I will start with some context. My girlfriend (24f) and I (24m) have been together for more than 4 years at this point. When we got together, she was still recovering from a very abusive relationship (mentally and physically) she had a year prior, and I helped her recover through that. She became extremely attached to me, and I to her, and the thought of her cheating me seemed impossible. Throughout our relationship, we have talked a bunch of times about cheating in relationships, and we both agreed that it cannot solve any problems, and communication should be the solution always. And I believed that from her, as she didn't show any interest in other boys anytime while I was with her.
In the last year she had become somewhat more distant, and started doing things that I didn't know she was into (perhaps she didn't either). Mainly she started to go to clubs with her best friend, saying that she wants to dance. I told her, and she knew, that that kind of fun just isn't my thing, and I didn't want to go there just to be her bodyguard. At first I didn't think too much of it, as I believed she or her friend would handle any situation that might appear with guys flirting with her. But after a couple of weeks, while we were looking at something on her phone, she received a message from someone named "Chris I think" (name changed for privacy reasons). The "I think" part seemed off to me, and I asked her about it. Apparently some rando guy told her she looks nice and asked for her number, and she gave it to him. Her excuse was that she was drunk. That is when I started to become suspicious regarding her. I confronted her about this, as I thought she just went there to dance with her friend (foolish, I know, but that was how much I trusted her back then). The result was a huge fight, in which she snapped that I was too jealous and controlling about this. My argument was that she has no volition when she gets drunk, and neither she or her friend would do anything if a couple of guys would get them drunk, or drug them and take them or whatever.
We somewhat recovered from that fight in the months that followed, but I still felt some resentment from her regarding that. She also started saying that I am judging her whenever she would tell me something more sensitive. Around this time I also started looking in secret at her messages. She continued talking with that guy, but it wasn't anything to worry about, mostly idle talk coming from him, every couple of weeks or so.
Fast forward to a few days ago. It was a long time since I looked through her messages. I thought the relationship was going pretty good, I was investing time and effort into it continually. She still seemed kind of distant, but in her words she was "just stressed and tired" from university classes and work. I believed that, as I am also stressed and tired from that, but I guess everyone has different thresholds. I however thought one night, while she was sleeping, to look through her messages to see what is up. One of the latest chats was with that "Chris I think" guy, from the previous night, when I thought she went to bed early. At 3 am she was sending him pictures of her in the club, saying she was drunk. I was furious, but I didn't tell her anything at that moment. I started looking for other chats. And there it was. Some random guy, again with a strange name (can't remember it). Their conversation seemed a bit on the intimate side (no sexting or anything, but not that far). So I went to the beginning of the conversation with him. 3 months ago, he got her number after meeting her on the street. A few days after, she told him out of the blue to "not tell anyone about what they are doing in the bed". Suffice to say, that was the moment I snapped. I woke her up, asked her if she would tell me if she cheated. She said "yes, of course". A few moments of silence, and she asked where her phone was. I handed it to her, and she stormed off the room on her own.
Since then she had told me what happened. She got extremely drunk that night with her friend, at her place. She was sad at that period about our relationship, that she believed she cannot talk to me, and that I don't give her enough time (although I have always given her time everytime I could. If she had told me it was this bad for her, I would have given her even more). So she went off on a walk alone that night, and texted that guy. She then went to his place, kissed him, embraced him and slept in his arms, or at least that is what she told me.
She is desperately trying now to get back with me, saying she loves me and it will never happen again. That she will try to get therapy and work on our relationship, fixing all that is broken. I am very close to believe her, but my heart is still broken. I do not know if I could continue a relationship with her, especially knowing that we were ramping up for living togheter, marriage and the stuff, while she was hiding this from me.
What should I do? Is what she did that bad that it warrants no second chances? Should I walk on my ego and accept her back?

Dear everyone
I (35m) am yet another person looking to make a transition into tech in the next few years (roll eyes here). I have a rough plan of action, and I've come here to have holes poked in it.
Brief CV:

• Born in Canada to British parents (dual citizenship), moved to UK age 7.
• Dyed-in-the-wool computer nerd, but never pursued it as a direction of study. Robust level of technical understanding, but no formal qualifications to back it up.
• Graduated in 2011 with a degree in Management Studies from Nottingham University Business School.
• Fluent in French and German, conversational Italian, basic Russian.
• 2011-2016 worked at Ernst & Young as a corporate finance analyst, became a Chartered Accountant (UK equivalent of CPA).
• 2017-2018 attended the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst, commissioned as an officer in the British Army.
• 2018-Present have completed a wide variety of jobs in the Army, making them technically-oriented where possible. Primarily leadership, command and management jobs however, with a strong focus on operations (I am a combat officer, it comes with the territory).

I am now looking to leave the Army and move to the USA, at least for a few years, to see if I can "make it" in the tech industry.
Current plan:

1. I have just accepted an offer to York University's online Master of Computer Science with AI degree.
2. Complete an operational tour Jan-Jul next year, timing my resignation to leave the Army shortly after returning.
   1. Options:
      1. Find a job with an American company under a TN visa using my current qualifications (CPA or management consultant jobs, for example)
      2. Find a job with a Canadian firm in Vancouver
3. Once the master's is complete, complete a coding bootcamp to provide myself with the technical skills needed to work in the software industry.
4. ...
5. Profit?

Then at some point in all this find an amazing girlfriend and have a super happy life with no worries and all the money and live happily ever after with no divorce or childhood trauma.
Flaws in the plan I can see so far:

• The York CS masters may not actually be a very good course for beginners. It seems very self-directed, and may require quite a lot of prior knowledge.
• The York CS course also does not provide extensive up-to-date programming skills.
• Part of this plan is directed at chasing a girl who has been acting strangely lately. Not a good basis for substantial life changes.

Advice I would like to seek:

• How stupid/realistic is this plan?
• What am I not seeing here? What are the things I don't know that I don't know? What hidden challenges and pitfalls are there?
• If my ultimate aim is moving to the US, what other options could I explore?

Very many thanks in advance.
Ax

So, I have a partial Amazon gift card and want to get a Criterion. I’m also gonna go to b&n tonight and look at them. I want to get a couple but don’t know what to get. What I own so far are:
Ace In the Hole (haven’t watched it yet)
The Breakfast Club
Sr Strangelove
For All Mankind
Godzilla (the first movie not box set)
In the Heat of the Night
The Princess Bride
The Royal Tenenbaums
Something Wild
The 39 Steps
My fave director of all time is Mel Brooks. I also love Spielberg, Hitchcock, Kubrick, Ron Howard, Rob Reiner, and many more. My fave genre is Action/Adventure with nature documentaries close behind. I also like Westerns, Dramas, Comedies, Horror, Suspense, Thriller, etc. At some point I may get Some Like it Hot. I really like that one.
What would you recommend I get?

I 15F am in a band with 3 other people David 15M Chris 14M and Missy 15F we are in a bigger friend group with about 5 other people in it that friend group was created before our band was made we made the band when we asked the whole group to go out with us and us 4 were the only ones who went out while we were out we decide to form a band for a shared interest in rock music and 90s band keep in mind the other member of our friend group don’t have an interest in this type of music and we didn’t purposely make the band without them. After the band was made we began to play together and hang out more and doing stuff that was sometimes not band related. One person(Justine 15F) from our bigger friend group got really upset we were hanging out without her which I understand and see why she may be upset, but the problem is that me Missy and Chris would hang out all the time without anyone else and the problem only really rises when we began hang with David because Justine and David are dating, as well as the fact that we are a big group and it hard to go places and have fun with 9 people Aswell as Justine inviting everyone but me Missy and Chris to people house but that never bothers us and we don’t complain about it , Justine went about telling us she felt left out in the worst possible way. She added us all to a Call and began screaming crying while her mum screamed at us through the phone after this we felt pressured to have her come to practice with us and she asked us to add her to our group chats and was all and all being really nosy about the whole thing. At band practice we didn’t exclude her or anything but she did really bother me especially the other member of the band had been practicing and are pretty good at their instruments but I was only knew to the drums I find it hard to pick up things like rhythm and Missy normal helps me with that when she’s not busy I have a system of doing thing so I can play the rhythm but Justine had decided she was going to teach me even though I didn’t ask her to it made me so stressed so much to the point Missy had to tell her to leave me alone after this she pretend to sleep (we were play loud instrument it’d be very hard to fall asleep) in a Corner while we played. She also singled Missy out because she threatened to tell her parent if we didn’t include her in the band Missy has stricter parent then the rest of us and Justine used this again her, she keeps blaming Missy for us not wanting to hang out with her when we just prefer to go out as the four of us, Justine can also be very rude and scream and shout at Me missy and Dave when we go to our club, It was so bad that missy didn’t go to club activity because Justine was really rude to us, We call her out for this and blames it on not getting social queues and said she blanks out and has episodes she said she was sorry but it wasn’t her fault showing she isn’t taking accountability for what she’s done. Am I the asshole for not wanting to hang out with her?

A friend (M35) of mine, let's call him David, is in an "ethically non-monogamous" marriage. Their only rule is they want to know about the extra person before the sex, not after.
When we met more than a year ago, he was already in such an arrangement. Early on, he propositioned me if I (F37) wanted to sleep with him, and I said no. He offered a threesome with his wife instead, and I still said no.
He's a cool and nice guy and one I wanted to keep around as a friend with no risk of complications. At some point, I meet his wife Anna, we go dancing, are friendly, and I decide I like her.
Fast forward to a year later, a (by then) ex and I were talking about experimenting with swinging, so I asked David if the old threesome offer was still good, and could we make it a foursome?
We agreed to meet up to discuss and go on a night out. I was leaving the country forever, so I decided this was perhaps the only time I could go have that kind of fun if I were so inclined.
His wife wasn't keen to join, so he offered to do a threesome and that we should find someone in the club that night who might seem keen (my ex was MIA that night).
We didnt find a third person, so, drunk (additionally, I was so sad about and hung up with an unquenchable longing for a guy I hooked up on holiday very recently, whom I continued to have torrid long distance sexting marathons with, but who had no intention of seeing me again after), David and I went home together and had sex. It cured me of my sad longing for my holiday hook up, and with that, I thought no more of it and left.
A couple of months later, I am back in town to tie some loose ends, and meet with David. We meet like old friends, he surprises me with a very fancy and expensive dinner, and we go out dancing after. After so many drinks, we go to his place and have sex.
In the morning, I asked if his wife Anna knew about the first time we had sex, and the second time too. He said she asked about the first time and he lied, and she didnt know about this second time either though she knew we went out the night before. He said he lied the first time because Anna and I had already met, and she was always suspecting/asking about me and he had always said no (because I rejected him early on)
Now I feel bad. I said no back then because even if they observed the rules of their ENM Marriage, I didnt feel comfortable being the extra person. I became ok with it eventually because I wanted to forget the holiday hook up guy, because I was relying on the fact that Anna would always know anyway, and that I'm not romantically interested in David. Nobody gets hurt in this deal.
So, is my friend cheating his ethically non-monogamous marriage? I know I havent done anything wrong but why does it feel like I have? Have I?

First make sure you have enough money in whatever account or card you’re using, make sure to over shoot as well to account for shipping and taxes. Have auto fill on and up to date, or you can make a Mattel creations account and log in just before drops to have all your information auto filled.
Be there as the countdown hits zero, and refresh, for a solid few seconds it will say “sold out”, you just need to refresh the page. Once you have one in your cart you go to checkout, fill in all the information and are put into a virtual queue. BEING IN THE QUEUE DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL GETTING THE DOLLS/S. ONLY once you have a confirmation email and order number have you been successful.
As I’m writing this, the fang club membership has just been announced a couple days ago so we haven’t seen what effect (if any) it has on doll drops. From the advertising, it appears having a membership will give members a presale window before dolls go on sale to the general public, yet doesn’t guarantee every member who tried to get the doll/s will be successful. For all seating on the membership go to mattelcreations.com, and here are the FAQ’s for the membership.
Another thing to note about Mattel creations is their shipping practices, all their dolls are pre orders, meaning they don’t ship as soon as you buy them. They always advertise the shipping date when you buy them as “before or on the (date) of (month), (year)”, the date is usually a few moths away from from the dolls go on sale. The dolls are shipped out in batches which are seemingly random, there is no country or state that gets priority so do not stress if your neighbour got theirs weeks ago and you still haven’t heard anything about yours, it will come in time.
This also means there’s no real point in paying for express shipping, if you order your doll on the first of January for example and pay for 2 day shipping, your doll will not arrive at your house on the third January. It just means when your dolls ships (which will likely be weeks/months away) it will get there a few days quicker than if you didn’t pay for express.
​
Beginners Guide

Hey Everyone!
Let’s go….
Newly Covered Today:

1. Atomic wallet got hacked. https://twitter.com/zachxbt/status/1665080799253733377
2. No surprise: general interest in crypto & Cardano is still pretty low according to google trends. https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=today%205-y&geo=US&q=cardano&hl=en
3. Here’s the Weekly Development Update from June 2. https://twitter.com/InputOutputHK/status/1665394985934499840
4. The Chairs of the House Committee on Financial Services (McHenry) and the House Committee on Agriculture (Thompson) are co-sponsoring a new pro-crypto Digital Asset Market Structure Bill. Currently just a discussion draft. Here’s the summary. https://docs.house.gov/meetings/AG/AG00/20230606/116051/HHRG-118-AG00-20230606-SD002.pdf
5. Here’s the actual discussion draft. https://docs.house.gov/meetings/AG/AG00/20230606/116051/HHRG-118-AG00-20230606-SD003.pdf
6. Here’s a section-by-section with exhibits. https://docs.house.gov/meetings/AG/AG00/20230606/116051/HHRG-118-AG00-20230606-SD001.pdf
7. Cornucopias has released more game footage. https://twitter.com/RobGreig3/status/1665310543589040130

Previously covered, but still interesting:

1. Cardano Native Assets are vastly superior to BRC20 and ERC20 tokens. https://twitter.com/TheOCcryptobro/status/1655673557710692352
2. Rumor: SEC is going to make a move against Binance. Will the DOJ also? https://twitter.com/AP_Abacus/status/1655546961968103425
3. At the end of Q3 of last year, 722 banks reported unrealized losses greater than 50% of capital. https://www.federalreserve.gov/supervisionreg/files/board-briefing-on-impact-of-rising-interest-rates-and-supervisory-approach-20230214.pdf
4. Wyoming is inching closer to a state stablecoin. IOG’s significant presence there may turn out to be a huge advantage. https://cowboystatedaily.com/2023/05/09/wyoming-stable-token-a-multibillion-dollar-opportunity-as-officials-wrestle-with-how-to-make-it-happen/
5. Paypal disclosed almost $1 billion in customer crypto in its latest 10-Q. https://blockworks.co/news/paypal-discloses-1b-crypto
6. MiCA is shifting the balance of crypto investment to Europe. https://twitter.com/paddi_hansen/status/1655883224726241281
7. Today (May 10) will be a joint hearing of the Agriculture and Financial Services Committees on Crypto. The CLO of Kraken will testify. https://financialservices.house.gov/
8. This is a legit point about centralized L2s: the best ones are called Coinbase, Kraken, and Binance. https://twitter.com/el33th4xostatus/1655845787593502720
9. There’s already a new version of Lace Wallet out. https://twitter.com/lace_io/status/1656347737355608066
10. A nice thread on the many strengths of Cardano. https://twitter.com/TobiasIlskov/status/1656388178369212416
11. Remember, lobster traps are a thing. https://twitter.com/TheCardanoTimes/status/1656064744225120257
12. Today (May 11 at 1pm EST) there will be a Messari Cardano Analyst call with Charles & Frederik. https://twitter.com/StakeWithPride/status/1656272372452954112
13. I think we all love it when they start making our case for us. https://twitter.com/WatcherGuru/status/1656379837823561730
14. Ethereum is lamenting many of its poor design choices that Cardano already fixed. https://twitter.com/moo9000/status/1656215016016683008
15. Drunkenmiller says this is the broadest asset bubble he’s ever even studied let alone seen firsthand and we’ve only had a few soft landings since 1950. https://twitter.com/Stephen_Geigestatus/1656416819312222219
16. Live footage of meme coin investors accepting their ROI. https://twitter.com/KaylerSmithTV/status/1656130092966264834
17. Here’s the Messari call from today with both Fred & Chaz. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouUhWwF74MM
18. People really seem to be enjoying the CF’s Blockchain Education Alpha Program. https://twitter.com/andreassosilo/status/1644263843743293451
19. The US Chamber of Commerce brief in the Coinbase case is calling out the SEC for acting “unlawfully”. https://twitter.com/MetaLawMan/status/1656737447756038177
20. About that whole self-custody thing we’ve discussed… https://twitter.com/BitcoinMagazine/status/1656706653801136132
21. The SPO poll on K and minFee starts today (May 15)! You should redelegate if your stake pool doesn’t vote the way you would vote! https://cardanofoundation.org/en/news/entering-voltaire-poll-experiment-live-on-mainnet/
22. There are also a series of forum topics for discussion of the various options in the Cardano.org forums. https://twitter.com/Lovecoach_nic/status/1657700010148896770
23. Coinbase spotlights Empowa! May be the first time they’ve ever given such a spotlight to a Cardano project. Tides are turning. https://twitter.com/coinbase/status/1657081243518005254
24. Wow. Leaked “Key Messages” document for the joint committee meeting in the US House last week. Best part: they basically complain about separation of powers in point three. https://twitter.com/EleanorTerrett/status/1656362002577772544
25. Dr. Vanishree Rao on ZK-Rollups. https://twitter.com/InputOutputHK/status/1657778843854274560
26. Here’s a new Decentralized Identity article from IOG. https://iohk.io/en/blog/posts/2023/05/11/atala-prism-pioneering-digital-identity-with-decentralized-solutions/
27. There are reasons we’re in a hard capped cryptocurrency like Cardano. https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/15/business/argentina-interest-rates-inflation/index.html
28. What is a dRep? This video is for you. There will be additional categories of default dReps that vote abstain or no confidence on every vote. https://twitter.com/InputOutputHK/status/1658034085401337857
29. The US Dept. of Justice is officially saying they are targeting exchanges. Great. Great. https://www.ft.com/content/5aac457e-cc80-44ae-ac40-9b51d9b601a3
30. Wow! Ledger just made what is possibly the greatest PR blunder in the history of crypto. Trezor will be poppin’ bottles tonight. https://twitter.com/Ledgestatus/1658458714771169282
31. People are claiming that the hysteria is a misunderstanding of cryptography. But, that’s not what’s going on here if Ledger plus one of the other two shard custodians can reconstruct your private key without having to use your private key. https://twitter.com/nimuepool/status/1658517533836574720
32. The Ledger Recover FAQ seems to support this understanding as it suggests you use a brand new device for recovery. https://support.ledger.com/hc/en-us/articles/9579368109597
33. Wow. Unfortunate timing for this. https://twitter.com/Ledgestatus/1658095051375800321
34. Ken Kodama will be doing a Japanese language interview on CardanoSpot on May 18. https://twitter.com/Emurgo_Ken/status/1658838077136162828
35. The stake pool operator poll on network parameters of K and minPoolCost is live. See the results here. The re-delegation phase will begin on May 25th. https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
36. Cornucopias dropped some new in-game footage. As expected, Solace is beautiful. https://youtu.be/j5iwNsQVMDQ?t=1846
37. Wow….the Ledger shards are encrypted with “a master key that is contained in all devices”. Wut? https://twitter.com/P3b7_/status/1658809445965606913
38. Sadly, the Ledger CEO seemed to be denying exactly the above just a day ago. https://twitter.com/_pgauthiestatus/1658508082941403144
39. Here’s why 340 ADA minPoolCost promotes multi-pools. https://twitter.com/ArmySpies/status/1659387255537176581
40. Numbers are emerging on the benefits of K=1000 over K=500. https://twitter.com/StakeWithPride/status/1659398551917727744
41. Here’s the latest on the Stake Pool Operator poll. https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
42. Rep. Tom Emmer is trying to help crypto by cutting crypto assets out of the definition of a “security”. He creates a new non-security asset category called “investment contract asset”. https://twitter.com/GOPMajorityWhip/status/1659291641281146886
43. Prof. Wadler (co-inventor of Cardano’s Plutus) has been elected a Fellow of the Royal Society joining the likes of Einstein, Darwin, Hawking, and Isaac Newton. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLOm-dWje-M
44. Huge amount of voting for economic self-interest by multi-poolers in the SPO poll. Earlier today (May 21), 84.73% by stake of the vote for K=500, Min Cost 340 ₳ was multi-poolers. Only 15.6% of the vote for K=1000, Min Cost 170 ₳ was multi-poolers. https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
45. Large pools also voted heavily for economic self-interest with the K parameter. 70.02% by stake of the vote for K=500, Min Cost 170 ₳ was pools with delegation over 35 million. Only 30.57% of the vote for K=1000, Min Cost 170 ₳ was pools over 35 million. https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
46. Apparently Cardano has its own wiki now! Probably better given our previous treatment by the big wiki group. https://twitter.com/StakeWithPride/status/1660383700243329024
47. Rep. Tom Emmer is getting some reactions on the bill he sponsored with Rep. Soto. https://twitter.com/GOPMajorityWhip/status/1660329932495486977
48. You’re really gonna hold up a debt ceiling deal because you hate crypto so bad? https://twitter.com/gaborgurbacs/status/1660248530135515138
49. Looks like a few big multi-poolers have voted in the poll since yesterday. Pretty easy to predict what they didn’t vote for. https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
50. Reports coming in that DCG has defaulted on the payment owed to Genesis. https://twitter.com/AP_Abacus/status/1660671386388504577
51. Ledger Recover would allow governments to confiscate crypto assets by subpoena? Called “not a real concern in the end.” Really? https://twitter.com/TheBTCTherapist/status/1660677064700178436
52. Frederik Gregaard on DeFi and regulation. https://twitter.com/F_Gregaard/status/1660655806709211137
53. Don’t Forget, the May Cardano 360 will be on May 25th. https://twitter.com/InputOutputHK/status/1660621805017608194
54. Here’s the daily check-in on the status of the SPO Poll. We have surpassed 590 pools voting (as of May 23). https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
55. The Securities and Futures Commission of Hong Kong has decided to get our hopes up with a proposed regulatory framework for crypto exchanges that could mean more trading for coins like Cardano. https://apps.sfc.hk/edistributionWeb/gateway/EN/news-and-announcements/news/doc?refNo=23PR53
56. Here’s an IOG thread on the latest out of Atala Prism and Self-Sovereign Identity. https://twitter.com/InputOutputHK/status/1660904360925188097
57. Here’s an IOG article on Cardano native tokens. https://twitter.com/InputOutputHK/status/1660975383997448193
58. The difference in decentralization between Cardano and Bitcoin is still…laughable. https://twitter.com/StakeWithPride/status/1660979639907500033
59. Ledger is finally caving (a little) to the backlash. It’s reported that they will focus on open sourcing parts of their code and only release the “Recover” firmware after that open sourcing is finished. https://twitter.com/NFTherdestatus/1661026174779420672
60. Looks like the Hong Kong announcement yesterday might have been a hint of what’s coming. https://twitter.com/cz_binance/status/1661391542504902664
61. The Cardano Layerverse is coming to life. https://twitter.com/TobiasIlskov/status/1660697833115385856
62. Wow! Incredible! Thank you for voting in favor of decentralization, 1PCT! https://twitter.com/StakeWithPride/status/1661460222203002880
63. Federal Reserve report debunks claim that crypto is not useful to people in the US. https://twitter.com/SebVentures/status/1661063483369177108
64. The SPO phase of the poll is over. Nearly 800 pools voted. Now it’s your turn to see how your pool voted and re-delegate if you think they voted against decentralization and for their own pocketbook. https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
65. The May Cardano 360 is out! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_bCa_xCoxA
66. Charles dropped an update today. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfL2U2hAGWw
67. Sen. Cynthia Lummis declares her opposition to the 30% tax on bitcoin mining. https://twitter.com/SenLummis/status/1661803569341759495
68. Lots of volume being transacted on Cardano recently! https://twitter.com/cwpaulm/status/1662929296329981952
69. Recent subpoenas to the Python Package Index don’t bode well for those hoping to store seed phrases with third-party custodians. https://twitter.com/_jonasschnelli_/status/1662531840606093312
70. Transaction volume is looking very interesting right now. https://messari.io/charts/cardano/txn-vol
71. JPG Store has now launched Android and IOS apps. https://twitter.com/jpgstoreNFT/status/1663281982262919170
72. It’s true. Cardano is straight killing it on the security leg of the trilemma.https://twitter.com/cardano_whale/status/1662987243655684096
73. Just checked. Yep. The centralization in ETH is still staggering. https://twitter.com/StakeWithPride/status/1663222056870350848
74. There’s a documentary about a 2022 Plutus hackathon in Argentina. https://twitter.com/LarsBrunjes/status/1663111319732535297
75. Pavia is testing NFT gating. This could get very interesting. https://twitter.com/Pavia_io/status/1663153213988823040
76. Marlowe is on mainnet! You can now code Cardano smart contracts in javascript or blockly via Marlowe! This is an amazing leap forward. https://twitter.com/marlowe_io/status/1663480828016435200
77. Don’t forget! We are still in the re-delegation phase of the CF Poll. See how your stake pool voted! If they were voting for their pocketbook instead of decentralization, you should re-delegate! https://twitter.com/Cardano_CF/status/1663564854572244994
78. Wow! Cardano projects are doing big things these days! https://twitter.com/CardanoCrocClub/status/1663468916843114498
79. The CCP has dropped a white paper on how it will develop Web 3 including NFTs and the metaverse. https://twitter.com/milestones_nft/status/1663458500922712064
80. Lace is now open source! https://twitter.com/IOHK_Charles/status/1663953642045714433
81. Binance is back and apparently they don’t care if someone had that ticker first. https://twitter.com/pool_pm/status/1663809731603906560
82. Summon is now allowing for multichain swaps of ADA & ERG. https://twitter.com/N8iveToEarth/status/1664038846563225600
83. Charles did a Twitter Space with World Mobile. https://twitter.com/IOHK_Charles/status/1663984094252810283
84. Here’s an easy infographic on CIP-1694 Voltaire governance from IOG. https://twitter.com/Hornan7/status/1664007623799185409
85. Apparently, Cardano sushi is a thing! https://twitter.com/Allison_Fromm/status/1663841386074976257
86. This kind of sums up the problems with central bank behavior over the last 20 years. https://twitter.com/JeffWenigestatus/1664012650781585409
87. Interesting news about the currency in one of Cardano’s biggest metaverse projects. https://twitter.com/Pavia_io/status/1664240389610704896
88. Messari has released an article on operational decentralization in proof-of-stake crypto. https://messari.io/report/evaluating-validator-decentralization-geographic-and-infrastructure-distribution-in-proof-of-stake-networks
89. The Bureau of Labor Statistics has MASSIVELY revised their figures on Q4 of 2022. No surprise, the numbers were much worse than they told us. https://twitter.com/FrogNews/status/1664253845399130113
90. Looks like DAOs are getting a little hesitant about fee switches due to possible legal/tax implications. https://twitter.com/FrogNews/status/1664253845399130113
91. We even have Arctic block production. https://twitter.com/Laponia_pool/status/1664226409466740737
92. Questions are being raised regarding the blockspace consumption of dApps still on Plutus v1. https://twitter.com/matiwinnetou/status/1664385383122051073

~Army of Spies

So I'm a Bi man who thinks both men and women are attractive
I've been dating my ex who I'll name Ryan for almost two years. I met him at a gay club and thought he was fine as hell so I approached him, and we hit it off well, later exchanged numbers and it took us only a week later to decide we would be boyfriends.
Like I said earlier I am bisexual, I met this Woman who I will call Lexie in three weeks ago it was my friends birthday we were at a bar, Ryan was actually in New Jersey (and still currently is) because a relative he was close with passed (we live in Maine). I met Lexie, and I thought she was cute but I didn't think much of her she flirted with me I kinda just played along I didn't consider it cheating because I atleast thought we wouldn't become something, and It was fun flirting with a Woman for the first time in a while.
She asks for my number and I give it to her and then she says she had to go, but she'll be texting later. My friend asks me what will Ryan think of this, I told him that I doubt much will come of us anyways and that I was just having fun and laughed it off.
Ryan is still in New Jersey and he won't be back until the 9th, I've been talking to Lexie and we ended up having Sex one night, and it felt really good and refreshing It's been so long since I fucked a woman. I was conflicted on wheater I should tell Ryan or not, but I knew he wouldn't be happy so I to just make this my little secret. However 2 days later Lexie and I go to the movies and had dinner together, and we ended up kissing at this point we were just boyfriend and girlfriend, and she didn't even know about Ryan.
When I got home I decided that I should call Ryan tell him what's going on, and tell him I'll call things off with Lexie. However when I tell him he was super pissed, and talks about how the one time he leaves I fuck around with someone else, and tells me to just stay with her and hangs up. I just know he feels awful right now. I've been trying to contact him and explain things and how I've been missing flirting with Woman and how I made a mistake, but he won't give me a 2nd chance.
He told me that when he comes back that he will just pack up (the rest) of his stuff and leave, and that he doesn't even want me there when he does. I wish that he knew how horrible and apologetic I am about this and that I just want him to give me another chance.
And what I'm also stressed about is having to tell Lexie the truth as well I do genuinely like her, and we had fun together, but I just know she'll hate me once finding out the truth. This is the most stressful situation I've ever been put into in my whole life and I can't believe it. I need to figure out a way I can tell her without her thinking I'm this horrible person who tried to play her or something because I still want to be close friends with her, is there anyway this can be fixed?

And stop calling these mediocre players assets.
In the words of Vehbi Koç; “Employ high-quality personal and pay them well, because low-quality personal will cost you even more.”
This is what Ali Koç has been doing since he arrived. And this is exactly why we are rebuilding all squads every season, you are gambling on 10 players and only couple of them, and sometimes none of them brings you anything in return.
I think 2015-2016 season has been a huge trauma that in the club (including every element of the club like fans) we have a mentality that expensive high quality star will always flop.
Scout transfers are good. I like them too. However, you can’t build a championship winning squad with just inexperienced scouting based players.
This year Galatasaray built a very good blend of experienced high quality stars and improving young assets. At the start everyone was talking about how much money they are spending on stars but now they are at a point where they have three assets that will earn them close to 60m in total. Building high-quality squads, with experienced stars, brings more value to your assets. Just imagine, how much Arda’s value would increase if he was playing for GS this season. Let me assure you he would’ve made at least a double-double just in the league. Actually GS is in a better place than us right now when it comes to assets.
So in next transfer window, please don’t lynch people when they say they want; Zaha, Moura, Dybala, Tielemans, Ramos, De Vrij, Lukaku etc. Don’t tell them it’s too expensive, too risky. Because you will be very shocked when your biggest rival signs some of them.

Hi consulting!
A friend of my is on the bench this week so, in the spirit of fun, I asked GPT-4 to write some appropriate lyrics to the tune of 50 Cent's "In Da Club". Hope this brings a smile to your faces on a Monday!
(Verse 1) Go, go, go, go, go, go, go Go consultant, it's your first day We gonna party like it's your first day We gonna sip Bacardi like it's your first day And you know we don't give a ****, it's not your birthday!
You can find me in the suite, laptop with the Chrome Look consultant, if you need it, got that PowerPoint at home I'm into having meetings, I ain't into making calls So come give me a hug, if you're into getting roles
(Chorus) You can find me on the bench, bottle full of gin Mama, I got the time, if you into cashing in I'm into making slides, I ain't here for making friends So come give me a job, if you're into making ends
(Verse 2) When I pull up out front, you see the Uber X on When I roll 20 deep, it's always 20 on Zoom Heard I crashed with SAP, yeah it's been reported on Every project go bad, and all the work is gone
In the boardroom, we be puffin', everybody drinkin' Poppin' bottles, we got that company ink sinkin' And we gonna take it off, no more corporate stinkin' So you better get to thinkin', if you see me blinkin'
(Chorus) You can find me on the bench, bottle full of gin Mama, I got the time, if you into cashing in I'm into making slides, I ain't here for making friends So come give me a job, if you're into making ends
(Outro) Don't try to act like you ain't know where we be, naah We in the business making all that mon-ney Once I'm off the bench, you'll see, I ain't no phoney Now homie, you can hate me, but why not hone me? Ha ha, Poor consultant, on the bench...forever lonely.

Before I came to college I had a clear plan about what I wanted to do: study abroad, get back into dancing, and do well in school of course. Unfortunately covid took away any chances I had at studying abroad and my studies (neuroscience) made it difficult to dance as much as I wanted. While I don't regret picking neuroscience as my major, I do regret not prioritizing fun/social activities as much. Something that's also stressing me out is dating. The woman that oversees my job said it's a lot harder to find someone after college. I didn't date at all in college and I'm worried that I didn't prioritize it enough.
Anyways, it wasn't until my senior year when I started making conscious efforts to carve out at least one to two days a week to do something fun (attend club meetings on campus or attend dance classes off campus). I regret not doing that sooner. I definitely felt like a majority of my time was spent in the library, and as a result I started dealing with FOMO.
Overall I'd say my FOMO comes in waves. Senior year was when it was the worst, and as a result I felt like I had to squish as many experiences into that year as possible. I tried to dance more to make up for all the times that I wasn't able to, and I celebrated Halloween as a college student for the first time. I'm also trying to live my life with no regrets, but I regret not joining the cultural dance teams that were at my school. In the future I'm planning to go to graduate school to get my Masters, and maybe eventually get my PhD. I was hoping that I may be able to do more extracurriculars like that during those years, but I hear grad school is very intense and not very forgiving when it comes to time. As for studying abroad, I'm considering applying to graduate schools overseas, or at least vacationing there at some point.
How can I deal with FOMO and feeling some regret about my undergrad years? I've been trying to use this as a lesson to have a better work life balance but I'm worried that after undergrad I won't have much time to do activities like dance.

Hey everyone! I recently (gosh, not that recently, it happened early December 22 - time sure does fly) moved from my cozy garden to an 8th floor balcony. In these months I kept the hobby up and found out a very nice local club. However, the new place didn't came short of challanges.
Tl;dr: I need help solving water dripping on the balcony under my own and advice on a good automatic watering system that won't sprinkle water all over the place (I'm in Europe/Italy). If you like the whole story, keep on reading :)
First and foremost, the neighbour that lives below apparently likes to dry her laundry on her own balconies, and even though I set up big saucers to collect the water from the pots and am very meticulous with my sprinkler, every now and then she still complains even for minimal amounts of water that supposedly fall down (when I spill by mistake we are talking about a few dozen individual drops at best that won't even reach the edge of my balcony, I have no idea how they get down on hers, but whatever)
Second of all, I don't have my dad watering my trees when I leave for a couple of days or on the week of holidays I get. I am looking into automatic watering but I have no idea of what I'm doing and I have no water tap on the balcony, so I guess I must get a small pump and a water tank, but again I have zero idea of how these things work.
So: does any of you gentleman have experience with balcony setups? I am mainly interested in 1) how to manage the watering problem; and 2) in a reliable automatic watering system that won't make a watery mess (coherently with point 1).
To solve 1 once and for all I was thinking of buying a long piece of plastic and mount it vertically on the edge, so water cannot physically drip down and even if the lady downstairs complains I can show here there is no way I am dropping water on her stuff. Unfortunately by the italian law you get screwed disproportionately hard if you wet someone else's balcony, so I am very anxious about this whole issue. At first I was genuinely concerned for her, but after setting up the saucers and doing everything not to spill a single drop of water I think she is just messing with me on purpose.
Huge thanks to everyone willing to help me out!

Starting college last fall was not an easy change for me. I thought that moving away from home would be just like going to hotel for a while but it wasn't. Never felt quite where I was supposed to be. During the first few weeks I tried to socialize with my roommates and some other people I thought I was sharing a bond with. It went well but whenever we agreed to hang out they never came through on their end. Every conversation never led to me getting new friends no matter how many times I tried. All I wanted was that supportive and cool friend group to hang out with every now and then like everyone else, but I never got it. I gave up trying to make any kind of long or short term friendship because I knew it would lead nowhere. Naturally, I fell into a depression.
My grades started to slip and I felt even more stressed and pressure to get a good grade at the end of the semester. This weight had I had on myself was too much, and actively lashed out in my room from the work I had to catch up on. It got so bad that my anger just turned into sadness and crying laying on the floor. This happened frequently until the semester ended. Even though the work load was over for a small time, I still felt bad since I didn't really get the grades I wanted. Alas, winter break began in December.
This is when I discovered Elden Ring. I was walking the path of grace, yet I couldn't see it... I played it for the gameplay and hype alone which was really fun. So fun that I got burned out and switched games once I cleared everything up until the Altus Plateau. I forgot about it, effectively shutting out my window to true freedom for a while.
The day is Christmas, 2022. I get some cash and spend it on Dark Souls Remastered. I am immediately hit with that "yucky old graphics" feeling the second I see my character. I do as any sane souls player would do and choose Ryan Reynolds and the Master Key. I picked Knight for my first class as I thought that made the most sense. I got in and went through the tutorial prison blah blah blah. Rested at Firelink Shrine and tried to go to New Londo Ruins and wondered why this game was so god damn hard. I said whatever, guess that's not where I'm supposed to be yet. I go to the graveyard by the catacombs and at this point I about quit the game.
Eventually I learned where to go and found the combat to be much better (who would have guessed?). I started progressing more until I hit the Bell Gargoyles. Struggled super hard even with Solaire as a summon. I ran out of humanity after a number of attempts so I put the game down altogether. Keep in mind, I was in not the best emotional/mental state this whole time so I was very prone to giving up. I guess this was it for Dark Souls. For now.
Second semester rolls around and I feel like I can do it right this time. I learned a decent amount of new study skills and made some mistakes that I learned from, so I should have this in the bag. Classes go well the first few weeks, and then I stop. I just quit doing my work. I thought to myself, "I'll just do it tomorrow" or "After this one game". I never did. I lived on campus pretending like I was still a college student. This whole time I felt down on myself and guilty for doing this to myself. My parents would be super disappointed if I told them the truth, so I lied to them. Lying made me feel bad too, so it felt like there was no escape from the feeling of dread. I had to stay at college to appear like I was doing school work so I was essentially trapped there.
Months went by and regret lurked around my shoulder no matter where I went. Even college students studying was a constant reminder that I never did study and that I'm a failure. That depression crept in again and I felt lonely more than anything. More lonely than I had ever felt before. Miles away from everyone I loved, no classes/clubs/activities to attend, no friends to share stories with, no partner share feelings with, no family to keep an eye on me - no more purpose. Video games were my best friend during these times, and I almost lost my grip on that too.
I was going Hollow. I had ran through all of my games...
​
Except one.
​
I loaded up my character to accept the challenge once again. This time I couldn't lose because I didn't have anything else to run to, so with everything on the line I swiftly rid of the two gargoyles. I did it! The things that had been causing me so much trouble before are finally out my way. I made my up the ladder to ring the first bell. The feeling of accomplishment I got from this was something unlike anything I had felt for the past months, which is what got me invested in the game.
There was a seemingly insurmountable force ahead of me, but yet through my own development of skills and thinking of different strategies, I was able to beat them easily. Could this be what Dark Souls is? If it is, I didn't want to give this up.
Through the messages on the ground, invasions, and player summons I learned that this community is absolutely priceless. I watched video after video about the game's lore, builds, tips and tricks, anything I could get my hands on. Long story short, I beat the game.
This is where I realized that through my own sheer determination, will, confidence, and human spirit I could accomplish anything. I felt that my dark soul was truly starting to come out, my true self that I kept so suppressed within me during the school year. The real icing on the cake is when I was listening to ds2 ost and then came upon the song titled "Longing". It is the end credits theme for the original ds2. This the first time I have ever balled my eyes out to ANYTHING. I couldn't even get close to shedding a tear watching the saddest movie ever made, but this song got to me. These weren't tears of sadness, though. They were tears of joy.
It felt like lifting a fog over not only my head, but my heart too. After listening, I can remember feeling whole again. Like my human side finally returned to me to greet me. My depression faded and my mood quickly became better. Life was becoming good once again. Now I had the ability to see things in a positive light and not in an "everything is over because I failed" way. I started working like I was supposed to but never did (because I was overwhelmed as I mentioned). In plan on starting to get into shape soon and maybe even get a dog. As far as my grades go, I withdrew so I never failed (technically). I figured out what I do and don't stand for, what my values are, what I would put my life on the line for and defend. I am a much better man now because of this game and its great community. Usually "thank you dark souls" is meant sarcastically, but this time I mean it.
​
If you read all that, thank you so much. As always guys
Don't you dare go hollow.
​
Don't say it--
Jackpot

Hey Reddit, I hope you can bear with me as I share a deeply personal and significant part of my life. It’s not often that I express my feelings in writing, so this means a lot to me. I’m seeking solace and understanding, and your support would be greatly appreciated. Let me begin by explaining how my journey unfolded. Just as my siblings had before me, I was encouraged to apply for higher studies in the US after finishing my undergraduate degree. Following my father’s advice had always been the norm for me, even though my parents had been divorced for a long time. The divorce affected me in ways I never expressed, and it became a pattern of bottling up my emotions and not sharing them with my family. My father, once seen as a shrewd man in our society, had become increasingly focused on material wealth as he grew older. While I understood his perspective, this single-minded pursuit often led to a sense of emptiness and depression in the long run. I’m sure if any of my siblings had addressed this issue, he would have taken steps to change. However, the way I was raised, his decisions were final, and challenging them would lead to arguments. This dynamic provides some insight into his character. Given the value and potential return on investment that a US degree could offer, my father emphasized the importance of pursuing higher studies. At that time, I naively assumed that life in the US would mirror what I had seen in cliché movies—parties, college sports, clubs, and vibrant activities. With my siblings studying abroad, I felt compelled to seek the same experience. Initially, my father suggested PhD programs, which were research-intensive. I dismissed the idea, but he persistently brought it up. Eventually, I felt manipulated into applying for these programs. As expected, rejections started pouring in, and my father attributed them to my incompetence in the tests. These were top-notch programs at prestigious schools, though not Ivy League. Eventually, my father suggested applying for Master’s degrees instead, which aligned more with my original desires. However, due to the late stage of the admission cycle, I could only apply to mid-ranked universities with relaxed deadlines. Finally, I received acceptance letters from several universities. While it should have been a joyous moment, the stress and trauma I had already endured prevented me from fully appreciating my achievements. During this time, I also grappled with the realization that I would be in a long-distance relationship with my college sweetheart, X. X means the world to me, and our bond grew stronger due to our shared past experiences. X is an extraordinary person—smart, attractive, confident, and everything one could ask for in a partner. X’s troubled childhood shaped our connection, and I found it difficult to develop relationships with others. My days revolved around X, and I cherished X’s company above all else. Knowing I had to leave X behind was heart-wrenching, even though X had a good job and other responsibilities to attend to. Fast forward to my arrival in the US. Initially, I spent a few weeks with my family (my father and siblings) before starting grad school. The first impressions of the US filled me with excitement, as I anticipated the opportunity to make friends from diverse cultures and broaden my perspectives. However, I soon realized that the program I joined had a limited number of students, all from the same nationality as mine. This caught me off guard and left me feeling disappointed, as I had hoped for a more varied and multicultural environment. Moreover, the people I interacted with didn’t seem interested in forming friendships, at least not with me. Adding to my distress, the faculty members lacked the communication skills necessary for fostering a supportive academic environment. They focused solely on teaching the subject matter, leaving the classroom as soon as the class ended. This monotonous routine, combined with the lack of connection with my peers, took a toll on my mental well-being. I found myself slipping into a deep depression—each day blending into the next, devoid of any excitement or purpose. Nights became tearful as I cried myself to sleep, feeling increasingly isolated and alone. Academic pressures compounded my struggles. To make matters worse, my accent seemed to hinder effective communication with students from other nationalities, further eroding my confidence. Every day felt like an uphill battle, and I felt myself falling behind in my studies. The weight of it all led me to contemplate suicide, but I found strength to persevere for the sake of my mother. During our phone conversations, my father could sense my depression and unhappiness. Surprisingly, he agreed when I brought up the idea of transferring to a different university. Relieved yet anxious, I decided to tough it out for one more semester before the transfer took place. However, the trauma of my previous experiences still clung to me. I returned to my father’s place during the break, finding it difficult to engage in meaningful conversation as I continued to process the challenges of the past semester. The transfer had been approved, but I worried that the same cycle of disappointment and isolation would repeat itself. During this time, I distanced myself from my friends back home, and my interactions with my girlfriend, X, grew increasingly tense. I uttered hurtful words, suggesting that X should start seeing other people and that I was unworthy. X chose to ignore my misguided attempts to push her away and firmly stood her ground. In my terrible mental state, feeling worthless and incapable, I reached a breaking point. I believed that X deserved better, and I gave her an ultimatum. Although X initially considered blocking me from X’s life, I pleaded to maintain a connection, desperate to hold on to the only friend I had left. Despite X decision not to block me, our communication dwindled, and I sensed the distance growing between us. I never confronted X about it, as I was on the verge of starting afresh at the new university I had transferred to. Finally, I found some semblance of calmness. The new cohort of students was more diverse, and it offered the multicultural environment I had longed for. However, the trauma and heartbreak I had experienced still haunted me. I began to find more time for myself, allowing me to reach out to X more frequently, despite our severed romantic relationship. Then, one day, I confronted X, seeking answers as to why our conversations had become so strained. That’s when X revealed that X had started seeing someone else, a person we had studied with. My heart shattered into a million pieces. While I had given X permission to move on, I had hoped that X would understand the depth of my struggles and wait for me. It was a painful realization of my own selfishness and lack of consideration. I had been so absorbed in my own misery that I failed to prioritize X’s feelings and needs. I felt like an awful person, overwhelmed with guilt and regret. The news of X’s new relationship plunged me into an abyss of emotional turmoil. I felt utterly loveless and devoid of any interest in life. While I wouldn’t consider taking my own life, the days seemed banal and meaningless. I yearned to share my daily experiences with X, to express how much she meant to me, but the opportunity was lost. Months ago, X had blocked me, and I was left with a void in my life. Recognizing the severity of my mental state, I sought the help of a therapist. I made efforts to get out and engage with others, but the scars from my past experiences ran deep. The trauma I had endured affected my ability to form new connections, and I found myself stuttering and struggling to engage in meaningful conversations. Grad school became a struggle as I fell further behind in my studies. My once bright academic future now felt bleak and uncertain. The weight of my emotional pain, coupled with the mounting academic pressure, made each day an uphill battle. Thoughts of suicide persisted, but my unwavering love for my mother kept me going, determined to endure for her sake. While my siblings were supportive, they had their own lives to live, and I yearned for someone who could truly understand and empathize with my struggles. Opening up to them didn’t provide the same level of solace and connection as I had with X. Loneliness became my constant companion, intensifying my sense of isolation. Towards the ending of my post, I want to emphasize the ongoing struggle I face in making new friends in a new country. The cultural differences and language barrier have further complicated my attempts to form meaningful connections. Stuttering has become a pronounced issue, making social interactions even more challenging. Each conversation is a battle against my own insecurities and self-doubt, as I struggle to express myself fluently. The cultural shock of being in a different country has been both fascinating and isolating. While I initially hoped to embrace diverse perspectives and engage in cross-cultural exchanges, I found myself surrounded by individuals from my own nationality, limiting the opportunities for cultural immersion. This unexpected turn has left me yearning for the multicultural experience I had envisioned, where I could learn from people with diverse backgrounds and broaden my horizons. I understand that building new friendships takes time and effort, especially when faced with cultural and linguistic barriers. However, the combination of my own reserved nature, the lingering trauma from my past experiences, and the challenges associated with stuttering has made this process incredibly daunting. It is disheartening to witness others forming connections effortlessly while I struggle to find my place. As for me, I am still on a journey of healing and self-discovery. I understand that it will take time and patience to rebuild my life and find the strength to forge new connections. While the scars of my past may never fully fade, I am determined to persevere and rediscover the joy and love that life has to offer. TL;DR: My journey from finishing undergrad to pursuing higher studies in the US was filled with challenges and emotional turmoil. I followed my father’s wishes, applying for PhD programs despite my initial reluctance. Facing rejection and criticism, I reluctantly pursued a Master’s degree instead. Moving to the US, I found myself isolated and depressed, with a lack of supportive friendships and unhelpful faculty. My long-distance relationship with X, suffered, and in my own misery, I pushed X away. After transferring to a new university, I found some solace but discovered that X had moved on with someone else. This revelation shattered my heart and intensified my feelings of worthlessness and despair. Seeking therapy, I attempted to rebuild my life, but the scars remained, and I struggled with academics and social interactions. Struggling to make new friends in a new country due to cultural differences and my stuttering, which worsens social interactions. Despite it all, I am determined to find healing and rediscover the joy and love in life.

Hello, I'm once again asking for as many recs as possible that contain fl dealing with trauma or ptsd or some disorder. I have read 100s of series like this and at this point care little about genre or origin, as long as there is a FL.
Some recs for you: □Ebony●
How to get my husband on my side

I knew that Ray liked to party, but this was a little too much. He was on the dance floor with a spaced out look in his eye, dancing like he’d just stepped out of some 1980s music video. The people around him didn’t seem all that put off, but they were probably almost as high as he was.
​
Almost, being the operative word in that sentence.
​
Look, I get it. I like to party too from time to time. But you gotta be smart about it. You gotta know where your limit is, and I don’t think that Ray knew his limit.
​
***
​
I’d never actually been to this part of town before, but hey, there’s a first time for everything, right? Ray and I had just closed the deal of our careers and figured a little celebration was in order. I’d initially figured we’d just have a few drinks and maybe get laid. But when he broke out the molly, I wasn’t going to say no and the next hour or so after that was fucking killer.
​
Then we’d ran into that dude at the bar.
​
This guy was… well, he looked like he was on drugs, not like he sold them. He had messy hair, a grin that said: ‘I just farted!’ and I’m pretty sure he was covered in glitter. He was wearing a hot pink suit, with a neon blue bowtie, on top of a regular black tie. Yeah. Two ties.
Anyways, he must’ve realized that we were also high off our asses, because as we took a seat at the bar he came right over to us, wearing that ‘I just farted’ grin and chatted us up.
“Hey man! You two having a good time tonight?”
“Fuck yeah we are!” Ray replied, “Fucking love your getup, man!”
“Aww hell yeah, brother!”
​
The Glitter Man went in for a high five and Ray reciprocated.
“You having a party?” He asked.
“Yeah, just closed a fuckin BIG ASS client. Fuck yeah, we’re having a party!”
“Oh man, then I’ve got just the thing for you! Check this shit out.”
​
Glitter Man reached into his suit jacket and took out a gunmetal gray cigarette case. He opened it, showing us a collection of small neon blue pills inside.
“These right here? These are gonna kick your night up a whole other notch,” He promised. “You want in?”
​
Ray stared down at the pills, and I could see his eyes widening like a kid who'd just walked into a candy shop.
“Fuck yeah, I want in!” He said with barely a moment of hesitation, and that is when I stepped in.
“Wait up, the fuck are these?” I asked. “Molly?”
​
“Nah, man. It’s a new thing. Been calling it Blue Lagoon. Trust me, this is the shit! One pill… and you’re never gonna forget tonight. I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds.”
“How much?” Ray asked.
“Tell you what, man. I’ll hook you both up for ten bucks a pop!”
​
Ray started reaching for his wallet, but I stopped him.
“Dude, we don’t even know what this shit is!” I said.
“C’mon, loosen your asshole and live a little, Geoff!” Ray replied, pulling away from me. “Sorry about my friend, man. He just needs a few more drinks.”
“Hey, no worries!”
​
Ray handed over twenty bucks and Glitter Man dropped two pills into his hand, before taking off.
“See you around!” He said, and that was it.
“You in this with me?” Ray asked, offering me one of the pills.
​
I didn’t answer, so he started making a ticking clock noise.
“Times almost up…” He sang, “You gonna get the stick out of your ass and party like a man, or are you gonna pussy out?”
​
I took the pill, sighed and put it in my mouth.
“ATTA FUCKIN’ BOY!” Ray cried and slapped me on the back, before taking his own pill. “Thought for sure you were gonna go all fuckin’ soft on me!” He teased, “Go full Mr. Mackey from South Park. ‘Drugs are bad, M’kay!’” He laughed at his own bad impression of the show.
​
He turned back to the bar, reaching into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes.
“Hey, my buddy and I are gonna have two dry martinis!” He said, “Dirty as you can fuckin’ make them!”
​
He popped one of the cigarettes into his mouth, and that was around the time I noticed that the world around me seemed… off…
​
I blinked slowly, looking around at the people in the bar. I could’ve sworn that I saw flowers blooming on their skin, but it was hard to get a look at them. They only ever seemed to be there when I wasn’t looking directly at them. From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something moving behind the dance floor. Some tall, wandering shadow although I couldn’t get a good look at it either. I think that it might have looked at me, with eyes on stalks like some kind of slug. But I couldn’t be sure. It disappeared completely when I tried to look at it head on.
​
I looked over at the bartender, a relatively plain looking brunette. She glanced at me briefly as she shook our martinis, and I swore that I could see flowers growing out of her hair, wreathing her head in vibrant colors that were impossible to really describe.
​
I looked over at Ray, and he was staring at her too. I’m not sure what he was seeing, but whatever it was, it had to be beautiful! The man beside me had roses growing out of his eyes and whenever he laughed, I heard a chorus of angels singing. He was holding a giant chameleon that he kept petting, and it was looking at me.
“Think this is DMT?” It asked.
“Who the hell knows?” Said the man. His head was mostly flowers now.
​
Ray absentmindely handed me my martini, and I took a sip. It tasted like heaven. It tasted like a fresh donut, right out of the oven with the glaze still melty and warm. I wanted to cry from just how beautiful it was!
​
A hazy mist swirled around me, lifting me up to new levels of paradise. As Ray and I went to the dance floor to join the party, I felt at one with the universe.
​
A beautiful girl with flawless dark skin danced with me, as we danced I realized that my place in the cosmos was here! Right here!
​
And then I saw it, really, truly saw it. The grand tapestry of all things. It was right there in her eyes. Right there for me to see. An expanse of events, all seemingly unconnected save for the fact that they contributed to some great, glorious final outcome. A perfect future for all mankind, for all that existed beyond mankind. Hundreds of lives, thousands, millions, billions… perhaps even an infinite amount, all moving parts in an enormous machine, working toward the completion of a single function. Pawns in a grand game whose outcome had been determined outside of time. Every little piece would in it’s own way, fall into place exactly when it needed to, at the moment it needed to, each one carefully guided by a grand design, that operated exclusively through others. An outside force, that pushed them to trigger the events that would lead to the favorable outcome, and arguably, the only outcome, but there really was no big picture to be seen. The end result was something far less finite. It was a state of being. A higher state. A type of perfection that went beyond perfection. Oh, the knowledge of it burned so bright in my skull!
​
I hugged the girl that I was dancing with and we kissed. She told me that she was proud of me before promptly dissolving into a cloud of butterflies, and as I watched them fly away I laughed, knowing that they too were part of the fabric of the universe! I admired the crowd dancing around me, basking in their radiance. They seemed to go on forever and I could see every aspect of their lives in each of them. Their hopes, their dreams, their aspirations. I loved each of them, and looked into each of their souls, looking at what the greatest possible version of them might be.
​
From the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow. The same one from before, possibly? I looked at it, watching as it surveyed the crowd. Despite its darkness, I could see its shiny white teeth and beady eyes. The eyes shifted to me for a moment where they lingered, but the shadow didn’t move.
​
Water flowed around me, distracting me from the shadow again. Fish swam past me, daring me to chase them and I obliged. They promised to take me to a mermaid and teach me how to live in the sea with them. Then I promptly threw up all over some poor girl who was just trying to dance, and after I apologized to her, I tried to explain to the fish that I just needed to sit down for a moment, but by then they’d already turned into seagulls and were just casually shitting on the dude they were sitting on.
​
I stumbled over to one of the booths and collapsed into it, trying to catch my breath.
“Would you like some cheese, sir.” Asked the sentient platter of cheese on the table underneath me.
“My name is Brie!” Said the brie.
​
I stared down at the platter, before picking up a cube of cheddar and trying to eat it. For some reason it tasted like a napkin. This was because it was actually a napkin.
​
My skin felt cold, my hands were shaking a little. The music was way too loud and my mouth was dry.
​
I looked up.
​
There were no fantastical creatures around. No fish, no seagulls, no flowers, no talking cheese. Just a normal nightclub.
​
My head was kind of throbbing.
​
I took out my phone to look at it. It’d been about an hour since Ray and I had gotten our martinis. Had time really passed that quickly?
​
Speaking of which, where was Ray?
​
I looked around for him, before finding him still on the dance floor, dancing like a goddamn maniac. He didn’t seem to be coming down the way that I was. Maybe I’d puked some of the drug up when I’d vomited and it had cut my trip short?
​
Speaking of which, what the hell was that? DMT or something? I was pretty sure that I’d just hallucinated everything that had just happened. Those had to be hallucinations, right?
​
I shook my head, before trying to ground myself in the moment. I still felt dizzy and weak. I ended up going to the bar to just get some water before finding another seat where I could rest for a while while Ray partied his little heart out… and after another hour, I started thinking that maybe something was wrong with him.
​
I noticed that he only seemed to take a break once, and when he did, it was only to head to the bar to get another hard drink. While he was there, I noticed him slipping a familiar gunmetal gray cigarette case out of his pocket. He downed some pills from inside and chased them with a generous sip of whatever he’d gotten. Then, swaying like an idiot he put the cigarette case back in his pocket and lumbered back to the party.
​
That idiot.
​
He must’ve bought the whole fucking case off of that weird guy we’d seen earlier! It was one thing to try some weird new drug like a dumbass, but this? This was insane!
​
I considered going up to him to ask him just what the hell he’d been thinking, but given how out of it he probably was, I knew there wouldn’t be much point to it.
​
So I resolved to just watch him, and make sure he got home safely like a responsible friend/co-worker. I didn’t really want a repeat of the Vancouver Incident where I’d had to drag him crying like a baby out of a convenience store at 4 AM because they were out of gummy bears. (He’d promised me that it would never happen again and up until now I’d held him to that.)
​
I guess if nothing else, Ray didn’t seem to be violent or anything while he was high. The bouncers in this place looked pretty tough, and I really didn’t want to have to watch them beat the crap out of him. And it wasn’t until around 2 AM when the party was dying down that I started to notice Ray acting strange. Well… strange compared to the way he’d been acting for most of the night.
​
He’d seemed more unstable on his feet and seemed less interested in dancing now. He kept looking around frantically, and I saw him take out the cigarette case to look for more pills.
​
I figured that this was probably the time to get up and stop him.
“Hey, hey… relax, man,” I said, coming up to him and stopping him from taking more of those pills. “Take it easy, alright?”
​
He looked over at me with wide, bloodshot eyes as I spoke to him.
“Geoff?” He asked in a small voice.
“Yeah, it’s me. Put the pills down. How many of those have you had?”
​
I took the case from him and looked inside, only to feel my stomach sink a little when I realized that it was empty.
​
It suddenly occurred to me that I probably should have been watching him closer, to make sure he didn’t take all of the goddamn mystery pills, and I quietly kicked myself for not thinking about that sooner!
“Well shit… you feeling okay, bud?” I asked.
“Fraid…” He slurred, “Universe is… wrong…”
​
His eyes suddenly widened, filled with a horror that I’m not sure I could properly describe.
“THERE!”
​
He pointed at something over my shoulder and I looked.
Behind me, sat the unknowable terror that lurks in all places where something ceases to exist and only absence remains… absolutely fucking nothing.
​
“Maybe we need to get you to a hospital…” I murmured.
“No hospital! N-no hospital!” He said, “Please… Geoff… j-just get me somewhere safe! Please!”
​
Yeah, I was definitely getting him to a hospital. I’d already made enough dumb decisions for the night. I didn’t really feel up to making one more.
“Alright, let’s get you someplace safe,” I said with a sigh. I took out my phone to call us a cab. “C’mon, Ray.”
​
He grabbed at me like a scared child as I led him out of the club, jumping at every shadow that we saw on the way out.
​
***
​
“So what exactly did he take?” The nurse asked me. She had a sort of deadpan, matter of fact tone and barely even looked at me, while Ray screamed bloody murder in the next room. I gotta say, I wasn’t exactly beaming with pride as I confessed to the nurse that Ray and I had partied in defiance of every 1980s anti-drug PSA we’d grown up with. But it needed to be done.
​
“I think the guy called it Blue Lagoon,” I said. “I don’t know how many he had, but it was a lot.”
“Blue Lagoon?” The nurse asked, “That’s a new one.”
“Yeah I’ve never heard of it either. I took one of the pills too,” I said. “I was seeing shit for about an hour before I came down. Like, mermaids, talking cheese, flowers… that kinda stuff.”
“So it’s a hallucinogen?” She asked.
“Yeah, I’ve never done DMT but I was thinking it might be similar to that? I don’t know.”
“We’ll take some bloodwork shortly, see if we can’t figure out some more,” She said before leaving me.
​
I quietly went back to Ray’s room, and watched as he fought against the restraints that bound him to the bed.
His face was bright red from all the screaming and he was sobbing like a little kid as he struggled.
“IT’S COMING! IT’S COMING FOR ME!”
​
I didn’t bother trying to talk to him. He was still pretty out of it, and he’d been screaming about something coming for him.
“GEOFF!” He sobbed, looking at me. I saw him trying to reach for my hand, “Don’t… don’t leave.. Don’t let him take me, Geoff… please… you gotta let me out of here, YOU GOTTA LET ME RUN!”
“Relax, you’re gonna be okay,” I promised. “I’m gonna stay right here with you.”
The words didn’t seem to do much for him. He just kept fighting and sobbing.
​
At around 4 in the morning, I finally slept. It was in a chair in one of the waiting rooms, since Ray was still screaming too loud for me to sleep in his room, but I slept. I figured that when I woke up, Ray would have sobered up a bit and we could both go home.
​
I was wrong.
​
When I woke up, there was a police officer standing over me, gently shaking my shoulder. My first thought was that the nurse we’d talked to had reported us for taking drugs (which I thought they weren’t supposed to do!) but no.
​
He just wanted to ask me a few questions about Ray.
​
My memories of talking to the police are hazy. I don’t entirely remember how the conversation went, but I knew that they’d asked me about where we’d been that night. They asked me if Ray had gotten into any fights, or if I knew anyone who might want to kill him. It wasn’t until around halfway through the conversation that I figured out that Ray was dead.
​
I never saw the body. It was covered when they wheeled it out of the room.
​
But I saw the blood.
​
Good God… all that fucking blood… more than I thought could fit in a person.
​
From what I heard, none of the nurses saw what happened. At some point, the screaming had just stopped and when they’d come in to check his vitals again, they were greeted by the gory mess that used to be Ray.
​
After the police talked to me, I didn’t hear a lot about the investigation into Ray’s death. To my knowledge, they never identified any suspects. Hell, I don’t even think they’re entirely sure about what killed him. I heard somebody say it could have been some kind of animal attack, but I think that got shot down pretty quickly, since where the fuck would the animal have come from?
​
The police cleared me as a suspect in the case pretty quickly, since I’d been asleep when it had happened and there were plenty of witnesses who could confirm I was in the waiting room, passed out.
​
I imagine that they talked to some people at the nightclub we’d been at too, but I don’t think anything ever came of that. I’d been watching Ray for most of the night. He’d been dancing and having a good time. The only time I hadn’t been keeping an eye on him was when I was hallucinating, and I highly doubt he picked a fight with someone who’d be willing to break into a hospital to murder him during the hour that I was indisposed! There was literally no logical reason he should have died the way he did! There wasn’t a single person I could possibly think of who could have killed him!
​
Person being the operative word here.
​
Before he died, Ray had been screaming about something coming for him. My memories of the hallucinations I had after I took that pill are a little hazy, but I remember the shadowy thing I glimpsed among the crowd a few times.
​
I remember the pitch that the guy who’d sold us the pills had made:
‘I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds!’
​
Call me crazy… but I’m wondering just how true that pitch was. Maybe not everything we saw after taking those pills was a hallucination. Maybe they let us see something… touch something… and they let that something touch us right back.
​
I don’t know for sure. But that’s the closest thing to an answer that I’ve got. Either way, I’ve been sober ever since that night and I think I’m going to stay that way.

I knew that Ray liked to party, but this was a little too much. He was on the dance floor with a spaced out look in his eye, dancing like he’d just stepped out of some 1980s music video. The people around him didn’t seem all that put off, but they were probably almost as high as he was.
​
Almost, being the operative word in that sentence.
​
Look, I get it. I like to party too from time to time. But you gotta be smart about it. You gotta know where your limit is, and I don’t think that Ray knew his limit.
​
***
​
I’d never actually been to this part of town before, but hey, there’s a first time for everything, right? Ray and I had just closed the deal of our careers and figured a little celebration was in order. I’d initially figured we’d just have a few drinks and maybe get laid. But when he broke out the molly, I wasn’t going to say no and the next hour or so after that was fucking killer.
​
Then we’d ran into that dude at the bar.
​
This guy was… well, he looked like he was on drugs, not like he sold them. He had messy hair, a grin that said: ‘I just farted!’ and I’m pretty sure he was covered in glitter. He was wearing a hot pink suit, with a neon blue bowtie, on top of a regular black tie. Yeah. Two ties.
Anyways, he must’ve realized that we were also high off our asses, because as we took a seat at the bar he came right over to us, wearing that ‘I just farted’ grin and chatted us up.
“Hey man! You two having a good time tonight?”
“Fuck yeah we are!” Ray replied, “Fucking love your getup, man!”
“Aww hell yeah, brother!”
​
The Glitter Man went in for a high five and Ray reciprocated.
“You having a party?” He asked.
“Yeah, just closed a fuckin BIG ASS client. Fuck yeah, we’re having a party!”
“Oh man, then I’ve got just the thing for you! Check this shit out.”
​
Glitter Man reached into his suit jacket and took out a gunmetal gray cigarette case. He opened it, showing us a collection of small neon blue pills inside.
“These right here? These are gonna kick your night up a whole other notch,” He promised. “You want in?”
​
Ray stared down at the pills, and I could see his eyes widening like a kid who'd just walked into a candy shop.
“Fuck yeah, I want in!” He said with barely a moment of hesitation, and that is when I stepped in.
“Wait up, the fuck are these?” I asked. “Molly?”
​
“Nah, man. It’s a new thing. Been calling it Blue Lagoon. Trust me, this is the shit! One pill… and you’re never gonna forget tonight. I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds.”
“How much?” Ray asked.
“Tell you what, man. I’ll hook you both up for ten bucks a pop!”
​
Ray started reaching for his wallet, but I stopped him.
“Dude, we don’t even know what this shit is!” I said.
“C’mon, loosen your asshole and live a little, Geoff!” Ray replied, pulling away from me. “Sorry about my friend, man. He just needs a few more drinks.”
“Hey, no worries!”
​
Ray handed over twenty bucks and Glitter Man dropped two pills into his hand, before taking off.
“See you around!” He said, and that was it.
“You in this with me?” Ray asked, offering me one of the pills.
​
I didn’t answer, so he started making a ticking clock noise.
“Times almost up…” He sang, “You gonna get the stick out of your ass and party like a man, or are you gonna pussy out?”
​
I took the pill, sighed and put it in my mouth.
“ATTA FUCKIN’ BOY!” Ray cried and slapped me on the back, before taking his own pill. “Thought for sure you were gonna go all fuckin’ soft on me!” He teased, “Go full Mr. Mackey from South Park. ‘Drugs are bad, M’kay!’” He laughed at his own bad impression of the show.
​
He turned back to the bar, reaching into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes.
“Hey, my buddy and I are gonna have two dry martinis!” He said, “Dirty as you can fuckin’ make them!”
​
He popped one of the cigarettes into his mouth, and that was around the time I noticed that the world around me seemed… off…
​
I blinked slowly, looking around at the people in the bar. I could’ve sworn that I saw flowers blooming on their skin, but it was hard to get a look at them. They only ever seemed to be there when I wasn’t looking directly at them. From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something moving behind the dance floor. Some tall, wandering shadow although I couldn’t get a good look at it either. I think that it might have looked at me, with eyes on stalks like some kind of slug. But I couldn’t be sure. It disappeared completely when I tried to look at it head on.
​
I looked over at the bartender, a relatively plain looking brunette. She glanced at me briefly as she shook our martinis, and I swore that I could see flowers growing out of her hair, wreathing her head in vibrant colors that were impossible to really describe.
​
I looked over at Ray, and he was staring at her too. I’m not sure what he was seeing, but whatever it was, it had to be beautiful! The man beside me had roses growing out of his eyes and whenever he laughed, I heard a chorus of angels singing. He was holding a giant chameleon that he kept petting, and it was looking at me.
“Think this is DMT?” It asked.
“Who the hell knows?” Said the man. His head was mostly flowers now.
​
Ray absentmindely handed me my martini, and I took a sip. It tasted like heaven. It tasted like a fresh donut, right out of the oven with the glaze still melty and warm. I wanted to cry from just how beautiful it was!
​
A hazy mist swirled around me, lifting me up to new levels of paradise. As Ray and I went to the dance floor to join the party, I felt at one with the universe.
​
A beautiful girl with flawless dark skin danced with me, as we danced I realized that my place in the cosmos was here! Right here!
​
And then I saw it, really, truly saw it. The grand tapestry of all things. It was right there in her eyes. Right there for me to see. An expanse of events, all seemingly unconnected save for the fact that they contributed to some great, glorious final outcome. A perfect future for all mankind, for all that existed beyond mankind. Hundreds of lives, thousands, millions, billions… perhaps even an infinite amount, all moving parts in an enormous machine, working toward the completion of a single function. Pawns in a grand game whose outcome had been determined outside of time. Every little piece would in it’s own way, fall into place exactly when it needed to, at the moment it needed to, each one carefully guided by a grand design, that operated exclusively through others. An outside force, that pushed them to trigger the events that would lead to the favorable outcome, and arguably, the only outcome, but there really was no big picture to be seen. The end result was something far less finite. It was a state of being. A higher state. A type of perfection that went beyond perfection. Oh, the knowledge of it burned so bright in my skull!
​
I hugged the girl that I was dancing with and we kissed. She told me that she was proud of me before promptly dissolving into a cloud of butterflies, and as I watched them fly away I laughed, knowing that they too were part of the fabric of the universe! I admired the crowd dancing around me, basking in their radiance. They seemed to go on forever and I could see every aspect of their lives in each of them. Their hopes, their dreams, their aspirations. I loved each of them, and looked into each of their souls, looking at what the greatest possible version of them might be.
​
From the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow. The same one from before, possibly? I looked at it, watching as it surveyed the crowd. Despite its darkness, I could see its shiny white teeth and beady eyes. The eyes shifted to me for a moment where they lingered, but the shadow didn’t move.
​
Water flowed around me, distracting me from the shadow again. Fish swam past me, daring me to chase them and I obliged. They promised to take me to a mermaid and teach me how to live in the sea with them. Then I promptly threw up all over some poor girl who was just trying to dance, and after I apologized to her, I tried to explain to the fish that I just needed to sit down for a moment, but by then they’d already turned into seagulls and were just casually shitting on the dude they were sitting on.
​
I stumbled over to one of the booths and collapsed into it, trying to catch my breath.
“Would you like some cheese, sir.” Asked the sentient platter of cheese on the table underneath me.
“My name is Brie!” Said the brie.
​
I stared down at the platter, before picking up a cube of cheddar and trying to eat it. For some reason it tasted like a napkin. This was because it was actually a napkin.
​
My skin felt cold, my hands were shaking a little. The music was way too loud and my mouth was dry.
​
I looked up.
​
There were no fantastical creatures around. No fish, no seagulls, no flowers, no talking cheese. Just a normal nightclub.
​
My head was kind of throbbing.
​
I took out my phone to look at it. It’d been about an hour since Ray and I had gotten our martinis. Had time really passed that quickly?
​
Speaking of which, where was Ray?
​
I looked around for him, before finding him still on the dance floor, dancing like a goddamn maniac. He didn’t seem to be coming down the way that I was. Maybe I’d puked some of the drug up when I’d vomited and it had cut my trip short?
​
Speaking of which, what the hell was that? DMT or something? I was pretty sure that I’d just hallucinated everything that had just happened. Those had to be hallucinations, right?
​
I shook my head, before trying to ground myself in the moment. I still felt dizzy and weak. I ended up going to the bar to just get some water before finding another seat where I could rest for a while while Ray partied his little heart out… and after another hour, I started thinking that maybe something was wrong with him.
​
I noticed that he only seemed to take a break once, and when he did, it was only to head to the bar to get another hard drink. While he was there, I noticed him slipping a familiar gunmetal gray cigarette case out of his pocket. He downed some pills from inside and chased them with a generous sip of whatever he’d gotten. Then, swaying like an idiot he put the cigarette case back in his pocket and lumbered back to the party.
​
That idiot.
​
He must’ve bought the whole fucking case off of that weird guy we’d seen earlier! It was one thing to try some weird new drug like a dumbass, but this? This was insane!
​
I considered going up to him to ask him just what the hell he’d been thinking, but given how out of it he probably was, I knew there wouldn’t be much point to it.
​
So I resolved to just watch him, and make sure he got home safely like a responsible friend/co-worker. I didn’t really want a repeat of the Vancouver Incident where I’d had to drag him crying like a baby out of a convenience store at 4 AM because they were out of gummy bears. (He’d promised me that it would never happen again and up until now I’d held him to that.)
​
I guess if nothing else, Ray didn’t seem to be violent or anything while he was high. The bouncers in this place looked pretty tough, and I really didn’t want to have to watch them beat the crap out of him. And it wasn’t until around 2 AM when the party was dying down that I started to notice Ray acting strange. Well… strange compared to the way he’d been acting for most of the night.
​
He’d seemed more unstable on his feet and seemed less interested in dancing now. He kept looking around frantically, and I saw him take out the cigarette case to look for more pills.
​
I figured that this was probably the time to get up and stop him.
“Hey, hey… relax, man,” I said, coming up to him and stopping him from taking more of those pills. “Take it easy, alright?”
​
He looked over at me with wide, bloodshot eyes as I spoke to him.
“Geoff?” He asked in a small voice.
“Yeah, it’s me. Put the pills down. How many of those have you had?”
​
I took the case from him and looked inside, only to feel my stomach sink a little when I realized that it was empty.
​
It suddenly occurred to me that I probably should have been watching him closer, to make sure he didn’t take all of the goddamn mystery pills, and I quietly kicked myself for not thinking about that sooner!
“Well shit… you feeling okay, bud?” I asked.
“Fraid…” He slurred, “Universe is… wrong…”
​
His eyes suddenly widened, filled with a horror that I’m not sure I could properly describe.
“THERE!”
​
He pointed at something over my shoulder and I looked.
Behind me, sat the unknowable terror that lurks in all places where something ceases to exist and only absence remains… absolutely fucking nothing.
​
“Maybe we need to get you to a hospital…” I murmured.
“No hospital! N-no hospital!” He said, “Please… Geoff… j-just get me somewhere safe! Please!”
​
Yeah, I was definitely getting him to a hospital. I’d already made enough dumb decisions for the night. I didn’t really feel up to making one more.
“Alright, let’s get you someplace safe,” I said with a sigh. I took out my phone to call us a cab. “C’mon, Ray.”
​
He grabbed at me like a scared child as I led him out of the club, jumping at every shadow that we saw on the way out.
​
***
​
“So what exactly did he take?” The nurse asked me. She had a sort of deadpan, matter of fact tone and barely even looked at me, while Ray screamed bloody murder in the next room. I gotta say, I wasn’t exactly beaming with pride as I confessed to the nurse that Ray and I had partied in defiance of every 1980s anti-drug PSA we’d grown up with. But it needed to be done.
​
“I think the guy called it Blue Lagoon,” I said. “I don’t know how many he had, but it was a lot.”
“Blue Lagoon?” The nurse asked, “That’s a new one.”
“Yeah I’ve never heard of it either. I took one of the pills too,” I said. “I was seeing shit for about an hour before I came down. Like, mermaids, talking cheese, flowers… that kinda stuff.”
“So it’s a hallucinogen?” She asked.
“Yeah, I’ve never done DMT but I was thinking it might be similar to that? I don’t know.”
“We’ll take some bloodwork shortly, see if we can’t figure out some more,” She said before leaving me.
​
I quietly went back to Ray’s room, and watched as he fought against the restraints that bound him to the bed.
His face was bright red from all the screaming and he was sobbing like a little kid as he struggled.
“IT’S COMING! IT’S COMING FOR ME!”
​
I didn’t bother trying to talk to him. He was still pretty out of it, and he’d been screaming about something coming for him.
“GEOFF!” He sobbed, looking at me. I saw him trying to reach for my hand, “Don’t… don’t leave.. Don’t let him take me, Geoff… please… you gotta let me out of here, YOU GOTTA LET ME RUN!”
“Relax, you’re gonna be okay,” I promised. “I’m gonna stay right here with you.”
The words didn’t seem to do much for him. He just kept fighting and sobbing.
​
At around 4 in the morning, I finally slept. It was in a chair in one of the waiting rooms, since Ray was still screaming too loud for me to sleep in his room, but I slept. I figured that when I woke up, Ray would have sobered up a bit and we could both go home.
​
I was wrong.
​
When I woke up, there was a police officer standing over me, gently shaking my shoulder. My first thought was that the nurse we’d talked to had reported us for taking drugs (which I thought they weren’t supposed to do!) but no.
​
He just wanted to ask me a few questions about Ray.
​
My memories of talking to the police are hazy. I don’t entirely remember how the conversation went, but I knew that they’d asked me about where we’d been that night. They asked me if Ray had gotten into any fights, or if I knew anyone who might want to kill him. It wasn’t until around halfway through the conversation that I figured out that Ray was dead.
​
I never saw the body. It was covered when they wheeled it out of the room.
​
But I saw the blood.
​
Good God… all that fucking blood… more than I thought could fit in a person.
​
From what I heard, none of the nurses saw what happened. At some point, the screaming had just stopped and when they’d come in to check his vitals again, they were greeted by the gory mess that used to be Ray.
​
After the police talked to me, I didn’t hear a lot about the investigation into Ray’s death. To my knowledge, they never identified any suspects. Hell, I don’t even think they’re entirely sure about what killed him. I heard somebody say it could have been some kind of animal attack, but I think that got shot down pretty quickly, since where the fuck would the animal have come from?
​
The police cleared me as a suspect in the case pretty quickly, since I’d been asleep when it had happened and there were plenty of witnesses who could confirm I was in the waiting room, passed out.
​
I imagine that they talked to some people at the nightclub we’d been at too, but I don’t think anything ever came of that. I’d been watching Ray for most of the night. He’d been dancing and having a good time. The only time I hadn’t been keeping an eye on him was when I was hallucinating, and I highly doubt he picked a fight with someone who’d be willing to break into a hospital to murder him during the hour that I was indisposed! There was literally no logical reason he should have died the way he did! There wasn’t a single person I could possibly think of who could have killed him!
​
Person being the operative word here.
​
Before he died, Ray had been screaming about something coming for him. My memories of the hallucinations I had after I took that pill are a little hazy, but I remember the shadowy thing I glimpsed among the crowd a few times.
​
I remember the pitch that the guy who’d sold us the pills had made:
‘I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds!’
​
Call me crazy… but I’m wondering just how true that pitch was. Maybe not everything we saw after taking those pills was a hallucination. Maybe they let us see something… touch something… and they let that something touch us right back.
​
I don’t know for sure. But that’s the closest thing to an answer that I’ve got. Either way, I’ve been sober ever since that night and I think I’m going to stay that way.

I knew that Ray liked to party, but this was a little too much. He was on the dance floor with a spaced out look in his eye, dancing like he’d just stepped out of some 1980s music video. The people around him didn’t seem all that put off, but they were probably almost as high as he was.
​
Almost, being the operative word in that sentence.
​
Look, I get it. I like to party too from time to time. But you gotta be smart about it. You gotta know where your limit is, and I don’t think that Ray knew his limit.
​
***
​
I’d never actually been to this part of town before, but hey, there’s a first time for everything, right? Ray and I had just closed the deal of our careers and figured a little celebration was in order. I’d initially figured we’d just have a few drinks and maybe get laid. But when he broke out the molly, I wasn’t going to say no and the next hour or so after that was fucking killer.
​
Then we’d ran into that dude at the bar.
​
This guy was… well, he looked like he was on drugs, not like he sold them. He had messy hair, a grin that said: ‘I just farted!’ and I’m pretty sure he was covered in glitter. He was wearing a hot pink suit, with a neon blue bowtie, on top of a regular black tie. Yeah. Two ties.
Anyways, he must’ve realized that we were also high off our asses, because as we took a seat at the bar he came right over to us, wearing that ‘I just farted’ grin and chatted us up.
“Hey man! You two having a good time tonight?”
“Fuck yeah we are!” Ray replied, “Fucking love your getup, man!”
“Aww hell yeah, brother!”
​
The Glitter Man went in for a high five and Ray reciprocated.
“You having a party?” He asked.
“Yeah, just closed a fuckin BIG ASS client. Fuck yeah, we’re having a party!”
“Oh man, then I’ve got just the thing for you! Check this shit out.”
​
Glitter Man reached into his suit jacket and took out a gunmetal gray cigarette case. He opened it, showing us a collection of small neon blue pills inside.
“These right here? These are gonna kick your night up a whole other notch,” He promised. “You want in?”
​
Ray stared down at the pills, and I could see his eyes widening like a kid who'd just walked into a candy shop.
“Fuck yeah, I want in!” He said with barely a moment of hesitation, and that is when I stepped in.
“Wait up, the fuck are these?” I asked. “Molly?”
​
“Nah, man. It’s a new thing. Been calling it Blue Lagoon. Trust me, this is the shit! One pill… and you’re never gonna forget tonight. I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds.”
“How much?” Ray asked.
“Tell you what, man. I’ll hook you both up for ten bucks a pop!”
​
Ray started reaching for his wallet, but I stopped him.
“Dude, we don’t even know what this shit is!” I said.
“C’mon, loosen your asshole and live a little, Geoff!” Ray replied, pulling away from me. “Sorry about my friend, man. He just needs a few more drinks.”
“Hey, no worries!”
​
Ray handed over twenty bucks and Glitter Man dropped two pills into his hand, before taking off.
“See you around!” He said, and that was it.
“You in this with me?” Ray asked, offering me one of the pills.
​
I didn’t answer, so he started making a ticking clock noise.
“Times almost up…” He sang, “You gonna get the stick out of your ass and party like a man, or are you gonna pussy out?”
​
I took the pill, sighed and put it in my mouth.
“ATTA FUCKIN’ BOY!” Ray cried and slapped me on the back, before taking his own pill. “Thought for sure you were gonna go all fuckin’ soft on me!” He teased, “Go full Mr. Mackey from South Park. ‘Drugs are bad, M’kay!’” He laughed at his own bad impression of the show.
​
He turned back to the bar, reaching into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes.
“Hey, my buddy and I are gonna have two dry martinis!” He said, “Dirty as you can fuckin’ make them!”
​
He popped one of the cigarettes into his mouth, and that was around the time I noticed that the world around me seemed… off…
​
I blinked slowly, looking around at the people in the bar. I could’ve sworn that I saw flowers blooming on their skin, but it was hard to get a look at them. They only ever seemed to be there when I wasn’t looking directly at them. From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something moving behind the dance floor. Some tall, wandering shadow although I couldn’t get a good look at it either. I think that it might have looked at me, with eyes on stalks like some kind of slug. But I couldn’t be sure. It disappeared completely when I tried to look at it head on.
​
I looked over at the bartender, a relatively plain looking brunette. She glanced at me briefly as she shook our martinis, and I swore that I could see flowers growing out of her hair, wreathing her head in vibrant colors that were impossible to really describe.
​
I looked over at Ray, and he was staring at her too. I’m not sure what he was seeing, but whatever it was, it had to be beautiful! The man beside me had roses growing out of his eyes and whenever he laughed, I heard a chorus of angels singing. He was holding a giant chameleon that he kept petting, and it was looking at me.
“Think this is DMT?” It asked.
“Who the hell knows?” Said the man. His head was mostly flowers now.
​
Ray absentmindely handed me my martini, and I took a sip. It tasted like heaven. It tasted like a fresh donut, right out of the oven with the glaze still melty and warm. I wanted to cry from just how beautiful it was!
​
A hazy mist swirled around me, lifting me up to new levels of paradise. As Ray and I went to the dance floor to join the party, I felt at one with the universe.
​
A beautiful girl with flawless dark skin danced with me, as we danced I realized that my place in the cosmos was here! Right here!
​
And then I saw it, really, truly saw it. The grand tapestry of all things. It was right there in her eyes. Right there for me to see. An expanse of events, all seemingly unconnected save for the fact that they contributed to some great, glorious final outcome. A perfect future for all mankind, for all that existed beyond mankind. Hundreds of lives, thousands, millions, billions… perhaps even an infinite amount, all moving parts in an enormous machine, working toward the completion of a single function. Pawns in a grand game whose outcome had been determined outside of time. Every little piece would in it’s own way, fall into place exactly when it needed to, at the moment it needed to, each one carefully guided by a grand design, that operated exclusively through others. An outside force, that pushed them to trigger the events that would lead to the favorable outcome, and arguably, the only outcome, but there really was no big picture to be seen. The end result was something far less finite. It was a state of being. A higher state. A type of perfection that went beyond perfection. Oh, the knowledge of it burned so bright in my skull!
​
I hugged the girl that I was dancing with and we kissed. She told me that she was proud of me before promptly dissolving into a cloud of butterflies, and as I watched them fly away I laughed, knowing that they too were part of the fabric of the universe! I admired the crowd dancing around me, basking in their radiance. They seemed to go on forever and I could see every aspect of their lives in each of them. Their hopes, their dreams, their aspirations. I loved each of them, and looked into each of their souls, looking at what the greatest possible version of them might be.
​
From the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow. The same one from before, possibly? I looked at it, watching as it surveyed the crowd. Despite its darkness, I could see its shiny white teeth and beady eyes. The eyes shifted to me for a moment where they lingered, but the shadow didn’t move.
​
Water flowed around me, distracting me from the shadow again. Fish swam past me, daring me to chase them and I obliged. They promised to take me to a mermaid and teach me how to live in the sea with them. Then I promptly threw up all over some poor girl who was just trying to dance, and after I apologized to her, I tried to explain to the fish that I just needed to sit down for a moment, but by then they’d already turned into seagulls and were just casually shitting on the dude they were sitting on.
​
I stumbled over to one of the booths and collapsed into it, trying to catch my breath.
“Would you like some cheese, sir.” Asked the sentient platter of cheese on the table underneath me.
“My name is Brie!” Said the brie.
​
I stared down at the platter, before picking up a cube of cheddar and trying to eat it. For some reason it tasted like a napkin. This was because it was actually a napkin.
​
My skin felt cold, my hands were shaking a little. The music was way too loud and my mouth was dry.
​
I looked up.
​
There were no fantastical creatures around. No fish, no seagulls, no flowers, no talking cheese. Just a normal nightclub.
​
My head was kind of throbbing.
​
I took out my phone to look at it. It’d been about an hour since Ray and I had gotten our martinis. Had time really passed that quickly?
​
Speaking of which, where was Ray?
​
I looked around for him, before finding him still on the dance floor, dancing like a goddamn maniac. He didn’t seem to be coming down the way that I was. Maybe I’d puked some of the drug up when I’d vomited and it had cut my trip short?
​
Speaking of which, what the hell was that? DMT or something? I was pretty sure that I’d just hallucinated everything that had just happened. Those had to be hallucinations, right?
​
I shook my head, before trying to ground myself in the moment. I still felt dizzy and weak. I ended up going to the bar to just get some water before finding another seat where I could rest for a while while Ray partied his little heart out… and after another hour, I started thinking that maybe something was wrong with him.
​
I noticed that he only seemed to take a break once, and when he did, it was only to head to the bar to get another hard drink. While he was there, I noticed him slipping a familiar gunmetal gray cigarette case out of his pocket. He downed some pills from inside and chased them with a generous sip of whatever he’d gotten. Then, swaying like an idiot he put the cigarette case back in his pocket and lumbered back to the party.
​
That idiot.
​
He must’ve bought the whole fucking case off of that weird guy we’d seen earlier! It was one thing to try some weird new drug like a dumbass, but this? This was insane!
​
I considered going up to him to ask him just what the hell he’d been thinking, but given how out of it he probably was, I knew there wouldn’t be much point to it.
​
So I resolved to just watch him, and make sure he got home safely like a responsible friend/co-worker. I didn’t really want a repeat of the Vancouver Incident where I’d had to drag him crying like a baby out of a convenience store at 4 AM because they were out of gummy bears. (He’d promised me that it would never happen again and up until now I’d held him to that.)
​
I guess if nothing else, Ray didn’t seem to be violent or anything while he was high. The bouncers in this place looked pretty tough, and I really didn’t want to have to watch them beat the crap out of him. And it wasn’t until around 2 AM when the party was dying down that I started to notice Ray acting strange. Well… strange compared to the way he’d been acting for most of the night.
​
He’d seemed more unstable on his feet and seemed less interested in dancing now. He kept looking around frantically, and I saw him take out the cigarette case to look for more pills.
​
I figured that this was probably the time to get up and stop him.
“Hey, hey… relax, man,” I said, coming up to him and stopping him from taking more of those pills. “Take it easy, alright?”
​
He looked over at me with wide, bloodshot eyes as I spoke to him.
“Geoff?” He asked in a small voice.
“Yeah, it’s me. Put the pills down. How many of those have you had?”
​
I took the case from him and looked inside, only to feel my stomach sink a little when I realized that it was empty.
​
It suddenly occurred to me that I probably should have been watching him closer, to make sure he didn’t take all of the goddamn mystery pills, and I quietly kicked myself for not thinking about that sooner!
“Well shit… you feeling okay, bud?” I asked.
“Fraid…” He slurred, “Universe is… wrong…”
​
His eyes suddenly widened, filled with a horror that I’m not sure I could properly describe.
“THERE!”
​
He pointed at something over my shoulder and I looked.
Behind me, sat the unknowable terror that lurks in all places where something ceases to exist and only absence remains… absolutely fucking nothing.
​
“Maybe we need to get you to a hospital…” I murmured.
“No hospital! N-no hospital!” He said, “Please… Geoff… j-just get me somewhere safe! Please!”
​
Yeah, I was definitely getting him to a hospital. I’d already made enough dumb decisions for the night. I didn’t really feel up to making one more.
“Alright, let’s get you someplace safe,” I said with a sigh. I took out my phone to call us a cab. “C’mon, Ray.”
​
He grabbed at me like a scared child as I led him out of the club, jumping at every shadow that we saw on the way out.
​
***
​
“So what exactly did he take?” The nurse asked me. She had a sort of deadpan, matter of fact tone and barely even looked at me, while Ray screamed bloody murder in the next room. I gotta say, I wasn’t exactly beaming with pride as I confessed to the nurse that Ray and I had partied in defiance of every 1980s anti-drug PSA we’d grown up with. But it needed to be done.
​
“I think the guy called it Blue Lagoon,” I said. “I don’t know how many he had, but it was a lot.”
“Blue Lagoon?” The nurse asked, “That’s a new one.”
“Yeah I’ve never heard of it either. I took one of the pills too,” I said. “I was seeing shit for about an hour before I came down. Like, mermaids, talking cheese, flowers… that kinda stuff.”
“So it’s a hallucinogen?” She asked.
“Yeah, I’ve never done DMT but I was thinking it might be similar to that? I don’t know.”
“We’ll take some bloodwork shortly, see if we can’t figure out some more,” She said before leaving me.
​
I quietly went back to Ray’s room, and watched as he fought against the restraints that bound him to the bed.
His face was bright red from all the screaming and he was sobbing like a little kid as he struggled.
“IT’S COMING! IT’S COMING FOR ME!”
​
I didn’t bother trying to talk to him. He was still pretty out of it, and he’d been screaming about something coming for him.
“GEOFF!” He sobbed, looking at me. I saw him trying to reach for my hand, “Don’t… don’t leave.. Don’t let him take me, Geoff… please… you gotta let me out of here, YOU GOTTA LET ME RUN!”
“Relax, you’re gonna be okay,” I promised. “I’m gonna stay right here with you.”
The words didn’t seem to do much for him. He just kept fighting and sobbing.
​
At around 4 in the morning, I finally slept. It was in a chair in one of the waiting rooms, since Ray was still screaming too loud for me to sleep in his room, but I slept. I figured that when I woke up, Ray would have sobered up a bit and we could both go home.
​
I was wrong.
​
When I woke up, there was a police officer standing over me, gently shaking my shoulder. My first thought was that the nurse we’d talked to had reported us for taking drugs (which I thought they weren’t supposed to do!) but no.
​
He just wanted to ask me a few questions about Ray.
​
My memories of talking to the police are hazy. I don’t entirely remember how the conversation went, but I knew that they’d asked me about where we’d been that night. They asked me if Ray had gotten into any fights, or if I knew anyone who might want to kill him. It wasn’t until around halfway through the conversation that I figured out that Ray was dead.
​
I never saw the body. It was covered when they wheeled it out of the room.
​
But I saw the blood.
​
Good God… all that fucking blood… more than I thought could fit in a person.
​
From what I heard, none of the nurses saw what happened. At some point, the screaming had just stopped and when they’d come in to check his vitals again, they were greeted by the gory mess that used to be Ray.
​
After the police talked to me, I didn’t hear a lot about the investigation into Ray’s death. To my knowledge, they never identified any suspects. Hell, I don’t even think they’re entirely sure about what killed him. I heard somebody say it could have been some kind of animal attack, but I think that got shot down pretty quickly, since where the fuck would the animal have come from?
​
The police cleared me as a suspect in the case pretty quickly, since I’d been asleep when it had happened and there were plenty of witnesses who could confirm I was in the waiting room, passed out.
​
I imagine that they talked to some people at the nightclub we’d been at too, but I don’t think anything ever came of that. I’d been watching Ray for most of the night. He’d been dancing and having a good time. The only time I hadn’t been keeping an eye on him was when I was hallucinating, and I highly doubt he picked a fight with someone who’d be willing to break into a hospital to murder him during the hour that I was indisposed! There was literally no logical reason he should have died the way he did! There wasn’t a single person I could possibly think of who could have killed him!
​
Person being the operative word here.
​
Before he died, Ray had been screaming about something coming for him. My memories of the hallucinations I had after I took that pill are a little hazy, but I remember the shadowy thing I glimpsed among the crowd a few times.
​
I remember the pitch that the guy who’d sold us the pills had made:
‘I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds!’
​
Call me crazy… but I’m wondering just how true that pitch was. Maybe not everything we saw after taking those pills was a hallucination. Maybe they let us see something… touch something… and they let that something touch us right back.
​
I don’t know for sure. But that’s the closest thing to an answer that I’ve got. Either way, I’ve been sober ever since that night and I think I’m going to stay that way.

On the 27th of May i met a girl who i knew before but never had the chance to really talk with her, but on this day it was time.
We both went to the same football club to watch a game, troughout the game we never spoke but after the whistle goes i saw her in line for drinks ( i was 2 people behind her) so i said hi and we exchanged the standaad how you doing stuff. We talk for a bit and then we both go back to our friends.
Later i came in talks with a mutual friend so a bit later she joins the conversation. We talk about the game and earlier experiences at the football club, our mutual friend leaves, we continue talking.
When we get past that shallow shit we hit on a different level, i think at least, i really found out we shared a lot of the same ideas and interesses.
We hit it off, big time. We are having a conversation that flows, no awkward silences, lots of laughing. I think we spoke from 17:00 till 23:00, i never went back to my friends and she didnt either.
After the night falls and it gets a bit colder, we both came closer just to find a hug or holding hands, eventually we sit there with her holding on to my arm and resting her head on my shoulder.(this was the moment i really thought this might be something)
We sit there for a while like that and we started kissing at the end, was passionate, we both kissed the same style so no awkward there.
Time to go home comes and i offer to walk her to the train. As it was colder we waited in the train to leave, we kissing inside the train, trainer leaves with me inside. So i decide to make the trip with her, i could take a train back so i could come back.
We end up at her station and we do some sexy stuff. Also matching in that, like we both had to wait years to do. But for some reason i did not go home with her, wich was obviously the plan. ( i messed that up)
My train comes and i leave, i text her to text me when she comes home save. She does. From that moment i was hyped up, felt so good today i started thinking.
My phone had died at this point so when i got home and charged it, i got a ig follow and some more massages. We talk, not a lot, on whatsapp. This didnt go well, i was way to fast with responding which i am not at all in texting, people have to wait but for some reason i start texting her a lot.
3 days later i ask her out because i did not want this to stay on whatsapp. She not really interested.. she says something around the lines that she not interested in something serieus atm and doesnt wanna catch feelings( was just a nice way to say no ofcourse)
After that, shit went bad.. she responded slow and not really interested so i knew that was gone. I fell hard for her but she didnt, i think i was just a rebound or something like that.
At this point, i could not stop thinking about her, when she was on my mind i couldnt eat or sleep very well. She is in my mind 24/7 for the coming week.
I had to delete her number and ig because i only wanted massages from her. It was kinda obsessive behaviour. Like she had a spell on me, i talked with friends about it but nothing helped. I could not get her out my head.
Now its a long week after what happend and im still not free of this feeling.. help.
Can u tell me some wise stuff like she doestn want me and it was a one time thing. Something a long the likes of that, or some tips to get over that feeling.
Thanks for reading.