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What's the plan, Phil?
2011.12.28 23:45 What's the plan, Phil?
A place for fans of ABC's hit show Modern Family.
2023.03.31 17:18 Sufficient-Engine514 I'm 34, make 210k a year, and just started paying down 170k of student loan debt while paying for fertility treatments.
Background
Me: 34F
Jobs: Consultant
Location: East Coast
Goal: Finding the balance between paying off my six-figure student debt while still enjoying life post failed fertility treatments.
Current Debt and Assets
DEBT
Credit card debt: $2,200 approximately. I usually never go more than 2 months without paying it off completely to keep me honest.
Personal loans: $0
Medical debt: $0
Student loan debt: $125,303.17 with 3.301% interest. I had a scholarship to undergrad. For my graduate degree, I took out 150k of loans. In the 4 years after graduate school where I was paying the minimum payment, the loan amount grew to $171,000. I paid off approximately 57k in the past 18 months (although because interest is so high, only 46k of that went to principal.)
Auto loans: $0 – My husband and I have had a ton of bad luck the past few years but one thing we were fortunate about is buying two used cars around 22k each right before the new and used car market went crazy. We paid them both off within 3-4 months of purchasing them. I used to think I would just lease a car because I had this idea that all used cars break down constantly but I’m glad my husband disabused me of notion because with some TLC, my car should last me a long time and with all the spending on gas and tolls, I am so thankful to not have a car payment.
Savings balance: $1,000. My husband and I used to have a very large savings/rainy day fund (30k-ish) but we’ve spent the past 3 years going through fertility treatments that have really eaten away at our savings. This amount of savings is pretty antithetical to how judicious we both are about money but we both have good job security and could cash out our investment accounts with penalty if we really needed it so we haven’t prioritizied replenishing it. That, and we are very emotionally spent after the past few years.
Checking account balance: $460.55
Crypto portfolio: $0. I don’t have the risk tolerance for this.
House: Bought for $580,000, now worth ~$700,000. Still owe around 545k.
Assets:
401K: ~$140,000. I max out my contribution to my 401k. I did not start contributing to this until I was 27 but all my past employers have had generous matches which has helped.
ROTH IRA: ~$11,000. My husband and I have a joint ROTH IRA that we’ve maxed out every year for past 4-5 years. All our accounts have taken a beating this year, not unlike everyone else, so these numbers used to be much higher. Keep reminding myself to play the long game!
Brokerage Account $6,000. I’d like to be more aggressive with this but we’re doing our best at the moment.
Income
I am currently working full-time as a tech consultant. I’ve only been here a year, but I love the work and the benefits are generous. The job is very stressful and a bit hectic sometimes but it’s hard to imagine I’ll get everything I have at this job elsewhere, so I plan to stay awhile a while.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: ~$4,825 2x/month
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: $0. I joked with my husband I should start bartending to keep up with my student loan payments and IVF costs, but he wouldn’t stand for it.
Other Income: I sometimes do other work with modest honorariums that probably only bring in around $2k a year. This year is an outlier thought and I will get almost $9k.
Total Income: ~$4,825. I don’t account for other income into my budget and whatever I get just gets chucked towards student loans.
Monthly Expenses
Rent: $1550 (Half of my mortgage. My husband has VA Loan so we didn’t need a down payment for the house, just closing costs, which is why our mortgage may seem a little high. We also live in a HCOL area so this probably seems high but this is not far off from what we paid for rent living in the city, so this wasn’t a hard jump for us financially.
Debt payments: Anywhere from $1700 (the minimum) to $4000, depending on the month.
Utility Bills: ~$200 (I pay)
Cellphone + Internet: $150 (Husband pays)
Subscriptions: $150 (Husband pays)
Car Insurance: $100 (Covers both of us, husband pays)
Dining Out: $150-250. We very rarely go out to eat especially in the past few years because of pandemic and IVF but we’re trying to get in the habit of doing so once a month to enjoy ourselves. We're more likely to order in with UberEats or something. My husband usually pays even though it goes on our joint CC, he usually pays it off.
Shopping: Wildly fluctuates but anywhere from 500 to nothing. The older I’ve gotten the easier it is for me to avoid impulse buys.
Groceries: $1200-1500 – I pay for all groceries and house toiletries like soap, toothpaste, medicine, etc. One of the things we splurge on is high quality meats, organic fruits and vegetables, blah blah blah etc. This lifestyle change hasn’t made any difference in our IVF success unfortunately but we both couldn’t deny how great we felt eating that way, so we continue to do so despite me sometimes wincing at the cumulative cost. I make almost double what my husband does, so I take over a slightly higher percentage of our monthly bills but not by much because we both agreed I should prioritize paying down my student loans. He also covers dog food, treats, and medicine for both our dogs which really adds up and those more random, quarterly house expenses like Home Depot visits, pest control, buying a new mower, lawn care, and other things that come up more than you think (Home owners know the struggle). Once my debt is paid down, we will probably revisit the split of monthly expenses to see what makes sense.
Cleaning: $165/month (I pay) Having a house cleaner is one of those luxuries I would never give up. I’d rather cut back on dining out, shopping, etc if someone could come once a month to clean. We also have two big dogs, so it feels less of a luxury and more of a necessity.
Pet Insurance $80/month, covers both dogs (I pay)
Gas: $300 (I have a long commute and I go into the office almost every day)
Tolls: $225
Parking: $0 Work covers this, thank goodness!
Health Insurance: $0. My work covers health insurance for me and my husband. Huge bonus I don’t take for granted.
Total Expenses: I’ve estimated it is roughly around $6,500 a month at least for my portion of bills, assuming I’ve only paid the minimum of my student loans.
Debt Diary
2006 – Started college at a public university where I got free tuition from a combination of my mom’s job and my good grades. We still owed room and board which my parents covered for the most part and then took out loans to cover the rest when they divorced. My stepdad paid off the remaining balance of around 8k for me in my mid-twenties.
2010 – Graduated and moved to abroad for four years. Got great experience but pay was very low so no savings and no financial planning at all.
2014: Started my graduate degree back in the U.S.. Took out *all* the loans for this to include living expenses (150k). During this time I wanted to be a public servant so I felt confident my loans would be paid off after 10 years through Public Student Loan Forgiveness (PSLF) program. That’s not exactly how it worked out.
2016: Graduated and started my first “big girl” job at 27 making around $75,000 . This is the first time I started contributing to a 401k. I was working for a 401c3 so I qualified to start paying into the PSLF program. My loan payments, based on my income at the time was around $350-400 monthly. I got modest raises over the next few years that brought me to 85k before I switched jobs. During these four years, my student loans ballooned to 170k because I was only paying the minimum.
2020: My husband and I cancel our wedding and honeymoon (covid) but still get married. Got a new job that finally got me a low six figure salary (120k) but was in the private sector so still paying minimum on student loans but no longer was making qualified payments for student loan forgiveness. Thought I might still go back into government/nonprofit world.
2021: Changed jobs – same ish salary @ 125k, still in the private sector. Start what will be many rounds of unsuccessful rounds of IVF. I think the total cost has been somewhere around 80k. My husband’s grandmother has helped us a lot which I quite literally don’t know what we would do without, but it’s still been very financially, emotionally, and mentally taxing. Wasted a lot of money on supplements and acupuncture that didn’t help.
2022: Started at the job I have now. Base started at 175,000 plus 25% bonus. In the first year I got a promotion and a 20% raise, so I now make 210,000. This is when I realize that this is the career I enjoy and will likely not go back government service in the future or at least not long enough to participate in student loan forgiveness program. I also do the math and realize if I continue to pay the minimum of income-based repayment (based on my now much higher pay) I will end up paying 3-4x the loan amount over the course of my life. I decide to privatize my loans and choose a 10 year pay off plan because I want to be somewhat aggressive about it, hence the relatively high minimum payment of $1700. Despite the good interest rate (3% ish) the principal is so high that $400 of that goes to interest. It’s why I’d like to aggressive pay it down now, if for no other reason than to get the interest payments down.
2023: I’m told after many failed rounds of IVF, I’m unable to have genetic children. We start figuring out how we will afford other ways to build our family, all of which cost in the tens of thousands. Fortunately, (?) I’ve gotten my student loans down to 125k.
Now: Between canceling our wedding, our honeymoon, living through a pandemic and years of fertility struggles and awful treatments, I am now re-thinking how aggressively I’ve been paying down debt this past year. Approaching getting pregnant and debt payment both as a sprint and not a marathon has done me no favors. I also just want my husband and I to enjoy life a little bit given all our struggles. We both work so hard, and I want to make sure we’re making time (and money) on the things that make us happy. I also realize we need to figure out how we’ll pay to expand our family which overwhelms me but I’m trying to treat this just as a second marathon, not a sprint.
Reflection
Do I regret my student loans?
Despite my six figure loans living rent free in my mind constantly, it’s hard to regret taking them because I can’t imagine how else I would have built the career I have now, which I love and am very grateful for. My career is everything I always hoped for and more although sometimes I lose sight of that in the daily grind. Grad school was so time consuming it’s also hard to imagine how I would have worked at the same time and made enough money to make a meaningful difference in my bills. And I focused a lot of time on substantive internships that would help demonstrate my ability to shifting gears into a different career which I do think paid off in more ways than one. This new career path that I’m on also opens a lot of doors for me to continue to be a higher earner so in the long run, this amount of debt, while daunting and a bit menacing, is somewhat of a first world problem. It will get paid off. My only concern is if something catastrophic happened, since my loans are private, I would still have a very high mandatory minimum payment. Again, both my husband and I have a lot of job security and could always cash out our investment accounts, heaven forbid something awful happened. I think because the past few years have been so mentally taxing, I have very little bandwidth for regret.
Impact of Infertility
It is probably also worth noting that dealing with years of infertility and infertility treatments only to be told ultimately that I’m unable to have [genetic] children has changed who I am as a person and how I see life. We spent 3 years of our life in a pandemic lockdown and then in back-to-back all-consuming aggressive fertility treatments. I feel like we lost so much time and had very little levity during those times. I still plan on being diligent about paying off my debt and investing, but I want to cut myself some slack and allow my husband and myself to live a little, travel and just spend time enjoying our lives instead of just focusing on destinations (of having children and debt pay off).
Generational Wealth
The city I live in is filled with lots of wealthy people and many a times I’ve been in conversations where people ask where you sailed in the summer and skied in the winter, like it’s a given that everyone does this (lol). Most of the people I went to grad school with had their school paid off from family (plus help with a down payment for a house and wedding costs), and it occurs to me over and over how critical a role generational wealth can play in setting someone up for an incredibly easier life. My husband and I grew up middle class (which still conferred a lot of privilege that is never lost on us) but would like to make sure we have saved money for our [eventual] kids college so they’re not saddled with debt – and thinking about other investment accounts we could open for them to start generational wealth. Without my student loan debt, I could have an additional 200k to invest which would have meaningful impact on my kid’s and kid’s kid’s life when invested correctly. I don’t dwell too much on this though, at least anymore, but rather something I consider when planning for the future. Both my husband and I are still grateful for the advantages and privilege we still did and continue to have. Oddly, getting more interested in personal finance has made me feel more neutral about money which I appreciate.
Husband’s Influence
I also have to credit a lot of good money habits to my husband who was a really great influence on me on the importance of making consciousness steps to get a better credit score, invest aggressively, etc. I was definitely living for a good time not a long time up until I met him lol. We still prioritize spending money on fun without guilt but now I enjoy the process about making sure we’re set up well for the future.
Thank you for reading. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable talking about this stuff so please be gentle with me :').
submitted by Sufficient-Engine514 to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]
Me: 34F
Jobs: Consultant
Location: East Coast
Goal: Finding the balance between paying off my six-figure student debt while still enjoying life post failed fertility treatments.
Current Debt and Assets
DEBT
Credit card debt: $2,200 approximately. I usually never go more than 2 months without paying it off completely to keep me honest.
Personal loans: $0
Medical debt: $0
Student loan debt: $125,303.17 with 3.301% interest. I had a scholarship to undergrad. For my graduate degree, I took out 150k of loans. In the 4 years after graduate school where I was paying the minimum payment, the loan amount grew to $171,000. I paid off approximately 57k in the past 18 months (although because interest is so high, only 46k of that went to principal.)
Auto loans: $0 – My husband and I have had a ton of bad luck the past few years but one thing we were fortunate about is buying two used cars around 22k each right before the new and used car market went crazy. We paid them both off within 3-4 months of purchasing them. I used to think I would just lease a car because I had this idea that all used cars break down constantly but I’m glad my husband disabused me of notion because with some TLC, my car should last me a long time and with all the spending on gas and tolls, I am so thankful to not have a car payment.
Savings balance: $1,000. My husband and I used to have a very large savings/rainy day fund (30k-ish) but we’ve spent the past 3 years going through fertility treatments that have really eaten away at our savings. This amount of savings is pretty antithetical to how judicious we both are about money but we both have good job security and could cash out our investment accounts with penalty if we really needed it so we haven’t prioritizied replenishing it. That, and we are very emotionally spent after the past few years.
Checking account balance: $460.55
Crypto portfolio: $0. I don’t have the risk tolerance for this.
House: Bought for $580,000, now worth ~$700,000. Still owe around 545k.
Assets:
401K: ~$140,000. I max out my contribution to my 401k. I did not start contributing to this until I was 27 but all my past employers have had generous matches which has helped.
ROTH IRA: ~$11,000. My husband and I have a joint ROTH IRA that we’ve maxed out every year for past 4-5 years. All our accounts have taken a beating this year, not unlike everyone else, so these numbers used to be much higher. Keep reminding myself to play the long game!
Brokerage Account $6,000. I’d like to be more aggressive with this but we’re doing our best at the moment.
Income
I am currently working full-time as a tech consultant. I’ve only been here a year, but I love the work and the benefits are generous. The job is very stressful and a bit hectic sometimes but it’s hard to imagine I’ll get everything I have at this job elsewhere, so I plan to stay awhile a while.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: ~$4,825 2x/month
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: $0. I joked with my husband I should start bartending to keep up with my student loan payments and IVF costs, but he wouldn’t stand for it.
Other Income: I sometimes do other work with modest honorariums that probably only bring in around $2k a year. This year is an outlier thought and I will get almost $9k.
Total Income: ~$4,825. I don’t account for other income into my budget and whatever I get just gets chucked towards student loans.
Monthly Expenses
Rent: $1550 (Half of my mortgage. My husband has VA Loan so we didn’t need a down payment for the house, just closing costs, which is why our mortgage may seem a little high. We also live in a HCOL area so this probably seems high but this is not far off from what we paid for rent living in the city, so this wasn’t a hard jump for us financially.
Debt payments: Anywhere from $1700 (the minimum) to $4000, depending on the month.
Utility Bills: ~$200 (I pay)
Cellphone + Internet: $150 (Husband pays)
Subscriptions: $150 (Husband pays)
Car Insurance: $100 (Covers both of us, husband pays)
Dining Out: $150-250. We very rarely go out to eat especially in the past few years because of pandemic and IVF but we’re trying to get in the habit of doing so once a month to enjoy ourselves. We're more likely to order in with UberEats or something. My husband usually pays even though it goes on our joint CC, he usually pays it off.
Shopping: Wildly fluctuates but anywhere from 500 to nothing. The older I’ve gotten the easier it is for me to avoid impulse buys.
Groceries: $1200-1500 – I pay for all groceries and house toiletries like soap, toothpaste, medicine, etc. One of the things we splurge on is high quality meats, organic fruits and vegetables, blah blah blah etc. This lifestyle change hasn’t made any difference in our IVF success unfortunately but we both couldn’t deny how great we felt eating that way, so we continue to do so despite me sometimes wincing at the cumulative cost. I make almost double what my husband does, so I take over a slightly higher percentage of our monthly bills but not by much because we both agreed I should prioritize paying down my student loans. He also covers dog food, treats, and medicine for both our dogs which really adds up and those more random, quarterly house expenses like Home Depot visits, pest control, buying a new mower, lawn care, and other things that come up more than you think (Home owners know the struggle). Once my debt is paid down, we will probably revisit the split of monthly expenses to see what makes sense.
Cleaning: $165/month (I pay) Having a house cleaner is one of those luxuries I would never give up. I’d rather cut back on dining out, shopping, etc if someone could come once a month to clean. We also have two big dogs, so it feels less of a luxury and more of a necessity.
Pet Insurance $80/month, covers both dogs (I pay)
Gas: $300 (I have a long commute and I go into the office almost every day)
Tolls: $225
Parking: $0 Work covers this, thank goodness!
Health Insurance: $0. My work covers health insurance for me and my husband. Huge bonus I don’t take for granted.
Total Expenses: I’ve estimated it is roughly around $6,500 a month at least for my portion of bills, assuming I’ve only paid the minimum of my student loans.
Debt Diary
2006 – Started college at a public university where I got free tuition from a combination of my mom’s job and my good grades. We still owed room and board which my parents covered for the most part and then took out loans to cover the rest when they divorced. My stepdad paid off the remaining balance of around 8k for me in my mid-twenties.
2010 – Graduated and moved to abroad for four years. Got great experience but pay was very low so no savings and no financial planning at all.
2014: Started my graduate degree back in the U.S.. Took out *all* the loans for this to include living expenses (150k). During this time I wanted to be a public servant so I felt confident my loans would be paid off after 10 years through Public Student Loan Forgiveness (PSLF) program. That’s not exactly how it worked out.
2016: Graduated and started my first “big girl” job at 27 making around $75,000 . This is the first time I started contributing to a 401k. I was working for a 401c3 so I qualified to start paying into the PSLF program. My loan payments, based on my income at the time was around $350-400 monthly. I got modest raises over the next few years that brought me to 85k before I switched jobs. During these four years, my student loans ballooned to 170k because I was only paying the minimum.
2020: My husband and I cancel our wedding and honeymoon (covid) but still get married. Got a new job that finally got me a low six figure salary (120k) but was in the private sector so still paying minimum on student loans but no longer was making qualified payments for student loan forgiveness. Thought I might still go back into government/nonprofit world.
2021: Changed jobs – same ish salary @ 125k, still in the private sector. Start what will be many rounds of unsuccessful rounds of IVF. I think the total cost has been somewhere around 80k. My husband’s grandmother has helped us a lot which I quite literally don’t know what we would do without, but it’s still been very financially, emotionally, and mentally taxing. Wasted a lot of money on supplements and acupuncture that didn’t help.
2022: Started at the job I have now. Base started at 175,000 plus 25% bonus. In the first year I got a promotion and a 20% raise, so I now make 210,000. This is when I realize that this is the career I enjoy and will likely not go back government service in the future or at least not long enough to participate in student loan forgiveness program. I also do the math and realize if I continue to pay the minimum of income-based repayment (based on my now much higher pay) I will end up paying 3-4x the loan amount over the course of my life. I decide to privatize my loans and choose a 10 year pay off plan because I want to be somewhat aggressive about it, hence the relatively high minimum payment of $1700. Despite the good interest rate (3% ish) the principal is so high that $400 of that goes to interest. It’s why I’d like to aggressive pay it down now, if for no other reason than to get the interest payments down.
2023: I’m told after many failed rounds of IVF, I’m unable to have genetic children. We start figuring out how we will afford other ways to build our family, all of which cost in the tens of thousands. Fortunately, (?) I’ve gotten my student loans down to 125k.
Now: Between canceling our wedding, our honeymoon, living through a pandemic and years of fertility struggles and awful treatments, I am now re-thinking how aggressively I’ve been paying down debt this past year. Approaching getting pregnant and debt payment both as a sprint and not a marathon has done me no favors. I also just want my husband and I to enjoy life a little bit given all our struggles. We both work so hard, and I want to make sure we’re making time (and money) on the things that make us happy. I also realize we need to figure out how we’ll pay to expand our family which overwhelms me but I’m trying to treat this just as a second marathon, not a sprint.
Reflection
Do I regret my student loans?
Despite my six figure loans living rent free in my mind constantly, it’s hard to regret taking them because I can’t imagine how else I would have built the career I have now, which I love and am very grateful for. My career is everything I always hoped for and more although sometimes I lose sight of that in the daily grind. Grad school was so time consuming it’s also hard to imagine how I would have worked at the same time and made enough money to make a meaningful difference in my bills. And I focused a lot of time on substantive internships that would help demonstrate my ability to shifting gears into a different career which I do think paid off in more ways than one. This new career path that I’m on also opens a lot of doors for me to continue to be a higher earner so in the long run, this amount of debt, while daunting and a bit menacing, is somewhat of a first world problem. It will get paid off. My only concern is if something catastrophic happened, since my loans are private, I would still have a very high mandatory minimum payment. Again, both my husband and I have a lot of job security and could always cash out our investment accounts, heaven forbid something awful happened. I think because the past few years have been so mentally taxing, I have very little bandwidth for regret.
Impact of Infertility
It is probably also worth noting that dealing with years of infertility and infertility treatments only to be told ultimately that I’m unable to have [genetic] children has changed who I am as a person and how I see life. We spent 3 years of our life in a pandemic lockdown and then in back-to-back all-consuming aggressive fertility treatments. I feel like we lost so much time and had very little levity during those times. I still plan on being diligent about paying off my debt and investing, but I want to cut myself some slack and allow my husband and myself to live a little, travel and just spend time enjoying our lives instead of just focusing on destinations (of having children and debt pay off).
Generational Wealth
The city I live in is filled with lots of wealthy people and many a times I’ve been in conversations where people ask where you sailed in the summer and skied in the winter, like it’s a given that everyone does this (lol). Most of the people I went to grad school with had their school paid off from family (plus help with a down payment for a house and wedding costs), and it occurs to me over and over how critical a role generational wealth can play in setting someone up for an incredibly easier life. My husband and I grew up middle class (which still conferred a lot of privilege that is never lost on us) but would like to make sure we have saved money for our [eventual] kids college so they’re not saddled with debt – and thinking about other investment accounts we could open for them to start generational wealth. Without my student loan debt, I could have an additional 200k to invest which would have meaningful impact on my kid’s and kid’s kid’s life when invested correctly. I don’t dwell too much on this though, at least anymore, but rather something I consider when planning for the future. Both my husband and I are still grateful for the advantages and privilege we still did and continue to have. Oddly, getting more interested in personal finance has made me feel more neutral about money which I appreciate.
Husband’s Influence
I also have to credit a lot of good money habits to my husband who was a really great influence on me on the importance of making consciousness steps to get a better credit score, invest aggressively, etc. I was definitely living for a good time not a long time up until I met him lol. We still prioritize spending money on fun without guilt but now I enjoy the process about making sure we’re set up well for the future.
Thank you for reading. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable talking about this stuff so please be gentle with me :').
2023.03.31 17:17 NotAHappySunshine Idk what to name it yet pt. 4
Sorry I haven’t posted in a while y’all! I have been really busy!!! If you have not read the other parts read them and come back! Thanks! Anyways on to the story!
03/19/23 W a T s i S h i T h FEELING?
03/20/23 I
03/21/23 Should
03/22/23 Have
03/23/23 Died.
03/30/23 I feel like I got thrown into existence. I felt my body heave as I gasped for air. My eyes immediately opened. I was surrounded by one person. He was right in front of me, and on the sides of me, and getting something from the drawer in the back of the room. He was everywhere. On every computer there were files plastered with my name, they were all medical information about me. My blood type (B+), the procedures preformed on me without my knowledge, every time and reason I was in any medical facility. Too many sounds, people, words. Too. Much.
03/31/23 My eyelids feel like closed shutters. They need to open. I feel myself breathing in and out, there is some sort of tube down my throat, it feels like a hard plastic. It kind of hurts. I feel someone looking at me, I feel their eyes boring into me. The is a machine beeping, it makes a sound every time I breathe. I pause for a second, the machine forces air into my lungs, no beep. I hear a sigh. I recognize it as Eric’s. I breathe on my own again, another beep sounds again. I can almost hear his smile. I want to look at him, I want to talk to him, but it feels impossible. My eyes won’t open, my throat has a tube shoved down it, and I can’t move. Eric lets his hand fall and meet my side. I tense at the sudden feeling. I miss human contact. I am feeling a rush of emotions I haven’t felt in a while. So many feelings. So much. Too much.
04/01/23 Today I opened my eyes and saw Eric. Instead of seeing one Eric, I see many. I and thought I hit my head last time this happened, but I guess it is real. Eric is hovering over me, typing away at a computer, opening drawer after drawer, pacing back and forth, drawing out liquid into a syringe, and laying on the floor. My eyes widen and Eric notices that I can see, well one of them? He says an unpleasant word that would have gotten me smacked in the face when I was younger. Instantly the rest of the Eric’s disappear in to nothingness. What the fuck? Eric lunges across the room in an almost feral way and grabs a needle sitting on the counter. He runs back and before I can do anything he shoves it in my neck. I feel the push back as my skin tries to resist the needle. I feel the break when the tension falls and the liquid is able to diffuse. When my eyes close and I feel a deep tug into the world of slumber I am hoping to avoid. I feel a single kiss placed gently on my forehead. Then the little resistance I was fighting to keep falters and I give way to the tug.
04/02/23 Something keeps trying to keep me down in the darkness. In the ocean of unknown, the sea of mysteries, the pond of… uhh pondering? Whatever term you prefer, I am stuck in it. I am being drowned, I can’t move, I can barely think. I need out. I need out. I need it now. I am stuck. I am stuck. I am stuck in the river of questioning, wanting to swim to the shore of answers. I am unable. I am stuck in the darkness where I don’t belong.
04/03/23 I am restless. I feel my weight sinking into the mattress. I need to get up. I feel my foot leave the fabric surface and then fall back down. I feel my hand start shaking. It feels painful yet amazing to be able to move this body of marble and stone. I want to look. I want to see the world around me. I don’t want slow progress, I want to move more. I want to run, skip, flee. In reality I want to be free.
04/04/23 I have been moving more and more. So far I have been able to sit up. I have the feeling Eric wants me to stay asleep. I still can’t open my eyes. Every time I hear a gush of air I fall flat back. I realized that meant the door was opening. I hear Eric do this deep sigh often. He talks to me, I don’t think he knows I hear him. He places a kiss somewhere on my face every time he comes in. On my forehead, cheek, chin. He put one on the skin below my lip earlier. It is hard not to flinch. I want to see. I want to know why. I want.
04/05/23 I fell today. I sat up, swung my legs around, and stood up. I went face first into the floor. I heard footsteps outside the door and quickly got up. As I was hearing the hiss of air I lied down. Eric came in and shut the door. He walked toward me, his footsteps were heavier than usual. He bent down over me and whispered, “I know you are awake. Just let me know and I will let you be able to see, I know you can’t dear.” He let out a small laugh as he walked to the other side of the room. I can’t contain the feeling of my heart beating fast. It is painful. Eric walks back and I am trying to keep myself from shaking. “Just let me know I am not talking to myself. If you really are asleep I doubt you would mind another little shot.” He holds the needle to my throat and I feel the metal tip brushing my skin. He pushes the needle in and wiggles it around. I need to contain the want to scream. “I know this hurts dear. Don’t worry if you are awake I will take this needle out right now. I know this feels like torture.” He wiggles the needle around more, it hurts so bad. Why is he doing this? He stops. Removes the needle and walks away. I hear something open and close. He walks back and leans over me. “I think I must be going crazy dear, you are so… ugh I can’t describe it.” He places a kiss on the spot below my lips and sighs. He pushes me over to my side and lies next to me. I can feel the moment he falls asleep. I am somehow relaxed in this moment.
submitted by NotAHappySunshine to stories [link] [comments]
03/19/23 W a T s i S h i T h FEELING?
03/20/23 I
03/21/23 Should
03/22/23 Have
03/23/23 Died.
03/30/23 I feel like I got thrown into existence. I felt my body heave as I gasped for air. My eyes immediately opened. I was surrounded by one person. He was right in front of me, and on the sides of me, and getting something from the drawer in the back of the room. He was everywhere. On every computer there were files plastered with my name, they were all medical information about me. My blood type (B+), the procedures preformed on me without my knowledge, every time and reason I was in any medical facility. Too many sounds, people, words. Too. Much.
03/31/23 My eyelids feel like closed shutters. They need to open. I feel myself breathing in and out, there is some sort of tube down my throat, it feels like a hard plastic. It kind of hurts. I feel someone looking at me, I feel their eyes boring into me. The is a machine beeping, it makes a sound every time I breathe. I pause for a second, the machine forces air into my lungs, no beep. I hear a sigh. I recognize it as Eric’s. I breathe on my own again, another beep sounds again. I can almost hear his smile. I want to look at him, I want to talk to him, but it feels impossible. My eyes won’t open, my throat has a tube shoved down it, and I can’t move. Eric lets his hand fall and meet my side. I tense at the sudden feeling. I miss human contact. I am feeling a rush of emotions I haven’t felt in a while. So many feelings. So much. Too much.
04/01/23 Today I opened my eyes and saw Eric. Instead of seeing one Eric, I see many. I and thought I hit my head last time this happened, but I guess it is real. Eric is hovering over me, typing away at a computer, opening drawer after drawer, pacing back and forth, drawing out liquid into a syringe, and laying on the floor. My eyes widen and Eric notices that I can see, well one of them? He says an unpleasant word that would have gotten me smacked in the face when I was younger. Instantly the rest of the Eric’s disappear in to nothingness. What the fuck? Eric lunges across the room in an almost feral way and grabs a needle sitting on the counter. He runs back and before I can do anything he shoves it in my neck. I feel the push back as my skin tries to resist the needle. I feel the break when the tension falls and the liquid is able to diffuse. When my eyes close and I feel a deep tug into the world of slumber I am hoping to avoid. I feel a single kiss placed gently on my forehead. Then the little resistance I was fighting to keep falters and I give way to the tug.
04/02/23 Something keeps trying to keep me down in the darkness. In the ocean of unknown, the sea of mysteries, the pond of… uhh pondering? Whatever term you prefer, I am stuck in it. I am being drowned, I can’t move, I can barely think. I need out. I need out. I need it now. I am stuck. I am stuck. I am stuck in the river of questioning, wanting to swim to the shore of answers. I am unable. I am stuck in the darkness where I don’t belong.
04/03/23 I am restless. I feel my weight sinking into the mattress. I need to get up. I feel my foot leave the fabric surface and then fall back down. I feel my hand start shaking. It feels painful yet amazing to be able to move this body of marble and stone. I want to look. I want to see the world around me. I don’t want slow progress, I want to move more. I want to run, skip, flee. In reality I want to be free.
04/04/23 I have been moving more and more. So far I have been able to sit up. I have the feeling Eric wants me to stay asleep. I still can’t open my eyes. Every time I hear a gush of air I fall flat back. I realized that meant the door was opening. I hear Eric do this deep sigh often. He talks to me, I don’t think he knows I hear him. He places a kiss somewhere on my face every time he comes in. On my forehead, cheek, chin. He put one on the skin below my lip earlier. It is hard not to flinch. I want to see. I want to know why. I want.
04/05/23 I fell today. I sat up, swung my legs around, and stood up. I went face first into the floor. I heard footsteps outside the door and quickly got up. As I was hearing the hiss of air I lied down. Eric came in and shut the door. He walked toward me, his footsteps were heavier than usual. He bent down over me and whispered, “I know you are awake. Just let me know and I will let you be able to see, I know you can’t dear.” He let out a small laugh as he walked to the other side of the room. I can’t contain the feeling of my heart beating fast. It is painful. Eric walks back and I am trying to keep myself from shaking. “Just let me know I am not talking to myself. If you really are asleep I doubt you would mind another little shot.” He holds the needle to my throat and I feel the metal tip brushing my skin. He pushes the needle in and wiggles it around. I need to contain the want to scream. “I know this hurts dear. Don’t worry if you are awake I will take this needle out right now. I know this feels like torture.” He wiggles the needle around more, it hurts so bad. Why is he doing this? He stops. Removes the needle and walks away. I hear something open and close. He walks back and leans over me. “I think I must be going crazy dear, you are so… ugh I can’t describe it.” He places a kiss on the spot below my lips and sighs. He pushes me over to my side and lies next to me. I can feel the moment he falls asleep. I am somehow relaxed in this moment.
2023.03.31 17:16 snip-throw-away 1 week later - so far surprisingly easy process
45M, got mine a week ago at Planned Parenthood. $30 copay, and have yet to see the bill for how much my insurance won't cover, but honestly, even if I am on the hook for the full ~$1k I'm fine with that and wanted to support PP. Also didn't feel like navigating the world of insurance and coverage and finding a provider after hearing good things about getting it done at the local PP.
Went in last Friday after being on the waiting list for a couple of months - mostly due to me being busy or out of town when other openings came up. They only do them on Mon and Fri so that's maybe a consideration for some.
Not much different from what other people have described. I was nervous and it probably showed, so they gave me a decent dose of Ativan and had me chill for a half hour while that kicked in. Went into the room where the deed is done, dropped trou, and got in position on the table.
They used a needle for local anesthesia, but I barely felt anything. It hurt less than the tiny covid-shot needles and was over fast as the stuff took effect immediately. It was no-scalpel. I didn't watch, but I've since looked at videos because I'm weird and was curious about how it's done. Felt the usual mild tugging and the very minor discomfort you might expect as someone was poking needles and sharp objects in your nutsack. I think it was fueled more by anxiety than anything - the expectation that *something* was gonna hurt more than it actually hurting at all.
Forget how long it took but it wasn't too long. Maybe 15-20 min of actual time on the table, even if it seems a little longer. Got my goodie bag (a bunch of rubbers and the sample cup I will drop off at the testing place in 12 weeks) and drove myself home. I'm like 2 miles away so I was back long before anesthesia wore off.
Did the usual - wore a jock for a week (even to sleep for the first 5 days), took tylenol the first day since I figured ibuprofen can increase bleeding, and sat around with a gel ice pack down my shorts on and off. Went back to work on Monday, not really feeling bad at all. I mostly sit at a desk but did some walking around, no lifting.
The past week I was expecting more pain or discomfort, but honestly I haven't really had any. Things are still tender and I've been careful. The hole in my scrote is mostly healed. Scraped it once or twice and it just felt like I'd nicked myself trimming or gotten a bit of an abrasion there. If I really think about it or flex the pelvic muscle I'd use to "raise" my nuts, I can still tell they had something done. Not nearly as bad as a kick in the junk, but like a 5% version of that. As long as I don't do anything weird, it's already feeling like nothing has changed.
And the part everyone seems to ask about - yeah, I waited a week. Barely. Was simultaneously eager to kick the tires and scared from all the reports of granuloma or hematoma. But yeah, rubbed one out (gently...didn't take too much after a week) and things worked as expected. No blood or anything weird came out. Just the usual. I could maybe feel that 5% soreness feeling for a few min afterward, but that's expected with the various muscles that get involved.
Not gonna start going nuts (see what I did?) and spanking it 2x a day to start clearing pipes just yet. I have another 11 weeks to get that taken care of before I can submit my sample. SO has been out of town but she'll be back soon. I'd rather have safe, protected, and comfortable sex then over delaying the healing process now because I decided I had to go drag-racing the second I got my license back.
tl;dr: 1 week later feels fine - all things considered. No surprises. Barely any pain or discomfort, even in the first week. Let's hope it stays this way and I test clear in June!
submitted by snip-throw-away to Vasectomy [link] [comments]
Went in last Friday after being on the waiting list for a couple of months - mostly due to me being busy or out of town when other openings came up. They only do them on Mon and Fri so that's maybe a consideration for some.
Not much different from what other people have described. I was nervous and it probably showed, so they gave me a decent dose of Ativan and had me chill for a half hour while that kicked in. Went into the room where the deed is done, dropped trou, and got in position on the table.
They used a needle for local anesthesia, but I barely felt anything. It hurt less than the tiny covid-shot needles and was over fast as the stuff took effect immediately. It was no-scalpel. I didn't watch, but I've since looked at videos because I'm weird and was curious about how it's done. Felt the usual mild tugging and the very minor discomfort you might expect as someone was poking needles and sharp objects in your nutsack. I think it was fueled more by anxiety than anything - the expectation that *something* was gonna hurt more than it actually hurting at all.
Forget how long it took but it wasn't too long. Maybe 15-20 min of actual time on the table, even if it seems a little longer. Got my goodie bag (a bunch of rubbers and the sample cup I will drop off at the testing place in 12 weeks) and drove myself home. I'm like 2 miles away so I was back long before anesthesia wore off.
Did the usual - wore a jock for a week (even to sleep for the first 5 days), took tylenol the first day since I figured ibuprofen can increase bleeding, and sat around with a gel ice pack down my shorts on and off. Went back to work on Monday, not really feeling bad at all. I mostly sit at a desk but did some walking around, no lifting.
The past week I was expecting more pain or discomfort, but honestly I haven't really had any. Things are still tender and I've been careful. The hole in my scrote is mostly healed. Scraped it once or twice and it just felt like I'd nicked myself trimming or gotten a bit of an abrasion there. If I really think about it or flex the pelvic muscle I'd use to "raise" my nuts, I can still tell they had something done. Not nearly as bad as a kick in the junk, but like a 5% version of that. As long as I don't do anything weird, it's already feeling like nothing has changed.
And the part everyone seems to ask about - yeah, I waited a week. Barely. Was simultaneously eager to kick the tires and scared from all the reports of granuloma or hematoma. But yeah, rubbed one out (gently...didn't take too much after a week) and things worked as expected. No blood or anything weird came out. Just the usual. I could maybe feel that 5% soreness feeling for a few min afterward, but that's expected with the various muscles that get involved.
Not gonna start going nuts (see what I did?) and spanking it 2x a day to start clearing pipes just yet. I have another 11 weeks to get that taken care of before I can submit my sample. SO has been out of town but she'll be back soon. I'd rather have safe, protected, and comfortable sex then over delaying the healing process now because I decided I had to go drag-racing the second I got my license back.
tl;dr: 1 week later feels fine - all things considered. No surprises. Barely any pain or discomfort, even in the first week. Let's hope it stays this way and I test clear in June!
2023.03.31 17:15 Savagesavi21 Sexually Harassed at work
I (23F) work at a hotel and last Sunday was sexually harassed by two young men (around my age). They asked me to show them a room late at night and in the time span of walking down the hall, getting to the elevator, and getting to the room; I was asked numerous forceful sexual questions.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” I have a husband
“Can I have you phone number?” I don’t think that’s appropriate
“Why not?” Because I’m married
“He doesn’t have to know, I can give you the best 10 minutes of your life.” “We can go into the room and it can be an hour if you want or I can take you to my car.”
“I’ll give you money if you want it.” I don’t want your money and no that’s not happening
“Listen we all need a little bit of fun in our lives and you spend 10 minutes with us, it’ll be the best time you’ve ever had.” No not happening
Going back down after showing the room and not going in with these guys after these comment were said, when we headed back in the elevator they kept asking me for my number and if I wanted 10 minutes with them. When we go into the hallway I was stopped by them and they kept trying with these sexual advances.
One guy said “I’ll give you money.” Which I told him I don’t want your money “Yeah look at her she doesn’t want our money she’s not some broad off the street.” The guy saying this beings rubbing my arm and telling me; “Listen you tell me no then no (I’ve already said no 5+ times) but if you want I’m sure I can give you the best 10 minutes of your life with both of us and no one has to know.” I pull back, scared for my life at this point. I say no again and we continue walking which they stop me again before we get the front desk and they say, “You let me know before we leave, it’ll be amazing, I promise.”
At this point I’m freaking out inside since this has never happened. One of the guys puts his phone down on the desk which I tell him no I don’t want it and he forcefully put it’s in my hand. I type my husbands phone number which has no network and they call it right then and there (freaking weirdos) I finish checking them in (yes I realize I should have just called the cops I have never been in a situation like this so my mind was exploding and I wasn’t sure what to do) and they had the audacity to say in front of my manager might I add, “Can you show us the room one more time, take us up and show us where it is.” Which I told them no you can find it yourself I already showed you.
I tell my manger what happened and she’s not happy. She tells me to wait in the back office and don’t come out since my shift is ending soon anyways. They come back down and ask my manger where I went and stared into the back room looking for me. She told them I left and in this time I called my husband. These guys go to the gas station we have right down the street and when they come back they look into the office once again trying you see if I’m there. I end up going home ASAP. Get back the next day and apparently everyone that works there knows because my manager told everyone. I didn’t even get the opportunity to explain to my general managers who are also the owners about situation and when they see me all they could say was wow people are wild.
Another front desk employee was talking with my manger and my manger said to the general managers we are putting hem on the do not rent list right? Which the other fd person says no they’ve never even stayed here before and my manger said yes they have they just stayed her last night and messed with our staff. And both the fd agent and the general managers decided not to put them on the list. So I took it upon myself to ask since no one knows my side of the story but everyone knows apparently and I still have yet to get a response which they usually take less than 5 minutes to text back.
I was told these guys came back by my manager yesterday and was told I don’t have to serve them and can just call the cops when this can be prevented by putting them on the do not rent list so not only myself but other workers aren’t asked this as well as guest.
This hotel has been proven to be unsafe we call the cops maybe once a week due to guest. And my general mangers have shown me they don’t care about me even though I have been a major asset to the company for 7 months now and have taken on other task that front desk agents don’t have permission to do. I’m already in the process of quitting just have to do it. But I needed a general opinion am I tripping to much about this and the lack of my safety that is being shown or am I valid in thinking this is bull and I should just quit to put my safety first since my managers won’t?
submitted by Savagesavi21 to WorkAdvice [link] [comments]
“Do you have a boyfriend?” I have a husband
“Can I have you phone number?” I don’t think that’s appropriate
“Why not?” Because I’m married
“He doesn’t have to know, I can give you the best 10 minutes of your life.” “We can go into the room and it can be an hour if you want or I can take you to my car.”
“I’ll give you money if you want it.” I don’t want your money and no that’s not happening
“Listen we all need a little bit of fun in our lives and you spend 10 minutes with us, it’ll be the best time you’ve ever had.” No not happening
Going back down after showing the room and not going in with these guys after these comment were said, when we headed back in the elevator they kept asking me for my number and if I wanted 10 minutes with them. When we go into the hallway I was stopped by them and they kept trying with these sexual advances.
One guy said “I’ll give you money.” Which I told him I don’t want your money “Yeah look at her she doesn’t want our money she’s not some broad off the street.” The guy saying this beings rubbing my arm and telling me; “Listen you tell me no then no (I’ve already said no 5+ times) but if you want I’m sure I can give you the best 10 minutes of your life with both of us and no one has to know.” I pull back, scared for my life at this point. I say no again and we continue walking which they stop me again before we get the front desk and they say, “You let me know before we leave, it’ll be amazing, I promise.”
At this point I’m freaking out inside since this has never happened. One of the guys puts his phone down on the desk which I tell him no I don’t want it and he forcefully put it’s in my hand. I type my husbands phone number which has no network and they call it right then and there (freaking weirdos) I finish checking them in (yes I realize I should have just called the cops I have never been in a situation like this so my mind was exploding and I wasn’t sure what to do) and they had the audacity to say in front of my manager might I add, “Can you show us the room one more time, take us up and show us where it is.” Which I told them no you can find it yourself I already showed you.
I tell my manger what happened and she’s not happy. She tells me to wait in the back office and don’t come out since my shift is ending soon anyways. They come back down and ask my manger where I went and stared into the back room looking for me. She told them I left and in this time I called my husband. These guys go to the gas station we have right down the street and when they come back they look into the office once again trying you see if I’m there. I end up going home ASAP. Get back the next day and apparently everyone that works there knows because my manager told everyone. I didn’t even get the opportunity to explain to my general managers who are also the owners about situation and when they see me all they could say was wow people are wild.
Another front desk employee was talking with my manger and my manger said to the general managers we are putting hem on the do not rent list right? Which the other fd person says no they’ve never even stayed here before and my manger said yes they have they just stayed her last night and messed with our staff. And both the fd agent and the general managers decided not to put them on the list. So I took it upon myself to ask since no one knows my side of the story but everyone knows apparently and I still have yet to get a response which they usually take less than 5 minutes to text back.
I was told these guys came back by my manager yesterday and was told I don’t have to serve them and can just call the cops when this can be prevented by putting them on the do not rent list so not only myself but other workers aren’t asked this as well as guest.
This hotel has been proven to be unsafe we call the cops maybe once a week due to guest. And my general mangers have shown me they don’t care about me even though I have been a major asset to the company for 7 months now and have taken on other task that front desk agents don’t have permission to do. I’m already in the process of quitting just have to do it. But I needed a general opinion am I tripping to much about this and the lack of my safety that is being shown or am I valid in thinking this is bull and I should just quit to put my safety first since my managers won’t?
2023.03.31 17:15 Womak2034 I hate hearing other people play videos around me ESPECIALLY AT WORK
Like I absolutely cannot stand it. If I hear that God forsaken TikTok robot voice introduce some nonsensical, useless, baseless, single serving bite size piece of digital content again I may just snap. All day at my job the break room is filled with people blasting TikToks, sometimes facetiming people (I also don't want to hear your facetime conversation, hearing another persons phone secondhand is also awful for anyone), sometimes having full on conversations on speakerphone....like we're not living in 2023 and EVERY phone comes with a set of headphones. It's just downright disrespectful of those around you. Like why do you want people to hear your videos and phone conversations? Don't you want any privacy? The office that I am located in is right next to the break room and even with headphones in and music blasting I can still hear the tinny sounds of phones wafting through the walls. It's so hard to concentrate and get anything worthwhile done.
It's even worse when I get home from listening to that all day and my girlfriend scrolls TikTok for an hour or two every night while we're relaxing. If we're not doing something together, like if I'm playing video games and she is just chilling next to me she will scroll and play videos and it's so annoying and stressful! I just want to relax after work and literally just not hear that. Last night I got home from working all day after spending time in the office listening to TikTok from all the people who have never heard of headphones and some time working up front (I'm a restaurant manager). I was running around all day and I was tired. I just wanted to decompress and play some Resident Evil 4 after work. We had dinner and watched two episodes of the show we're watching and I said I was going to game for a bit. She said she I'll watch you and came downstairs with me. While I'm playing and trying to pay attention to the cutscene and what I'm doing she is just blasting TikTok with no regard next to me. Literal videos of people screaming, yelling, robot voice, politics, anti abortion, school shootings, drag queens, like fuck it's just an overload I can't be hearing this shit all day and night. I like to stay topical and in the "know" about social issues but I cannot listen to this all day. All it does it make me angry and I don't feel like it helps me grow as a person. I asked her to turn it lower and she did but I could still hear it. I whipped out my gaming headphones and I could still hear it because it's so tinny and shrill. I then asked if she could please do literally anything else other than scroll TikTok because it is seriously bothering me and I cannot relax or pay attention to my game because it's so distracting. She got kind of upset and stood up and got ready for bed. She later apologized saying she didn't know it was that annoying and it's fine like whatever just still......do people not realize how annoying their phones are to others around them?
submitted by Womak2034 to Vent [link] [comments]
It's even worse when I get home from listening to that all day and my girlfriend scrolls TikTok for an hour or two every night while we're relaxing. If we're not doing something together, like if I'm playing video games and she is just chilling next to me she will scroll and play videos and it's so annoying and stressful! I just want to relax after work and literally just not hear that. Last night I got home from working all day after spending time in the office listening to TikTok from all the people who have never heard of headphones and some time working up front (I'm a restaurant manager). I was running around all day and I was tired. I just wanted to decompress and play some Resident Evil 4 after work. We had dinner and watched two episodes of the show we're watching and I said I was going to game for a bit. She said she I'll watch you and came downstairs with me. While I'm playing and trying to pay attention to the cutscene and what I'm doing she is just blasting TikTok with no regard next to me. Literal videos of people screaming, yelling, robot voice, politics, anti abortion, school shootings, drag queens, like fuck it's just an overload I can't be hearing this shit all day and night. I like to stay topical and in the "know" about social issues but I cannot listen to this all day. All it does it make me angry and I don't feel like it helps me grow as a person. I asked her to turn it lower and she did but I could still hear it. I whipped out my gaming headphones and I could still hear it because it's so tinny and shrill. I then asked if she could please do literally anything else other than scroll TikTok because it is seriously bothering me and I cannot relax or pay attention to my game because it's so distracting. She got kind of upset and stood up and got ready for bed. She later apologized saying she didn't know it was that annoying and it's fine like whatever just still......do people not realize how annoying their phones are to others around them?
2023.03.31 17:14 Lucybomable Looking to rehome a parrot
Hi all, we have a Blue-fronted Amazon that we desperately need to find a new home for. Does anyone know the best way to do this? I want to ensure he goes somewhere he'll be happy, taken good care of, and not stuck in a cage all day.
Before anyone passes judgement, please know we did NOT go out and buy a parrot only to decide we no longer want a parrot. My boyfriend's best friend asked if he could "temporarily" care for him - that was over 10 years ago.
He is in a cage all day since it's not safe for him to be out around our other animals (a dog and four cats), so he does nothing but scream at the top of his lungs for hours every, single day. He's obviously miserable, but we do not have any room to let him out free - if we let him outside we're afraid he'll either fly away or another bird will come swoop him up.
Please, if anyone has advice, please let me know. I'm at my wit's end.
submitted by Lucybomable to parrots [link] [comments]
Before anyone passes judgement, please know we did NOT go out and buy a parrot only to decide we no longer want a parrot. My boyfriend's best friend asked if he could "temporarily" care for him - that was over 10 years ago.
He is in a cage all day since it's not safe for him to be out around our other animals (a dog and four cats), so he does nothing but scream at the top of his lungs for hours every, single day. He's obviously miserable, but we do not have any room to let him out free - if we let him outside we're afraid he'll either fly away or another bird will come swoop him up.
Please, if anyone has advice, please let me know. I'm at my wit's end.
2023.03.31 17:13 Trainreckofalife Not feeling wanted by others
One of my old best friends got married recently and I was invited to the evening which I’m grateful for but all our mutual friends got invited to the day. Even ones that I know don’t even hang out with him any more. It kinda hurts to think that I’m being singled out by some people. It’s similar with everyone now. I have a friend that only wants to hang out if I join the gym with him and another friend who never texts me first. I just feel very unloved and unlikeable by most people. I have a girlfriend who I feel like is the only person who genuinely likes me. At work I have no close friends. A few people I will chat to but I feel like a bit of an outcast there too. I’m not the loudest in the room. I’m not particularly social and I don’t always want to go out etc. it’d just be cool to feel appreciated once in a while. Does anyone else feel like this?
submitted by Trainreckofalife to lonely [link] [comments]
2023.03.31 17:13 mrcouch8 My sleep has been absolutely AWFUL
Im on day 32 and I have had the absolute worst sleep of my life by far for about 3 weeks. I have woken up in the middle of night literally every single night for at least 20 nights in a row. I go to the gym 3 times a week (I don’t really have time to do much more), I take melatonin, and I have also done things to make my room/bed as comfortable as possible. Nothing is working.
Will this fade away on its own eventually? Or am I just screwed? I have even less energy and confidence then I did when I was fapping.
I am so fucking miserable I don’t know if I can keep doing this.
submitted by mrcouch8 to NoFap [link] [comments]
Will this fade away on its own eventually? Or am I just screwed? I have even less energy and confidence then I did when I was fapping.
I am so fucking miserable I don’t know if I can keep doing this.
2023.03.31 17:12 IllustriousPiece4886 [US, NYC] NYC native planning to marry overstayed-visa immigrant, need some guidance
I was born in the us and met this person a year ago. We decided to get married after she came back from her country to renew her visa. They only gave her 2 weeks and so she overstayed. We thought it would be best to get married as soon as possible so that she can visit her family if she needs to. We applied for the license but I'm starting to have doubts. We haven't gotten a lawyer, we wrote up a prenup draft on paper but I understand its nowhere near enough.
I want to know what I should do. We do love each other, we've travelled together a few times before the visa expiring, we aren't perfect but it does work. Should we put the brakes on and get an immigration lawyer? Is it absolutely necessary to get separate lawyers? We aren't in the greatest place financially, I make much more than her but we work in the same place. I personally also have a lot of bills I'm responsible for and not a lot of room to spend on a lawyer for myself, we'd probably be able to afford one together though, is that feasible?
I'm honestly open to any and all advice because I feel like I'm at a cross roads here. I had this crisis before and promised her marriage and backed out because of this exact panic. I want to seek out guidance this time instead of doing nothing at all. I'm a few hours from going to the marriage license appointment so fast responses would be hugely appreciated.
submitted by IllustriousPiece4886 to legaladvice [link] [comments]
I want to know what I should do. We do love each other, we've travelled together a few times before the visa expiring, we aren't perfect but it does work. Should we put the brakes on and get an immigration lawyer? Is it absolutely necessary to get separate lawyers? We aren't in the greatest place financially, I make much more than her but we work in the same place. I personally also have a lot of bills I'm responsible for and not a lot of room to spend on a lawyer for myself, we'd probably be able to afford one together though, is that feasible?
I'm honestly open to any and all advice because I feel like I'm at a cross roads here. I had this crisis before and promised her marriage and backed out because of this exact panic. I want to seek out guidance this time instead of doing nothing at all. I'm a few hours from going to the marriage license appointment so fast responses would be hugely appreciated.
2023.03.31 17:12 udrivemenutz Have trouble sleeping!
 | I have been utilizing these patches since Monday, every night I have slept so well through the whole night. Just wanted to share for those interested in trying. submitted by udrivemenutz to Sleepingatlast [link] [comments] |
2023.03.31 17:11 adalos2 New, quiet gaming PC.
It's been a while since I've upgraded due mostly to GPU prices, so I'm probably going to have to start from scratch. I don't care about RGB/looks at all, just performance.
Budget: Wife OK'd $1500
Types of games I play:
I mostly play the full spectrum of RPG genres, as well as some survival, fps, etc. (POE, Skyrim, Elden Rings, No Man's Sky, Cyberpunk, Far Cry series). This is 99% of what this PC will be used for, including future-state D4, POE2, Starfield, Elder Scrolls 6.
My current setup is SUPER quiet. Can't even hear that it's on and I love this because I do a lot of music production on a separate pc in the same room, as well as ambient noise over long gaming sessions wearing me out. If I can re-use the same case I currently have, great. If not, I definitely want something with similar sound performance. I'm not trying to save anything from this list, just giving insight into what I'm coming from. Current games are crushing me with only 3gb vram.
Case: Fractal Design Define S Silent ATX midtower RAM: 2x8 DDR4 2666 MB: Gigabyte Z730 LGA 1151 CPU: i7-8700k GPU: Asus GeForce GTX 1060 3Gb PSU: 650w 80+ Gold
I have several TBs worth of SSDs that I'll be re-purposing, so I'm ok on storage, monitors, and other accessories.
Don't need a 4k system, but I'd like to future-proof myself for the aforementioned on-the-horizon games I intend to play and get a good 3-4 years out of it.
Any help would be much appreciated. Also, if I'm really close to say an entire tier of higher performance, I'd be willing to go a bit above the $1500 if it saves me down the line. I know there's usually some break points for builds.
submitted by adalos2 to buildmeapc [link] [comments]
Budget: Wife OK'd $1500
Types of games I play:
I mostly play the full spectrum of RPG genres, as well as some survival, fps, etc. (POE, Skyrim, Elden Rings, No Man's Sky, Cyberpunk, Far Cry series). This is 99% of what this PC will be used for, including future-state D4, POE2, Starfield, Elder Scrolls 6.
My current setup is SUPER quiet. Can't even hear that it's on and I love this because I do a lot of music production on a separate pc in the same room, as well as ambient noise over long gaming sessions wearing me out. If I can re-use the same case I currently have, great. If not, I definitely want something with similar sound performance. I'm not trying to save anything from this list, just giving insight into what I'm coming from. Current games are crushing me with only 3gb vram.
Case: Fractal Design Define S Silent ATX midtower RAM: 2x8 DDR4 2666 MB: Gigabyte Z730 LGA 1151 CPU: i7-8700k GPU: Asus GeForce GTX 1060 3Gb PSU: 650w 80+ Gold
I have several TBs worth of SSDs that I'll be re-purposing, so I'm ok on storage, monitors, and other accessories.
Don't need a 4k system, but I'd like to future-proof myself for the aforementioned on-the-horizon games I intend to play and get a good 3-4 years out of it.
Any help would be much appreciated. Also, if I'm really close to say an entire tier of higher performance, I'd be willing to go a bit above the $1500 if it saves me down the line. I know there's usually some break points for builds.
2023.03.31 17:11 Hypocriticuss NoP Fanfic: Secret Predators - 6
First
Prev
—————————————————————————————
Memory Transcription Subject: Bak, Extermination Officer, Rangha Surface City
Date [Standardized Human Time]: September 16, 2136
—————————————————————————————
Blinding white light filled my vision as I opened the door to my apartment. I looked away and closed the door immediately. It's yet another bright day today. Cursing myself, I looked for the black glasses I put somewhere in the room. 10 months of living on the surface, and I still manage to forget that I live here from time to time. I put on the black glasses and head to the city extermination office for work.
Public transport seems to be more crowded than usual. Many of them seem to be aliens, specifically aliens from beyond the empty space. That's weird. Tourists aren't normally that numerous this time of the year.
A Sivkit couple seemed to be arguing about something, unaware of the curious Ranghals, including me, eavesdropping on their conversation.
"I don't care how many times I have to say this- we are not moving here. Did you forget how long we had to stay in the spaceship to even get to this planet? Now imagine how much of a nightmare it'll be to move our stuff from our home planet. We had our fun, but we should go back now", the male of the couple piped up. It sounded like it wasn't the first time they were having this argument.
The female replied, "But it's so much safer here. This place is so far away from the Arxurs. Come on, think about it, we'll never have to worry about the predators raiding us anymore."
"Our homeworld is safe enough as it is. Do you really want to live so far away from the greater herd? The Federation can't protect a planet this far away from their space."
"They don't have to. This place hasn't had a single raid in the last 150 years. I'm telling you, it's the safest place in the galaxy"
"And what if the Arxur start attacking? Then what? Besides…", the male tried to lower his voice, "... They're all very primitive, all 3 of them. You saw how backwards their technology is, right? So many of them still live underground. They're barely more advanced than the Yotul. I don't think they have the capabilities to evacuate themselves if they get attacked."
The couple kept arguing back and forth like this until I came to my stop. It was nothing new. Every few months, you could hear tourists contemplating staying on this planet permanently, along with backhanded insults about our species. We had to get used to it, being offended at these remarks was not a luxury we could afford.
Rangha, and the Ghedi and Firin homeworlds, exist quite a distance away from the nearest Federation space. Our uplifting started as an effort to expand Federation territories, but was stopped once the war with the Arxur got worse. One month of FTL travel through empty space meant running supplies and personnel was too costly to consider. Even FTL signals from their capital takes 4 days to reach here. So most aliens that come from the Federation are tourists, drifters and, most regrettably, the exterminators.
The distance also meant that the Arxur would probably never consider attacking us. Which is both a blessing and a curse, since the lack of any potential threat meant the Federation would not clear us to have any sizable military fleet. Despite being so far removed from the "Herd", as the Federation liked to call themselves, we were still living under their claws. It was hard not to feel a little jealous of the Arxur. For as evil and cruelty-driven as they seemed to be, they at least had the means to fight the Federation.
For now, we Ranghal have to make do with fighting from the shadows. It's the only way to survive until we can figure out how to obtain enough military power. It's why I joined the extermination office, it's a draining and blasphemous job, but keeping the exterminators in check was of the utmost importance.
I entered the office building to see several exterminators in the main hall. Most of them were aliens, with only 5 Ranghals in the office. The Federation didn't trust "primitives" to effectively run the extermination business.
"Hey Bak, did you hear? We finally sent Jhekl to the mental correctional facility yesterday", Lenli, a Venlil, told me as I sat at my table.
"The Ghedi? What did he do?", I asked.
"You know how that brat has been giving us trouble lately?", a Harchen, Pard, entered the room.
"He called you a demon right to your face", Lenli's ears flicked in amusement.
"The nerve of that kid!", Pard continued, "Anyway, we got suspicious so we investigated his house yesterday", there was a hint of smugness in his voice, "Guess what we found. Two Chiki corpses in his room. That piece of shit even tried to attack us when we went to capture him"
I asked in disbelief, "What was he doing with those?"
"Eat them, play with them. Who knows how these predator diseased freaks' brains work?", Pard said dismissively.
"I say why even waste resources trying to correct them. Just set these freaks on fire and get rid of the menace", Lenli said as his tail swished back and forth.
Pard laughed, "Yeah. Set an example. So many people with predator disease seem to be popping up lately"
"Nothing to do about it, I guess", I said as I remained expressionless, trying to hide the anger building inside me.
Predator disease. A term these exterminators throw out against anyone who try to raise a voice against them. Apparently standing up for yourself was a sign of being a predator according to them.
I guess you would be scared of predators if your species lived as prey their entire existence. But you wouldn't know they were prey if you looked at the exterminators. I strongly believe all of them were predator diseased themselves. The only reason they were here was because they were exiled from Federation space, or because they were trying to escape judgment before the more sane of their species got wise to their condition. Here, where they hold much more power, they can do whatever they want without scrutiny. When they were not taking enjoyment from burning animals and their babies alive, they were extorting people on their patrols. It was amusing for them to exercise power on people who didn't fight back because they trusted the exterminators to protect them. And the ones that did fight back, like Jhekl, got falsely accused of having predator disease and taken to a correctional facility.
It wasn't hard to deduce that Jhekl's predator disease was fabricated too. Regular people, especially aliens, don't look too closely at accusations like this. Most of them trust exterminators blindly, or are too busy being scared out of their skin to question it. However, Surveillance Office definitely knew Jhekl was innocent. But they won't do anything about it since he's an alien. It didn't feel right. Alien or not, the Ghedi are our neighbours. No-one should suffer injustice like this.
I wasn't on patrol duty today, so I was hoping to stay the whole day in my office. A bright day like this was not the time to go out for a walk. I would've preferred the night shift, but so would most Ranghals, it wasn't something newer exterminators like me got right away. I was getting a bit anxious too. It had been 4 months since the extermination office last encountered a real predator. A nest of small Orbhead birds, barely any danger to anything but insects. But it was enough to send the aliens that discovered it into a stampede. The exterminators that were assigned tracked the bird down into a forest, and burned it and its chicks alive as soon as they found it, along with the part of the forest around the nest.
And now the exterminators were getting impatient. I fear they were itching to use their flamethrowers again, looking for any excuse to justify it.
My fears were realized when Dagh came into the room.
"Lenli, Pard, Bak. Come to the Head exterminator's office. Rajan said we have a mission", Dagh said before he walked out.
Lenli and Pard looked at each other.
"Predators?"
"I sure hope so. It gets so boring here doing nothing all these days"
There was a spring in their steps as they walked to the Head exterminator's office. My steps, however, were filled with dread. I have no doubt this mission will involve us burning down our sacred forests. And this time I'll be a part of it.
submitted by Hypocriticuss to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
Prev
—————————————————————————————
Memory Transcription Subject: Bak, Extermination Officer, Rangha Surface City
Date [Standardized Human Time]: September 16, 2136
—————————————————————————————
Blinding white light filled my vision as I opened the door to my apartment. I looked away and closed the door immediately. It's yet another bright day today. Cursing myself, I looked for the black glasses I put somewhere in the room. 10 months of living on the surface, and I still manage to forget that I live here from time to time. I put on the black glasses and head to the city extermination office for work.
Public transport seems to be more crowded than usual. Many of them seem to be aliens, specifically aliens from beyond the empty space. That's weird. Tourists aren't normally that numerous this time of the year.
A Sivkit couple seemed to be arguing about something, unaware of the curious Ranghals, including me, eavesdropping on their conversation.
"I don't care how many times I have to say this- we are not moving here. Did you forget how long we had to stay in the spaceship to even get to this planet? Now imagine how much of a nightmare it'll be to move our stuff from our home planet. We had our fun, but we should go back now", the male of the couple piped up. It sounded like it wasn't the first time they were having this argument.
The female replied, "But it's so much safer here. This place is so far away from the Arxurs. Come on, think about it, we'll never have to worry about the predators raiding us anymore."
"Our homeworld is safe enough as it is. Do you really want to live so far away from the greater herd? The Federation can't protect a planet this far away from their space."
"They don't have to. This place hasn't had a single raid in the last 150 years. I'm telling you, it's the safest place in the galaxy"
"And what if the Arxur start attacking? Then what? Besides…", the male tried to lower his voice, "... They're all very primitive, all 3 of them. You saw how backwards their technology is, right? So many of them still live underground. They're barely more advanced than the Yotul. I don't think they have the capabilities to evacuate themselves if they get attacked."
The couple kept arguing back and forth like this until I came to my stop. It was nothing new. Every few months, you could hear tourists contemplating staying on this planet permanently, along with backhanded insults about our species. We had to get used to it, being offended at these remarks was not a luxury we could afford.
Rangha, and the Ghedi and Firin homeworlds, exist quite a distance away from the nearest Federation space. Our uplifting started as an effort to expand Federation territories, but was stopped once the war with the Arxur got worse. One month of FTL travel through empty space meant running supplies and personnel was too costly to consider. Even FTL signals from their capital takes 4 days to reach here. So most aliens that come from the Federation are tourists, drifters and, most regrettably, the exterminators.
The distance also meant that the Arxur would probably never consider attacking us. Which is both a blessing and a curse, since the lack of any potential threat meant the Federation would not clear us to have any sizable military fleet. Despite being so far removed from the "Herd", as the Federation liked to call themselves, we were still living under their claws. It was hard not to feel a little jealous of the Arxur. For as evil and cruelty-driven as they seemed to be, they at least had the means to fight the Federation.
For now, we Ranghal have to make do with fighting from the shadows. It's the only way to survive until we can figure out how to obtain enough military power. It's why I joined the extermination office, it's a draining and blasphemous job, but keeping the exterminators in check was of the utmost importance.
I entered the office building to see several exterminators in the main hall. Most of them were aliens, with only 5 Ranghals in the office. The Federation didn't trust "primitives" to effectively run the extermination business.
"Hey Bak, did you hear? We finally sent Jhekl to the mental correctional facility yesterday", Lenli, a Venlil, told me as I sat at my table.
"The Ghedi? What did he do?", I asked.
"You know how that brat has been giving us trouble lately?", a Harchen, Pard, entered the room.
"He called you a demon right to your face", Lenli's ears flicked in amusement.
"The nerve of that kid!", Pard continued, "Anyway, we got suspicious so we investigated his house yesterday", there was a hint of smugness in his voice, "Guess what we found. Two Chiki corpses in his room. That piece of shit even tried to attack us when we went to capture him"
I asked in disbelief, "What was he doing with those?"
"Eat them, play with them. Who knows how these predator diseased freaks' brains work?", Pard said dismissively.
"I say why even waste resources trying to correct them. Just set these freaks on fire and get rid of the menace", Lenli said as his tail swished back and forth.
Pard laughed, "Yeah. Set an example. So many people with predator disease seem to be popping up lately"
"Nothing to do about it, I guess", I said as I remained expressionless, trying to hide the anger building inside me.
Predator disease. A term these exterminators throw out against anyone who try to raise a voice against them. Apparently standing up for yourself was a sign of being a predator according to them.
I guess you would be scared of predators if your species lived as prey their entire existence. But you wouldn't know they were prey if you looked at the exterminators. I strongly believe all of them were predator diseased themselves. The only reason they were here was because they were exiled from Federation space, or because they were trying to escape judgment before the more sane of their species got wise to their condition. Here, where they hold much more power, they can do whatever they want without scrutiny. When they were not taking enjoyment from burning animals and their babies alive, they were extorting people on their patrols. It was amusing for them to exercise power on people who didn't fight back because they trusted the exterminators to protect them. And the ones that did fight back, like Jhekl, got falsely accused of having predator disease and taken to a correctional facility.
It wasn't hard to deduce that Jhekl's predator disease was fabricated too. Regular people, especially aliens, don't look too closely at accusations like this. Most of them trust exterminators blindly, or are too busy being scared out of their skin to question it. However, Surveillance Office definitely knew Jhekl was innocent. But they won't do anything about it since he's an alien. It didn't feel right. Alien or not, the Ghedi are our neighbours. No-one should suffer injustice like this.
I wasn't on patrol duty today, so I was hoping to stay the whole day in my office. A bright day like this was not the time to go out for a walk. I would've preferred the night shift, but so would most Ranghals, it wasn't something newer exterminators like me got right away. I was getting a bit anxious too. It had been 4 months since the extermination office last encountered a real predator. A nest of small Orbhead birds, barely any danger to anything but insects. But it was enough to send the aliens that discovered it into a stampede. The exterminators that were assigned tracked the bird down into a forest, and burned it and its chicks alive as soon as they found it, along with the part of the forest around the nest.
And now the exterminators were getting impatient. I fear they were itching to use their flamethrowers again, looking for any excuse to justify it.
My fears were realized when Dagh came into the room.
"Lenli, Pard, Bak. Come to the Head exterminator's office. Rajan said we have a mission", Dagh said before he walked out.
Lenli and Pard looked at each other.
"Predators?"
"I sure hope so. It gets so boring here doing nothing all these days"
There was a spring in their steps as they walked to the Head exterminator's office. My steps, however, were filled with dread. I have no doubt this mission will involve us burning down our sacred forests. And this time I'll be a part of it.
2023.03.31 17:11 EpicJoseph_ My drecko/ pincha pepperplant farm
i wanted to make a drecko/glossy drecko farm, and also wanted a bit of reed fiber with the plastic so i decided ill make a drecko ranch that moves the surplus eggs to your average starvation chamber.
also wanted a to make some pincha peppernuts, so i decided to do both at the same time.
a few nots:
submitted by EpicJoseph_ to Oxygennotincluded [link] [comments]
also wanted a to make some pincha peppernuts, so i decided to do both at the same time.
a few nots:
- dreckos can and probably will go through the doors if theyre open
- duplicants and sweepers can pick things through the doors
- since the eggs fall through the doors, which count as a different room, its possible to make a starvation chamber right under the doors
- you could make a small system that passes the phosphorite up to the plants above the farm plots
- if you decide to use this build, make sure you get the hydrogen the right temperature and give the pincha pepperplants polluted water thats not too cold or hot
2023.03.31 17:11 Exact-Ad9487 Did I love you enough and the danger of well-meaning friends
First off, I’m grateful to have found this sub. My first post asked the question: Who’s the abuser? I still don’t know the answer, but reading through the various posts and comments is helping recall and re-evaluate the past.
However, this post is about something that happened last night.
I am currently fighting off an illness, which I caught from my spouse. She was sick for several days during which time, I did my best to take care of her. She frequently gets sick whereas I rarely do and typically bounce back pretty fast.
Yesterday, I felt awful and went to bed early. Meanwhile, she’s talking to a friend on the phone. This also means she’s drinking, which terrifies me because that’s when she’s at her very meanest. She also becomes very demanding of my attention and extremely manipulative when I can’t or won’t give her what she wants.
I took a couple of Benadryl hoping that if I’m asleep she won’t bother me. Nope…despite her knowing I’m Ill and having firsthand experience with what that feels like, she comes into my room (we currently sleep apart) and says “Are you going to talk to me?”
She sits down on the bed and takes my hand. “Do you think I didn’t love you enough?” Danger Will Robinson! Fortunately, despite being half asleep, I was wise enough not to respond. She continues “[Friend] says she doesn’t think I loved you enough.”
Friend is a genuinely sweet and loving person, which is what I say in response to this. She says, “She is and she loves you so much.” This is platonic by the way…there’s never been a single spark of attraction between us.
I continue to play the sleepyhead (not difficult really). “But she’s naive,” says my spouse. “And I’m a little offended.” Danger, danger, danger. Thankfully, I didn’t take the bait. She said something about how the conversation wasn’t productive, and she reluctantly left the room. I wish it was relief that I felt, but she fights a guerrilla style war - hit and run again and again until I lose my cool and lash out.
Thankfully, this didn’t happen and she didn’t return, or if she did, I didn’t hear it. I know Friend meant well. Other friends have spoken up for me, and it does more harm than good. My spouse cannot take criticism especially if it calls her precious character into question. She will lash out at them and me while making sweeping statements that she’s a bad person. It’s an absolute cop-out of a response that allows her to abdicate the responsibility of self-examination.
Thinking about it this morning, I realized the most honest answer is “No, I don’t think you love yourself enough.” Genuine self-love requires introspection with a honest eye. It means a willingness to accept loving criticism as intended. It means taking ownership of one’s own self-care and not placing blame or contingencies on the people of around them as an excuse to avoid confronting their flaws.
She is not this kind of person.
submitted by Exact-Ad9487 to abusiverelationships [link] [comments]
However, this post is about something that happened last night.
I am currently fighting off an illness, which I caught from my spouse. She was sick for several days during which time, I did my best to take care of her. She frequently gets sick whereas I rarely do and typically bounce back pretty fast.
Yesterday, I felt awful and went to bed early. Meanwhile, she’s talking to a friend on the phone. This also means she’s drinking, which terrifies me because that’s when she’s at her very meanest. She also becomes very demanding of my attention and extremely manipulative when I can’t or won’t give her what she wants.
I took a couple of Benadryl hoping that if I’m asleep she won’t bother me. Nope…despite her knowing I’m Ill and having firsthand experience with what that feels like, she comes into my room (we currently sleep apart) and says “Are you going to talk to me?”
She sits down on the bed and takes my hand. “Do you think I didn’t love you enough?” Danger Will Robinson! Fortunately, despite being half asleep, I was wise enough not to respond. She continues “[Friend] says she doesn’t think I loved you enough.”
Friend is a genuinely sweet and loving person, which is what I say in response to this. She says, “She is and she loves you so much.” This is platonic by the way…there’s never been a single spark of attraction between us.
I continue to play the sleepyhead (not difficult really). “But she’s naive,” says my spouse. “And I’m a little offended.” Danger, danger, danger. Thankfully, I didn’t take the bait. She said something about how the conversation wasn’t productive, and she reluctantly left the room. I wish it was relief that I felt, but she fights a guerrilla style war - hit and run again and again until I lose my cool and lash out.
Thankfully, this didn’t happen and she didn’t return, or if she did, I didn’t hear it. I know Friend meant well. Other friends have spoken up for me, and it does more harm than good. My spouse cannot take criticism especially if it calls her precious character into question. She will lash out at them and me while making sweeping statements that she’s a bad person. It’s an absolute cop-out of a response that allows her to abdicate the responsibility of self-examination.
Thinking about it this morning, I realized the most honest answer is “No, I don’t think you love yourself enough.” Genuine self-love requires introspection with a honest eye. It means a willingness to accept loving criticism as intended. It means taking ownership of one’s own self-care and not placing blame or contingencies on the people of around them as an excuse to avoid confronting their flaws.
She is not this kind of person.
2023.03.31 17:10 westinteriors Designing Cost in Howrah for Flat
 | submitted by westinteriors to u/westinteriors [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/cs8ldkywb3ra1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3f44acd601d973226f6e711252691ddc23612e3f West Interiors is the affordable solution for your flat interior designing work in Howrah and perfect place for all your interior decorating related queries. You are here and looking for flat interior decorating Cost in Howrah and I am here for providing total solution requires for your interior decoration. I am long runner on this platform and having 10 work experiences. On this platform one thing is clear; you never compare quality with price. We always focus quality apart from quantity and make a dream home, flat, office, hotel or shop for our customer Cost dependent factor for flat interior design in Howrah
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2023.03.31 17:09 Epeck43 Uplift V2 C Frame Commerical or non commercial for mobil desk
Hey All - about ready to pull the trigger on a new uplift V2 desk but have a few questions I couldn't quite find searching. I want to purchase a 60x30 desktop and want to make the desk mobil on casters due to a small condo - plan on setting it up in the second bedroom and when we host guests move it around for space in another room. My questions are -
1) C Frame vs C Commerical Frame - i plan on putting casters on the desk and will move the desk across hardwood floors most likely quite infrequently - maybe 3-6 times a year. Is the commercial frame beneficial from a rigidity stand point moving the desk around with the cross bar? or is the normal C Frame fine with the intent moving it around.
2) Uplift Caster Wheels - are you guys happy with the quality of their in house casters that lock or have you gone third party? i have third party "Rollerblade rubber wheels" on my chair and they are so smooth and leave zero scuffs / marks on the hardwood.
3) CPU Holder - i have an oversized gaming pc tower (Corsair 5000d) which wont fit their standard cpu holder so i will need to go third party - any issues drilling into the laminate particle board with the correct hardware. I am a comfortable handy man and understand different products but curious what your expereinces where with mounting a cpu holder to the underside of the desk.
Thanks!
submitted by Epeck43 to StandingDesk [link] [comments]
1) C Frame vs C Commerical Frame - i plan on putting casters on the desk and will move the desk across hardwood floors most likely quite infrequently - maybe 3-6 times a year. Is the commercial frame beneficial from a rigidity stand point moving the desk around with the cross bar? or is the normal C Frame fine with the intent moving it around.
2) Uplift Caster Wheels - are you guys happy with the quality of their in house casters that lock or have you gone third party? i have third party "Rollerblade rubber wheels" on my chair and they are so smooth and leave zero scuffs / marks on the hardwood.
3) CPU Holder - i have an oversized gaming pc tower (Corsair 5000d) which wont fit their standard cpu holder so i will need to go third party - any issues drilling into the laminate particle board with the correct hardware. I am a comfortable handy man and understand different products but curious what your expereinces where with mounting a cpu holder to the underside of the desk.
Thanks!
2023.03.31 17:08 bostonstoner How to go on hiatus for maternity leave?
Hi Rover Sitters,
I'm 34 weeks pregnant and up until recently we were running a brisk dog boarding and care business on Rover and through local connections (handing out business cards at dog park etc.) But I can't board people's dogs right after I give birth, and probably not for the next several months. My planned reopening date is in mid-August or early September.
I already marked myself as "unavailable" for the span of time I expect to be on leave, and then plan to mark "Away" once I roll up the business for real in a few days (and try to get all the dog hair out of my house lol.)
Is there anything else I should do? Post an announcement on my Rover page about the baby, maybe, or would that just drive away future business? There is plenty of room in my house for a nursery and a 3-4 dog boarding business and I do not plan to have the baby interact with guest dogs ever (or at least not for the first couple years.) I don't think the baby is going to be a problem for the dogs, though dog noise might be a problem for the baby.
I love doing this business, I just invested a lot of my profits into a big fenced in yard for outdoor play, and walking the dogs and petting them, washing them and stuff just feels right, like I'm doing something helpful and necessary and loving. Do you think I can still swing it with a baby in tow? I do have a partner who helps 50% with the business, mostly with afternoon walking, check-ins and check-outs; and I handle bookings, feedings, grooming and morning walking.
submitted by bostonstoner to RoverPetSitting [link] [comments]
I'm 34 weeks pregnant and up until recently we were running a brisk dog boarding and care business on Rover and through local connections (handing out business cards at dog park etc.) But I can't board people's dogs right after I give birth, and probably not for the next several months. My planned reopening date is in mid-August or early September.
I already marked myself as "unavailable" for the span of time I expect to be on leave, and then plan to mark "Away" once I roll up the business for real in a few days (and try to get all the dog hair out of my house lol.)
Is there anything else I should do? Post an announcement on my Rover page about the baby, maybe, or would that just drive away future business? There is plenty of room in my house for a nursery and a 3-4 dog boarding business and I do not plan to have the baby interact with guest dogs ever (or at least not for the first couple years.) I don't think the baby is going to be a problem for the dogs, though dog noise might be a problem for the baby.
I love doing this business, I just invested a lot of my profits into a big fenced in yard for outdoor play, and walking the dogs and petting them, washing them and stuff just feels right, like I'm doing something helpful and necessary and loving. Do you think I can still swing it with a baby in tow? I do have a partner who helps 50% with the business, mostly with afternoon walking, check-ins and check-outs; and I handle bookings, feedings, grooming and morning walking.
2023.03.31 17:08 Lookingamatx1997 How to go about asking to use restroom
Hello everyone. I work at a high school. We have two secretaries. One secretary works directly with the subs. The other use to work with us directly until this secretary took over.
With this secretary, we can text them and ask to use the restroom. However, this secretary has a lot of health issues and will either leave/use the restroom themselves and not answer their phone or just generally not answer sometimes for 20+ minutes. Then we have to wait until someone comes by and watches the students which can take a while as well.
This secretary is now also going to be subbing long-term in a classroom, which means it may take even longer than it already does for them to answer their phone.
However, every time I go to the office, this secretary is glued to their phone so I’m not sure why it takes them so long to respond.
Should I just start asking the other secretary to have someone watch the class? I can’t leave the room to ask another teacher because of the amount of fights that occur.
I’m frustrated because the only time I have is my lunch which isn’t until later in the afternoon.
submitted by Lookingamatx1997 to SubstituteTeachers [link] [comments]
With this secretary, we can text them and ask to use the restroom. However, this secretary has a lot of health issues and will either leave/use the restroom themselves and not answer their phone or just generally not answer sometimes for 20+ minutes. Then we have to wait until someone comes by and watches the students which can take a while as well.
This secretary is now also going to be subbing long-term in a classroom, which means it may take even longer than it already does for them to answer their phone.
However, every time I go to the office, this secretary is glued to their phone so I’m not sure why it takes them so long to respond.
Should I just start asking the other secretary to have someone watch the class? I can’t leave the room to ask another teacher because of the amount of fights that occur.
I’m frustrated because the only time I have is my lunch which isn’t until later in the afternoon.
2023.03.31 17:08 woodford86 Automation based on angle of the sun?
Just wondering if anyone has ideas how to go about this. I’d like to create an automation that closes my blinds when the sun is heating up my house, but leaves them open when its just light but not getting hot.
I don’t know the best way to do this, but had some ideas:
submitted by woodford86 to homeassistant [link] [comments]
I don’t know the best way to do this, but had some ideas:
- Close blinds when sun is between X and Y angle, and just figure out what the angles are for direct light on each window
- Some kind of sunlight sensor placed on each window sill, but I don’t know if they’d be able to distinguish when its just regular sunny vs that kind of sun that turns the house into an oven
- Just close the blinds whenever the thermostat reads warmer than 22C and the sun is up…which tbh is probably good enough, but it’d be nice to only close the blinds that are letting the heat in and leave the others open
2023.03.31 17:06 berryglacial Past life regression experience (from home)
I did this about 2 months ago but decided to share here. No I was not anyone famous. I just decided to try doing regression by using the YT video from Dr. Weiss. I didn’t go into it expecting much of anything, just thought I’d see what might happen.
I went through the steps in the guided regression. Progressed to the part where you see a door. It was white with a gold handle, I opened it and looked down at my feet. I was wearing what I could only describe at the time as Mary Jane style shoes, but not quite like modern ones. I wore stockings and a dress, and knew that I was a little girl and sensed the time period to be around 1900. I was around 5 or 6. My house was a two story Victorian style but not super fancy or anything. I want to say I was in the Midwest but I’m not confident about that.
Mostly I remember the interior of the house and the floor plan. There was a den to the left and a sitting room to the right, stairs in the center. I was mostly aware of where my bedroom was, upstairs and facing the front of the house with a window. It was sunny outside. At this point I have a view from above yet somehow simultaneously from inside my “person” who is in a bed. I had the sense of feeling very tired and weak but no pain. It seemed I was suffering from some kind of illness and I knew I was dying. There were 3 other people in the room, two men and a woman. The woman and one of the men were my parents and they looked very sad and distressed. The other man was a physician. They were talking but I couldn’t really understand what was being said, it was almost like the body I was in just wasn’t concerned about it enough to pay attention. I should note that the entire experience was not crystal clear in my minds eye, it was more like viewing everything through a film of fog/haze or something.
I felt very peaceful and serene and could see a being on the other side of the room that no one else seemed aware of. All I know is that it was male and very familiar to me. No features stood out other than a light and their presence. I felt completely cared for and comfortable. It blurs together and I’m not sure if it was a different day but it seems like a series of days or a week go by and a doctor visits once a day or so. I seem to be in and out of consciousness often. Then I’m just floating in the room and my only vantage point is now from above. I have a sense of adults in the room but most of my attention is on that same being and the feeling of utter peace and wellbeing I’m experiencing. I experienced some of what I think is the death process. I can see a form in the bed but I’m no longer within that form. I float out to the hallway with the being and part of my attention is still on the people in the room. The woman is sitting in a chair by the bed and the man is standing by the window.
Then I have a sense of intense familiarity with whatever is happening, it feels like I’ve done this before many times and I feel totally at ease. Despite the somber scene in the room I feel incredibly happy.
I don’t have much of a visual of this part, everything becomes very (moreso) hazy and blurry and just sensations of vaguely remembering this and the knowledge that I am moving to another place or time or realm. I feel quite unconcerned and totally confident in the being who is with me, it’s like I know they are taking care of me and I have no concerns at all about whatever is coming or where I’m going. Then there’s the sensation of movement and that’s it.
My awareness of being in my (present) body was always there but I also felt like I was kind of floating throughout the regression. When I came out of it my whole body felt numb. It was incredibly relaxing and interesting. It was much, much more than I expected and I really enjoyed the experience. It’s certainly worth a try if you’re interested in these things.
submitted by berryglacial to pastlives [link] [comments]
I went through the steps in the guided regression. Progressed to the part where you see a door. It was white with a gold handle, I opened it and looked down at my feet. I was wearing what I could only describe at the time as Mary Jane style shoes, but not quite like modern ones. I wore stockings and a dress, and knew that I was a little girl and sensed the time period to be around 1900. I was around 5 or 6. My house was a two story Victorian style but not super fancy or anything. I want to say I was in the Midwest but I’m not confident about that.
Mostly I remember the interior of the house and the floor plan. There was a den to the left and a sitting room to the right, stairs in the center. I was mostly aware of where my bedroom was, upstairs and facing the front of the house with a window. It was sunny outside. At this point I have a view from above yet somehow simultaneously from inside my “person” who is in a bed. I had the sense of feeling very tired and weak but no pain. It seemed I was suffering from some kind of illness and I knew I was dying. There were 3 other people in the room, two men and a woman. The woman and one of the men were my parents and they looked very sad and distressed. The other man was a physician. They were talking but I couldn’t really understand what was being said, it was almost like the body I was in just wasn’t concerned about it enough to pay attention. I should note that the entire experience was not crystal clear in my minds eye, it was more like viewing everything through a film of fog/haze or something.
I felt very peaceful and serene and could see a being on the other side of the room that no one else seemed aware of. All I know is that it was male and very familiar to me. No features stood out other than a light and their presence. I felt completely cared for and comfortable. It blurs together and I’m not sure if it was a different day but it seems like a series of days or a week go by and a doctor visits once a day or so. I seem to be in and out of consciousness often. Then I’m just floating in the room and my only vantage point is now from above. I have a sense of adults in the room but most of my attention is on that same being and the feeling of utter peace and wellbeing I’m experiencing. I experienced some of what I think is the death process. I can see a form in the bed but I’m no longer within that form. I float out to the hallway with the being and part of my attention is still on the people in the room. The woman is sitting in a chair by the bed and the man is standing by the window.
Then I have a sense of intense familiarity with whatever is happening, it feels like I’ve done this before many times and I feel totally at ease. Despite the somber scene in the room I feel incredibly happy.
I don’t have much of a visual of this part, everything becomes very (moreso) hazy and blurry and just sensations of vaguely remembering this and the knowledge that I am moving to another place or time or realm. I feel quite unconcerned and totally confident in the being who is with me, it’s like I know they are taking care of me and I have no concerns at all about whatever is coming or where I’m going. Then there’s the sensation of movement and that’s it.
My awareness of being in my (present) body was always there but I also felt like I was kind of floating throughout the regression. When I came out of it my whole body felt numb. It was incredibly relaxing and interesting. It was much, much more than I expected and I really enjoyed the experience. It’s certainly worth a try if you’re interested in these things.
2023.03.31 17:06 NeverOne4 Tips for anxiety on medication?
So I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and ASD after long years of ineffective treatments for depression and generalized anxiety, and I was prescribed my country's equivalent of Concerta (extended release metylphenidate, 27mg).
Today is the first day I'm on it, and it's been working wonders (I've been able to clean my room, get some work done, study for a bit) but I've also noticed I will get random spikes of intense anxiety that last for 1-2 minutes and then go away suddenly. It's not too bothersome and I can definitely live with this if it means i get to be a functional human being, but I'm wondering if anyone else experienced this and if there was any way you found to make it more manageable, or a bit less intense?
submitted by NeverOne4 to ADHD [link] [comments]
Today is the first day I'm on it, and it's been working wonders (I've been able to clean my room, get some work done, study for a bit) but I've also noticed I will get random spikes of intense anxiety that last for 1-2 minutes and then go away suddenly. It's not too bothersome and I can definitely live with this if it means i get to be a functional human being, but I'm wondering if anyone else experienced this and if there was any way you found to make it more manageable, or a bit less intense?
2023.03.31 17:06 Particular_Ferret747 Need opinions on closing if floor joists, yes or no and best way if yes
Hello everyone...i am pretty new to reddit but kinda educated in building science for here in the US and germany. But since i am still learning for the US part i have a question. I bought tbis fixer upper and i am almost done with the air sealing/outside insulation part. But the house came with an after thought above garage room addition which is the most leaky room on this planet. And i qant to start closing it up for better heating/cooling/air infiltration. Of course, like the rest of the house was, the floor joists are open to the outside air left and right where they go furhter than the knee walls of the room. Should i close the joists space where the walls are so that i dont have cross wind u der the floor? And what would be a good way doing so if yes... My initial idea was insulation foam board squares 2 or 3inches thick shoved in there and sealed with spray foam... Is that advisable or better not or are there better ways?
Thx alot
submitted by Particular_Ferret747 to buildingscience [link] [comments]
Thx alot