3, Norwood). HR: Carpenter, K (3, 1st inning off Severino, L, 0 on, 0 out). TB: Carpenter, K 4; Kreidler 2; Maton, N; Meadows, A 2; Meadows, P; Schoop, J; Workman 2. RBI: Carpenter, K (7); Meadows, A (7); Workman (2). 2-out RBI: Meadows, A. Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Kreidler; Short; Knapp 2. GIDP: Davis, Jo. Team RISP: 3-for-11. Team LOB: 8.
FIELDING: PB: Sands (2).

	Yankees Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	LeMahieu - 1B	3	0	0	0	0	0	1	.357	.400	.500
	b-Hardman - 3B	1	0	0	0	0	1	0	.250	.308	.250
2	Judge - CF	2	1	0	0	0	1	0	.345	.441	.655
	c-Mejia, A - CF	1	0	0	0	0	1	0	.333	.333	.333
3	Torres - 2B	3	1	1	1	0	0	0	.313	.313	.563
	Burt - 2B	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	.200	.200	.300
4	Donaldson - 3B	3	2	2	4	0	0	0	.226	.314	.548
	Rumfield - 1B	1	0	0	0	0	1	0	.111	.111	.222
5	Volpe - SS	2	1	1	0	1	1	0	.308	.438	.590
	Vargas, A - SS	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	1.000	1.000	2.000
6	Calhoun, W - DH	3	0	0	1	0	0	1	.314	.415	.457
	d-Durbin - DH	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	.000	.200	.000
7	Kiner-Falefa - LF	3	0	1	0	0	0	1	.241	.324	.379
	Pita - LF	1	0	0	0	0	1	2	.125	.222	.125
8	Trevino - C	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	.235	.316	.412
	a-Gasper - C	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	.750	.818	.875
9	Ortega - RF	3	1	1	0	0	2	0	.172	.333	.483
	Aguilar - RF	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.250	.400	.500
	Totals	31	6	8	6	2	8	5

Yankees
a-Singled for Trevino in the 6th. b-Struck out for LeMahieu in the 7th. c-Struck out for Judge in the 7th. d-Walked for Calhoun, W in the 8th.
BATTING: 2B: Volpe (5, Vest); Vargas, A (1, Cisnero). HR: Donaldson 2 (3, 4th inning off Turnbull, 0 on, 2 out, 6th inning off Vest, 2 on, 1 out). TB: Donaldson 8; Gasper; Kiner-Falefa; Ortega; Torres; Vargas, A 2; Volpe 2. RBI: Calhoun, W (4); Donaldson 4 (8); Torres (2). 2-out RBI: Donaldson. Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Pita; Kiner-Falefa. Team RISP: 2-for-7. Team LOB: 4.
FIELDING: DP: (Peralta, Wa-Burt-LeMahieu).

Tigers Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Turnbull	4.2	1	1	1	1	3	1	67-46	4.50
Vest (L, 0-2)(BS, 1)	1.0	5	5	5	0	0	1	30-18	29.25
Alexander, T	1.1	1	0	0	0	3	0	23-14	6.00
Cisnero	0.2	1	0	0	1	1	0	24-13	3.86
Chentouf	0.1	0	0	0	0	1	0	5-3	0.00
Totals	8.0	8	6	6	2	8	2

Yankees Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Severino, L	4.0	4	2	2	1	9	1	74-50	9.00
Holmes	1.0	0	0	0	0	2	0	8-8	1.80
Loáisiga (W, 1-0)	1.0	0	0	0	0	3	0	20-14	2.25
Peralta, Wa	1.0	1	0	0	1	1	0	18-8	9.00
Norwood	2.0	3	1	1	2	3	0	41-23	2.16
Totals	9.0	8	3	3	4	18	1

Game Info
WP: Norwood.
Balk: Vest.
HBP: Judge (by Vest).
Pitches-strikes: Turnbull 67-46; Vest 30-18; Alexander, T 23-14; Cisnero 24-13; Chentouf 5-3; Severino, L 74-50; Holmes 8-8; Loáisiga 20-14; Peralta, Wa 18-8; Norwood 41-23.
Groundouts-flyouts: Turnbull 7-4; Vest 3-0; Alexander, T 0-0; Cisnero 0-1; Chentouf 0-0; Severino, L 2-1; Holmes 1-0; Loáisiga 0-0; Peralta, Wa 1-0; Norwood 1-1.
Batters faced: Turnbull 16; Vest 9; Alexander, T 4; Cisnero 4; Chentouf 1; Severino, L 17; Holmes 3; Loáisiga 3; Peralta, Wa 4; Norwood 11.
Inherited runners-scored: Alexander, T 1-0; Chentouf 2-0.
Umpires: HP: Jerry Layne. 1B: Mark Wegner. 2B: D.J. Reyburn. 3B: Adam Beck.
Weather: 72 degrees, Sunny.
Wind: 3 mph, L To R.
First pitch: 1:05 PM.
T: 2:35.
Att: 9,772.
Venue: George M. Steinbrenner Field.
March 21, 2023

Inning	Scoring Play	Score
Top 1	Kerry Carpenter homers (3) on a fly ball to right center field.	1-0 DET
Top 1	Austin Meadows doubles (3) on a line drive to right fielder Rafael Ortega. Jonathan Schoop scores.	2-0 DET
Bottom 4	Josh Donaldson homers (2) on a fly ball to left center field.	2-1 DET
Bottom 6	Gleyber Torres singles on a ground ball to left fielder Nick Maton. Rafael Ortega scores. Aaron Judge to 2nd.	2-2
Bottom 6	Josh Donaldson homers (3) on a fly ball to left center field. Aaron Judge scores. Gleyber Torres scores.	5-2 NYY
Bottom 6	Willie Calhoun grounds out, second baseman Cesar Hernandez to first baseman Jonathan Schoop. Anthony Volpe scores.	6-2 NYY
Top 9	Gage Workman doubles (3) on a sharp line drive to right fielder Tayler Aguilar. Daniel Cabrera scores.	6-3 NYY

Team	Highlight
DET	Kerry Carpenter's solo home run (00:00:29)
DET	Austin Meadows' RBI double (00:00:27)
NYY	Breaking down Luis Severino's pitches (00:00:08)
NYY	Luis Severino's outing against the Tigers (00:00:22)
DET	Breaking down Spencer Turnbull's pitches (00:00:08)
NYY	Josh Donaldson's solo homer (00:00:28)
NYY	Gleyber Torres' RBI single (00:00:17)
NYY	Josh Donaldson's three-run homer (00:00:25)
NYY	Luis Severino strikes out nine (00:01:45)

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9		R	H	E	LOB
Tigers	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1		3	8	0	8
Yankees	0	0	0	1	0	5	0	0			6	8	0	4

Decisions

• Winner: Jonathan Loaisiga (1-0, 2.25)
• Loser: Will Vest (0-2, 29.25)

Division Scoreboard

BOS 2 @ BAL 6 - Final
TB @ MIN 06:05 PM EDT
Next Yankees Game: Wed, Mar 22, 01:05 PM EDT @ Nationals
^{Last Updated: 03/21/2023 03:46:28 PM EDT}

I'm asking as i live in nottingham and i'm looking for a community sense of idea.
I have no money at all. I'm gonna flipping walk 2 and a half hours from Hyson Green to Burton Joyce placement because i have no money for bus pass. This means waking up 5am for 4 days. My uni is not giving me a fund. I'm failing my training at the uni and placement. I have just stupidly given my bank details to a loan company and no doubt they'll probably use my card for fraud or some shit. It shows how desperate i am now.
I don't know how i can get money. I cant get an overdraft, No Payday loan has been approved. No i can't ask for friends and 100% not family. I cant get a job due to my hectic schedule and I need to be back in London for the two week easter break (where i will return to a quick money role in hospitality) before i return to notts in april. This is paining me. Any advice

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Twenty years ago this week, the United States began its blatantly criminal invasion of an unthreatening sovereign state that inevitably turned into a hideous quagmire.
I had joined the United States Marine Corps in the summer of 2001. I was still in boot camp on 9/11, which made for an interesting couple of days. In early 2002 I obtained a two-year leave of absence to ‘serve’ a Mormon mission, and by March of 2003 I was more than a year into being a full-time religious propagandist in Mexico.
The war was big news in Mexico, with public opinion generally running pretty strong against it. Given my history of relentless indoctrination, and my current assignment of telling everyone I saw that they were immorally wrong about everything that mattered, and the fact that I wasn’t allowed to consume any kind of non-religious media material of any kind, I of course took the opposite position.
But I improved with time. I came home in early 2004, and quickly discovered that the war was, at best, very badly managed. But I was back into military service (as a reservist), so I fully expected to end up being deployed to Iraq at some point.
The miserable shitshow that played out across Iraq throughout 2005 and especially 2006 convinced me that the war wasn’t just badly executed but a hopelessly terrible idea from its very beginning, supported by blatant lies and unconscionable manipulation.
When my turn to deploy finally came, in 2009, I was rather conflicted. On the one hand, I clearly understood that the war was immoral and dangerous and I should avoid it at all cost. On the other hand, I was four years into attending college and making no discernible progress towards any of the goals I had set for myself: graduating, choosing a career, getting married, existing as a functional adult. So the choice (and it was a choice: contrary to the contract I thought I’d signed, I was set to be released from service in mid-2008, and so this deployment was entirely optional for me) was fraught. I didn’t want to kill or die for a mistake; but I also didn’t want to dodge what I was sure would be the challenge of a lifetime for a second time; and I also could not say with a straight face that I had anything better to do.
So I went. It didn’t go well , but it went at least as well as I had any right to expect. I never saw anything like combat (shooting flares at a few civilian vehicles was as close as I ever got), was never in danger, and so on. But it was no picnic, either: severe and extended boredom can be just as damaging as actual trauma, and the psychological abuse inherent in military life was constant. And things weren’t entirely safe: my unit had two suicides during the work-up, and given the state of my mental health, I was never all that unlikely to have joined them.
The whole experience did me no immediate good, but as an experience with disillusionment with and escaping from an all-consuming self-admiring institution, it was a pretty decent dry run for my exit from Mormonism a few years later. And, as I had expected, it got me a year’s salary (which was probably the majority of the money I’d made in my life up to that point), and a lifetime of monthly disability payments and free health insurance. So I really can’t say I completely regret it.
​
The movie I’ve chosen to commemorate this anniversary is Green Zone, because it came out shortly after I came back, and I’d always wanted to see it, and I’d heard that it took an interesting angle on the whole mess, and I’d heard that it was pretty good (which is a rare quality among Iraq War movies, which have, shall we say, a mixed record ). And it’s pretty good, though of course it has some issues.
​
The best thing about it is how it nails the look and feel of the military occupation. The movie abounds with details large and small that just look exactly right, from US troops driving green Humvees with no doors and unprotected gun turrets* to piles of Pizza-Hut-labeled shipping containers at the airport to one of them carrying around a bottle of chewing-tobacco spit to the use of the then-new Blue Force Tracker technology. Greg Kinnear as the villain of the piece looks exactly like he should, a completely nondescript bureaucrat that would never get a second look at any white-collar office in America, incongruously transplanted into a blood-soaked conflict in an environment where only fools and the extraordinarily pampered (he is both, of course) dress like that. And I didn’t know I needed to see exactly what the Google homepage looked like in 2003, but I did, and the movie delivered.
It’s also a very good look at the culture of the US military; the briefing with Colonel Bethel is pretty spot-on (except for the one guy interrupting to speak the truth; that pretty much never happens). It’s a bit optimistic to assume that a random US military unit would have even one Arabic speaker in it, but the movie makes up for it by having him only know a dialect that’s completely useless in Iraq. The soldier who argues with Damon and tells him that the reasons for going to war don’t matter to him struck me as a perfect distillation of the me-first attitude that the US military explicitly teaches its members: the “My only job is to get home safe” dogma was basically a part of the official training materials, very much to the detriment of accomplishing any particular mission beyond that (and of course no one ever wants to talk about how obviously cowardly and selfish such an attitude is).
The movie also does well with points of view from outside of the US military, namely the absolute terror of being an Iraqi unfortunate enough to fall into US hands during the occupation, and the possibly greater terror of being on the ground when the Americans started bombing or disbanded the Iraqi army and purged the civil service, which this movie treats as an irrefutable sign of the apocalypse. Not that any of that took any great insight to determine in 2010, years after it became clear what US detention was like and how foolish it was to send thousands of unhappy armed men out into the streets with nothing to do, but it’s still good to see it stated so plainly.
One aspect that does not look so good is the trademark Paul Greengrass shaky-cam technique; it’s tolerable in the actual action scenes, which are supposed to be stressful and chaotic, but in the opening scene, in which the ‘action’ mostly involves men walking quickly down crowded hallways,** it really doesn’t work. I do wonder how Greengrass does it; does he plan and rehearse the camera movements, or just have the actors do their thing while someone waves the camera around randomly? One analysis of one of Greengrass’s Bourne movies pointed out that it seems that the camera can’t predict the characters’ movements, which adds to the sense of uncertainty and danger; I wonder how closely Greengrass controls the camera’s ‘random’ movements, and what he thinks he’s saying with them.
There are other moments that fall short of the movie’s best moments of authenticity: Damon’s first scene, in which he explains (over the radio, no less!) where his team is going and what they’ll be doing there is pure Hollywood bullshit; any such explanation would be given (likely multiple times) well before the mission actually started, and the team will try to minimize radio use while out in the field. And that’s not the only moment of clumsy exposition; once that mission fails to find anything of use, Damon laments “That’s the third one in a row,” to a roomful of guys who’ve been on all the same missions and all presumably know exactly how many of them there have been. On that same mission, someone, for some reason, uses a Geiger counter to analyze a suspected chemical weapons site, which…what?
The movie’s second-strongest sympathetic character is a CIA ‘Middle-East expert’ that knows everything he needs to know and that no one listens to. While I don’t doubt that no one important listened to anyone who knew what was going on, the thing-knower being a CIA agent that the CIA chose to send to Baghdad seems unlikely; were there any such thing-knowers left in the CIA in 2003? If so, why would leadership (which was fully behind the WMD hoax) send such an ‘unreliable’ person to such a sensitive post? Surely they knew there was a risk of him doing exactly what he ended up doing, and would have kept him as far from the action as possible.***
And how and why does he have such detailed information at his fingertips about the movements of people that don’t officially concern him? That information would be a closely guarded secret that he has no plausible official need to know. And why the hell does he dare take a very important phone call, which concerns a blatantly illegal operation he’s running off the books, on speaker in a room that’s crowded with god knows who that he very obviously can’t necessarily trust?
Once he makes contact with Damon, he sets up a meeting in the most secure part of the infamous Green Zone, which Damon is somehow able to access with minimal trouble. That strikes me as outrageously implausible; the highest security I ever experienced in Iraq was about 37 levels lower than the Green Zone (where American civilians could expect to live and work in pretty much complete safety), and even there I had to show my dog tags and scan my ID to enter the gym or the chow hall. Green Zone security would emphatically not just wave through any random US military vehicle or personnel that showed up at the gate. Damon would have to show some kind of proof that he belongs there, and since he’s going to an unauthorized meeting with a civilian far outside his chain of command, he just wouldn’t have that, and the gate guards would turn him away.
At that meeting, the CIA guy instructs Damon to get out of uniform, which is wise, but we never find out where Damon gets the civilian clothes and the civilian body armor we see him wearing right after. (I doubt he would have brought civvies with him for his invasion deployment, and even military body armor was pretty hard to come by in Iraq in 2003.) But also I understand why the movie felt it didn’t have time for a deep dive into this question. What it leads to is egregious, though; in the movie’s climactic scene, Damon, dressed in civilian clothes and carrying a clearly non-American weapon he stole from a local, runs through a combat situation involving US troops who spot him from a helicopter…and they somehow assume that he’s an American who’s on their side. What makes them think that? Did all US troops in Iraq in 2003 have implanted RFID chips that all US night-vision scopes could pick out from a distance? (No. No they did not.) Nothing at all that they can see indicates that Damon is American, but even if they knew he was American, he’s actually working against those particular US troops (who are very explicitly there to kill the man that Damon is trying to contact and rescue), and so there’s still no reason to identify him as a ‘friendly.’ This is a most unfortunate misstep, because doing it more realistically (having the US troops not know who Damon is, assume he’s their enemy, and act accordingly) would actually better serve the movie’s general theme of disunity and confusion.
Those same US troops are first seen arriving in a helicopter that suddenly arrives from below the not-very-high high ground that Damon is standing on, which means they must have been flying very low indeed (like, below rooftop level) over a very urban area, which is ridiculous; and without anyone hearing them approach from miles away, which is even more ridiculous.**** But those same US troops also drive around in Humvees at night with their headlights blazing, which is just dumb enough to be real. But what’s way too smart to be real is the timing of that helicopter arrival; Damon apprehends an important individual, and those troops (who are also looking for that person for unrelated reasons) somehow know about that and are able to arrive instantly, which…rather stretches the bounds of plausibility.
There are also some timeline issues, which are bad to have in a movie that is so closely tied to historical events on very specific dates. The invasion began on March 19, as seen in the first scene. Then we skip forward to ‘four weeks later,’ around April 16. The rest of the movie seems to take place over only a few days, and yet prominent plot points include George W. Bush’s (spit) Mission Accomplished speech (which happened on May 1), and the CPA’s dissolution of the Iraqi state apparatus (which happened on May 23). In the movie, those 22 days seem to pass in a matter of hours.
Also, and this is unbelievably petty of me, somewhere in the Green Zone, sometime at least as late as April 16, we catch a glimpse of someone watching a college basketball game (UCLA vs. Oregon, if I’m not mistaken) on TV. The final game of the 2003 NCAA tournament was played on April 7, and didn’t involve either team: Oregon lost to Utah in the first round, and UCLA didn’t even make the tournament, so that game is misplaced in time by at least a month.
​
Around the time it came out, I heard that this movie was a kind of Inglourious Basterds treatment of the Iraq War. While it’s certainly not NOT that (in that it’s an optimistic fantasy that revises well-known historical events about which there is little cause for optimism), it’s also different in that it doesn’t depart from the historical events nearly as much. There really was a ‘Magellan’ figure in real life, but he was called ‘Curveball,’ and, despite being pretty different from the version in the movie, he had precisely the same effect of being cited in favor of the invasion. In the movie, Magellan is an Iraqi Army officer who secretly meets with Americans to tell them that Iraq has no WMD programs. The Americans then falsely report that he’s told them Iraq has WMDs, and the war machine’s gears start to turn and the Americans plot to kill Magellan so he won’t reveal what he actually told them. In reality, Curveball was an Iraqi exile who actually told the Germans (not the Americans) what the Americans wanted to hear, because he figured it would make his asylum application (he’d fled Iraq after embezzling money from his government employer) easier. I’m not sure why the movie felt the need to change these details; an Iraqi who lies for his own gain is at least as interesting a character as an Iraqi who tells a truth that certain people are determined to disbelieve, and what US intelligence did with Curveball’s obviously flawed reports was hardly any more honest than blatantly telling the world he’d said something he never said.
The movie isn’t really clear what it thinks Damon’s heroism amounts to. He leaks his final report to every news outlet he can think of. Perhaps one of them will publish, but perhaps not. News outlets strive to scoop each other, but sometimes, as the real-life Iraq War amply shows, they collude to cover things up, especially when it’s something as explosive and ‘unpatriotic’ as “The whole reason for this very popular war was a complete lie.” Furthermore, how credible is Damon’s information? It’s based entirely on conversations he says he had with an enemy general who is now dead. No one has any reason to believe these conversations took place, or if they did that the general said what Damon says he said, or if he did that he wasn’t mistaken or lying.
But even if someone does publish, it will make no difference. US troops are already in Baghdad, and the CPA has already taken the plunge that made civil war inevitable. A report (even one whose credibility is bulletproof, which this one very much is not) that the whole war was based on a lie will not change anything, any more than it did in real life when the lack of WMDs and the falsity of the pre-war intelligence became similarly clear on a similar timeline.
In any case, Damon’s Army career is over. He leaked a very sensitive internal document, using an email account under his own name. He might not be guaranteed to go to prison, but he has to be in a shitload of trouble. The Army quietly booting him out and never speaking of this again is the absolute best-case scenario for him.
The movie’s two main sympathetic characters take turns reminding each other to not be naïve, but the movie itself is pretty naïve if it thinks that what we see is a happy ending. Or maybe it’s not meant to be a happy ending, and I’m the one being naïve.
In any case, I was expecting the SF team led by Jason Isaacs to kill Damon and then, upon realizing who he was, hype him up as a hero who gave his life for his country, thus completely obscuring the very unpatriotic truth about what he died doing and why. You know, a slightly worse version of exactly what the real-life Army actually did with the actual case of Pat Tillman.
​
The movie also runs into trouble upon consideration of its moral perspective; movies love the idea of someone going rogue, breaking whatever rules get in the way of ‘doing the right thing,’ as Damon does throughout the movie. But that’s the whole problem with the Iraq War, isn’t it? Government officials decided that brutalizing Iraq was ‘the right thing,’ and they broke any number of rules of humanity and decency (not to mention actual laws) to make it happen. They went rogue exactly as Damon does, so who can really say that he’s right and they’re wrong?
His confrontation with Amy Ryan’s reporter character also struck me as backwards; the movie wants us to see it as Damon, the heroic teller of inconvenient truths, heroically confronting the corrupt and decadent and much more powerful peddler of lies. But it’s really not that at all; she got lied to just as hard as he did, and he’s a heavily armed agent of the state security apparatus upon which her life and safety directly depend. It’s pretty ridiculous to see him as any kind of underdog in that situation.
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Some stray observations:
It’s pretty funny that the early scene at the airport shows the blown-up remains of a large cargo plane, given the famous fate of the An-225 in that other, more recent, blatantly criminal invasion of an unthreatening sovereign state that inevitably turns into a hideous quagmire.
I was surprised by how much of the spoken Arabic I understood; I ‘studied’ Arabic for two years in college, and didn’t really get anywhere with it, but there were multiple instances where seeing the English word in the subtitles brought to mind a particular Arabic word that the characters promptly said. (These include ‘ichwan’ for ‘brothers,’ ‘kul il balad’ for ‘the entire country,’ ‘bernamaj’ for ‘program,’ and some others.)
Ben Sliney is in the cast as a random bureaucrat in the background of one of the Green Zone scenes. This is the air-traffic-control official who gave the ground-all-flights order on 9/11, and then legendarily played himself in the movie United 93. This is his only other non-documentary film credit, so I hope he kept his day job.
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*By the time I got to Iraq, the Humvees had all been painted desert-tan and heavily armored, but my understanding is that this change did not take hold until like 2007.
**In a manner unfortunately reminiscent of George Bluth Senior ‘running with great intensity.’ Yes, this is foreshadowing. It is inevitable, because despite its ambitions, this movie proves that the definitive Hollywood treatment of the Iraq War is still selected episodes of Arrested Development. (And Generation Kill, which I considered revisiting for this anniversary post.)
***I do enjoy how Kinnear frames the idea of people who know things: they’re ‘dinosaurs’ with heads full of ‘old ideas,’ which sounds like he’s being boldly innovative and courageously resisting hidebound bureaucracies that have outlived their usefulness. But of course the ‘old ideas’ are things like ‘Know what the hell is going on’ and ‘Don’t assume you can simply kill anyone you don’t like,’ and Kinnear’s ‘bold innovations’ are just clueless wishful thinking.
****Movies very often miss this detail, but helicopters are really loud. Almost as loud as gunfire, though of course movies also very often fail to convey how loud gunfire is. It is impossible for a low-flying helicopter to sneak up like that on anyone with functional ears. They’d be drowning out any attempt at conversation before they got within hundreds of yards.

I'm 26F, he's 25m, together 7 years.
So first. He has been very familiar with this girl around me, to the point where I get pushed out of conversation. We had a gathering at my house where they started discussing songs to be played at weddings -- I have no idea how this came up -- and his coworker (let's call her Sally) started talking about a particular Paul Simon song, saying how much it would mean for her and her dad to be together. I said nothing, because my dad is dead but she had no way of knowing that. However she kept pushing and finally I said my dad was dead so I wouldn't have a chance to enjoy a song with him (though that sounds a lot meaner than it actually was.) She apologized over and over but kept saying how she couldn't imagine not having her dad at her wedding... um, yeah, me too.
Then later we had another party, a Halloween party where we had a ton of people show up, like 40-5-0. Sally gets there and starts getting upset. She says her boyfriend doesn't want to drive her home so I say it's cool, they can just crash on our couch. Her boyfriend ends up leaving angry and she stays there, super drunk.
I decide I'll get her situated before returning to the party. Out of all the things happening I ask her what does she want to do: play beer pong, play Rock Band, play drinking card games, hang out? She says she wants to play a 1 player game on our extra video game setup in the basement. Ok, fine.
I get her set up on a 1 player game (just happens to be my boyfriend's weirdly obscure favorite game) and she sets her player name. As she does I say offhandedly (because I just want to get back to the party) "Oh, that's a cute name." Let's say the name is Polly.
She drunkenly says "Yeah, me and (OP's boyfriend) were talking about baby names, and we both thought Polly was cute for a girl."
Now. Wtf? I didn't make a big deal, I just told her to play her game. When I went back to my boyfriend he said "Are you seriously going to ruin this whole night?" Just because I asked about what Sally had said.
TL;DR
My boyfriend seems to have a relationship with his coworker and gets mad at me when I call him out.