Context: Long ago, the Dragon King, Xayd, turned mad and nearly tore the kingdom in two. His younger brothers sent him to a prison-like cavern with only one person to tend to him... you. Over the years you've brought him his food, you've grown fascinated with him. What you don't realize is that he's grown just as fascinated with you.
Setting: The Mad Drake's Prison
Tags:[M4A][Fallen King x Slave][Friends to Lovers][Yandere Fallen King Dragon Speaker][Loyal Slave Listener][VERY SPICY][Obsessed][Fantasy][Magic][Flirting][Seduction][Confession][Snapping][Calm]to[Furious][Dominant][Protective][Possessive][CW: Spice/Mentions of Torture/Genocide]
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[Scene opens within a prison-like cavern]
[SFX: A wheelbarrow trundling over the ground/general cave ambiance]
[As you do every day, you push a wheelbarrow deep into a cavern that serves as a prison for its lone prisoner… the Mad Drake. He stirs as you approach with a yawn and a lazy smile]
[X] “Ooh, and here is my little Mouse, bringing me my meal for the day. I’ve heard tale that my name or, well, ‘the Mad Drake’ has been in the mouths of the royal family again, hmm? Are my little brothers growing paranoid that I may burst into the throne room and just… kill them?”
[Pause]
[X] “Oh, come now…Sweet little servant. You always bow to me, address me as ‘Your Highness’... Darling, look at me. While I may have once been the dragon King, I am now a simple madman in rags, being appreciated by a sweet little mouse in chains just…like…mine.”
[Pause]
[He smiles that twisted, calm smile]
[X] “I think they look garish on us both, to be honest… But what is a dragon to do, hmm? I’d need someone brave enough to approach me. Brave enough to help me get this oh-so-pretty collar off… so I feel myself again, of course.”
[...]
[To your surprise, he seems to ease]
[X] “No… No, little one, don’t. As much as I’d love my freedom, I know there are things eating my sanity, little by little… I don’t feel mad, you know? Perhaps that is what makes it so frightening for some, hm? I just seem so damn… reasonable until they do something to make me angry…”
[Pause?]
[X, chuckling quietly] “Hmhmhm, no, no… It’s not you who would make me enraged, no! It’s THEM, my sweet little friend! THEY’D run in to kill me, and you could very well be caught in the crossfire… killed… I can’t have that.”
[Pause]
[X] “...I suppose my reasoning is somewhat simple. You have treated me well, these many long years of imprisonment. You talk to me reasonably, you sneak me food that doesn’t have maggots in it, you tend to me after they beat me for information… For all of my crimes, for all of my callous behavior and favoritism towards pleasure, you… I don’t know.”
[Pause]
[He smiles. It seems genuinely affectionate]
[X] “Hm… You know, I have taken so many lovers across my long, long life. All so much fun, such a thrill in one way or another, most of them trying to violently murder me after we had a night of torrid sex. My libido is quite high… Insatiable, really…”
[He leans forward, eyes lidded and just a little breathy]
[X] “...I’ve had to use my imagination these last few years to get by.”
[P-Pause]
[X] “Hmhm, what am I saying? I’m saying that I’ve been obsessed with you since Day…oh, three. Mmhm. Day three of my traitorous brothers sending a sweet little human down to serve the Mad Drake. Ooh, just the thought of touching your skin for just a moment…”
[A shudder goes through his large form but he continues to stare at you like an amused, lecherous cat]
[X] “Ooh. Those little legs are all locked. Hmhm. I don’t mean to tease you, my dear. After all… I’ll always be collared here, only able to stare, obsess, and imagine… Mmh, I bet you’re beautiful. Especially with all those scars, glinting like jewels in the torchlight. You look like a porcelain figure that was broken and then mended with gold.”
[Pause]
[SFX: The wheelbarrow trundling along over a stone floor]
[He watches idly as you carefully push the wheelbarrow into his containment field, tail swaying from side to side]
[X] “M’aww… Did I make you nervous, little Mouse?”
[P-Pause]
[X] “Ooh, you think a King like me shouldn’t desire a lowly servant? Well, I’m not a King anymore, am I? And even if I were…”
[SFX: Him shifting forward/the chains rattling]
[X] “I have no doubt in every depraved corner of my mind…”
[SFX: The wheelbarrow crashing ovethe meat hitting the floor]
[You jump in alarm as he moves closer. Though he isn’t in his full form, he’s still incredibly imposing, even crouched on the ground. He makes eye contact with you from the floor, tongue rolling out slowly]
[X] “...That I would make you my favorite, and only, concubine…Mmh, pardon me for a moment. Sssllp, mmh. All of this good boar shouldn’t go to waste. Not even the ahh, blood I’m licking clean from the floor…”
[SFX: The Listener’s heartbeat escalating]
[P-Pause???]
[X] “...Am I trying to seduce you?”
[...]
[He studies you for a moment, tongue and face bloodied]
[X] “Hmm… I suppose that depends on if it is working or not, doesn’t it? Hmhm, your face! Oh, it is sweet… No, I suppose I should behave myself. If they find out you care for me, so, then they’ll no doubt have you killed, or worse… No. I want you to stay safe.”
[...]
[He chuckles, rising fully at long last with a stretch]
[X] “You seem surprised that a noble, even an ex-noble, would care more about a slave’s safety than their own benefit, no matter how temporary. Does that notion confuse you?”
[Pause]
[X] “Hmm. Me, too, to be honest.”
[With that, he settles before the spilled meat and gets to eating]
[P-Pause]
[X] “Mmh? Yes, the meat is, mmph, delicious, as always. Would you like to join me? It’s not the most couth way to eat, but…”
[Pause]
[X] “Ooh, someone was starving… Literally, it seems. My poor, wee little Mouse.”
[Pause]
[X] “Shh… Do not apologize. It’s… Any time they punish me, I feel as though I should be angry, but all I feel is amusement. I can’t explain why it’s so funny that this is where it all led to me, but hearing that they’re harming you, now…”
[He growls under his breath. The cave rumbles subtly]
[...]
[X] “...Why do you apologize, my sweet?”
[Pause!]
[He looks at you, unreadable, as you confess]
[X] “...When I asked you, years ago, if you were being hurt or not, you said no. You were…lying.”
[Pause…]
[You bow to him again, pleading for forgiveness. When he speaks, at last, his voice is deathly quiet]
[X] “...Darling.”
[P-Pause?]
[X] “...Please take off the collar binding me here.”
[Pause!]
[He’s still quiet, but his voice hits like a hammer]
[X] “Mouse. If you believe me to still be the rightful King, then I am issuing this command: take off the collar binding me here, NOW.”
[...?]
[X, with a little scoff] “Why?”
[His eyes flash with a terrible power, beyond rage. Beyond madness]
[X] “Because I intend to commit a genocide in your name, my love.”
[Pause!]
[X] “Shh, I won’t let them hurt you anymore. You don’t need to hide your rage from me. I know, sweetie, I know… Don’t worry. You won’t have to face your demons. You won’t ever have to admit that you fantasize about revenge.”
[He smiles ‘sweetly’]
[X] “You can just fantasize about me.”
[He lowers his voice to a whisper]
[X] “It will be the exact same thing, darling… because I will be your vengeance. Hmhm, ohh, FINALLY, some motivation! Hmhm, now I can finally get my glorious ass up and get to work on destroying everything my little brothers ever loved~. But, the collar…”
[Pause???]
[X] “Oh, love… Yes, I know, it was incredibly rude of me to hide the fact that I could leave this silly little prison at any time were it not for the collar. All the other wards, spells, human sacrifices… Well, it certainly made them feel better, I’m sure. Me, I just wanted some time to think… and a quiet place to speak to you. If I’d known that they dared to lay a hand on what is mine… I’d have done this much sooner.”
[He reaches out and puts a claw under under your chin and tilts your head up to look at him]
[P-Pause]
[X] “...Darling.”
[SFX: The Listener’s heartbeat escalating again]
[X] “...Don’t you ever lie to me again… alright?”
[...]
[X] “Hmhm… You’re so smart to curb that desire to argue with your King. To simply obey and accept that you are mine. No one else’s… and if I want to go to war over you, I shall… and I will expect you to be waiting in my bedchambers once I am done decimating everyone that has ever harmed you… What do you say to that?”
[...]
[X] “Mmh… ‘Yes, my King’. Good Mouse. Now… won’t you be a love and take off this collar? Pretty, pretty please?”
[SFX: Heartbeats growing faster]
[He lowers his voice to a whisper again, voice in your ear]
[X] “...Don’t be scared, my love… I’ll protect you. You’ve trusted me for years, now. Proven yourself loyal and loving and so… fucking irresistible. Please…”
[He pulls back enough so he can look you in the eye]
[Pause…]
[X] “...Let me burn this kingdom to the ground… Just for you…”
[Pause…]
[SFX: A magical hum and two metal pieces hitting the ground
[You shakily reach up around his neck and unbind the collar with what little magic you have left. The old device hums briefly before splitting in two and dropping to the ground. Xayd rolls his neck slowly with a few sighs]
[X] “Mmh… Oh, that feels so much better. That mark around my neck won’t fade for years… Thank you, my sweet little Mouse. No one has ever trusted me like you… and I will love you until it hurts, I am sure. Doesn’t that make you happy?”
[Pause]
[He smiles widely, regardless of your answer]
[X] “Wondrous. Now… Take my hand.”
[You do]
[X] “There we are. Now…”
[SFX: His wings unfurling]
[X] “...Let us make our wedding bed in the ashes of a wicked world… Shall we?”
[...]
[You have no idea what lay ahead. Or if you’ll even survive the night. But you do know that, no matter what happens, he will never let you out of his sight again]
[To be continued]
Note: Curious to see how people react to this character.

Ive played Stardew Valley for so long and have high respect for Concerned Ape. From what I heard he was on his own and made this beautiful game we all love.
What Ill say might sound very stupid... but I have an idea for a game and I would like to start working on it. But... how? I draw my own digital art and I have a lot of free time, this is all my experience. I do not know how to code nor do I feel qualifyed to hire someone (and would never scam someone for free work)
So, does anyone of you has an idea how to make a game that would kinda be stardew valley-esque?
Ofc no cheap copy, but similar elements containing farming crops, gifting villagers, but with a big focus on cooking. Is there maybe some kind of guide from developers? Some go-to servers, programms etc.?
All advice is greatly appreciated

I, (f27) was raised by my grandparents full time. My grandfather passed in 2014 and my father passed in 2020. My grandparents got full custody of me when I was an infant. My father was always in the picture, but was extremely sick for years. From 2012 to late 2017, I was my grandmother’s sole caretaker, however growing up, I was religiously, financially, mentally & emotionally abused/bullied. Bullied because I grew up in a religious household by other family members, bullied for my weight for 10+ years by other family members, and ostracized for years overall. Cousins admitted they didn’t like me for years when I was 10-17 because of the way I spoke to my grandmother. (I was a brat, but I was always grateful, but they were ONLY around maybe 3x a year and would only hear parts of any story tbh). I even got SA’d by a family member for years when I was 11 & my family still thinks it’s my fault btw.
Moving on, me + my grandparents + dad were the only ones living in a northeast state, everyone else lived in a southern state. When my grandfather passed, I became her sole caretaker. During the short period, my grandmother would accuse me of abusing her, trying to manipulate her, and it got to a point where she would call people and say I’m trying to k*ll her. It was never true. She is elderly (f78 now). With the help of my family (everyone in agreement), we helped her move to the state where 90% of our entire family lived because I was by myself (working and in school) taking care of a disabled older woman & she would get upset that I couldn’t handle it. They thought they could be the better choice for her and I agreed. They thought it would be lightwork. They thought I complained too much, was ungrateful, etc. They continuously inferred that I also should be grateful she took me in vs being adopted out as a toddler, as my bio mom was not in the pic and my dad had other issues at the time.
Side note: From 2017 to 2020, my dad was extremely sick/in and out the hospital/bedridden and I became HIS sole caretaker. After he passed, my family tried to pull the “all woes is forgiven” card on me.
Moving on to 2023, my “estranged family” is tired of my grandmother. She doesn’t thank them for anything, she can’t move as much and she consistently complains about them. She apparently orders them around too. I finally started living alone in 2020 & my bf moved in with me in 2022. My family wants to send her back to me. My grandmother wants to come back “home”.
I don’t want that. She cries and cries to me, but when I’m around, all she does is berate me. She has helped me financially (2x) since my father passed, and everyone thinks that’s a reason I should be lenient. She gets mad I don’t visit often (her high pitched crying and whining for years gave me a form of ptsd and it’s a trigger). They’ve all seen it and didn’t believe anything I’ve warned them about for years until they experienced it for themselves.
Now they think they have it worse than me, but I basically spent 23 years by myself with no real help with 3 sick people and being singled out by people 10+ years older than me. They would also get mad at me bc my grandmother would speak nicely about me to their faces???? And they thought I should’ve apologized because of her actions.
she wants to come and stay with me for a week w/ another family member. I have no extra furniture or anything. She actually wants to live with me again in the upcoming weeks as well. I’ve tried to help put her in a home but my family does not include me in any conversations unless I start it or force it. They also didn’t put me as a beneficiary or power attorney on any paperwork and refuse to try and communicate with me when it comes to her finances/medical care/insurance. I’m not on anything of hers, even though she raised me.
I personally think they made their bed and they should lie in it but my family thinks Im a huge asshole. What should I do/what can I do to basically get them off my back/tell them to fuck off?

For those of us with the 64 gig model, having a small home partition can be an issue from time to time. While you can symlink compatdata and shadercache to the sdcard, flatpaks are more difficult and you may have other files taking up space too.
​

Prerequisites

1. You must have a btrfs formatted home partition. You can find how to do this here
2. You must back up any existing data on your sdcard to an external device or an off site location such as cloud storage. This can take a long time depending on how much data you have.
3. (optional) Back up your /home partition to an external device or off site location such as cloud storage.
4. You must have a sudo password.

Disclaimer

I am not responsible for you borking your deck or losing any data. This is not for everyone, and if you can get away with symlinking I highly recommend doing that instead. You will not be able to swap out the sdcard without data loss after this process.
​

Using your sdcard as Adoptable Storage

There may be a way to do this more directly without data loss, but I will go with my current solution based on my somewhat limited knowledge of the btrfs filesystem.

How to

1. Make sure your home partition is btrfs and that all the data you care about is backed up.
2. Open konsole and enter a su shell: sudo -s
3. Unmount your sdcard using mount /run/media/mmcblk0p1
4. If your sdcard is not already formatted btrfs from SteamOS BTRFS, do mkfs.btrfs /dev/mmcblk0p1
5. Add the sdcard to the home volume: btrfs device add /dev/mmcblk0p1 /home
6. (optional) Balance the filesystem: btrfs filesystem balance start /home. This can take a VERY long time.
7. Reboot and go back to desktop mode.

Restoring data

I will go through the steam folder, but for other files you can pretty much drag and drop.

1. Copy all the data you backed up to /home/deck
2. Enter your steam library folder that was originally on your sdcard.
3. Merge the steamapps folder with your main steam library folder (usually /home/deck/.steam/steam/steamapps)
4. Go to your steam library and click install on all the games that were on your sdcard. Steam should verify them and then let you play. If you know a way to merge the .vdf file please mention it.

Check your swap file

In my case, the swap file was not working, you may have to create a new one.

1. Run the command free -m.
2. If the Swap row doesn't say 0 0 0 your all good. If it does, continue on.

No swap file

Note: I was not able to use the existing @swapfile subvolume from SteamOS BTRFS for some reason, so I will show the process of making a new one.

1. Open konsole and enter a su shell: sudo -s
2. Create the new subvolume: btrfs subvolume create /home/@swap.
3. Set the attributes to allow swap: chatter -R +C /home/@swap.
4. Create the swapfile with truncate -s 0 /home/@swap/swapfile
5. Allocate storage to the swap file. You can allocate as much as you'd like. I tend to do a lot of memmory heavy things, so I will make it 16 gigs: fallocate -l 16384M /home/@swap/swapfile.
6. Set the permissions for it: chmod 600 /home/@swap/swapfile.
7. Make it a swap file: mkswap /home/@swap/swapfile
8. Add the following line to /etc/fstab and save it: /home/@swap/swapfile swap swap defaults 0 0
9. Enable swap: swapon /home/@swap/swapfile
10. Run free -m to check if it worked.
11. Reboot and run free -m in konsole again to make sure it stuck.

Done!

You now should have a home partition that spans across multiple devices and a working swap file.

TLDR: Is it "funny" to buy a big house while being a socialist or bad? I don't think it's really either. Hasan may have bad beliefs, but he's been the subject of some misplaced criticism. Socialism is a broad set of government economic policies. I'm not sure why you should be able to tell the difference between a capitalist and a socialist.
Hasan's sordid history from a simple DGGR trying to make his way in the universe to the socialist IKON and AOC Stan making it big on his own is a long road paved with debates, debacles, re-streamed reality TV shows, and a never dwindling clamor of "living your values discourse." He is featured in several noted DGG debates/discussions such as this one featuring my favorite orbiter Exskillsme and noted Poppy farmer Vowsh,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjszEJBKWRs&list=PL4uIWBpZZ6zci9mM3Gh18NJRXTDx9MGVi&index=6
and this gem referencing the infamous racial slur debate and a variety of complaints about this very subreddit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctAsIoNJmlw.
But this is not a recap of the deeds great and small of Hasan, Titan of Twitch. This is specifically in regards to the classic "live your values debate," the most infamous of which features Vaush and Destiny battling it out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gteClaD9GKc
In regards to Hasan, the live your values discourse hit its apex when he purchased an expensive house. Destiny's general perspective on the matter is summarized here,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYYE76D7B0U with the most critical general perspective at
https://youtu.be/tYYE76D7B0U?t=196
wherein he explains what he considers to be an important spectrum between a slave and a sellout un der a capitalist system. A brief recap is as follows. Destiny states that there is a spectrum between the bottom tier of society barely making it by, someone doing pretty aright but not great, and the top of the pyramid i.e. Hasan. Different expectations to advocate for that persons values should fall in part based on where on that spectrum people reside in with people at the top end having more expectations placed upon them.
A less analytical but perhaps more telling version is at
https://youtu.be/tYYE76D7B0U?t=252
In this clip Destiny describes a paradigm that it is "hilarious" to criticize Jeff Bezos hyperbolically as bad while partnering with him to produce content. The terms "hilarious" and "funny" are used very often instead of words like "bad" or "hypocritical," which I think is a "humorous" observation.
This is one of several iterations of Destiny describing Hasan's house purchase as a wealthy socialist as "funny"
https://youtu.be/tYYE76D7B0U?t=452
and "funny" again here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ulBkFt3nI8
These are two examples, but they are generally reflective of the language Destiny usually uses. Intelligent DGGR's languishing in the low of solipsism this Friday night may wonder why the words "funny" and "hilarious" might be used instead of "bad." It seems that "badness" is being heavily inferred, but not directly stated. Even in the more analytical take above, it's somewhat unclear if there is some sense of "moral obligation," implied or why exactly it would be applied to socialists. One could infer that one has a moral obligation to do "x amount of something," to cause there ideal world to exist or some policy to "happen," and if a person has x level of wealth, power, or influence and they don't do something to produce their ideal world or policy prescriptions they are doing something unethical.
The back and forth on this discourse has been had innumerable number of times, but since it's resurfaced, I believe for the exoneration of Hasan at least in this small regard, it is worth going over again.
So let's get the obvious points out of the way. Being socialist and being rich isn't a hypacricy. To make this argument, I need to make a couple of assumptions and build a couple key arguments.
​
1.) That Hasan would say he's a rule utilitarian (I think he's even said as much). Why do I make this assumption? Because everyone who isn't a cringe philosophy major whose been on this side of the internet is some sort of rule utilitarian. It's hard to be something else. Basically, that means you are concerned with the good outcomes of society but you understand rules need to exist in normal life because it's hard to see what the consequences of something might be and allowing too much discretion may be bad in aggregate. People need some basic rules. To see what happens when one is forced to guess too many consequences you can end up with a situation featured in the excellent television series The Good Place wherein characters are constantly performing evil actions inadvertently because they can't anticipate that driving the speed limit might have caused the person behind them to be late for a job interview which led to that person becoming impoverished, homeless, and die an early death of exposure.
​
2.) That Hasan (if pressed) would agree that capitalism isn't """"""inherently unethical,"""" but rather just produces worse outcomes than socialism. In other words it's just a spectrum of bad to ok to better outcomes. For reference this is the Vaush position. If pressed on the "no unethical consumption" meme, the answer is that bad outcomes might necessarily happen under any system. The goal is just to mitigate them with socialist policies that produce "more good points" and "fewer bad points." The phrase "inherintly unethical" is a phrase that ends up doing a lot of legwork in debates, but doesn't really make a meaningful statement when applied in this context. To draw a comparison, I could believe that any prison system will involve treatment of prisoners that I believe is unethical. However, I consider it a net good compared to no prison system (thus my participation funding society it is justified). I can also believe we should have a better prison system or a very different one. It's not inconsistent.
If all of 2 is granted (a big if for maximum salience DGGR's), I don't think it's fair to criticize Hasan on the grounds of involving himself in capitalism to a high extent. The more apt argument might be the one Ahrelavant goes for with Vowsh here.
https://youtu.be/LUvqIX8w_QA?t=537
This is more similar to Destiny's argument i.e. an obligation to "walk" rather than just "talk" given you have certain values. I think Vaush responds correctly. Hasan's job is as a political pundit. The talk is the walk. Advocating for socialism makes people more progressive. People who are more progressive vote more left leaning. That's a positive change in society in line with Hasan's values. Destiny's response to something like this argument is that all of that benefits Hasan personally, but I fail to see how this is relevant.
If one is outcome focused primarily why is the personal reason someone is doing something that relevant to the effectiveness of what they are doing or in any other way? If pressed, I don't think Destiny would say even a tiny fraction of actions are really altruistic in nature. Hasan is an entertainer who does some socialism. I fail to see what the problem with that is. It's the basic blueprint for almost all political or commentary content. The primary job is entertainment but advocating/ arguing for what you believe in is still important. All of the same arguments could be levied at nearly every content creator who believes strongly in anything. One could make criticisms of Chud Logic for having strong beliefs (which he has argued for in the past between the drama) but not going out every weekend to volunteer and fix them. Socialism doesn't have unique issues in this regard. "It's funny" isn't a good argument. Neither is "it's hilarious."
But what about Destiny's key defeater argument? "What is the difference between a capitalist and a socialist?" How can you tell a difference? To this, I'm not sure I entirely follow. Technically savvy and economically minded DGGr's can correct me, but capitalism is a very broad term that describes a set of government policies that structure an economy in a certain way. Socialism is a different set of government policies that structure an economy in a different way. Neither of these are real technical terms, and the exact manifestations/ definitions of each are as many as there are capitalists and socialists. In general the idea of socialism is that "workers own the means of production," which could mean a lot of things like
1.) All or most industries are nationalized in some way.
2.) All of the businesses are worker co-ops
3.) Some weird giant social wealth fund thing
The best understanding in my view is that if an economy has more nationalization of its industries and state control over personal wealth, it's more socialist. When private entities have more control over different industries, and there is less state control over personal wealth (lower taxes), that's more capitalist. With that understanding you can have mixed economies. Online socialists don't seem to like this, but it's the only actual definition that makes any sense and was provided by Dr. Edward Stewart in one of those great courses audio lectures I got on audible.
https://www.audible.com/pd/Capitalism-vs-Socialism-Comparing-Economic-Systems-Audiobook/B07BHVY5YZ
I'm not sure why there would ever need to be a personal difference in behavior between a capitalist vs. Socialist when both things describe a set of beliefs about government policies? How does that make any sense at all? Capitalism isn't a personal set of actions and neither is socialism. If you want to define a capitalist the way Karl Marx did, just know that no one uses the term that way and when someone says they are a capitalist that's not what they mean. Presumably a socialist and a capitalist would vote for different candidates or argue for different policies.
To wrap this up, I think the criticisms levied at Hasan about his wealth or level of engagement with politics are unfair. I don't think political pundits have an obligation to do something extra. Being an entertaining political pundit is their job. I fail to see what's wrong with that or what is unique about Hasan that merits him having extra obligations from other similarly positioned pundits.
One parting thought is that people often give progressives a difficult time on a meta level i.e. "shouting or being radical might turn others off to your cause." Personally, I hate these sorts of arguments as they doge the facts of the matter in favor for a copy pasted lazy proxy of an argument. I hate progressives as much as the next person, but I don't think you can say they are ineffective. The fact is being loud, obnoxious, unlikeable, and working to de-platform every other point of view does kind of work. Society has gotten significantly more progressive on almost all fronts, and the GOP is in shambles. This might have horrible long term consequences for our democracy, but I'm not sure "effectiveness" is the right argument to make. You might just have a different direction you want society to go in based on different values. So one might wonder if Hasan is more "effective" than we like to admit and not hypocritical. He maybe just has bad beliefs, like other radical progressives.

This may be long, so I apologise in advance however I want to give as much information as possible to get the best advice/opinions possible.
A mate of mine back in secondary school/high school was talking to a girl, in which he got into a relationship with, this would have been around 3/4 years ago. Fast forward to 1 year and a half ago this girl whom I didn’t know joined my place of work, in which I later remembered and found out was the girl my mate was dating.
We never really talked much other than work related things, however about a year ago we start talking, she is the girlfriend of my mate, so I never ever had any intentions or feelings towards her.
A couple of months ago they broke up, in which she told me, apparently I was the first person she had told, I genuinely felt bad and tried to see what I could do to help them, which wasn’t much.
From that point we start talking more and more, we also start messaging each other out of work, however again I didn’t have any intentions. I can then remember one day we were messaging and I started to feel something, very weird and due to the situation I suppressed the feeling, this was because she used to date my mate, who I’m not really longer mates with however more friendly associates.
At work we bicker a lot and argue however in a funny/ friendly way (if that makes sense). A couple of weeks pass and once again we are messaging, and something clicked, as if I had met the love of my life, I am not exaggerating she seems perfect, the only thing holding me back is the past mate situation, however I could no longer hide my feelings to myself.
I would hint in messages that I liked her, this was by me saying I want to leave our place of work (which is true) however there was something holding me back, she asked what but I said I couldn’t say due to the circumstances, she kept on asking and asking, I never said anything, this happened probably at 3 different conversations we had whilst messaging.
She is very open with me about personal things, girl things and etc. However I get the feeling sometimes as if she likes me then doesn’t in which I would mostly initiate messages, which didn’t use to be the case, sometimes i get a distant vibe whilst at work and other times it’s like normal.
Up to this point I don’t have any clue wether or not she likes me or has any interest.
However, her best friend I kind of knew for a long time, I thought let me try and test wether or not she likes me. So I asked via messages if she knew if her friend liked me because someone told me that she did. She replied saying that she didn’t and that she doesn’t want anyone at the moment , however previously she would talk to me about how her best friend needed a guy, I thought she was hinting me, but I guess not, hence I thought this would be a useful test, to me I got even more confused. Then at work, I went up to her and said the reason I asked was because I like her friend, she said how could I like her when I don’t know her, she asked me things like how many siblings does she have and what does she study. She then said when she saw a guy and liked him a lot, I said who, she said something like a random guy she saw at the club, she then said exactly how can you like someone you don’t even know.
Fast forward to today (I am missing things out both due to not being able to remember and not to make this longer than it needs to be, so ask any questions). After work i sit down with her so she can eat her meal, and we talk, when the conversation somehow gets to her talking to a guy recently, she says that he is very very good looking and other things, when she then says are you jealous, I said no. (became a bit of a blur as I was not expecting that and was jealous).
Simply put I don’t know what to think or do

l had to leave college for a year for personal reasons/medical condition but will be returning next semester. I already did 2 semesters and a summer course. I have multiple siblings the same age as myself, im a triplet, and with a single parent. It's obvious from that info that college money would be a struggle being that we started at similar times.
Anyways, my best friend has extremely wealthy parents and I went to their house before and it was insane. It made me see him a bit differently because I cant believe how other people can live. Why does he get to be born into that and not me? I knew he is a millionaire but I felt so uncomfortable like I would dirty the fancy and classy place. He got into a well respected and known university that not only is expensive but he will be dorming there with no debt at all. I would do anything to dorm at a university. I've dreamt of dorming. Having that movie college experience that I could never have.
He was telling me about how his high school was extremely competitive in his HCOL area and a big deal for the fancy kids and was complaining to me how he was insecure when his classmates announced they were going into yale and harvard when he didn't get into an ivy league school. He's my friend and I sympathise a lot for him but I wont lie it felt bad to hear him complain about having to dorm at a well respected uni because it isn't ivy league. Meanwhile once I get my associates, I have no idea how I will survive without such debt. I feel anxious about it often. I just kinda see him differently. And I feel sad at the world. I know life is unfair but wow. I wish I could have that tv college experience and be able to post the university parties on social media that i see.
I am just really sad right now. I am working in the meantime until school starts but I still feel like I am doing nothing with my life. My siblings are in college and dont have the medical condition I have. My life has been on pause for so long. Somebody recently asked me something i like about myself and I said I enjoy being an italian american and she said thats not a real answer and she more so means something i have accomplished. I had nothing to tell her.
I feel I am a nobody going nowhere. I do have my best friend but I feel distant towards him now and he will be leaving me to dorm in a few months anyways.

[LFM] [sHC] [TOP] [5/8] [Fresh Prog]
Schedule (All EST)
Tuesday Wednesday and Fridays 9pm-1am Thursday 10:30pm-1am
Looking for: •Non GNB Tank •Shield Healer •Phys Ranged (Strongly Prefered Bard or Dancer)
Leader of "Team Hit The Boss" back from a little break from the game due to burn out looking to recruit raiders who's highly motivated, good understanding of mechanics, and solid damage to clear Omega Ultimate Before Summer hits. Three of us are fresh and two is cleaning up Party Synergy in P2.
Expectations • Be on time for raid, if you are going to be late please let me know at least an hour before scheduled time • Study up on mechanics of the fight. Either watching POV on YouTube, Toolbox, and even recording your own POV and see where you can improve. • Understanding of your Job and its toolkit. Know how to hit stuff in raid buff and use raid buffs on time for the team. • Come in with a chill attitude and DO NOT BRING TOXICITY IN HERE! • Be able to take criticism to get better • CONSISTANCY!!!!! Ill let one bad night slide cause we all have those nights but please be able to show consistency for the love of god! • Open mind to discuss Strats once we get to mechanics and acknowledging how the mechanic works as it is really important in this ultimate. • Have Fun! Simple as that • Oh and to tell How bad Shinku is at the game cause all he does is Hit The Boss :joy:
For more information pm me ShinkuSenpai#8672
Logs for members so far Me: https://www.fflogs.com/charactena/goblin/shinku%20alexandros#dpstype=pdps
WHM/AST https://www.fflogs.com/charactena/sargatanas/lumina%20artemis RDM https://www.fflogs.com/charactena/brynhildfaris%20riannon SAM https://www.fflogs.com/charactena/diabolos/houou%20zetsumang MNK https://www.fflogs.com/charactena/coeurl/boogelaire%20carbuncle

I've been having a rough time lately and I've been catching myself just stuck in my own head all the time. I think I've cried for at least an hour every day for the past week and I can't even pinpoint what exactly is triggering it. My life is a mess. I'm 19 but I'm also a high school and community college dropout that can't drive and won't search for a job because I would need to rely on others for transportation. I feel too ashamed to get help for what I really need and I just wake up wishing I never did. I want to just hurt myself. I want to give myself a concussion again or have another mild overdose because I had some psychotic breakdown since that actually made me feel alive. I just want to disappear and be erased from existence. My physical health is in decline and mere thought of scheduling an appointment makes my feel like I would rather die.
I don't know even know when everything got this bad. Just two years ago, I would keep in shape by going on walks in the morning and then I started to realize that I would recognize people or that drivers would look at me as I cross the street and stopped. Early covid my first and only therapist ended up of moving offices and referring me to some of his other colleagues or hinting at his new office but I never followed up. Prior, I had stopped taking meds because I didn't like how it made me feel like I wasn't real. Essentially I've been living with untreated depression and anxiety and I cannot bring myself to ask for help or ask someone to help because my shame and guilt triumphs over all those feelings of wanting to help myself. I don't even want to help myself sometimes so do I even really deserve sympathy? because I don't think I do. If I never get help maybe my body will just give up on me. If I don't work out or properly eat maybe my immune system will fail me and I can get cancer just like I've wanted.
Isn't that just pathetic? I genuinely want cancer. Because at least I know I can die. So stupid. It's not like my getting cancer would take it away from anyone else. side note, isn't it dumb that everyone that gets cancer always seem like people that want prosperous lives or are just objectively good people? Shit like that really solidifies my belief that if there is a god he is not good and definitely not all the time. Fuck organized religion. If I didn't grow up in church maybe I wouldn't have this insane moral battlefield in my head. Maybe I wouldn't spend my free time questioning if I am a good or bad person like it actually matters. Maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty that my mom believes she won't see me in heaven with her. Fuck that fact that I care about that shit. I hate it. I hate it I hate it. I just hate it. I hate that I will and can never have answers.
I hate that there are still people that care about me. If everyone just didn't care about me, maybe I could actually kill myself, because nothing other than me would be holding me back. I hate that I care about people but am too awful of a person to help. If I was just an unapologetically shitty person then at least people would hate me as much as I hate me, and then I could die and they would have a hard time finding a reason to care, because maybe they would think the world is better off without me.
Thinking about how in the grand scheme of things none of this this really even matters, only makes me feel even more stupid because why am I letting myself care so badly if I am just so so so tiny. My existence truly means nothing. And yet I have been going in these same cycles and circles years at this point.
This is very disorganized, I'm sorry. All in all, everything just makes me think that I need to just die soon because I as a person am getting worse by the day. I am irritable and rude, hypocritical, judgy and passive aggressive. I waste people's time energy and resources with nothing in return. I genuinely am living like human parasite. I wish I could muster up the drive to prepare and follow through with plans to die and not just bank on some silly hope of getting cancer in the future. I just need to die. I want to die soon and fast. That good time to die that I always dreamed of is coming up. My parents can retire soon and my sister is about to graduate college and no one needs me so how come I'm not planning to do it like I've told myself I would all this time. This time is now, this is my chance and I won't take it even though I can finally take the easy way out of all this misery.
It just makes me feel worse. more stupid. more lazy. more anger manifesting out of anxiety. more everything negative about me. and I'm just wasting away on the internet for some attention because of it. so fucking dumb. I don't know what to do and I don't even know if I would do it if i knew what to do. nothing fucking matters and if it does that's only because you as an individual chose to make it matter. what is the point. there is no point. theres no point and i just need to kill myself already. i don't even know why im sharing htis. im so lost and confused and closed minded and just want everything to come to me apparently . im losing it. im sorry for wasting the time of anybody who reads this. there was no point.

An author's note: Please read this post in it's entirety before you message me, I've added a follow up to answer most of the basic questions I've been asked over the last 3 years since I started posting my AD.

All my previous iterations were mostly about what role I could fulfill; and while this mostly still is true, walking amongst the elites the last week has opened my eyes... I'm looking for a complacent trophy to put on full display. Arriving to this city I already had a deep... Passion for power, governance; and just over all domination -- Washington DC fulfills my lust, and thirst for both political power, and monetary gain. Now I want, not need an adequate toy to share this experience with. Before I was playing conservatively; not anymore,
I've allowed my ego to rampant and on auto-pilot; thus far everything is according to design.
I'm as amoral as they come; I will eviscerate my way to the top of the governmental, and corporate ladder(s). I'm a retired hacker that has realized my full potential is being squandered away, so I'll begin to kick in the doors of 3 letter agencies until recruit me; or I die trying.
I've come to the conclusion that you need to make an impression with these sort of things, so I'm going to just let my words flow freely. So here we go:
Basics:
Height: 5'7
Weight: 175, could stand to lose a few lbs to get my abs back.
Eyes: Brown eyes.
Hair: Long curly brown hair (think Slash Rose's illegitimate son.)
Race: White.
Ethnicity: Hispanic (Cuban.)
Languages: Spanish, English, Sign-language.
Profession: Network Engineer in NW DC.
Religion: Agnostic.
A little about me:
I like long walks on the beach, sunsets, oh did I mention that I'm a sadist, and that I'm utterly insane?
I've been called a silver tongued devil; Quick witted, charismatic, with just the right amount of sarcasm.
Hobbies: Not being bored, it's a lot harder than it sounds. I enjoy learning/conversing about The Universe/space, science, and technology. I was quite nomadic in my 20s, having visited two different countries, lived in over 17 states, visited over 38.
Music: I'm more of a rhythm of the beat type of person vs. lyrics, but generally I've found myself to enjoy electronica. Definitely like a lot 80s synth pop, but again, this is just the preference, not really against the rest of the genres.
Shows: Billions, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Board Walk Empire, Billions, Rome, Deadwood, Halt and Catch Fire, The Sopranos, South Park, Mad Men, Dexter,
Movies: Beetlejuice, Brain Scan, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb,
"What are you looking for?"
Well I can encompass a Master, a Dominant, or a Daddy, so it's really what can I provide for you?1
"How is such a thing possible?" Antisocial Personality Disorder (3.4 for those interested.)
"Why was it necessary to mention that?" To give credence as to how I can, and have been all aspects of Dominance.
"Monogamy or polyamory?" Favoritism towards polyamory, but seeing as it's rare to find multiple partners that allow me to explore my more sadistic side without tension, and/or drama, I'd go with monogamy if the individual allowed me to be depraved.
Preference in the following order: Slave, submissive, little (I will explain further below.)
Kinks: Sadism, TPE, CNC, bondage, degradation, humiliation, knife play, rope play, rape/abduction play, choking, impact play, spanking, hair pulling (I think you get the idea by now, there are still far more, here's a more comprehensive list.)
Experience: 15+ years.
​
​
So about that whole preference thing, as I am on the ASPD spectrum I'm capable of fulfilling whatever role(s) are required of me to get what I want. So let me explain further, I'm openly telling you far ahead of time that I lack emotions and empathy, with the hopes that me giving you the illusion of whatever it is you require, will be met with reciprocation of the kinks we can agree upon. This is where the waters get muddied for little's, I can definitely treat you like the princess you want to be, without all the douche-baggery you'll deal with as people tugging at your heart strings. Plenty of people around here pretend to be Daddies and will leave you absolutely heartbroken. Tired of games? Tired of bullshit? Well here's someone willing to give you all the care, attention, and affection you desire without any hassles.
"Why would you want to be a Daddy Dom given your lack of emotions, and empathy?"
I am a social chameleon. I've been perfecting my art for the majority of my life, I like the challenge. I like to learn people and, give them what they want with the idea that I get what I want in the end, it's called a social transaction. I know what respect is, and I believe I need to write a little about this. Once we've discussed clear limits, and terms, they shall not be crossed, it's counter productive for me to lose my play thing(s). I can be fiercely territorial of all my possessions, that includes the individual(s) I'm involved with, what is mine will be protected, whether you're a slave, a submissive, or a little.If you want someone to completely treat you like trash, I'm more than willingly to oblige, if you need a savior and a protector, well I can do that too. I'm able to encompass what is required; a means to an end.
"What are you looking for in a submissive?" I'd like it to extend outside of the bedroom, but if it doesn't, whatever, I'm not going to repeat myself, so hopefully you've read this in it's entirety.
"What are you looking for in a slave?" Mostly aesthetics, and objectification. Of course I'd expect loyalty, servitude, and there's a plethora more, but I don't feel I need to be too descriptive on this part.
Now that I've written a fucking novel about myself, let's get to you....
Age: I prefer them younger (18+) , but have dated women as old as 45; generally if I find you attractive, I won't care.
Height: the shorter the better, but I've dated women taller than myself, not a deal breaker.
Weight: I'd like someone on the smaller side, a few extra pounds will be acceptable, but no one overweight please, just not my thing.
I will list things below in order of preference, not necessarily a disqualifier. (This is only opinion, not a rating system.)
Race: White, but as long as I'm attracted I won't care, I don't discriminate.
Ethnicity: N/A read above.
Language(s): The more the merrier, accents are a huge plus, whether a southern drawl, or other.
Religion: I'm completely open to allowing you to practice whatever you'd like, just don't expect me to participate; I can be respectful of your beliefs, as long as you're respectful of mine, I am a man of science, The Universe is my religion (so to speak.)
Eyes: Blue, green, hazel, brown (If you have Heterochromia iridum you move to the front of the line, I like mutations.)
Hair: The longer the better, no preference as to style, as for color: I prefer true blondes, redheads, dirty blondes, and then brown.
Tattoos: Sure, whatever, as long as it's not overwhelming or flat out tacky, in this day in age it's harder to find someone with none, so as the trend follows above.
Piercings: Depends, some people can pull off septum piercings, but I personally dislike them, so if it compliments your facial features, sure why not. But there is definitely a breaking point where it becomes overwhelming and you just look like Hellraiser.
Education: Strong preference towards educated women, this does not necessarily mean academics, open to all.
Profession: No preference, but I do tend to like women in psychology (I have my reasons.)
Personality: If I have to learn "your" pronouns, or apologize for my "white male privilege" you can fuck right off; I don't care about politics.
Children: Strong preference in favor of not having them, unless we never intend to meet, or you don't expect a level of commitment from me to them, then I don't readily care, non-factor. To explain a tad bit, it isn't that I can't, I just would rather not raise children, I have too many plans in life that children would derail, maybe later.
If you're interested in communicating further, I prefer talking on these platforms and in this order: Discord, WhatsApp, Reddit Chat\, Skype, Kik,* open to other forms of contact.
\Reddit Chat isn't the same thing as their mailing system, just an FYI.*
Go ahead and shoot me a message, I'm waiting.
​
An update:
Well just to filter some things out, since I get this so many times... I will not be putting a big editorial process to this update(I say this now, after already re-reading, and editing a minimum of 5 times; I'm a slave to my own perfectionism,) so if you mostly have questions about me, ASPD, and things of the like, read this before you message me.
​
While I absolute love to talk about myself because I'm just such a narcissistic-hedonist, I also do get bored of repeating myself, even if it is a new person. As such read everything in it's entirety before you message me, as I'm going to entertain less, and less messages about me, and not what I'm seeking, I'd rather focus on only replying to potential partners, and absolutely nothing else, that being said if anything I have not covered in this update, or post still burns an answer from you, by all means message me.
​
​
"Were you formally diagnosed?"
I get asked about this A LOT, I'm not going to go into very many details, suffice it to say, yes, but it's been labeled as a misdiagnosis, all you need to know is I score high, and I do the things you'd expect, the pyromania, the violence that is actually associated at early age, the works, I'm not comfortable giving you more beyond that, and I will not be entertaining questions about my personal life, maybe a partner could ask me those questions, but I'm not letting you in my head, that's my game, not the other way around :).
Please do your own research beyond this point, it's borderline laziness how often I keep getting asked about this.
​
"Why are you so open about it(ASPD)?"
Isn't it obvious? A lot of you can't fathom why someone with ASPD would just openly come out, and admit to people, well I guess I really should've brushed up on this when I first made my post, or at least go into a far more descriptive detail than I had originally, so here goes:
​
If I'm ever to lead a sort of a long term relationship based on trust, and honesty, just how in the HELL do you expect me to explain this to you ever so casually? It's best to show your cards in the beginning, this is my own baggage, or some form there of.
​
There's two reasons I'm choosing to do this online, and vehemently under anonymity; 99% of you will be irrelevant to me, 99% of you will never meet me, it's just that simple, ergo why wouldn't I just preface my entire description as such, and as brutally honest as possible? Secondly I do not want a partner whom I need to continue to wear a mask for, I want to be me, the real me, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
​
What I find the most is women that fetishize the entire ordeal, that's all fine and dandy, but it does show just a lack of understanding about what APSD is as a whole, and to be perfectly blunt, you're wasting my time, I don't need to feed into your lonely thrill romance you spun in your head from watching true crime dramas. More often than not, this what happens, spare us the role-playing, I'm just not that bored.
​
"Empathy"
One clear distinction I'd like to make, so I can stop getting asked about it, we DO have empathy, it's just not how YOU experience empathy. Think of a light switch, by default most of the population's is on, ours is off by default, and furthermore we have the ability to turn it on, and off. Yes, it is that simple, yes we use it for manipulation, now stop asking me about this, it's boring to repeat this.
​
"Emotions"
Boredom, rage. This is what I'm capable of in the dark, empathy off. I'm constantly seeking stimuli, if you notice by actually looking through my posts, I've moved a ton of times, and always national parks... New atmosphere, new adventures, new dangers, you know, the shit that gets your heart pumping, adrenaline. This is my favorite drug, this is the high I constantly chase to kill the boredom. Rage is just self explanatory, my defaults are animalistic.
I am fully capable of experiencing all emotions, it's just for the most part, because I don't want do, I don't allow myself to.
​
"Manipulation"
For the longest time I told myself who cares if I burn bridges in my wake, I'm building a highway in its place. Mostly still true, and I absolutely use it on a daily basis for survival, I must stress, and emphasize survival, here is why; I'm human, like the rest of you, what do you do on a daily basis, if not find means, and ways to survive, and entertain yourself? I know no other way other than to use people to my advantage, I minimize the damage where I can, and move about my daily existence, guilt, and worry free about doing any wrong, an argument could be made that we all use each other in some weight, or capacity, and that's good enough for me.
​
I'm sure by now you're probably wondering what the hell any of that has to do with anything, it's simple if the point flew over your head, again. I'm tired of manipulating people, using them, abusing them, discarding them, I didn't grow a conscious I'm not "growing" as a person, but much more likely, I'm just bored of the routine, or the process, which has become the symphony of my life.
​
"Love"
I by no means ever want to experience this love you all chase like Alice clumsily falling down the rabbit hole. I've seen it so much in my life it's downright pathetic, and I actually feel bad for those of you that have such strong emotions, see empaths. You're slaves to these emotions, you let people use and manipulate you, you've been hurt, and had your heart ripped from your chest, and it feels like you no longer have purpose, lacking direction, and meaning in life. I merely know this from generally observing humans for most of my natural born life. I'm more than happy to remain the way I have always been, and never wish to experience emotions in the way you do, I find it to be an advantage, one I can apply to more important things in life, like the pursuit of knowledge.
​
I hope the psych nerds will now stop asking me these questions, I've paid my dues.
​
"Preferences"
My preferences, are just that, a list of my preferences, at no point in any of my writing did I say I was prejudice between one thing, or that I show favoritism. I merely made a chart listing some of the attributes that I myself, personally find to be significant to me, but that isn't to say, or detract from other things. It's the equivalent of asking me if I prefer Metallica, or Megadeth; well I'm going to say I prefer one over the other, but I enjoy both, and the genre as a whole, the genre being women in this case. I enjoy women for my own personal entertainment, and amusement -- which makes it all the more hilarious to me when I get called a misogynist.
so please spare me all your comments, and messages telling me that it's so "intimidating", if my post intimidates you, what can I really even begin to say about that? It doesn't sound like we'd be compatible, or much less you'd be able to accept me as a person, in any case this is a personal issue.
​
"You Need Help!"
I know what the help is, they just remind you repeatedly that your actions have consequences, they do not prescribe a medication for this, just therapy, and I know enough already to check myself, it really is that easy.
P.S:
"To My Adoring Fans"
You call me an edge-lord, cringe, and a wide range of inane insults, that truly don't phase me, since I get a lot of these messages, I thought I'd give you my rebuttal; just so you know I sleep naked so that anyone that doesn't like me, can kiss my ass - feel free to visit anytime!
P.S.S: I now operate, function, and walk amongst the elite of the nation; I see my kind everywhere, this is what Rome must of felt like in it's heyday; Cicero you clever bastard... I bid you all adieu -- and depart with this:
{"Το σύμπαν είναι αλλαγή. η ζωή μας είναι αυτό που την κάνουν οι σκέψεις μας.";}
Sincerely,
<~sodomy>

In the SOCAL area, got a quote for a Bosch AC system replacement. Below is the quote - looking for input on whether this is a good price given the geographic location of just outside of LA?
They said the duct work bit is optional / up to us - they'd recommend it given the age (21 years - AC and duct is original to the home) but not that it's in bad shape now either ...
Finally - I thought the Bosch systems required their own thermostats, but company noted the Honeywell thermostats we have would work fine with it?
Thanks so much !
Replace (2) Hvac Systems

• Prepare the attic for installation of (2) horizontal furnaces and evaporator coils
• Remove the old furnaces, evaporators, and a/c units
• Install (2) new 80% efficient furnaces Series #Trane XV80 (Variable Furnaces)
• The unit will be suspended from roof joists (to eliminate vibration transfer) and quake strapped.
• Install a new gas shut off and connector.
• Any air imbalances currently existing in duct system may still be present after new furnace is installed.
• Recover and reclaim the old Freon per EPA standards.
• Install (2) new evaporator coils
• Install (2) new secondary safety pan assemblies under the evaporators
• Install (2) new condensing unit/Heat Pump Series #Bosch Bovb18 (Variable)
• The A/C unit to be properly quake strapped.
• Perform a high pressure nitrogen leak test and purge on the refrigeration system.
• Install (2) new fused service disconnect at condenser unit location and fuse down to proper amp using HVACR fuses only.
• Encase exterior low-voltage control wire.
• Includes moving one AC unit around the corner to the side of the house
• All city and state permits, third party duct testing and inspection will be acquired by CVH&A/C. (Please note: allow 4-6 weeks for permit processing). Any required engineering by enforcement agency is NOT included in contract. NOTE: It is the customer's responsibility to make the appointment with the Local City Inspector once installation is complete for final sign off of work completed. All required information will be supplied by CVH&A/C.
• EQUIPMENT - Warranties: 10 years-parts, 5 years-labor, LIFETIME years-parts on heat exchanger, 10 years-parts on A/C compressors
• Please note:

makes every effort to work carefully and to protect the areas in which they work. However, on occasion, the following may occur: (1) attic support beams may flex when stepped on and cause a crack in the ceiling or drywall, and/or (2) pre-existing wiring that has been incorrectly installed may get damaged, These situations are beyond our control and therefore any repair needed is the responsibility of the homeowner.

• We will make every effort to protect the perimeter of your attic access hole. Please make note we will be removing and installing approximately 300 lbs. of equipment through this access. For this reason, slight paint damage or plaster chipping may occur, which we cannot be responsible for.
• The system in this proposal includes the use of 410a refrigerant in place of R-22 Freon. Per the Clean Air Act of 1990, in conjunction with the Montreal Protocol, production or importing of R-22 and other ozone depleting chemicals is being phased out and banned. The goal for 2004 was a 35% reduction with a 90% reduction expected by 2005. An environmentally safe alternative to R-22 is 410a. It has been successfully used since 1995 and was first developed in 1991 by the Honeywell Corporation. For further information on 410a please visit the Honeywell website at www.410a.com.
• Your job will not pass without proper Carbon Monoxide monitors being installed. The average home takes about 1 to 3 monitors.Cost per monitor installed varies, depending on monitor location. $55.00 - $250.00. Please contact us at 805-499-0448 for any questions.As of July 1, 2011, the Carbon Monoxide Poisoning Prevention Act (Senate Bill - SB 183) will require all single - family homes with an attached garage or a fossil fuel source to install carbon monoxide alarms within the home by July 1, 2011. Owners of multi-family leased or rental dwellings, such as apartment buildings, have until January 1. 2013 to comply with the law.

Total: $35.000.00
This is the price for the project above.
Replace Ductwork

• Remove accessible old ducting located in attic
• Design and install a new high quality MHP, R-6.0 ducting system per California Title 24 Codes.
• Design & install a new high quality MHP, R-6.0 return ducting system per Calif. Title 24 codes.
• All exposed metals will be insulated and ducts will be properly supported and/or hung.
• All stack heads will be screwed and sealed to their drop boxes to prevent air leaks.
• All existing wall and ceiling drop boxes will be scaled at all scams.
• Face of boxes will be sealed at drywall lip and painted black.
• The system will be leak checked and air balanced per California Manual D codes.
• DUCTING WARRANTY: Lifetime warranty on ducting parts for original owner only. Damage due to animals, insects, etc. not covered.

Total: $9,000
(2) Hepa Filters

• Install (2) Hepa-rated high voltage Trane CleanEffects air cleaner systems
• EQUIPMENT - Warranties: 5 years-labor, 10 years-parts on CleanEffects

Total: $3,000

This has been on my mind for a while and is inspired by an earlier post about how this work can shift your perspective on men. Personally, despite of course dealing with a handful of shitty humans in my time in the industry, which you'll find A N Y W H E R E, this job has done the opposite of ruin my view of men but instead...
Has given me SO much more appreciation and insight for the human experience, what drives our kinks & sexuality and the psychology behind it all. Maybe it's the nerd in me— I want to become a somatic sexologist & sex therapist for this reason and I'm really passionate about the intersection of sex and spirituality... but I've come to believe it's a fucking GIFT to be a trusted person and safe space for your clients to explore parts of themselves that society mostly shames and shuns. To engage in consensual power exchanges and allow a man to explore their submission to the feminine, to meet them with non-judgment when they reveal their fetishes, to give them a taste of the connection they, and all humans desire. I entered into the industry as a stripper and that alcohol fueled setting was toxic in a myriad of ways, but when I started escorting years ago what I came to realize is that it's usually much deeper than just getting off but a need for CONNECTION on some level.
And we either have the opportunity to CREATE that and provide a space for fun, consensual exploration of out sexuality and even a space for HEALING... orrrr to further the disconnect depending on how we create content or approach interactions. Sex work, if anything has healed my veeeeerrrrry jaded view of men and made me realize, we're all highly disconnected, weird little human beings with unmet needs or trauma that leads us to seeking something to fill the void. And we're all into more bizarre stuff than most would ever admit. I commend the people who are brave to come on here reaching out for someone to help them explore those things. I've internally battled with the ethics of creating porn, not wanting to contribute to the desensitization of our pleasure yet knowing I was meant to do this work on some level... Bringing the question of, is there another way?!
Can it be a fun, consensual and respectful space of healing the sexual distortion we all carry to some degree? Where does that begin?
It's not for everyone to want to serve men in this way, and that's okay. If you're in it just for the money, you freaking go girl, BUT if you're in it just for the money, hate men, hate seeing cocks and cum and all that jazzzzz you might be in the wrong industry. If you're making quick-to-get-off content with clickbait promo titles, for any bottom of the barrel dude to jerk off to, you're going end up with those types of customers. If you're creating from a place of inauthenticity or out of integrity with what feels like a fuck yes to YOU and your personality, you're going to end up feeling resentment, disconnection from your own pleasure, and just a general ICK. And last, I mean this in the best way possible with nothing but loooove, you're running a business at the end of the day... if you're unprofessional in the way you communicate, have a lack of solid boundaries and standards for what you'll tolerate going into it, you're going to end up with disrespectful people who don't take you seriously or respect those boundaries. If you treat men like they're simply wallets to be extorted for cash, you'll end up with men who treat you like a commodity. (unless you're a findomme, and their kink IS to be reduced to a wallet to be extorted.) ;)
If you want people to treat you like you're a human being and not just a commodity on a screen, remember that being that person you're shaming for being a horny loser, is also a human being. (and that does NOT mean you EVER tolerate any disrespect, scamming etc.)
This is long af, but... What you put into it, is precisely what you'll get out of it. Energy doesn't lie, and you can't control other people's behavior but you can clean up your own energetic field, get clear on your intentions and boundaries in the industry and take back your power and you'll likely see the demographic you reach change. CREATE the change you want to see in the industry.
I love men, I love this work and I'm just excited af to be a part of the shift in the sex industry.

I’m nothing special. I’m lazy, and damn it, I’m happy being lazy. I feel bad about it a lot, but not quite bad enough to actually change. It’s kind of a problem. My spouse has me going to therapy and everything.
I thought I had big dreams. I talked big in high school. I’d get into filmmaking, and use my art to change the world. I was an ass about it too. Scoffing at anyone who didn’t have big ambitions. But then I got to college (on my parents dime) and… something just broke. More likely, it had always been broken, and now that I was out on my own it just finally came to the surface. I don’t know. I didn’t last two years in film school.
One of my classmates writes for tv and has her own IMDB page now. That’s what I was up against. And Christ… I didn’t have the energy, creativity, or passion that those people had. I don't want to have no steady structure to my life. Film sets operate at all hours, anywhere in the world. It’s insanely competitive, and who the fuck has the energy to deal with that shit?
I spiraled into depression. Arguably I found my way out again, but a lot of the world tells me otherwise. I work a dead end job at a movie theater chain, mostly as a cleaner. I’ve worked there for five years now. If I wanted, I could theoretically learn all I could, and break into management, or learn to be a projectionist, so I could make more money and possibly advance. But I don’t have the focus, or the drive. I left myself a reminder on my phone to look into job advancement two years ago. It still pops up every Friday.
That’s how it’s been for most of my adult life. There are ways I could improve. Things I could do. I could be more wealthy. Not by much, mind you. But still. I just don’t care enough. I can barely bring myself to care about the simple job I have now.
Honestly, it’s a miracle that someone fell in love with me, let alone someone as amazing as my spouse. They do have ambition. It’s not self-centered capitalist passion either, like getting famous, or making lots of money. They want to help people. They’re a social worker. They get paid pennies to deal with people at their absolute worst. Some of the people they serve wouldn’t even be there if the courts hadn’t ordered it for their criminal behavior. In just five years, I’ve watched their passion drain, as that selfless job kicked the ever loving shit out of them. And here’s me. Too fucking lazy to pick up the slack so that maybe they can take a shorter shift or a smaller client base.
I plan to. I always plan to. But then we got stuck. Something crazy happened. They got pregnant. Suddenly we couldn’t afford for me to leave my shit job to find another, because we needed healthcare coverage. Our daughter was born two months ago now. That shit does weird things to you. I may be a lazy pos, but I am going to care for this baby as best I can. I don’t even know why. Sure she’s cute, but she screams a lot, she's always hungry, she poops, pees, and vomits on me, and she’s completely upended my life. These things are typically traits that would make me despise other human beings. But with baby Lina? I’m all “daaawww look at you.” Then I start crying and yelling about how much I love this baby. I swear, babies are pure evil, with their insidious cuteness and ability to fill us with “parent” hormones.
But why am I mentioning all this? Why should any of you people care about a boring, lazy pos like me? You shouldn’t really. I just wanted to illustrate to all of you that I’m utterly inconsequential. Useless. There’s nothing special about me, and I’m fucking fine with that. I will find the most amount of money, for the least amount of effort, that will give me enough time to blow on reading, movies, and video games. That’s all I aspire to really. That only changed slightly to accommodate my daughter. So now you have an idea. I'm nothing. One of those beings whose only a step above a societal parasite (except being a parasite makes you a billionaire these days).
And yet? I set the neighbor's dog on fire.
I didn’t do it on purpose. Not really anyway. I think I did it with my freaking mind. It seemed to come out of my fingers. I don’t know. I made fire, and it reduced this big angry mastiff to nothing but ash in a few short seconds. Bones, claws, fur, all of it just disintegrated, then the wind blew the ash away.
I sat there, one hand on Lina’s stroller, the other raised towards where the charging dog had been, my eyes wide with shock and my jaw at my feet. I blinked a few times. Trying to make sense of things.
I tried running through how the hell I reached this point. I was taking Lina for a walk in her stroller, I saw that big jackass dog (I think it’s name was Roofus) who had somehow escaped his yard (for the umpteenth time), and he had come bounding at my daughter and I as fast as his fat doggy legs could carry him. My brain had only just processed that the big, aggressive dog was out again, when it finally clicked that it was bounding towards me and my baby girl. That thing had nipped me in the past, but I never pressed charges. Why should I bother? But now I wish I had. Now it could hurt my baby. Shit. Why didn’t I confront our neighbor? I have to stop it! I thought.
I got between the approaching dog and Lina’s stroller. I raised my hand to do… something. I think I was hoping the dog would slow down. It didn’t. And then… there was a flash of weird yellow light. The dog didn’t have time to make a sound of pain or surprise. It just dissolved in a superheated ball of flames.
I lowered my hand, trying to make sense of it as the ash blew into the wind. I glanced down at Lina. She smiled up at me, and she even laughed. That was the first time I’d ever seen her laugh. I just kind of blinked.
“Ron! Hey Ron!” Someone was running towards me. I kept staring at Lina for a second before it registered. It was Harold. The white trashy dude who owned Roofus and refused to tie him up (while also refusing to either fix his fence or keep a closer eye on his big aggressive dog). You see that flash, man?” It wasn't even noon, and I could already smell the alcohol (despite the stench of burnt fur).
“Uh… yeah.”
“You know what the fuck that was?”
“Uh… no.” It wasn’t a lie.
“Shit. You seen my ‘dawg?’ Roofus done broke the fence again.”
“… no.” That absolutely was a lie.
“Damn, man. What’s that smell?”
“I… smells like a burning animal.” That one wasn’t a lie either.
“Sheeet. Look at the grass here!” He pointed at the spot where his big angry dog had vanished. There was a circle of scorched black grass.
Oh shit. I fucked up miss Peasley’s lawn went my idiot brain. “Huh,” my mouth said.
“Prolly a squirrel blew up on the power line. Ha! That bitch Peasley is gonna be pissed.”
Ugh. You’re such a douche, Harold. Holy crap I blew up your dog. Or did I? Maybe he’s right and it was an electrical line?
“Lemme know if you see Roofus!” Harold went on his way, leaving me utterly bewildered. What could I do? After standing there, terrified, for another minute, I took Lina home and ended up spending the rest of the morning desperately trying to coax her to eat while she screamed at me.
So yeah. I can apparently blow up dogs with my hands. No fucking clue how I did it. That happened a week ago. Miss Peasley got the HOA to contact electricians to check the power lines. They didn’t find any damage, but nobody else could figure out what had scorched Peasley’s lawn. The prevailing theory is Harold’s. An animal got scorched by the power lines and fell on her lawn. So they replaced those lines.
Apparently I’m the only one who knows that Harold’s dog blew up. Nobody else saw a thing. I would feel worse, but Harold managed to be a misogynistic prick even while he was sadly putting up ‘missing dog’ posters (dude was muttering about some teenage girl's shorts, like it was any of his business). And Roofus wasn’t a friendly dog. There were lots of stories about him terrorizing the neighborhood. Harold had even been charged over it.
All the same… I think I fucking blew up a dog and I keep having nightmares about it. I love dogs. I can’t afford to care for one, but Christ, I don’t want to blow one up! How the fuck did I even do that?
I’ve spent the week repeating over and over that it didn’t happen. Even if it did, it couldn’t have been me. Something else blew up the dog. Maybe Peasley secretly planted a land mine? She’s an eighty year old lady, so it’s unlikely… but it has to be more likely than me throwing fire at a dog that disintegrated it, right?
I was almost convinced, then I blew something else up. A little vase. It had housed an orchid at one time, but we’d both failed to keep the poor thing alive. We had yet to throw it away. I had set Lina in her bassinet, and dragged it into the kitchen where I could watch it while I tried to do a few chores. My cat, Sabrina, decided to get the zoomies and started bolting through the house. Eventually, she found herself leaping on top of the kitchen counters while I yelled at her to stop. I startled her, mid run. She lurched. She hit that vase with the dead plant in it.
I panicked. I was utterly convinced that the vase was about to fly straight into the bassinet and give my baby a concussion or worse. Despite the fact that I was nowhere near it, I thought to myself ‘I have to stop it!’ And when I thought that? The fire came back, scorched the little pot, and shattered it into a billion little pieces which clattered to the floor. Only then did it occur to me that Lina’s bassinet was nowhere near any of the counters, much less right next to the falling vase. I tried telling myself that the cat just knocked the vase down. But I fucking saw it happen. I saw the fireball shatter the vase long before it hit the floor. Honestly, I should be glad I didn’t blow up the cat.
Something really fucking weird is going on. I tried setting other things on fire. Nothing works. No matter how hard I “focus” or “concentrate.”
It only seems to happen when I think Lina is in danger. Do parents get superpowers I don’t know about? Is Lina doing this? She’s been weirdly chipper every time it happens. Furthermore, I keep noticing weird shit about her. I swear her eyes changed color. And not just in that ‘newborn baby growing up’ kind of way. It was like a flash of yellow that happened while I was trying to play peekaboo. She hadn’t really reacted to the game, so I figured she wasn’t old enough to register. But I tried one more time, and when I moved my hands, for a second? She had freaking yellow lizard eyes. But the moment passed and they were back to that baby blue. She just giggled up at me, cute as a button. Then she spit up a third of the formula I spent the last hour feeding her. Stuff smelled like pure gasoline.
Somehow? I was still trying to tell myself it was all in my head. The fires were some weird coincidence. Lina had a tummy ache or something that made her spit-up smell weird, and everything else was just in my imagination. I definitely didn’t see Lina floating an inch or so above her sleeping pad. My spouse, Chris, definitely didn’t hear me growling like a monster in my sleep. I definitely didn’t accidentally set fire to the diaper pail. And of course, the disappearance of Roofus, had nothing to do with me.
But then Chris dropped a bomb on me. I was once again struggling to feed our daughter one evening. She just wanted nothing to do with the bottle. Chris never seems to have trouble feeding her, with a bottle or nursing. For some reason? Lina just didn’t want to accept a bottle from me. I was frustrated. Chris saw it on my face.
“Hold on, Ron. There’s… there’s a weird trick I’ve been using. It started by accident. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you because… well… It's insane. And gross. But… It works. I use it in bottles and with nursing. And I never got to add it to the formula pitcher you're using. So you may as well know…” they looked very conflicted. Scared even.
“Chris. What do you mean? Is everything okay?” Chris swallowed nervously, then gathered their courage.
“Here. Let me see her bottle.” Confused, and weirdly intrigued, I handed it over, trying to ignore Lina’s angry wailing. Chris took it and turned around, hiding whatever they were doing. I heard them unscrew the bottle, then briefly hiss in pain, and a few seconds later, they screwed the lid back on, turned around, and handed it back. “Okay. Try feeding her now.”
I cocked an eyebrow, and glanced down at my daughter, who glared up at me (adorably). Cautiously, I offered her the nipple of the bottle. She fussed a bit at first, but then she tasted the liquid. She latched right on and happily began chugging away. I’ve never had her feed so easily with me. “Okay. What the heck did you do? She hardly ever eats this well for me.”
I glanced at Chris. They looked conflicted, and a little pale. They didn’t say a word. They just held up their left hand, and showed me a bleeding cut they had on their palm.
“I… you cut yourself?” I had no idea what they were implying.
“Blood, Ron. I added my blood.”
“You…” it took me a second. Finally my brain caught up. “You’ve been feeding her your blood?” I felt my mouth go dry and my face go pale. I struggled just to ask the question.
“Just adding a bit to the pitcher is usually enough.”
“I… what about nursing?”
They raised an eyebrow at me. “Have you seen my nipples lately?”
Suddenly the empty cases of nip guards and nipple cream made a lot more sense to me.
“How… did you figure it out?” I wondered.
“By mistake. It was when you went to get us food. I was having trouble getting her to latch at first, remember? But then, she started sucking on my finger. Cried when I pulled away. When she stopped I saw I had a cut. She was sucking on my cut.”
“Oh my god,” I said, as I combined my experiences with Chris’s in my head.
I think my spouse misinterpreted my reaction. They seemed to break down in tears, begging me for forgiveness.
“I know it’s fucked up! I didn’t know what to do! She wouldn’t eat unless I added a bit of blood! Please tell me you understand!”
I looked into their pretty blue eyes. The ones I felt so lucky to have fallen for. I was inwardly freaking out myself. All I managed to sputter out was “I think I blew up the neighbor’s dog.” We had a looong conversation after that.
So Chris and I are all caught up with each other. We’re on the same page. There’s definitely some really weird shit going on in our house, but fucked if we know what any of it is. I decided to see if anyone here had some ideas. Neither of us really want to contact the church. But hell. We’re getting desperate. Lina just keeps growing. What will she want when she starts eating solids?

I was raised by a single mother whose behavior grew odder over the years. I never doubted that she loved me, but I could tell she was changing. A couple of months after my 13th birthday she began appearing more sluggish. Falling asleep on the couch often, making confusing statements, and being generally groggy. Simultaneously she became more forgetful, asking about friends I hadn't talked to in years and being unable to remember my interests. My mom was fairly young so I didn't understand why she was losing her memory so fast. Whenever I questioned it she would get defensive, saying that I was the one who was out of sorts.
At one point she even berated me after I told her that I was getting worried. Naturally, our relationship soured as her negative behaviors outweighed her positive ones. It hurt to watch, especially because I could sense how hard my growing distance was impacting her. I even blamed myself for her state to an extent, which I realize now I should have never done. One thing remained good though, she was great at making butterfly pea tea. She would prepare it for me every morning and afternoon once I was home from school. It was a sapphire blue color that turned into a light purple when something acidic was added. It was simple but it always hit the spot. It helped that blue was my favorite color, so it was aesthetically comforting as well. Outside of the previously mentioned struggles with her, I lived a happy life. I got good greats and had reliable friends. It was mostly smooth sailing until the incident that changed my life.
I was fast asleep when I felt my bed-sheet get swiftly torn off me. Naturally, I realized it was my mom since no one else lived with us.
“Mom, what are you doing?” I asked in response. She gave no reaction apart from a strange high-pitched gasp. Not knowing what to say I sleepily rolled towards the electric clock. The numbers appeared as a reddish blur until I opened my crust-coated lids. Letting out a small irritated breath once the mucus cracked. I wiped the substance off and refocused on the time, finding that it was only 2:00 AM. I pushed myself up and reached for the lamp when my wrist was gripped tightly. I groaned with annoyance, rolling my eyes.
“Okay, you're starting to freak me out, seriously what’s going on?!” I spoke with as much defiance as I could muster at that hour. My mom remained silent, stepping forward with a notable thud. Her grip grew stronger, which made me start to panic. She'd had moments where she seemed out of it before, but it never got physical. She gave a wet cough before finally speaking.
“You forgot to wash your face, you always remember to do that, what went wrong?” she questioned sternly. I scrunched up my face, she’d gotten up at four in the morning just to berate him about skincare?
“I was tired, I just brushed my teeth to be done with the day.” I felt my justification was sound but my mom practically barked her response.
“Dammit! I told you it needs to be applied once a day, now you'll have to use it two times to make up for this!” My heart skipped a beat, surprised at her volume and harshness. It made me wonder if she was upset about something else but was letting it out on me. She was getting particularly stressed from work around that time. My mom sighed and relinquished her grip. I rubbed my wrist, hoping she'd get through her outburst soon.
“Please get up,” she said softer than previously, taking a couple steps back. I obliged, getting out of bed. When my feet touched the ground, confusion wafted over me. my socks quickly dampened as I realized that liquid was seeping through the carpet.
“Hey did you spill something earlier?” I asked, stretching my arms.
“No, I didn't.” she started plainly.
“Oh, well I think I might have stepped in some type of liquid,” I motioned to the lamp, but she quickly pulled me into her arms by my shirt.
“Let’s not worry about that Blue Bird, same goes for the lamp, you don't need light right now, you'll have it soon,” she assured me with a hint of excitement, I squirmed out of her hug, accepting the odd rules she set in place, I didn't want to argue with her.
“Just follow me,” she patted me on the shoulder and held my hand as we walked out to the backyard. It was almost impossible to see anything in our home with the moon being the only source of light, I didn't have a clue about how she navigated the space without bumping into anything. Still, I remembered how our home was set up and could tell that we’d already passed the bathroom. My nerves heightened with each step, I had so many questions. Why were we going into the backyard when my face wash was inside? What did I step in? What was wrong with wanting the lamp on? Those questions rang strongly in my mind. Nothing felt right, things had felt off before but never quite wrong. The anxiety of the situation gave me an uncomfortable rush of energy, I couldn't sleep now if I wanted to. When the sliding door opened the humid air hit my body with an unrepresented strength, something my mother didn't pay any mind to. I continued to follow her, even though I was scared.
“Go ahead and sit on that chair.” she motioned to a green plastic kiddie chair that fit me despite its childish design. I went along with her instructions, seating myself. My mom appeared in front of me and I realized she was wearing something on her face. It had the shape and construction of a surgical mask but it was woven with dying flower stems and grass. Before I could say anything she picked up a mug off the ground to my right. She smelled it through the mask, lovingly holding it to my face. I observed the steam and realized the vapor had a bluish tint.
“Go ahead, drink it.” she smiled with especially groggy eyes. I would have described them as bloodshot if the veins running up her sclera weren't sapphire. I leaned away from her and the beverage. Hiding it as another stretch, pulling my arms above my head while yawning.
“Well isn't that wonderful! Keep your arms there, I’ll feed it to you, it'll be like when you were an adorable baby, drinking out of a bottle in my stroller!” she said gleefully with an uncharacteristic giggle. I was now thoroughly unnerved, putting my arms down and pushing away the drink.
“God, what’s going on with you! And why are you wearing that mask!” I yelled out getting up from the chair. My mom groaned at my attitude, putting the cup up to my face again as I attempted to walk off.
“Nothing is going on with me, don't worry! I just thought this mask looked nice. I made this nice cup of tea and it would warm my heart if my baby boy drank it! You're growing into such a handsome man and this will help your complexion!” her enthusiasm grew as she pushed the hot cup against my lips. I whined from the sizzling heat, pulling back.
“Why are you so insistent on this?!” I shouted with a growing sense of anger. I despised the way she was speaking to me. Whenever she used baby talk around me it was a set up for something manipulative. An example being when she used it to guilt me into sleeping in the same bed with her. Saying I owed her since I was her baby. Sure she apologized, but it wasn't the last time she would do something like that. I couldn't even buy her excuse that it would help with acne. I’d had the tea many times before with her and we both knew it was unhelpful in that regard.
“Because it needs to be done for your sake!” Her shoulder cracked loudly as she spoke in a deeper, raspier voice I didn't recognize. I took a couple of steps back, reaching into the pocket of my sweat pants before remembering my phone wasn't on me. I swore under my breath as I looked at my mother with concern. I took my hand out and she pounced on me, spilling a majority of the hot liquid onto my left arm. I screamed at the sensation of the steaming beverage hitting my flesh. She held me down tightly with both arms. Her eyes glistened with a holographic finish that lit up amid the night. I had never seen her like this. At this point I stopped caring about what made her act this way. Regardless of what was causing her behavior, it wouldn't justify her current actions. I squirmed beneath her, screaming at her to let go. I still couldn't bring myself to fight back, so I resorted to begging.
“Mom please stop! I’m sorry for every inconvenience I’ve caused! We can go get you help and make up, just please get off of me!” I pleaded whilst trying to push her away.
“You're the one who needs help here! You’ve been going through life as a husk for years now! It hurts my heart to watch you deteriorate like this and I can't let it go on!” she grabbed onto the sides of my head and slammed it against the ground. I cried out in pain. The pressure pounding in my skull began in the center and spread down to my teeth. The agony pulsated through me stronger than anything I’d felt before. My mom removed a hand and pulled out a sippy cup from the pocket in her pajama shorts. It too was filled with butterfly pea tea. Taking this as an opportunity, I pushed past the damage and bit her arm. I felt awful attacking her, but my fear surpassed my guilt. As uncomfortable as it was I sank my teeth in as far as I could. She let out a throaty gurgle in response to the attack. I attempted to crawl out from under her, using my legs to pull myself up across the grass. I moved frantically, praying I could keep up the momentum. She clutched my thin hips with her legs to keep me down. I continuously smacked the container away with my free arm while I squirmed, my back smashing against the ground in my attempts. My mom covered the cap of the cup and rolled her eyes, pushing her entire body onto mine. Covering my face as I screamed for help.
“STAY STILL!” she screeched as a viscous substance seeped through her mask. Directly pouring down my forehead, making me tremble from its cold. Before I could plan another move she shoved me to the side. My face, experiencing a burn from the grit and speed. She ran to me, kneeled down, and forced her fist into my mouth. I coughed and cried while she pulled on my tongue. I wiggled it but her grasp only hardened with each movement. Her sweaty skin overloaded my sense of taste. I kicked around but nothing deterred her, even when she was hit. I couldn't focus on anything but how much I hurt, none of what was happening made sense.
She frantically opened the sippy cup, pried my mouth open, and made me guzzle down the drink. It was boiling and I screamed in ways I didn't know I was capable of. My entire body bent in all directions as I looked into the eyes of the thing before me. The initial blue glow transitioned further into a shining violet every time a new drop was swallowed. I felt powerless in the arms of my mother, I couldn't understand why she was torturing me like this. What did I do? Was she always like this and I undermined the signs so I’d live with a greater sense of safety? I continued to sob once I’d finished the tea. The burning made it sting every time I breathed.
My mom stared at me and for a brief moment, I saw a glimpse of the parent I was used to. Underneath the murky cool layers, I saw a speck of guilt. A single leaf in an empty pond, rippling through the surrounding water no matter how small. My mother sighed with a hint of sorrow, closing her eyes. Once she did, my energy died out, my cries grew softer, my body grew limp, and the world blurred. I couldn't even conceive a cohesive thought by the time my body slumped to the ground. All I was left with was confusion and a trace of dread.
“I’m sorry for earlier” rang through my ears once I regained my sense of touch. I grabbed the ground tightly, despite the presence of grass I knew I wasn't in our backyard. This grass was far too damp to be the dry patch I last resided in. I slowly opened my eyes, fearing where I’d find myself. I expected to be shrouded in darkness, laying in a stuffy deep hole in the ground, but I was met with the contrary. A perfect blue sky, a bustling variety of greenery, and a fresh breeze. I took a sigh of relief, still confused at where I was but happy it didn't appear threatening. I glanced ahead, finding a cluster of my favorite flowers at my feet. The smell of Jasmine and Orchids was heavenly, sweeter than fresh vanilla cake. Though the pleasant scent re-instilled unease in me. All of this was far too good to be true, and I still had no idea where I was. Did my mother take me here? If so, why? Was she somewhere here or had she abandoned him? I sat up delving headfirst into the flowers, groaning with frustration. The petals were soft, and damp like the grass, the water on them cool against my face. In any other situation, this would be a dream, but it only made him more nervous. Something this perfect had to be a setup.
“Blue Bird!” my mother happily exclaimed, I lifted my head, finding her standing over me. She was now wearing a polka-dotted dark blue dress instead of her nightwear. I shuffled myself back from her, her pupils had vanished and her mask was wilting.
“Mom, you're scaring me, I don't get what's going on. What are we doing here?” I asked shakily, she sighed and knelt to make direct eye contact with me.
“We're in a special place, a lush land that‘s available to very few. You don't have to worry, I just brought you here to rid you of your emotional pain.” her answer only confused me further.
“Emotional pain? Mom, I'm fine, the only thing causing me emotional distress is what’s happening right now. This place is nice but you're freaking me out.” I attempted to get up but something grabbed my legs. I shrieked as two bright green vines wrapped around my limbs.
“MOM WHAT THE HELL IS THIS! GET THESE THINGS AWA-” I was cut off by a much thicker vine logging itself into my throat. My eyes once again welled up with tears while multiple tendrils clenched onto me. Every time I moved another one would grab hold and the present ones would tighten. Nevertheless I continued screaming.
“I'm sorry my child, there’s something I've avoided telling you. I feed off the life force of living things. Cats, pigeons, people, as long as they’re not close to their death bed I can consume them.” I didn't fully understand what she was saying, but it only made my fear increase.
“Every time I take something from someone, I take them here. I've avoided taking things from you since you're the most precious thing to me. But my sweet baby boy, I've gotten so, so hungry.” Her pitch dropped while developing a defined rasp. I winced further from the nickname.
“I've tried to live off others, but I couldn't resist you anymore when you're so readily available. You’re so full of life, it's been hard not to contain my urges.” she stroked my cheek, frowning at my devastation.
“If I don’t get the nutrients I need, I'll turn into an awful thing. A monster incapable of complex thought that does nothing but destroys.” There was now a vine holding down every joint in my skeletal system, down to my fingers. Multiple small ones had been twisting themselves around my stomach, now making me struggle to breathe.
“Blue Bird, I have given my life to raising you, so please understand you have to give something back to me.” she explained solemnly.
The woven mask snapped off, quickly unraveling the horrifying contents beneath it. My pupils shrunk to pin drops, my screams of agony lessening from shock. My mother’s entire jaw had been dislocated, hanging onto her face by a couple of fleshy threads. The inside of her mouth was a bright blue with scaly gums. Her murky entirely cerulean eyes watered as she began panting. She extended her tongue to an inhuman length, thick saliva rapidly dripping down it. I wanted to believe that she wasn't going to hurt me, through all this she was still my mother. Yet I couldn't convince myself of that. Not when I felt multiple vines move through my body, entering through my mouth, eyes, and nose.
I couldn't bear to look at the thing I once called mom any longer. My ears buzzed while my eardrums were compressed by an increasing number of tubes. Their weight was breaking down the layers of skin and muscle preventing entry into my skull. Every orifice I had was on fire from pressure, yet I could tell this was only the lead-up to a crescendo of pain. A sharp fang poked through the tip of her and stabbed itself into my forehead. It punctured my skin, dragging in a curve. I twitched from the spike circling around my skull, extending my gash. Blood dripped on every side of my head, stinging harsher once the wind's currents grew.
By this point, I’d rather be in a wood chipper than deal with the cascade of agony invading every part of me. The blue-eyed thing licked up the gore flowing down and I wondered how I’d managed to go this entire time without throwing up. Her tongue was akin to sandpaper slathered in chili oil. In a last-ditch attempt to gain some power over the situation, I bit down into the vine as hard as I could. Which only worsened things when a miniature yet equally as strong vine sprung from the one I bit and wrangled my teeth. Forcibly spreading my jaw open further, making room for more to be stuffed in. A couple of tiny ones even slid between my front teeth. Thankfully, no more came after since the goal of the plant had been reached. The dam between the organic tendrils and my brain broke open, allowing each one to set roots in the vital organ. Each crevice of my intellect was invaded by a slithering, rough, nature. The impact was too strong and my senses shut down once more. My struggling limbs stopped what little movement they were capable of. My breathing slowed, my screams fell silent, and my eyes closed with tears still laying behind them. I didn't even realize I was shutting down, it just happened.
I was unconscious for an amount of time I can’t measure but knew was long. When I awoke my body felt infinitely more hollow. A loud ringing permeated my ears as I slowly took breaths. My jaw ached, my throat was painfully dry, and I could feel how cracked my lips were. My body fought with itself to not pass out, desperately trying to hold together.
“It’ll be all better soon,” My mother comforted while grabbing a sharpened knife. I was laying on her bed, but there were towels in place of sheets. Once she pulled my shirt over my head, I started to panic again.
“No, stop,” I mumbled, barely recognizing my weakened muffled voice. She made a series of meticulous cuts on my torso. Once the wound was opened she would squeeze as much blood as possible out of it and bag it away. I looked down, further horrified by the fact my blood was blue.
“I know it hurts, but it’ll be worth it,” She calmly told me as I bled out. The process went on for hours, resulting in me being unable to sleep for days after. I didn't feel safe in my house anymore, I locked myself in my room more than ever. Joining the longest after-school programs and visiting my friend’s house whenever I got the chance. Something my closest friend noticed most, he asked me what was wrong, but I told him it was nothing. I didn't expect him to believe anything about what happened, and the event was too awful for me to bring up. Meanwhile, my mother kept telling me I had a bad dream and that I was just moody. I showed her the scars as evidence but she accused me of making them myself to make her look bad. The next few years were tumultuous and before I knew it the initial incident became one of many. Every year she’d do it more often than the last, and each time it would take longer for me to recover.
It got to the point where the mere sight of gardens would scare me. The scents of my once favorite flowers grew sour, I didn't want to touch butterfly pea tea, and eventually, I couldn't even handle consuming things that are blue. It took me a long time to write this, as I’ve cried at multiple points by recounting what happened. There is a long road to recovery for me, which is even harder since everyone I’ve opened up to has called me crazy, but I'm done letting these memories fester and consume my life. I'm more than the worst things that happened to me.

Please use this thread to ask any questions you have about the game. Please search though the comments section as your question may have been answered already or through the search bar.

General Resources

• General Database
• Gameplay Overview
• Min-Turn Stage Guide YouTube
• PvP Guide
• Raid Guide
• Raid Character Guide
• Unique Equipment Guide
• Upcoming Banners
• Upcoming Banners V2

REMINDER: Bind your account!

Please remember to bind your accounts and take note of your UID, member code, server location, and any information related to your account (e.g. amount spent, student roster, etc). If anything happens to your account (e.g. losing access, unauthorized access), you will need to provide as much info as you can to Nexon's customer support email. Guest accounts that are unbound will be extremely difficult to recover, perhaps impossible.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

[01] When does the server reset?
For global, dailies reset at 19:00 UTC and weeklies reset on Sunday.
[02] Should I re-roll this account?
This will depend on your priorities with PvE, PvP, or both, but you can generally see the “ideal” units as Iori, Hibiki, and Tsubaki for most content, while Shun and Haruna are great for PvP.
[03] Who should I spend my elephs on? Who should I mystic unlock?
At the start, prioritize spending your blank elephs on getting Serina to 2-star for the increased healing stat, Tsubaki to 3-star for the extra tankiness when she is reloading. It is generally advised not to spend your elephs on increasing characters to 4-star and 5-star ratings, since there is only a stat increase and the amount of elephs needed is quite high.
[04] What do my support students’ stats do?
Aside from increasing the stats of their own skills, support students will provide additional stat boosts to your striker team. The specific increase(s) can be viewed by clicking on “Support” on the right side of the team formation screen.
[05] What should I buy in the shop?

• Credit Shop - Buy out the bottom row of materials, then the first two tiers of enhancement stones as needed. Feel free to buy the higher tiers of enhancement stones if you feel that you have an excess of credits, which is very common.
• Eligma - This will depend on you, can reference question [03].
• Total Assault (raid) - Prioritize Maki’s elephs (until you unlock her) and save the rest of your currency for future updates that will add more low-rarity students to the shop, meaning you can unlock mystic for them without spending your eligma. You can also purchase the skill discs/blu-rays depending on your needs.
• Tactical Challenge (PvP) - Buy out the energy drinks as needed (warning: they are instantly consumed, they won’t be moved to your inventory). Many suggest to save these for events in order to buy drinks, refresh the shop, and repeat.

[06] What does the “leader” position do?
This is purely cosmetic, as it changes which student’s chibi shows up on the map.
[07] What benefits are there to joining a club?

• 10 AP are given daily and deposited automatically on teacher's mailbox, upon checking in.
• A maximum of two assistant can be set for Total Assault and Joint Firing Drill respectively.

1. Students assigned to assist with TA cannot also be selected to assist with JFD.
2. 20 credits are rewarded every minute by setting assistants.
3. The specific unit that is borrowed can be only used once a day.
4. There's a fee of 40,000 credits, when borrowing a assistant student.
5. The donor receives 50,000 credits instead; even though the fee is 40,000 credits.
6. The fee can only be received 20 times a day.

• It can be unlocked after clearing Mission 3 Act 4

[08] How does the pity system work?
You need to pull, at a minimum, 200 times in order to get 200 recruitment points that are redeemed for the character you want. The recruitment point system does not carry over from banner to banner, it is only shared between banners that are concurrently running.
[09] Why can’t I find my friend’s club?
While the servers’ updates are separated from JP and global, the global servers are separated further into smaller divisions. You need to be on the same server as your friend, which you can check from the home screen: top-right menu button > account > version info. The server must be the same.
[10] When is X banner coming? Should I save for X student?
We never know for sure, due to the fact that global servers are on an accelerated schedule compared to JP. Please refer to this guide for some more info.
[11] Should I use Pyroxenes to refill my AP?
If you want to prioritize progression, the first three daily refills are decently valuable, this is because the Pyroxene cost of refilling will increase for every three refills. If you are focused on character collection or future banners, you should be saving your Pyroxenes.
[12] Why can’t I buy X student’s eleph in the shop?
You can only buy elephs of students you own.
[13] What should I craft?
At the start, prioritize crafting cafe furniture until your comfort is maxed out, then students’ gifts, then whichever upgrade materials you need. The crafting system is the only way to get furniture and gifts at the moment.
[14] What is the “Anniversary” in account settings?
This is your birthday, used for characters to wish you happy birthday.
[15] When will the beginner guide missions for Nonomi end?
This is a permanent addition, so feel free to take your time with the tasks.
[16] What is the best place to farm EXP?
You can run any map to farm EXP, as the EXP gain is equal to the amount of AP spent (i.e. 10 AP spent = 10 EXP gained). You should be looking at the stages that drop the equipment upgrade materials that you need.
[17] What is the “Secret Tech Sheet” in the Total Assault shop?
This is used to upgrade a student’s (non-EX) skill to level 10.
[18] Is it worth doing a raid if I can’t pass X difficulty level?
It is always more efficient to clear the highest difficulty you can finish instead of failing/forfeiting a higher difficulty.
[19] Can I claim the Limited Students through exchanging Expert Permits? How often does the Expert Permit shop resets?
You cannot get the limited students via this method. You will still need to pull for them. There's no specific mentioned but it's expected to be monthly.

OthePast Megathreads

• Daily Questions
• Weekly Club Recruitment
• Weekly Kivotos Lounge
• Weekly Storytelling Plaza
• Technical Issues

Please have patience with other members of the community and be as polite as possible. Everyone has to start somewhere!

(Vague and brief descriptions of sexual activity, viewer discretion advised)
David took one more look through the window before shutting it. He couldn't have anyone see what was going on. Jack quickly tossed the bound individual through the door. They grunted out of annoyance as opposed to fear. Jack, almost appearing scared, flung the key David gave him to the side and slammed the door.
“Congratulations, you're out of the dog house.” David grinned, calmly walking to the keys, bending down to be at eye level with the individual on the floor. Their look was more neutral than expected, but a tangible spark of malice was present.
“Aw, what's wrong? Don't like being on the floor? I thought you were used to that.” David remarked with forced doe eyes. The person looked away, trying not to engage with the brunette. David dragged them across the ground, sitting them on the couch. They began growling through their cloth gag, gradually wetting it with spit as David stood across from them with the world’s most condescending smile.
“I'd like to say that it's good to see you again, but we both know that would be a lie. I don't have many strong feelings for you, which I think goes for everyone in your life.” He chuckled, leaning towards them to remove their gag. As soon as it was removed they attempted to bite him, though he saw this coming and backed up.
“Ugh, why the fuck did you bring me here?” they spat, wriggling in their restraints.
“I brought you here to clean you up before we meet with Zander again. He's forced me into a deal where I return you so my info won't be leaked.” They rolled their eyes whilst groaning loudly, confusing David.
“Goodness, for someone who’s escaping captivity and torture, you sure aren't very grateful,” David remarked while pulling out a comb from a cloth bag.
“Because I'm not escaping shit! You're the one choosing to get me out of my situation, I don't even get the dignity of leaving because of my efforts!” David took out a folded pink blouse and set it on the table between him and his captive.
“I understand how that can be frustrating if I was in your situation, which I never would be since I would have escaped months ago. I'd be pissed at someone playing doll house with my life too. But that's the thing if you were truly as capable as you claim to be you wouldn't have to wait for my interference.” David walked off to the small kitchen connected to the living room, not paying attention to the specific ways his victim’s hands were moving.
“Please, until you're in my position you can't say that you'd handle it better than me. You can make as many flimsy predictions as you want, but the moment you step into my world your scenarios won't reflect shit.” David shrugged, pulling out a half-empty cup of iced coffee.
“I'd argue against that but I won’t bother since I know you won't listen. I could explain my reasoning in a myriad of ways and you’d still block it out.” The bound individual scoffed.
“Like your one to talk about listening to others. Last I checked, you're the one who's been trying to fix the same milk toast guy since high school no matter how many people tell you it's a waste of time.” David didn't respond, taking a sip of his drink.
“Yeah that made you shut your trap fast didn't it?”
David set his beverage on the table and approached his captive. Joining them on the couch in uncomfortable proximity.
“For a moment yes, but only because I needed a second to word what I'm about to say in a way you’d understand.” he smiled to the chagrin of the captive.
“Zander isn't some random former classmate, I selected him in the same way a breeder selects a dog. I evaluated many others before choosing him. To people like you, my pursuit appears meaningless since you aren't gaining the knowledge I am. If you knew what I knew, you wouldn't be able to resist going further either. I've seen into the mind of this man further than he has. I've run my hands over every inch of his psyche and molded him into a silhouette even closer to my affection. Ideally, I’d create the perfect entity and we'd repeat the process together on another, but I no longer have the time for that.” The bound individual stared dumbfounded. Taking a breath before replying, needing a moment to process the mountain of words that had been thrown at them.
“Wow, you must be the most talented gymnast on the planet for all the mental gymnastics you just did,” they stated bluntly.
“I gotta give you credit, that's the most sensible explanation someone could give for this. Not that it’s saying much since this is completely delusional.” David rolled his eyes, pulling out a pair of light jeans from the same bag as the blouse. The captive looked down at the completed outfit with disgust.
“Well, I described it in the most digestible way I could, but I suppose that doesn't matter since you don't want to give what I've said serious thought. Regardless, I still need to make you look presentable for this exchange. I assume you wouldn’t want me to dress you so I'll untie you and allow you to do it yourself, but don't try to run off because trust me I’ve prepared for that.” They looked down at the garments with disdain. David observed their expression further, there was a hint of sadness. He found it odd at first but soon understood what was wrong.
“I know it's stupid but do you have anything else I can wear? This stuff feels wrong to me.” They commented as David untied their wrists.
“I don't have a lot of masculine clothes in my wardrobe that I think you'd like but I can look. I know that this outfit doesn't reflect your current self but it's what I was provided.” The captive rubbed their wrists and began to free their ankles.
“It’s alright, honestly I didn't expect you to do anything especially after I insulted your logic, so this is a nice surprise.” They said, spreading their legs so they could sit more comfortably.
“I understand the importance of gender affirming clothing, you deserve to wear something that represents you.” Their eyes widened upon hearing the mention of their gender.
“W-wait you know about my identity?!” they asked defensively.
“Yes, and don't worry, I respect it. Jack filled me in on everything involving your gender identity including that your current pronouns are they/them and that your preferred name is Mad Dog. Though even if he didn't make me aware of that, I would have asked about it upon seeing your masculine appearance. Your completely flat chest and stubble didn't go unnoticed by me.” They calmed down, loosening their posture.
“Oh wow, alright, I didn't expect you to take that so well. A lot of people don't understand and just right me off. So I sort of expected the same from you.” David frowned while approaching them.
“That’s unfortunate, I know you have little reason to trust me, but at least trust that I won't purposely misgender or use the wrong name for you.” The feminine individual’s understanding in tandem with his appearance made Mad Dog have questions.
“Alright I trust you with that and it's appreciated but I have to ask. Do you see yourself as something that isn’t male?” David sighed, folding his arms and glancing at the floor.
“I don’t express it to anyone apart from Jack and Jackson, but yes. I see myself as a woman and feel most comfortable when I’m perceived as such. IIt’s been hard since Sophie has actively punished me for being the way I am. Even setting my injectable hormones on fire in front of me” Despite Mad Dog’s heavy dislike of the woman they couldn't help but feel sympathy for her in this instance. For a moment they were even tempted to say sorry, but they couldn't bring themselves to do it.
“Well you're out to me, and I’ll respect your identity as well. You might be a bitch but you still deserve to be addressed correctly.” She laughed, unfolding her arms.
“Hehe, thank you, Mad Dog, now help me get you something to wear.” She responded in a lighter tone than earlier. They followed her into her bedroom as she looked through her suitcase.
“Hmmm, I have a purple button-up, would you like that? I don't think my jeans will fit you well since your legs are noticeably thinner than mine, but you can try them on if you'd like.” They looked around the room as she spoke, as they expected, it was rather barren. They knew that David didn't stay in one place for long so it made sense that she never got time to settle in.
“Were you listening?” she asked, appearing at their side with the dress shirt in hand. They flinched at her sudden appearance, shifting their gaze to the item.
“Oh, nah I'm good just wearing my pants, even though they could probably use a wash.” They rubbed the back of their head, the grease in their hair becoming prevalent as they pulled their hand away.
“You could use a wash too, the stench that surrounds you is quite dreadful. If I was going off scent alone I would really think that you're a stray dog.” She joked, tossing the shirt back onto her bed.
“I'd like to say you're wrong but unfortunately you're spot on,” they responded putting their hands up, she giggled at the gesture.
“I’ll take you to the restroom and let you know what stuff you're allowed to use. I might be feeling merciful but I don't want you using my good shampoo. I won't see you after tonight but I live with my curls every day.” she remarked, poking her textured hair for emphasis.
“Heh, you know I’m starting to get why so many people fall for you. You’re pretty charming when you want to be. With a face like that, I'd almost call you cute.” She was suspicious of the partial compliment, questioning the motive behind it.”
“Awe, you're such a sweetheart, giving me half a compliment after I've shown you kindness.” she crouched slightly and patted her legs.
“Do you want a treat for doing the bare minimum?” She mocked. Mad Dog’s face turned sour in response.
“Ugh, I take it back, guess you can't take a win unless it goes in the exact way you want.” She adjusted her position and shrugged.
“In my eyes, the less you have to compromise the greater the victory.” Before Mad Dog could respond she started walking to the restroom, motioning for them to come along. Once they were inside, David hung up a fresh towel and opened the shower door. Turning the knob clockwise while describing how to adjust the temperature.
“See that 3 in one bottle? That's what I’ll have you use, I’ve never touched the stuff but I keep it as a last resort.” Mad Dog watched her as she explained everything, her body language was relaxed and inviting. Seeing her in such a mundane situation was fascinating. They wondered how someone like her could appear so normal.
“That's good with me, I'm not picky about that kind of thing,” they spoke, removing their raggedy shirt. Her eyes widened at the sight of their nipple piercings and tapered abdominal hair. They smiled at her expression, she looked at them with an embarrassment they couldn't have pictured on her face.
“Jeez calm down lady, I know this isn't the first time you've seen nipple piercings.” they playfully winked, taking off their pants.
“I don't need to be calmed, trust me I've seen better. I’m just surprised by how comfortable you are.” Mad Dog removed their chest jewelry, a subtle smirk developing on their face.
“Nah, at this point my stomach is made of steel, it takes a lot to make me uneasy. Hell, you could see me with my whole cock out and I wouldn't care!” they jested, setting the metal pieces on the countertop. David was taken aback by the crude comment, awkwardly looking away.
“Oh, alright then, anyway I’ll let you get clean. Just don't take too long. Also, the blue washcloth is mine, use the red one.” She responded, trying to hold her composure after Mad Dog’s words painted a strange picture in her mind.
“Heh, I'll make sure to remember that and don't worry about me taking long, I've practically been conditioned into taking short showers.” David nodded, leaving them alone to tidy up. When the door was closed, the woman took a deep breath. Things with Zander were coming to an end whether she liked it or not. She flopped on her couch, allowing the festering dread inside her to take hold. She’d been bottling it up for those around her, but she couldn't take it anymore.
“This is it,” she told herself quietly, staring up at the off-white ceiling.
From the moment she got Sophie’s message about Zander needing to die, cracks began to form.
She couldn't be weak in front of Zander, especially not during their final showdown. She couldn't cry in front of him, she couldn't show how much she’d miss him, she couldn't hold him, she couldn't ask him what he thinks she should do after the game is over. The more she thought about the upcoming meeting the more she dreaded it. Whatever she’d say to him would be heavily condensed and sanitized, which hurt her in a way she couldn't explain. David put her hand in between the couch cushions to retrieve her lucky shirt. A striped tee she'd stolen from Zander’s room towards the beginning of the dare.
“I wish I could be weak around you, you don't understand how much I want to weep into you.” she shakily stated, hugging the cloth.
“I wanted things to end differently, I truly did, but I don't have a choice.” Tears began to develop in her eyes.
“You were so close to reaching me, the way you used your audience was impeccable! If given just a year or so more to live we could have finally been on the same level. Acknowledging the demented elements intrinsic to each other, but still finding happiness.” Water flowed from her eyes as she clung to the clothing item.
“It’s no use though, you’ll be gone before I can even explain any of this. Fuck, I wish I could just have a real conversation with you!” she threw the shirt to the ground, almost throwing herself off the couch along with it. Despite all the time she’d spent with him, she felt like she’d never spoken to him as herself. Come to think of it, she never spoke to anyone as her authentic self. Despite multiple people claiming to have strong feelings about her, in reality, they only felt that way about a fraction of her or a character she’d played. Once Zander was gone, she’d lose the closest thing to a genuine connection.
“No, no, no,” she sobbed, it was all crashing around her. Images of the things she’d done up to this point overlapped in her mind. Highlighting how much she’d put herself through to get to where she is. Years of planning, multiple human lives, all sacrificed for nothing. Each heinous act she’d taken part in was now a meaningless act of violence, making her no better than a bloodthirsty monster. She was content with being morally in the wrong, but she couldn't bear her efforts lacking purpose.
The faint noise of pouring water dissipated as she curled into a ball. She ignored it, sinking further into her sorrow. Zander had told her that she'd need to meet him at a particular time, but at this point, she’d lost track.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Mad Dog rudely asked, kneeling before her with a towel tightly wrapped around their waist. She slowly turned to face them with a distraught expression. Barely processing their presence in the midst of her breakdown.
“These walls ain't that thick, I heard what you were weeping about.” She was upset with their insensitivity but didn't have the energy to respond.
“You’ve done nothing but destroy this man’s life and now that he can finally be free from the hell you’ve created, you're having a hissy fit!” they chastised, with more vitriol than she’d ever heard from them.
“At this point death is a sweet release! If you had even a shred of sanity or real feeling you’d be happy for him!” Her face scrunched up further, she was not equipped to handle their words. She just wanted to process in peace, but they wouldn't let that happen.
“God lady, why the fuck are you breaking down over this?!” they yelled at her, it was too much and she screamed throwing a pillow at their stomach.
“BECAUSE I CAN’T HAVE THIS ALL BE FOR NOTHING!” she shot up and pulled them closer to her by their hair.
“I CAN’T HAVE THE PAST SEVEN YEARS OF MY LIFE BE USELESS! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M GOING TO DO AFTER THIS, SO AT THE VERY LEAST I SHOULD BE ABLE TO PROPERLY FINISH THIS! ” she screamed out, spitting into their face. They stared dumbfounded at her as she relinquished her grip. They’d heard about how skilled she was at faking feelings, but they could tell this was real. Regardless, they had little sympathy for her.
“There you go, admit what we both knew. You only care about him dying cause it's not what you’d envisioned in your sick little fantasy. All this pseudo-psychological bullshit is just an excuse to disguise what you actually are. A soulless sadist who doesn't have anything to her outside of fucked up games!” She sobbed, putting her hands over her face to catch her tears.
“YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO GO THROUGH LIFE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE AND FEEL CONSTANTLY ALONE!” she screamed, a hint of venom developing in her tone.
“That’s how I have to interact with people! I can't feel them so I have to analyze and try my best to find joy! It's no secret I'm fucked up, but this is just how I function.” She responded, gaining some more composure. Mad Dog held back a smile when staring at her reddish face. Seeing the usually confident woman weakened satisfied them in multiple ways. Prompting them to continue prodding at her.
“You're still selfish for mourning experiences instead of people. Only giving a shit cause of what you can no longer get out of them.” David’s expression was grim as she gazed back at the long-haired individual.
“I never said I wasn't, besides you do realize that everyone mourns people for experiences right? Just like you’ll be upset that you can't spend time with a family member once they’re gone, I’ll be sad I won't be able to spend time with Zander. My relationship with him is not healthy by traditional standards, hell it's hardly a relationship at this point. But I’ll still miss the time we spent, and sulk over what was taken.” Mad Dog calmed their stance, sitting down at the edge of the couch. Their legs dangled near hers since they were facing toward her.
“You along with most people hate that I can't express real emotions, but when I finally do you get hyper-critical of my reasoning? I’m not asking for sympathy, I'm just asking to be allowed to feel. I don't think you’ll ever understand how crushing it is to sacrifice so much only to fail. Mad Dog, my mother is dead, I gave up the last of my family for this.” They looked down at her, the gleam in her eyes pulled at their heartstrings, a mix of sadism and empathy kicking in. On one hand, they did feel sad seeing someone in such a state, on the other, it was David King. A woman who had set them on a dark path by allowing Sophie to keep them captive. A woman with little respect for them, evidenced by her using them as a bargaining chip with Zander. In that instant, the desire to comfort was matched with the desire to humiliate.
“Okay, that was a pretty good act, you got me a little there honestly. Now, what do you want?” They inquired with a notable drawl.
“If you insist on staying, can I lay with you? I get that it's weird especially since you aren’t dressed yet, so it's fine if you don’t. I just need the feeling of being held” she requested quietly, with her knees to her chest. For Mad Dog, it was hard to say no when she, in their opinion, looked so pathetic. Secretly, they thought her desperation was attractive. So now that she was expressing the need to be touched, they took advantage of the opportunity.
“That's a lot of words to ask for a hug.” They kidded, making her crack a modest smile.
“But yeah, I can do that, at the very least you'll smell better than the last person I laid with,” they commented, trying to sound wholesome to hide their true intentions.
“And who was that?” she questioned, a slightly warmer tone emerging. They picked her up, throwing her over their shoulder. Enjoying the feeling of grabbing her. She was a bit heavy but they didn't complain.
“Hate to break it to you, but Zander, bro gets sweaty as hell during summer nights, meanwhile I have a high tolerance for heat. It was pretty awkward.” She scoffed, tugging on a bit of their wet hair.
“Ah, alright sorry for bringing him up. I know this ain't the time.” They opened the door to her bedroom and dropped her on the bed. The landing was a bit harsh but the plush of the mattress made up for it. The woman got under her comforter and Mad Dog joined her, wrapping their arms around her waist. Their damp body was cold but she didn't care, she just wanted to be held. They gradually got warmer as they stayed by her side and shifted their position. She was still crying as they cuddled her.
“Hey, it'll be okay, you're a skilled lady, you'll land on your feet,” they assured her as her body shook. Her heavy breaths were apparent, she was making them out of distress, but they triggered inappropriate images in Mad Dog’s mind.
“A woman as beautiful as you could probably start modeling.” they complimented, the words catching the woman’s attention.
“Really?” she asked softly,
“Of course! If I didn't know better, I'd start spoiling you the moment we lock eyes,” they playfully answered, wrapping their arms around her waist. She turned to face them, there was a shift in their demeanor. The way they spoke was almost sensual.
“You’ve spent a lot of time working, I say you just become a sugar baby. You're one of the few people in this ugly-ass world who’s hot enough for some rich dude to shower you with gifts.” they partly kidded, moving their arms up to rub her shoulders. At this point, she knew what they were doing. Still, she chose to hold off her comment since she was a sucker for praise.
“Thank you Mad Dog,” she replied, she was no longer crying, which Mad Dog had mixed feelings on.
“Hey, I want to apologize for what I said earlier, I should have left you alone. You deserve better treatment than that and I’ll make an effort to make it up to you.” They smiled, moving their arms to her lower back. Despite the sweet words, their tone was audibly sleazy. It was clear to David what they were holding back.
“Do you think I’m pretty?” she asked innocently, they took a deep breath before responding.
“Are you kidding me? You're so much more than pretty. You're smart, determined, focused, brave, and yeah, pretty sexy.” She smiled smugly, a distinct sheen appearing in her eyes. Confusion overcame Mad Dog as she began giggling.
“What, not used to hearing me say sexy?” The woman’s giggles soon grew into cackling. Mad Dog looked away from her, taking it as a reminder of her insanity.
“Hahaha! I’m sorry, I just think it's so funny that you're blunt about everything, but when it comes to this you feel the need to ease me in! You're so quick to say what’s on your mind, but now you’re trying to be a charmer. It's simply hilarious!” They let go of her and sat themselves up, though her position remained the same.
“What the hell are you talking about? I’m not trying anything, what led me to this point is simple. I made you feel worse when you were crying, felt guilty about it, and agreed to give you sympathy snuggles. That’s it!” Her expression turned serious as she twirled a strand of their long hair.
“You're not good at subtlety, I understand your entire scumbag strategy. First, you’ll try to break down my self-esteem by saying my feelings aren't valid. Second, you’ll swoop in and shower me with compliments so I’ll warm up to you. Lastly, you’ll apologize so you can look like a good guy and convince me to sleep with you. I might be vulnerable but I’m not stupid.” They rubbed their temples, looking down at her with a newfound resentment.
“Okay fine, maybe I saw that you were feeling down and took advantage of the situation. But it's not malicious, it's something to cheer you up. I think it would be a nice experience to take your mind off things. Not much room to use your brain when you're giving it right?” She cringed at their joke.
“Don’t waste my time with these lovey-dovey lies if you just want to get your rocks off. I get it, you think you’ll be such a badass for shoving your dick in the thing that ruined your life.” She pulled the blanket down, exposing the lower half of their body.
“You're a shithead, but honestly, I’ve slept with people worse than you. I’ll do this, but only because I want to see how long your weak ass will last with me.” She pulled off their towel and crawled to the lower half of the bed, pressing her head against their crotch. Mad Dog took a deep breath before she started stroking their genitals. The first few minutes were pleasurable but awkward.
They thought they’d feel strong having such a feared, well-respected woman sleep with them, but they didn't. Sure, physically it was stimulating, especially since this was the first time they were intimate since their bottom surgery, but outside of the catharsis that came with that, it was a rather dull experience. They thought she’d have a lot more energy than she did. David felt entirely neutral, it wasn't awful but there was no chemistry present. She could tell they were disappointed, which added to her annoyance. In truth, she was only doing this because she doubted that she’d get the opportunity to sleep with someone for a while. She never stayed anywhere long enough to form a relationship and her options were limited as a trans woman. There was a hint of additional bitterness knowing that Mad Dog had been in a relationship with Zander.
Why did they get to go on fun movie dates and hang out with his friends? She’d kill to have one more positive interaction with him. He was vanilla personified, which is what she loved about him. He was so malleable, just a couple of well-mixed ingredients and he’d be something entirely new. Still, the base of his identity was endearing enough on its own. The more she thought about him the more she wished she was being intimate with him instead. She never thought of him in a lewd manner before, but the idea was beginning to sound enticing. She knew he didn't have long, so wouldn't it be nice to pleasure him before his inevitable loss? It was morbid, but it was preferable to reality.
“God I miss you~” she murmured with her eyes shut as she thought of him. Mad Dog looked down at her with confusion. She laid on her back and pulled them in deeper, they shivered from the feeling.
She could picture it clearly, him gazing at her with a mixture of arousal and disgust. An ounce of frustration let out with each movement. The conflicting thoughts that would run through his mind were already enough to motivate her. It was such an intriguing prospect that she began to yearn for it. Almost entirely blocking Mad Dog’s presence from her mind, imagining her favorite little purebred instead. Mad Dog didn't know why she suddenly became so passionate but it didn't matter to them. They were getting a better experience so the reasoning was irrelevant in their eyes. The long-haired individual got harsher as they continued, getting animalistic with how they handled her. She said some strange things that didn't apply to them but it was easy to ignore in their lustful pride-infused haze. The bigger the reaction, the more successful they felt. Though, in the end, they had run out of stamina faster than her.
“Oh fuck, we did it.” they huffed, laying down in a sweaty heap. She got off them, stretching her back. Her bottom was sore, the fresh bite marks stung, and her skin was still reddish in certain areas.
“You're lucky I wasn't thinking about you, or else this would have ended a lot faster.” she snarled, hopping off the bed. They smirked, as unflattering as it was to admit, this was the best time they’d ever had.
“Yeah whatever, I put in work, and it paid off, so you could be picturing my ex for all I care.” they laughed weakly, coughing midway through.
“Good to know, 'cause that’s exactly who was on my mind,” she responded smugly, knowing it would upset them. Their laughter stopped, turning into a disappointed groan.
“Fuck lady, you seriously can't get this guy out of your head for a millisecond.” they chastised, she looked back at them while pulling a teal dress out of a bag.
“I’m not sure if you have the right to complain since you're the one who tried to emotionally break me down so I’d let you fuck me.” they darted their eyes away with a hint of guilt.
“Thanks to you both of us will probably arrive half an hour late, now get dressed.” she sternly commanded, her voice displaying the power they wish they’d gained from the experience long term. They got their clothes back on while she ironed her dress. Once the wrinkles were out she went into the bathroom to wash the smell of sex away. Mad Dog sat on the couch and flicked on the TV while waiting for her. As they channel surfed fatigue settled in, making them drift off to sleep.
In their slumber, they relived the day they met David. Up until this point they’d heard of her but had never interacted with her. When she came into their holding cell she appeared soulless, an unfeeling machine disguised as a human. Anger clouded over them when they saw her. If they weren't chained up, they would have lunged and bitten her face off like a rabid dog. Not because they hated her, but because they hated that she put them in such an inferior position. Throughout their life, they were forced to be a victim in many regards. So being the kidnapped love interest in a cage was the last straw. From that day onward, they promised themselves that they’d do something to assert power over her when she was at her weakest.
“Anything you want to say to me?” David asked, wrapping duct tape around their wrists. They jolted up, peering down to find that their ankles had gotten the same treatment.
“Oh, shit, we’re leaving now?” They asked sleepily, meeting her gaze again. She was wearing sleek dark makeup that complimented every one of her facial features. They were surprised by the elegance that radiated from her.
“Yes we are, and I’ll have to tape your mouth soon so if you have anything to say you have to say it now.” they frowned, there were a lot of things they wanted to say. They’d experienced so much emotional whiplash with her that it was hard to condense their thoughts into a few parting words. She rolled more tape, attempting to apply it to their face.
“Wait, I have something! They yelled, causing her to abruptly jerk her hands away.
“When this is over you should start focusing on yourself. Not Sophie, not psychology, not any crazy dares. I think your main issue is that you build your life around achieving goals or getting answers to questions that apply to others. If you spent some quality time finding yourself, I think you could not only be a better person but happier overall too.” She was speechless, she hadn't expected something so profound from them. The words cut deep, making her realize how little she knew about herself. Maybe that was the core reason why she didn't want to be alone, ‘cause if she was, then she wouldn't even have herself to keep her company. She fell into a slight haze while taking in their words, snapping back to reality when the roll of tape fell out of her hand.
“Oh shit,” she murmured, bending over to grab it. Mad Dog smiled at her moment of clumsiness, wishing they’d gotten to know that stripped-back, human version of the woman more. David ripped off the piece she first unraveled, applying it to Mad Dog’s cheek with embarrassment upon realizing how short it was. They let out a final snicker, finding her mundane error to be the most endearing thing they’d seen from her. David sighed while wrapping the multiple layers of duct tape around their head. Soon their face was replaced by a gray adhesive cocoon, with nothing more than their hickory brown eyes visible. Gazing into her reflection in their sclera, she uttered her final words to them.
“This whole night has been a roller coaster, and while I can't call you a friend, I can thank you for the experience. You made me address issues that have been festering for years, something I didn't think anyone could do. I might not like you, but I don’t hate you either. If you know anything about me, you know I love seeing people develop their own type of strength, which you’ve done. So for that, I give well wishes, goodbye Mad Dog.”

Hey reddit, I'm working on a build for my girlfriend and I wanted to run it by the experts (you guys) before I send it to her and get ready to order parts. She's looking for a machine that will last her a good while into the future, and she does care about the aesthetic. This is what I currently have, I just wanted to make see what you guys think and if you have any suggestions. Thanks for your time and input!
​ PCPartPicker Part List

Type	Item	Price
CPU	AMD Ryzen 9 7950X 4.5 GHz 16-Core Processor	$569.00 @ Amazon
CPU Cooler	NZXT Kraken Z73 RGB 52.44 CFM Liquid CPU Cooler	$304.99 @ Newegg
Thermal Compound	Arctic Silver 5 High-Density Polysynthetic Silver 3.5 g Thermal Paste	$7.65 @ Amazon
Motherboard	Asus PRIME X670-P WIFI ATX AM5 Motherboard	$269.99 @ Amazon
Memory	Corsair Vengeance RGB 32 GB (2 x 16 GB) DDR5-5200 CL40 Memory	$144.99 @ Amazon
Storage	Samsung 980 Pro 2 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive	$159.99 @ Amazon
Video Card	Gigabyte AERO OC GeForce RTX 4080 16 GB Video Card	$1299.99 @ Amazon
Case	Lian Li O11 Dynamic EVO ATX Mid Tower Case	$169.99 @ Newegg
Power Supply	be quiet! Dark Power 13 1000 W 80+ Titanium Certified Fully Modular ATX Power Supply	$289.89 @ Amazon
Operating System	Microsoft Windows 11 Home OEM - DVD 64-bit	$99.99 @ Newegg
Case Fan	Lian Li UNI SL120 58.54 CFM 120 mm Fans 3-Pack	$79.90 @ B&H
Case Fan	Lian Li UNI SL120 58.54 CFM 120 mm Fans 3-Pack	$79.90 @ B&H
	Prices include shipping, taxes, rebates, and discounts
	Total	$3476.27
	Generated by PCPartPicker 2023-03-24 19:53 EDT-0400

Edit: She's using it primarily for gaming, and at the suggestion of ripsql, I'm looking at either this or this for the RAM.

I have a Legion 5 pro with a 3070. I'm currently using an LG 27gp83b-b as an external monitor for working/gaming. I am looking to add a new external monitor to this setup to add some screen real estate. It would make sense to go for a low refresh rate screen for productivity, but I have been considering getting my hands on a PS5 end of the year, and figured why not get a monitor that can do both?
My question is whether my 5 pro can run both the LG at 2k and the Gigabyte at 4k if I connected them via usb-c to display port. I would only be using both monitors simultaneously for work purposes (multiple pdfs, a few videos, lots of chrome tabs etc). When gaming on the legion I would likely use the LG only, and use the m32u for ps5 gaming.
Does this sound reasonable? Am I not accounting for something? I am very much a noob so it is highly likely that I haven't considered some obvious drawbacks.

Four months ago, my employer transferred me from the facilities in my home country to this new position in the US headquarters. The team is composed of 3 scientists (including myself), 6 research associates, and a team leader to whom everyone reports to. It is a big multinational company which I consider a great place to work.
However, since day one, I basically have to beg to get any information about the general progress of the projects. Everything related to the internal systems, procedures, contacts, technical challenges, and external collaborations I need to figure out by myself. I tried many times to approach them, politely asking for help, some guidance, and most of the time they say they are busy or provide incomplete information. Also, since day one I have been trying to be friendly with everyone, provide help, small talk, but nothing seems to work.
I haven't brought this issue to my boss yet. I know he asked everyone to help with my onboarding process, but he is also new in his position, and the team does not seem to respect him very much.
Several things come to my mind to try to explain this situation:
1 - Everyone in this team has a long history working in the same team/position (varies from 4 - 16 years in the same group - except me and my boss). There's a high chance all 6 research associates wanted my position and they were passed over for a promotion. I know it is not my fault, but they might not be very motivated to help me;
2 - I know that people who have a "lower" job title are always reluctant to provide training/assistance to "higher" job titles: "he makes more money than me and therefore he should know everything";
3 - It might be the case that's just the group's culture. The last person to join this group was 4 years ago and they are not used to newcomers;
4 - I don't like to consider this option, I don't think that's the main explanation, and I am not claiming anything, but there's the fact I am the only immigrant in the group.
Anyway, the case is after four months I don't feel I belong to this place. I would appreciate a lot if anyone can share anything to help improve my situation.
Thank you!

I don't think this is something I've seen Dr. K talk about, but it's something that I think impacts my life more than I think it does. (some context) 20M Growing up I never really had anything consistent, it was just me and my mom and she worked multiple jobs. So at a young age Ive been pretty on my own in an internal sense. We moved around a lot so my environment and role models were always changing. I often cried because I missed my mom but she was a young mom and didn't get the chance to work through her past (because she had me) and the only time she could talk about emotions was when she was drunk. As a kid I never liked talking to her drunk so my feelings were something that we're never talked about. Coming home didn't feel like coming home, home was just wherever I was wherever I was staying.
I look back at life and the first thing that comes to mind is life wasn’t particularly good from my own perspective. externally i have a very kind and supportive family and i was an only child so my mom did try to “spoil” me when she could. But internally there was so much missing. i don’t want to remember my past because it shaped me into someone, someone i didn’t get to chose to be. i was just a kid trying to fit in and have friends it was never about me. I didn’t have the resources to see a therapist after i graduated and found my only option was to forget about the past and just focus on who i am right now. 1 1/2 years later i sit here today with a foggy memory of my childhood and what’s frustrating is the last 3 years of high school we’re pretty traumatic so my education is foggy too.
i’m curious if anyone else had some memory problems and what life’s like for you? i think it really affects me in every way of my life. communication, relationships, current memory etc.