The recent episode got me thinking. I may have an intrigue addiction like Dasha.
I also read another thread on here explaining how low self-esteem is the beginnings of narcissism and is usually the main driver behind these addictions.
My concern is, if I attend SLAA, will the 12-step program even help with the low self-esteem? Is this an issue better tackled with a personal psychologist?
For more context, I am 23F. I have had low self-esteem and body dysmorphia since middle school or earlier. I have only ever had one “successful” relationship, but I feel as if I use sex as a way to self-harm. I am just extremely obsessed with knowing people want to fuck me, or find me attractive.
I don’t think I have ever had sex with a guy where I wasn’t hyperfocusing on being sexy and attractive during the act, pleasing him and doing everything to satisfy him. Some guys have offered to focus on me, but I honestly have not orgasmed in a really long time, and I am just terrified that I’ll have a weird face, that I won’t “taste” good, yadda yadda.
I know that because I am easy and desperate to be seen as hot, men will default to not seeing me as girlfriend material. How do I change this? How do I stop needing external validation?
I want a relationship but even when things start going somewhere with a guy, I need like a couple back-up dudes because I cannot accept that maybe a man is actually seriously considering dating me. And in the end I fuck it all up for myself.

Firstly, thank you all so so much for the kind words, advice and love you sent me on Sunday. I was overwhelmed with the response I received so couldn’t reply to all comments.
I thought you all deserved an update around what happened afterwards. Unfortunately things got a bit worse on Sunday evening with some pretty nasty stuff been thrown my way.
My husband told me the reason he was so resentful towards me was because he helped me financially for a few months after several things happened at once. We moved house, I changed jobs which meant a change in pay date for me and also a few weeks without a salary (which he knew about, it was planned for and he told me he’d cover) then my car had a major break down which he paid to have fixed. This is the first time that he’s helped me financially, we’ve always split everything 50/50. Basically he’s annoyed that he lost money that he’ll never get back.
In our early days I helped him when he didn’t have much. I helped him set up his business which is doing really well now and I look after all of his accounts, wages, invoices, VAT returns etc without a wage. So him telling me he resented me for helping me, really really hurt because I’m his wife and I’ve lost count how many hours I’ve also put into his business.
When we talked about it yesterday I told him his behaviour towards me is unacceptable and I won’t tolerate it anymore. I told him he can’t resent me for helping me, it’s his bloody job just like it’s mine to help him when I can. I told him he needs to get some professional help because his behaviour isn’t acceptable. I’ve wondered for a long time if there’s some undiagnosed condition. He agreed that he knows he needs some help and acknowledged he knows what he’s done and said is wrong.
So I’ve given him 1 week to find someone and book an appointment. If he does this I’ll support him to work through his past (he was emotionally abused by his step dad) and hopefully we’ll have a stronger marriage. Or he’ll conveniently forget about what he’s promised and continue being horrible to me. If he chooses this option what he won’t realise is that I won’t argue with him about it or cry, I’ll simply be making a plan to leave. I’ll give him a chance because I love him but I won’t waste my life on someone who doesn’t want or respect me.
As for his mother, her response to our fight was that it’s my behaviour that’s a problem and he should go and stay with her. That relationship for me is now dead, I’ll be polite but that’s it.
Thanks again for all your support. It’s really made me realise I have options.

Hope this is ok to post. I’m about to turn 30 next month. I’ve lost a lot of weight over the past couple years on and off, and I’m finally nearing my goal weight. I used to be really into makeup, but haven’t bother with it in years, other than a few products.
Currently I just use some clear gel in my brows (the nyx glue one) and some stilla mascara, and Chanel cream blush. I used to go to Sephora or ultra almost every week, but haven’t been in years so I’m feeling intimidated.
So I set aside some money to get myself some makeup for my birthday next month. I have an ultra about five minutes away so I plan to go there. I’m a stay at home mom so I’m not looking for a huge makeup collection. I also don’t want to use foundation or concealer as I prefer my skin natural.
I would like recommendations on a blush (preferably cream or liquid), highlighter, bronzer, and a good everyday eye shadow pallet. I’m ok spending a little more if the quality is good.
I have medium tan skin, black hair, and brown eyes if that helps.
Thank you so much!

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My son, Nolan, died 6 weeks ago from a concealed placenta abruption at 32 weeks.
People have started the last couple of weeks to invite us to fun activities (my husband and I just turned 27) like the St. Paddy’s Day parade, house parties, and birthday celebrations. Most of these events involve a lot of drinking and partying—none of our friends have kids and are young, so I get it. I’ve been able to make excuses for not going to a few of them, but I went to a friend’s house party over the weekend to support my husband and just sat in the corner keeping to myself. One person made an insensitive comment about my husband and I having kids one day and I had to remind them we already had a baby—he’s just dead.
My college friend/old roommate is celebrating her birthday this Friday and wants to go out dancing. I can’t pretend to be happy and don’t want to go. Going out dancing seems like a lot and I’ll need to sleep over my friend’s place. I can’t even sleep at my own house because I get flashbacks from waking up in the middle of the night and going to the hospital.
I already went through grieving my old, care-free life when I was pregnant. I was so excited to be a mom. How am I supposed to just act like my life is back to how it was before my baby died? I feel like if I go to these things people will forget that I’m still hurting or forget about my son. It feels like everyone wants me to move on and “get over it.” I feel like I’m a completely different person and can’t go back to my fun and laid back self. I don’t think it’s fair to Nolan or to me.
Thank you to everyone in this community. It’s so hard losing my son, but it’s helpful to have people that understand. I don’t know how I would have survived the last few weeks without reading people’s posts and talking with you all.

I don’t really have a question, I just want to share how I feel.
6ish weeks ago I reconnected with my ex, whom was also my best friend since we were very young.. and we ended up sleeping together a bunch of times consistently since then. We’ve known each other for over 18 years so we didn’t use protection and neither of us have ever had symptoms of anything. A few weeks in he had gotten a “pimple” which ended up getting worse and being a HSV2 outbreak (he got a swab test to confirm). A week after his initial blister I also got a very small blister which turned into a small lesion on the inner part of my vaginal lip, which was extremely painful and I had never had that happen in my life. When he got swabbed I got a blood test done, I knew that when he tested positive for HSV2 a week later that I obviously had it as well… but which one of us had it first was questionable… today I got my blood results back and I am HSV1 & HSV2 positive. I was absolutely crushed, not even because of myself but I know typically it’s 12ish weeks before the antivirals show in your blood from initial exposure… so I’ve been asymptomatic for honestly I have no idea how long… I feel so heartbroken that I put him through that, and now he has it for the rest of his life because of me. He was so distraught after finding out, and it was my fault. I am so grateful that he’s been so understanding towards me, and he doesn’t blame me or hate me because of it, but I feel massive amounts of guilt and grief for giving it to him… especially since we aren’t even in a relationship & this eliminates a lot of perspective relationships for him. I had another casual partner, and decided to end things not just because of this… it was pretty much over anyway… and I rather not risk anyone else. I feel for all the posts I read of people who have been struggling with their diagnosis… you’re all so brave… I feel like I’m a little broken because I don’t really feel anything about myself having it. I was a little sad at first, but I got over it really quick. I genuinely think the reason I even felt sad was because I was smoking weed/CBD (it’s legal here) to help with the pain and weed normally gets me in my feelings & head. I wish that I had kept my distance from my ex so that he wasn’t going through this because of me.

I want to mount a flag on my truck and I need a good flag pole that won’t break. I already have a trailer hitch mount but now I’m thinking that a normal wooden pole isn’t the best idea. I don’t need to go more than 50 mph but I’d like it to easily survive that because the road I live on is that fast and it’ll be doing that at least twice every time the flag is on. Would a wooden pole work or should I get another one? Also any links or recommendations for poles are appreciated. Thanks!

I’m 45 this year. I’m also divorced. 45-60 divorced men is the prime demographic for men to zero themselves out and jump off a bridge literally. I feel so fucking free right now. I feel such gratitude for my life and optimism for the future. My mom won’t even read my text messages. My sister won’t either. My brother that I served in Bethel with for 4 years won’t respond either. It’s a mind virus that destroys loving natural relationships. God doesn’t want you to say hello to your own flesh and blood because they are thriving and living a good clean life but have a reasonable difference of opinion? Fucking weird. But I’m doing great. I’m reexamining all my friendships and my business relationships and my experiences from the past without feeling the oppressive hand of the opinions of some guys who change their minds every few months. Like my happiness depends on how they feel this season. I might even be disfellowshipped this spring and shamed and made to repent for a thing that won’t be wrong this time next year. Holy shit!! Why did I ever think that was ok? I’m just so glad to be out and free now. I’m not a miserable sinner. I’m a normal human man who does normal human man things.

I miss having a dog but sometimes I feel like I don’t want a new dog, I just want my girl back. The way I feel is so confusing. I was just accepted to receive another service dog from the organization where I got my first dog from. I’m really happy and excited but also nervous because I know it won’t be the same. It will be another couple months till I get my dog. Any suggestions on how to prepare/cope with this change will be appreciated.

My wife and I were making Mac and cheese last night, as she was prepping the sauce, I was waiting for the water to boil. The water was somewhat hot but not yet boiling. I remembered hearing somewhere that it didn’t make much of a difference at all whether or not the water was actually boiling. Initially I thought that was an Alton Brown thing, but I don’t actually entirely know where I heard it. My wife asks what I’m doing, she says “the water isn’t boiling yet.” And I say “I’ve done this before and I heard it doesn’t make a difference somewhere, it’ll be fine, trust me.”
My wife and I had had a pretty positive day up until that point. She seemed irritated with me for the rest of the time we were cooking. I asked her if everything was alright, and she said she was irritated about what I did with the pasta but she was hungry and she would still eat it, it’s going to be over cooked but it’s fine, she’s over it. I reiterated that the pasta would be fine, that I thought it was Alton Brown who I heard saying that it doesn’t make much of a difference when you drop the pasta in.
This spurred a whole argument, we both end up googling some stuff, it turns out I was wrong about Alton, but it’s a debated topic, whether or not it really matters if you put dry, boxed pasta in the water before or after the water hits a boil.
I was already over the conversation, I wanted to drop it so bad that I said “It’s fine, we’ll cook pasta your way from now on. I don’t care enough about this to argue about it, it’s so unimportant. We’re literally just cooking food, it’s not a big deal.”
It became the topic of the night, she wouldn’t drop it, we argued in circles about how I was wrong, how I should have apologized for making her google stuff that I didn’t even bother to look up. She told me that putting the pasta in the water before it boiled was brainless.
Fast forward to this morning and afternoon, and she keeps bringing it up. I’ve apologized for various things, for annoying her, for being wrong, for arguing, for making her have to Google it. The apologies aren’t enough, she keeps bringing it up, she doesn’t think I understand what the problem is (that it was a topic I just had to turn into a debate, even though I was the one who kept wanting to drop it.)
The apologies mean nothing to her because she feels like she had to hold my hand and guide me to understanding where I went wrong. There’s nothing I’ve been able to say to defuse the situation.
It’s currently still a huge issue right now and we just had a verbal blowout over the situation. I wanted to leave this topic in the past and move on.
Is there something I’m not seeing or that I’m misunderstanding about this situation?

Anyone have any tricks for lowering bp before medical visits?
I’m on 50mg of Losartan and at home everything is in range. My fiancée is even a nurse and helps me track the data.
I set foot in a dentist office and my whitecoat syndrome is so bad they took 5 readings that actually got worse as i waited. The highest was 148/118?! They turned me a away and rescheduled.
Like….what do i have to do to get it low enough to be seen? I don’t want to take xanax because i’m super sensitive to meds as it is.
Do i just bring a bottle of whiskey and chug it in the waiting room? (Joking but not joking)

When I was younger I was excited to get older becasue I thought good things were coming to me, & everything has just gotten so bad I can barely even lay down to go to bed I’m hurting so much. The scary part is I’m turning 30 the end of this month & I have no job, no income, no positive outlook on life and I am terrified for the future becasue I just have 0 clue to what’s gonna happen. I think I’m just going to die tbh. Either that or end up on the street with a sign in my hands. My family are just absolutely terrible people, they have no brain it seems like, they put me here and want to keep me here, idk why, they’re just disgusting people, mad because they are also miserable so they made me miserable too,
Everytime I wake up in the middle of night or in the morning the shit feeling is magnified x 100, I literally can’t help but groan & moan because I’m thinking about not just hiw much pain I’m in 24/7, but how I just can not do anything w/ my life, and it hurts after expecting yourself to be something for so long.. I’ve had high hopes for myself most years before this but it just hit me these last few years that there’s a 99% chance nothing positive is ever going to happen, and I’m not going to be shit. It’s really hard to explain how bad my life is tbh, wish I could just end it but too afraid.

I recently was awarded 100% TDIU and big thanks to this group. I am ever grateful! I know I'm eff'd up physically and mentally. I used my retropay and increase in rating from 80% to TDUI and invested in a private counselor through a local church and its turned me around mentally. I'll be in for a year through this intensive program and I'd rather go this way then the VA wanting to always throw meds at me to solve PTSD, isolation, and anxiety issues. If I'm good through out all this I'll take the loss of the TDUI and ride with the 80% to look for work after I complete the art institute Im enrolling in today. I just see that I could get 100% with a combined service connection of 210% prior to VA math. Since 2015 first filing was 20% to 40% to 60% to 80% with no help from VSO just me fighting on my own, the TDIU 100% P/T was definitely in part of the VA helping a brother out, I cant take that win. It just wonky how they operate with my combined rating and it somehow goes to 80...who knows. Just trying to figure it out and see if anyone has won TDIU to 100 percent scheduler? Maybe this Rocky marathon has been putting fire in my ass, just seeing if anyone had this happen or attempted it and what were the results.

I don’t see many travel diaries for Europe or the UK so thought it would be nice to do an example of a long weekend!
For reference I live with my partner and share some housing / bills with him but keep all other money separately, however I went on holiday with one of my friends.

Section 1: Bio

Age - 34
Occupation - Tech Manager
Hometown - East Sussex
Number of PTO days and how you accrue them - in the UK most people get at least 25 days annual leave plus public holidays. In addition to this I get the option to buy holiday as part of my benefits - I do this every year, usually between 6 and 10 days, so this year I have 31 days.

Section 2: Assets and debt

Savings balance: We bought a house early last year with my partner, that wiped out most savings! I’ve probably got £10,000 now across stocks and shares ISAs and standard savings pots.
Checking balance: About £1500
Debt: Other than a giant mortgage, no other debt.

Section 3: Income

Salary after deductions: Around ~£5K per month - that’s after tax, NI, pension, life / critical illness insurance, health insurance, holiday purchase deductions
My pals overall situation: I don’t know her specifics but she works in PR and makes somewhere in the area of £60-70K per year.

Section 4: Travel expenses

I have kept all costs as combined through the diary and then have done the split at the end.
We wanted to do a long weekend Europe trip but wanted it to be pretty relaxed and I didn’t feel like taking a flight so we eventually decided on doing the Eurotunnel.
For reference, the Eurotunnel is where you drive your own car onto a train and then the train goes through the channel tunnel from the UK to France. We then thought we would do a bit of northern France and do a bit of exploring! I've done other areas of France previously but never further North than Paris.
Pre trip:
Eurotunnel and insurance - £213 - we booked this beforehand, this is return for one car with two people in it. It was a fixed time train each way, and includes car insurance for when we were in France for three days.
I also spent £40 on a “prepare your car for Europe” kit which included what you must have in your car to legally drive in France (high viz jacket, first aid kit, breathalysers, light deflectors etc) - I haven’t included this in the trip expense totals because we will reuse it many times for trips, and to be honest seems like a handy thing to have in the car anyway!
Air bnb - £155 - we booked the accommodation beforehand, we booked two nights in Lille in a studio apartment with one double bed and one sofa bed. I always like to get an AirBnb as it gives more flexibility to stay in, have your own kitchen and have a bit more space!
I didn’t book separate travel insurance - I get full year cover as part of one of my bank accounts.
Accommodation total: £155
Transport total: £213
Pre trip total: £368
Day 1
9.30 - I pick up my pal from a nearby train station then drive down to Folkestone where the Tunnel is. I am very excited to take my car on a train!! We stop off for fuel at the services nearby so that I won’t need to figure out France petrol stations - it only needs half a tank to fill, we also pick up snacks for the drive £40 for fuel and £5 for snacks.
11.30 - our train is at 12.20 but we arrive about an hour before. Check-in is super easy and we get a little sign to hang from the mirror to show what our train number is. We park up at the terminal and wait for the signs to show to proceed. We grab a drink from the terminal whilst we wait £4.
12.30 - whizz through both passport controls and then drive on the train! So weird to be sat in a car which isn’t moving on a train which is speeding along. The train takes 35 minutes and then you can just drive straight off onto the motorway. We lose an hour with the time difference so arrive at 2pm.
2 - we have no plans as we've both been so busy with work and decided to just see how we get on! But the signs on the motorway says Dunkirk and that’s a place I’ve never been so we head there which is about a 35 minute drive. Park the car £1.
3 - wander around Dunkirk looking at the war memorials and the pretty harbour. Buy some cheese baguettes to keep us going - £5.
5 - back in the car to drive to Lille where the AirBnb is which is about an hour away. We stop off at Lidl to buy some provisions (bread and cheese ofc), snacks, Prosecco, champagne, and tonic for the bottle of gin I brought with me from home - comes to £45 but £15 was the bargain champagne!
5.30 - check into the Airbnb. Promptly drop my bottle of champagne on the floor and it smashes everywhere. £15 well spent… spend ages cleaning it up. Have a glass of Prosecco to commiserate.
7 - decide we need to go out for a drink to make up for the champagne. Head out to a nearby French restaurant - food is delish, service isn’t excellent but overall a lovely evening catching up - £65.
9 - head back, more Prosecco, put the sofa bed up and then off to sleep eventually around 11.
Day 1 total: £165
Day 2
9 - time to explore Lille! We get our walking shoes on and start to explore the city - lots of walking down little streets. We do the classic of wandering from cafe to patisserie with a snack here, a drink there, comes to about £15 for the three breaks. The city of Lille is beautiful - it didn't get as destroyed in the war compared to Dunkirk so full of French architecture and big grand squares.
11 - walk a bit out of town to the Citadel and do a big walk around the park outside. You can't go in the citadel but its still a very nice spot to walk around.
1 - time for proper lunch!! We fancy crepes and thankfully we are in France! Find a great crepe restaurant and have a sweet and a savoury - ham and goats cheese which is so good. Plus a couple of glasses of wine - £27
2 - there are so many chocolate shops due to how close we are to Belgium. Pop into one and buy some chocolate as a gift for my partner - £7
3 - feet are getting tired by this point so make the 25 minute hike home - almost 20,000 steps today! We are exhausted. Collapse in the Airbnb for introvert time of tv, phones and ignoring each other.
4 - I for some reason start to feel a bit off and have a bad stomach (too much cheese and wine?! Surely not). Make the decision to stay in for the evening.
7 - have a little bit of gin which I brought with me and watch a movie on Amazon Prime. End up getting Uber eats of some pizza - £25. I used to feel guilty when we stayed in when I was on hols but now I know that I need to not be exhausted when I get back so a night in is okay! We did so much exploring that we did make the most of seeing Lille. Plus I know it's so close now, I can pop back!
10 - water, reading, bed!
Day 2 total: £74
Day 3
8 - feel much better this morning - so thankful! Nothing like being ill when you know you need to travel, I was worried it would not be a good driving day today. Glad I got lots of sleep!
10 - clean up the Airbnb and pop to the patisserie for croissants - £2, before hitting the road and driving back to Calais to do some exploring. It's raining a bit but clears up when we hit Calais - win!
11.30 - it’s about an hour and ten back to Calais. Driving hasn’t been too bad considering it’s the wrong side of the road for me and the wrong side of the car! I was a bit worried about it but as long as I just tell myself continually to drive on the right then it seems to be okay! I want to go to the lace and fashion museum as it sounds interesting. We park - £1 - and then walk over. It’s £8 for both of us to get in because it only has one exhibit on - bargain! Very much enjoyed it, never realised so much went into lace or that there were so many different types!
1 - time for our final lunch! Head to a probably too touristy restaurant and the food wasn’t great. Clearly means time to go home! £27
2 - head back to the Eurotunnel and stop in the terminal once we are checked in. Pop into duty free and buy 2 bottles of rum as they are a bargain, plus some macarons as a gift - £33. Stop for a drink in Starbucks - £8.
3.30 - another speedy trip through the tunnel! Save an hour on the way back too. Head back and drive home. Used about three quarters of a tank of fuel so quite pleased with that. So nice to have a lovely break, see somewhere new but also return back not feeling utterly exhausted!
Day 3 total: £79

Section 5: Overall

Total cost for both of us: £686
Total cost for what I paid: £370 (half most costs, plus full cost of rum, smashed champagne and gifts)
How I afforded the trip: I’ve only recently started earning more so I’m still a very naturally frugal traveller! Plus most of what I enjoy when travelling is just wandering about and eating the delicious food.
I split the cost so did all the pre trip costs earlier in the year so it doesn’t feel like all at once. I then usually put my “spending money” onto my Monzo which I don’t use for anything else - makes it really easy to track how much I’m spending and keep an eye on it. This was probably lower that I expected for the trip because we didn't go out for dinner on the second night which definitely saved some money!

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Hey everybody! So I interned at this place starting back in January. I quickly thought that it seemed pretty shady - they never asked me for any of my information at any point, even when I came in for “onboarding” which was just me answering their phones. I asked how to get on payroll & who to talk to about paperwork (as they never got my address or social) and was told that I just keep a timesheet and then turn it in for a check. I thought it was odd but didn’t know any better as I’d only ever served at a restaurant before that. I was scared about there being no official records of me there, but I also thought maybe the rules were different for interns. I ended up quitting after a month and a half because I was uncomfortable with the whole situation. Anyways, they just reached out to me after over a month asking for my address and social security number. Am I legally obligated to give them this info now after leaving? It seems shady to me but I don’t want to risk getting into legal trouble here either. What do y’all think?

New Uber eats advert with the guy dancing towards the parrot - it’s brilliant. I want to know his story. So simple yet I want to watch it whenever it’s on!
New Hyundai advert - awful. Plus Hyundai is pronounced Hyundai, not Hyundai.
Which current UK adverts are you all digging/not digging atm?
(I won’t be setting one up before anyone suggests it… as you can tell I have a short attention span and very little free time to commit)

I bought an ottb from the race track around July 2022. I have competed in show jumping for years when I was younger at high levels but was looking for a fun way to get back into the sport. I was a 7 year old Mare with an extensive racing career, retired due to not posting the same times she use to. Now they called the mare the Viper which in short means she’s a biter but I didn’t realize how bad this problem was until later down the line. I did about 1-2 months of groundwork with her and tiny bit of riding.
In September 2022, the horse coliced and I she underwent surgery for a small intestinal volvulu. She survived but when waking up from being out under she freaked out and fell causing her to have a small tear in her ligament and fragment off a piece in the radius bone on her front leg. She begun rehabbing and everything went smoothly, but she was always extremely mean to me. Would bite me in the back of arm when I put ice boots or wrapped her leg. Also pinned her ears at me and tried to bite me while brushing her. Extremely wild when hand walking where she would strike out or kick out. I assumed once she got back to work this mood would change; however, it hasn’t. The mare tries to kick and bite me whenever I brush or tack her up. If I touch her in her stall she will try to bite. I originally could tack her up in the cross ties but not she tries to rear or will try to kick me r smash me against the wall. ( note: I have treated this horse for ulcers twice). She’s so sweet to ride but i don’t know if I feel comfortable with the way she is in the barn. I was hoping to turn her into a new lease horse for kids at my barn, but I can’t do that when she’s this dangerous. When I try to discipline her bad reactions she becomes even angrier, becoming more explosive
I’m trying to decide whether it’s worth it to continue with the hors or whether I should retire her or maybe breed her (using her as a surrogate). I’m experienced with horses but I feel lost with what do with this mare. I love her and don’t want to sell her but I don’t feel comfortable around her

It’s time to end it with isn’t it ?
Been seeing each other 4 months and I’m just fed up. we’re supposed to meet up tomorrow.

1. He left me on delievred for 22hrs then eventually responded saying “I’m so hungover”
   
2. Tried to FaceTime him, she won’t pick up
   
3. Tried to call him, she won’t pick up
   

The thing is I know he is using bus phone . He just cancelled last minute to meet up tomorrow, simply texting “I’m in a bad way” and that’s it
Is it time to end it?

I want to start this off by saying I'm not a perfect person, I've made mistakes and I want advice on how to maturely address what I'm feeling and how to move forward. I don't want to break up with him, but I'm not sure how to talk to him to at least see how I might be feeling without him going quiet and ignoring me. My thoughts are all over the place so I made a pro/con list. Disclaimer this is his first real relationship and we went to therapy when it was really rough and we stopped going; he wasn't a fan of therapy, but he doesn't treat me like that anymore. Could someone please give me advice on how to move forward?
PROS

• I’m in love with him
• I’m content with being just him and I. And I’m so happy when we’re on the same wavelength.
• I’ve had a lot of bfs and this is the first guy I can actually envision my life with
• He genuinely cares when work upsets me and tells me if I ever feel uncomfortable I can walk out and he’ll take care of me
• We have similar spiritual beliefs
• We’ve had the children conversation many times and has said I’m open to be a stay at home mom forever or go back to work, whatever I’d like to do
• He’s better at having a conversation now rather than it turning into a fight. And there are some compromises.
• He helps keep me accountable and responsible for my actions. I used to be a partier and I like that I’m with someone that has helped me mature.
• There has been past trauma he’s caused that I said I wasn’t dealing with anymore and he hasn’t put me through it again.
• He gets really sweet and cute with me because he knows I love it, even though his nature is to be tough skinned.
• We’ve been together for a few years and have a house. I finally feel like an adult and I can honestly credit him for helping me get to this place in life.
• He’s funny and makes me laugh and I always want to be around his positive energy.
• He has never been one to communicate emotions even with his own family and he’s allowed himself to be vulnerable with me.

CONS

• Sometimes he makes me feel dumb, I know he's mostly kidding and I'm a silly person, but sometimes it feels insulting
• When he gets upset, I let him have his way because it's not that big of a deal to me nor worth an argument (Conversations are difficult when he's upset and bringing it back up at a calm time sometimes still triggers a heated response)
  • He's allergic to my pet (so am I but it doesn't bother me because I love animals) so l am trying accept that I'll never live with my pet again, but my bf won't compromise for me to have my pet stay on the other side of the house the few times my family can't watch them
• I feel like I have to ask his permission to do things (to be fair, I have accidentally blacked out several times, I don't mean to I'm just small and my tolerance has gone way down since we don't really drink anymore, to compromise now I don't drink if I'm not with him)
• I'm scared of bringing up how I feel because I want the conversation to be productive on how to compromise/grow. But more often than not he ends up getting upset that I brought it up and then ignores me for a little bit even after I've apologized for bringing it up and said we can let it go
  • I kinda feel a bit off about our intimate times...I'm always the one to initiate and I get turned down about half the time. I know that my drive is higher than his though.
• I'm iffy about 100% trusting him. I've caught him talking to girls inappropriately at the beginning of our relationship. I asked him how he'd feel if I did that to him and he said he wouldn't like that and wouldn't do it again.
  • I have anxiety. I've gone through his phone multiple times and haven't found anything. Maybe he really has had a change of heart, but I don't know, he's done it before, so it could easily happen again.
• I used to have a ton of friends and I'm sure they're still my friends, but I've cut myself off from them (kinda needed to distance myself from most because they drink a lot, but I still love them) but he doesn't really like me hanging out with them at all

I need reasonable and objective advice on what to say and do with all my jumbled thoughts. A guys perspective would be helpful. Thank you for your time if you read this, appreciate you.