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Ask Los Angeles - your questions about Los Angeles!
2013.12.04 00:55 chalkandwalk Ask Los Angeles - your questions about Los Angeles!
Answering questions about the Los Angeles area.
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2023.03.25 02:09 PieceEmbarrassed7017 8 times now
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2023.03.25 02:07 Saturdead The Drainpipe Siren
The summer I turned 10 was the best time of my life. For years I’d had trouble making friends with other girls, and out of nowhere I was accepted into a group of boys. We would ride our bikes everywhere, play games, and sit up all night just talking about superheroes. I loved it, and I started enjoying coming to school.
That summer was the first summer we went to Everett’s cabin. We biked up there with his dad and spent three days hiking, fishing, telling stories, building a treehouse, and chowing down on hot dogs. It was amazing, and probably the first time in my life where I truly felt like part of a group.
For the next few years, we went back up there every summer. Sometimes we’d get another member, sometimes we’d lose one. People came and went, but we biked up there every summer nonetheless.
They became my best friends. I was one of the “original members” alongside Everett and Sam, but one year we had Lewis, another year there was Owen, and so on. But me, Everett, and Sam? We were always there. The originals.
By the time we all turned 14, there was another girl joining the group; Sam’s girlfriend Josslyn. I’d had some trouble getting along with other girls, so I was a bit hesitant about having Josslyn come along. But I was hilariously wrong. Within a couple of weeks, Josslyn became my best friend. She was like the sister I never had.
The year we turned 16 was the last time we would go there as a group. By then, everyone was growing up. Some were going to college; others were getting a job. Hell, Sam and Josslyn had just broken up and could barely be in the same room. Spending the summer in Everett’s cabin became one of those things that you just stop doing. We promised we’d go back there someday and celebrate summer the right way, knowing full well that would probably never happen.
And then, nothing. And as with all names and faces, they started growing distant. We kept in touch every now and then, but Sam, Everett and Josslyn all went on with their lives. I did too.
That was until a few years ago, when we all turned 30.
By then, Sam was about to move out of state. His startup company had gained some traction, and they were moving their main office. He was hitting the big leagues.
Josslyn was planning a move to Scotland. She’d met this guy at the university that she fell head over heels in love with, and the two of them’d had a long-distance relationship for close to a decade.
Everett, well, he’d tried to play the family man. He had a four-year old son and a two-year old girl with a woman who was divorcing him. Oof.
And me? Well, I wasn’t dealing with my aging very well. I’ve had anxiety all my life and haven’t celebrated a birthday since I was 14. I can barely look myself in the mirror, horrified of the possibility of seeing a grey hair. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac, truth be told, and I imagine feeling all kinds of cramps and pains because of my age. And yes, I know 30 isn’t that old. Doesn’t matter.
But that summer, Everett sent us a message out of nowhere. His family was selling the cabin, and he figured one more trip down memory lane would do us all some good. The whole area was being sold off to a logging company at the end of summer. Personally, I just think the divorce was getting to him.
At first, I wasn’t going to accept. But after seeing both Sam and Josslyn agreeing to come, I couldn’t say no. Maybe it would distract me from turning 30.
So one sunny day in late June I drove down from Morgantown back home to Juniper (WV), not knowing what to expect. I figured I might get a nice weekend out of it.
And as I met up with Sam and Everett, it was as if nothing had changed. They hugged me. We laughed, we joked around, and we laughed some more. Everett had rented us mountain bikes. I got the blue one.
Sure, they looked a bit different. Sam had put on a few pounds and had a thick pair of glasses. He was already sweating. Everett, who used to have dreadlocks, had this short and neat office-type haircut, and his eyes looked darker. But that was all just appearance; they were the same guys. Same humor, same smiles, same favorite superheroes. Wonderful.
We stopped at the supermarket. I was comparing beef jerky prices when Sam walked up to me.
“Josslyn went on ahead,” he explained. “The roads are all dug up, so we’re taking the tunnel.”
“The Rosewater tunnel? By the railroad?” I asked.
“Yeah,” nodded Sam. “Shouldn’t take long. Josslyn is already up there.”
Made sense to me. Josslyn was the outdoorsy type. She was probably up there making a fire by rubbing sticks together or something. But just in case, I bought myself a Firestarter. You never know.
And then we were off. Riding bikes with the same people, down the same roads. Sure, it all looked different, but it really wasn’t. After all these years, I was still just me and the guys. For a moment, I felt this surge of optimism; like everything, somehow, might turn out all right.
Everett took point. We followed a trail deep into the pine forest, sweating under the summer sun. The canopy was a blessing, hiding us from the afternoon heat. It took us a bit over an hour to find the railroad tracks. We followed them north. Sam was sweating like he’d never even seen a bike before.
Then we got to the tunnel. The old Rosewater tunnel wasn’t long, but it was old. Everyone knew about it, but it was the kind of place that parents refused to let their kids go near. The place was probably covered in mold. Still, biking through it wouldn’t be a problem. You could feel the draft coming through.
The tunnel had a slight curve to it, so we couldn’t see the other side. Still, Everett took point and howled with joy as he entered. The echo bounced off the walls, reaching into the mountain. Sam followed suit, shrieking just as loud. We dove deep into the dark with the rhythmic thumping of the railroad tracks beneath us.
Our bike lights shone as bright as they could, but the tunnel swallowed them. It was getting colder and colder, almost to the point of my breath showing. Little dust particles danced in the weak light. The sound of spinning bike chains and thumping wheels echoed, and the air tasted like old moisture.
Suddenly, Everett stopped. Then Sam. And soon, I could see why.
We were in the middle of the tunnel, and there was something covering the ground.
Snow.
We were all standing there dumbfounded. Snow? In late June? That didn’t make a lick of sense.
“That’s just weird,” said Sam. “Let’s keep going.”
“Wait,” said Everett.
He stepped off his bike and walked around for a bit. I leaned against my handlebar, feeling the weight of my backpack. I hadn’t even noticed how out of breath I was. Everett leaned down, looking at the snow.
“What’s up?” Sam asked. “We going?”
“Yeah, yeah,” nodded Everett. “It’s just… I dunno.”
“Dunno what?”
“Like… where’re the tracks?”
“You’re sitting on ‘em” I added. “What’s the deal?”
“No, Josslyn’s tracks.”
Now I could definitely see my own breath. And Everett was right, the snow was undisturbed. Josslyn couldn’t have come through there, unless the snow had recently settled. But what, an inch and a half of powder snow in late June, in less than a day? Nah.
Everett got back on his bike.
“Let’s just keep going.”
We biked through the snow. About ten minutes later, we got to the edge of the tunnel.
It’d collapsed in on itself.
The ceiling had caved in and filled the entire tunnel with a steep slant of solid rock chunks. It didn’t look recent either.
We just turned around. There was no reason for us to keep pushing forward, so we decided to just go back out and follow the (if somewhat broken) main road instead. We had bikes, we could go pretty much anywhere. Still, I couldn’t help but notice how Everett seemed a bit distraught. We all were.
On our way back through the snow, I got the sense that something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. But right then and there, I was just happy we were leaving.
Except we didn’t get far.
The path we came in through had also collapsed.
“Did we make a… a wrong turn?” Sam asked. “I thought this… this was just a straight line.”
“It is,” said Everett. “This, uh… this doesn’t make sense.”
“I didn’t hear anything,” I gasped. “I didn’t hear a goddamn thing.”
“This is old. There’s dust. It didn’t just collapse, this is… ,” insisted Everett.
“So we must’ve gotten turned around somewhere,” smiled Sam. “So we backtrack.”
It took us about 45 minutes to move from one end of the tunnel to the other; but both ends were definitely collapsed. How we entered in the first place was mind boggling. It didn’t make sense.
At some point, we just stopped. We stepped off our bikes and sat down. Sam used his phone as a flashlight, illuminating the dancing dust particles. The air tasted stale.
“No bars,” Sam said. “Tunnels suck.”
“It doesn’t make sense!” groaned Everett. “We got in, we can get out!”
“How?!” I asked, throwing my arms out. “I’m not seeing any exits! It… it fell!”
“That’s impossible!” spat Everett. “There would be a… a goddamn ear-bursting pressure! There’d be so much dust we… we wouldn’t be able to breathe! And there wouldn’t be goddamn snow all over the ground!”
We tried to get our phones to work. We tried moving the rocks, but the thick moisture in the air had frozen; making them all stick together like bricks and mortar. There was no way.
We wasted hours, and the temperature just kept dropping. I’d started shivering, and Sam’s breath had frozen into little icicles in his beard. Everett paced back and forth, trying to come up with a plan.
The snow was either expanding, or we kept coming back to it. Either way, it was everywhere. And the temperature kept dropping; fast.
At one point, that strange feeling in my stomach came back to me. I removed my bike light and used it as a torch. I noticed something in the snow.
I could see our tracks. Both from our bikes, and our shoes. But there was something else; a slight impression. Two thin parallel lines, running next to the wall. They twisted and turned at times, but I couldn’t make out what it was supposed to be. I called Sam and Everett over to help me, but we suddenly got distracted.
Somewhere deep in the tunnel, I heard something.
A voice.
“You should be helping me.”
It came from further in. Without a doubt in my mind, and after all these years, I could still recognize Josslyn’s voice. We tried to pinpoint where it came from, but the tunnel made it impossible.
“Joss?” Sam called out. “Joss, you there?”
Nothing. We looked at one another. It took Everett a few moments to even attempt to accept this.
“Joss!” Everett finally called out “Josslyn!”
Still, nothing.
We looked for her. I could feel myself growing more desperate as the air got colder. My teeth had started to chatter, and no amount of rubbing my arms changed a thing. My hairs were standing at attention, as if listening for warmth.
Sam and Everett kept calling out to her, but we got no response. And all over the snow I kept seeing these two parallel lines, just barely scraping the top of the snow. Either they’d been there for a while, or whatever was making them were something extraordinarily light. But there was no way of telling where it came from.
I have no idea how many hours we spent walking up and down that freezing tunnel. At some point, we all gathered in a circle and wrapped ourselves in sleeping bags. I tried to use my Firestarter, but we didn’t have much to burn. We piled up some of our extra clothes and spent the better part of an hour setting it on fire. It burned for less than ten minutes.
At some point, we just stopped trying. Our hands were raw, and I started having cold sweats. We’d turned off the lights to save on battery, but my restless eyes kept moving. I could feel myself going cross-eyed, my mind confused by the pressing dark.
There was too much ground to cover. There might be some side tunnel that we might’ve missed, but we were losing hope. I didn’t know what to make of it. Sam and Everett had gone through several cycles of arguing, making a desperate effort, being anxiously hopeful, and then back to arguing. Now they were just quiet.
I would’ve preferred an argument.
“You… should be helping me.”
We all looked up. It was distant, but not as distant as last time. I could hear Sam shuffling as he got up. He called out to Josslyn again and again, but there was no response. Sam was growing more and more desperate, and his screams got louder. At some point, he stopped calling out to her; he just screamed.
The arguing started again as Everett tried to shut him up. But I heard something. I looked up, concentrating on the sound. There was a slight reverb, like the sound bouncing off something metallic.
I put my bike light back on and looked up, letting the bright cone answer my question.
There were drainpipes running along the ceiling of the tunnel.
“Some… some kind of drainage, or a run-off,” said Sam, looking up. “That’s gotta… wait. This wasn’t at the entrance.”
“So it started further in,” I said. “Maybe there’s a maintenance area.”
At that, Everett got up.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Yeah, that makes, uh… that makes sense.”
We followed the pipes, and I couldn’t help but notice that the parallel lines in the snow that seemed to be going the same way. They were roughly following the way the pipes were running in the ceiling. Sam and Everett didn’t seem to notice.
“There might be another way out,” said Sam. “Like a… maintenance entrance.”
“Yeah,” agreed Everett. “They can’t have people running in and out of here when the trains are coming, right?”
My stomach turned. The stress was getting to me. I wasn’t usually the quiet one of the group, but crawling around in the dark just weighed my entire mind down. It wasn’t supposed to be cold. It wasn’t supposed to be dark. We were supposed to be making hot dogs by the cabin.
There was a faint tapping sound. Something banging against the pipes, somewhere up ahead. Sam and Everett pushed forward.
And there it was. A maintenance door.
We all got excited. We ran up to it, and the moment Sam put his hands on the handle, I shouted at them to stop.
They just looked at me, barely illuminated by our combined electronics. I could see the parallel lines running in the snow leading into the maintenance door. I pointed it out to Sam and Everett, who didn’t pay it no mind. Sam thought it was water drops from condensation. Everett didn’t care.
It couldn’t be water drops. It was too cold, and too consistent. Something in me screamed at me to just… not go further. This was bad.
But the door flung open, and we stepped inside.
There was an awful smell in the air. Chemicals; mostly ammonia. It took some time getting used to, but we pushed on. There was a small corridor leading us further in, branching into maintenance tunnels that were so small that we had to move sideways to fit.
We explored, as a group. We couldn’t find an obvious way out, but we could make an educated guess. We just had to find a way that pointed us either straight forward, or straight back; following the curvature of the Rosewater tunnel.
At one point, we hit a dead end. As we turned back, I was suddenly first in line. Then we heard it again.
“You should… be helping me.”
This time it was just down the hall. It was so close it chilled me more than my freezing breath. And for a split second, I could swear I saw something move just at the edge of the light. Something that retreated into the dark with a rhythmic sound. And it was leaving behind those strange parallel lines in the frost-covered floor.
We got back to one of the maintenance hubs. The drainpipes coalesced, leading us further in. We stopped for a while, as Sam was out of batteries.
“They will come looking for us,” said Sam. “We should just go back and wait.”
“We’ll freeze,” I said. “It’s absurd, but we’ll freeze.”
“She’s right,” agreed Everett. “We… we gotta push.”
“Then I go second. I don’t have a light.”
We agreed.
And as we turned around, there was Josslyn.
We could barely make out her shape at first. She looked taller, and her hair clung to her face like she’d crawled out of a cold bath. She just stood there, barely keeping herself upright. Sam and I stood there in shock, but Everett burst into action. He sprinted forward towards her.
In a whiplash-like motion, Josslyn was pulled back into the dark. She didn’t make a sound.
I noticed two things.
One, that her legs didn’t move.
And two, that her feet barely touched the ground; leaving parallel lines in the frosted floor.
Everett rushed after her, screaming her name over and over like a desperate parrot. I was right behind him, and Sam was trying his best to keep up. We ran, seeing whiffs of her hair disappear further and further into the darkness. She was moving, fast, and we could barely keep up. Just seconds later, as we came to a four-way junction, she was gone.
Everett fell to his knees, panting. I stopped short of tripping over him.
“She… she’s here,” Everett panted. “S-something’s wrong.”
I spat and tried to stay in motion to keep my sweat from freezing. The salt stung my eyes.
“Why… why is she doing this?” he asked. “What’s going on?”
“Wait,” I said.
I turned around.
“Where’s Sam?”
We backtracked. We tried to mentally map those labyrinthian halls, but we just came up with dead end after dead end. Sam was gone. Disappeared into the dark.
And somewhere, far ahead, we could hear something again.
“Yooooouu~ should be… helping me.”
But this time, in Sam’s voice.
Sam’s broken, drawling, drawn-out half-voice. It made the drainpipes reverberate, shaking with excitement.
This time, we turned the other way. We couldn’t keep getting pulled further and further in. We made a silent agreement that whatever was in there was something we didn’t want to see. We had to keep going, and once we got out, we could help.
“We… we have to follow the pipes,” said Everett. “They have to lead outside at some point!”
“Or they’ll just… just lead us further in!”
“We can’t keep running in circles! We pick a path, and we stick to it!”
He grabbed my shoulders. Even with barely functioning light, I could see the panicked size of his pupils. I nodded. Whatever it took for us to stick together.
We must’ve walked for hours. And finally, it opened up into another junction. This one with only two adjoining corridors. But by now, we’d moved around so much there was no way to tell what was north, south, or in-between. We could only guess.
“You pick,” said Everett.
And I did.
We followed one of the halls, and I could hear my footsteps growing louder. The echo was increasing. Moments later, the halls opened into a kind of hub area where all the drainpipes coalesced. It was much large than expected, with solid concrete walls and floors. Dozens of pipes lead us here.
Everett was about to rush forward when I put a hand on his shoulder. I looked around for a bit, but he brushed me off and kept going.
“Wait!” I called out, pointing.
There was something up ahead.
It was impossible not to recognize Sam. His body hanging limp, inches off the ground like a stringed-up puppet.
His skin white as snow, with icicles hanging from his beard and hair. He didn’t move.
“You shooooould… be helping me,” his body groaned, without ever moving his mouth.
The shadows behind him moved.
The very dark of the room; it moved.
And at that moment, I realized there was something oil-slick and dark slithering along the pipes; holding Sam up like a ventriloquist dummy.
“Sssssshould. Sssssshould be.”
I could see Josslyn’s bike, snapped in half and thrown into a corner. Strange flowers grew along the edge of the wall; like little sunflowers, frozen and blue.
I could see Josslyn’s backpack torn open and thrown across the floor. The hot dogs, trampled and abandoned. And there at the very edge of my light, I could see Josslyn’s frozen hair splayed across the concrete in a pool of frozen blood.
Unnatural hands crawled across the drainpipes, causing a rhythmic thumping. And just as the horror of this vision sunk into me, my mind exploded into panic. It was like watching through my eyes like a passenger, surrendering completely to whatever power would get me out of there. My mind lit up the world with fear, as a real and tangible threat started coming our way; and it was dragging Sam along.
I bolted back out the door. Something was right behind me, but I didn’t know if it was Everett or… that Sam-thing. I didn’t care. I didn’t care the slightest.
I turned a quick corner. Everett followed. The Sam-thing couldn’t keep up, and whatever held him just tossed him aside. I could hear his body shattering like a gypsum statue; his body frozen solid.
Another corner. A quick turn.
Too quick.
I tripped on my own feet. I fell, and Everett fell right after me. We ended up on our sides, lying face-to-face. Something in my elbow broke, and I couldn’t get up.
Then, Everett stopped. I did too. I held my breath, waiting for whatever pain there was to come. Everett looked at me, slack jawed.
His breathing stopped. A long mosquito-like appendage had extended down from the drainpipes, piercing the back of his skull, like popping a water balloon. It was sucking out his warmth, making his skin lose its color. Eyes sinking into his skull, freezing. Nails and tongue turning black. Skin cracking like porcelain. Membranes shriveling into nothing but dry meat.
“Yooooooou~ “ it started. “… yoooOoou… heEeeeeEelping me. Help. Helping meeeee.”
I couldn’t look away.
But as my light dwindled, all that was left was the cold of his touch, and his words; frozen in time.
“Shhhh… shhhhoooOo… should be. Be. Be.”
As my light went out, all that was left was one desperate plea. And for a moment, it sounded just like him.
“Helping me. Helping. Helping me. Helping… me.”
I must’ve stayed there for hours, growing colder by the minute. I just lay there, listening to him slowly learning how to talk with Everett’s body. My tears had frozen my eyelids shut, and my shivers had subsided to a deep throbbing pain.
At some point, Everett was lifted off the floor. And as a cold spike poked against my skin, I realized I could barely feel it. I was too cold.
The creature must’ve thought the same thing, as it left me there. I had no warmth left for it to feast on.
I was no longer interesting prey. I’d accidentally strained my elbow as I fell, and I could barely feel my legs. Further and further away, I could hear the rhythmic thumping as the creature moved along the drainpipes. The pleas of what remained of Everett grew more confident, and distant.
At some point, it wasn’t interested anymore. I fumbled down corridor after corridor, trying to keep my eyes open.
And out of nowhere, the tunnels just seemed to... open up.
On the other side of the Rosewater Tunnel, the light blinded me.
The sun of late June promised me that I was finally safe.
Now, this was all about… five years ago. Law enforcement insist that we were “urban explorers” who messed up. There had been reports of rockslides near the Rosewater Tunnels, and they figured that Sam, Everett and Josslyn got caught in it somewhere deep in the abandoned side tunnels. They didn’t take any other report or indication of wrongdoing seriously. That I had frost burns in late June didn’t seem to bother them.
I’ve been holding off on writing this story as it was technically open for investigation until last September. They finally closed it, officially classifying it as a kind of spelunking expedition gone wrong. They swear they’ve investigated the tunnel, but I have yet to see a single squad car anywhere near it.
I don’t think this is over.
I’ve since left it all behind. The town, the people, the past.
And whatever future I have left, I will cherish.
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That summer was the first summer we went to Everett’s cabin. We biked up there with his dad and spent three days hiking, fishing, telling stories, building a treehouse, and chowing down on hot dogs. It was amazing, and probably the first time in my life where I truly felt like part of a group.
For the next few years, we went back up there every summer. Sometimes we’d get another member, sometimes we’d lose one. People came and went, but we biked up there every summer nonetheless.
They became my best friends. I was one of the “original members” alongside Everett and Sam, but one year we had Lewis, another year there was Owen, and so on. But me, Everett, and Sam? We were always there. The originals.
By the time we all turned 14, there was another girl joining the group; Sam’s girlfriend Josslyn. I’d had some trouble getting along with other girls, so I was a bit hesitant about having Josslyn come along. But I was hilariously wrong. Within a couple of weeks, Josslyn became my best friend. She was like the sister I never had.
The year we turned 16 was the last time we would go there as a group. By then, everyone was growing up. Some were going to college; others were getting a job. Hell, Sam and Josslyn had just broken up and could barely be in the same room. Spending the summer in Everett’s cabin became one of those things that you just stop doing. We promised we’d go back there someday and celebrate summer the right way, knowing full well that would probably never happen.
And then, nothing. And as with all names and faces, they started growing distant. We kept in touch every now and then, but Sam, Everett and Josslyn all went on with their lives. I did too.
That was until a few years ago, when we all turned 30.
By then, Sam was about to move out of state. His startup company had gained some traction, and they were moving their main office. He was hitting the big leagues.
Josslyn was planning a move to Scotland. She’d met this guy at the university that she fell head over heels in love with, and the two of them’d had a long-distance relationship for close to a decade.
Everett, well, he’d tried to play the family man. He had a four-year old son and a two-year old girl with a woman who was divorcing him. Oof.
And me? Well, I wasn’t dealing with my aging very well. I’ve had anxiety all my life and haven’t celebrated a birthday since I was 14. I can barely look myself in the mirror, horrified of the possibility of seeing a grey hair. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac, truth be told, and I imagine feeling all kinds of cramps and pains because of my age. And yes, I know 30 isn’t that old. Doesn’t matter.
But that summer, Everett sent us a message out of nowhere. His family was selling the cabin, and he figured one more trip down memory lane would do us all some good. The whole area was being sold off to a logging company at the end of summer. Personally, I just think the divorce was getting to him.
At first, I wasn’t going to accept. But after seeing both Sam and Josslyn agreeing to come, I couldn’t say no. Maybe it would distract me from turning 30.
So one sunny day in late June I drove down from Morgantown back home to Juniper (WV), not knowing what to expect. I figured I might get a nice weekend out of it.
And as I met up with Sam and Everett, it was as if nothing had changed. They hugged me. We laughed, we joked around, and we laughed some more. Everett had rented us mountain bikes. I got the blue one.
Sure, they looked a bit different. Sam had put on a few pounds and had a thick pair of glasses. He was already sweating. Everett, who used to have dreadlocks, had this short and neat office-type haircut, and his eyes looked darker. But that was all just appearance; they were the same guys. Same humor, same smiles, same favorite superheroes. Wonderful.
We stopped at the supermarket. I was comparing beef jerky prices when Sam walked up to me.
“Josslyn went on ahead,” he explained. “The roads are all dug up, so we’re taking the tunnel.”
“The Rosewater tunnel? By the railroad?” I asked.
“Yeah,” nodded Sam. “Shouldn’t take long. Josslyn is already up there.”
Made sense to me. Josslyn was the outdoorsy type. She was probably up there making a fire by rubbing sticks together or something. But just in case, I bought myself a Firestarter. You never know.
And then we were off. Riding bikes with the same people, down the same roads. Sure, it all looked different, but it really wasn’t. After all these years, I was still just me and the guys. For a moment, I felt this surge of optimism; like everything, somehow, might turn out all right.
Everett took point. We followed a trail deep into the pine forest, sweating under the summer sun. The canopy was a blessing, hiding us from the afternoon heat. It took us a bit over an hour to find the railroad tracks. We followed them north. Sam was sweating like he’d never even seen a bike before.
Then we got to the tunnel. The old Rosewater tunnel wasn’t long, but it was old. Everyone knew about it, but it was the kind of place that parents refused to let their kids go near. The place was probably covered in mold. Still, biking through it wouldn’t be a problem. You could feel the draft coming through.
The tunnel had a slight curve to it, so we couldn’t see the other side. Still, Everett took point and howled with joy as he entered. The echo bounced off the walls, reaching into the mountain. Sam followed suit, shrieking just as loud. We dove deep into the dark with the rhythmic thumping of the railroad tracks beneath us.
Our bike lights shone as bright as they could, but the tunnel swallowed them. It was getting colder and colder, almost to the point of my breath showing. Little dust particles danced in the weak light. The sound of spinning bike chains and thumping wheels echoed, and the air tasted like old moisture.
Suddenly, Everett stopped. Then Sam. And soon, I could see why.
We were in the middle of the tunnel, and there was something covering the ground.
Snow.
We were all standing there dumbfounded. Snow? In late June? That didn’t make a lick of sense.
“That’s just weird,” said Sam. “Let’s keep going.”
“Wait,” said Everett.
He stepped off his bike and walked around for a bit. I leaned against my handlebar, feeling the weight of my backpack. I hadn’t even noticed how out of breath I was. Everett leaned down, looking at the snow.
“What’s up?” Sam asked. “We going?”
“Yeah, yeah,” nodded Everett. “It’s just… I dunno.”
“Dunno what?”
“Like… where’re the tracks?”
“You’re sitting on ‘em” I added. “What’s the deal?”
“No, Josslyn’s tracks.”
Now I could definitely see my own breath. And Everett was right, the snow was undisturbed. Josslyn couldn’t have come through there, unless the snow had recently settled. But what, an inch and a half of powder snow in late June, in less than a day? Nah.
Everett got back on his bike.
“Let’s just keep going.”
We biked through the snow. About ten minutes later, we got to the edge of the tunnel.
It’d collapsed in on itself.
The ceiling had caved in and filled the entire tunnel with a steep slant of solid rock chunks. It didn’t look recent either.
We just turned around. There was no reason for us to keep pushing forward, so we decided to just go back out and follow the (if somewhat broken) main road instead. We had bikes, we could go pretty much anywhere. Still, I couldn’t help but notice how Everett seemed a bit distraught. We all were.
On our way back through the snow, I got the sense that something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. But right then and there, I was just happy we were leaving.
Except we didn’t get far.
The path we came in through had also collapsed.
“Did we make a… a wrong turn?” Sam asked. “I thought this… this was just a straight line.”
“It is,” said Everett. “This, uh… this doesn’t make sense.”
“I didn’t hear anything,” I gasped. “I didn’t hear a goddamn thing.”
“This is old. There’s dust. It didn’t just collapse, this is… ,” insisted Everett.
“So we must’ve gotten turned around somewhere,” smiled Sam. “So we backtrack.”
It took us about 45 minutes to move from one end of the tunnel to the other; but both ends were definitely collapsed. How we entered in the first place was mind boggling. It didn’t make sense.
At some point, we just stopped. We stepped off our bikes and sat down. Sam used his phone as a flashlight, illuminating the dancing dust particles. The air tasted stale.
“No bars,” Sam said. “Tunnels suck.”
“It doesn’t make sense!” groaned Everett. “We got in, we can get out!”
“How?!” I asked, throwing my arms out. “I’m not seeing any exits! It… it fell!”
“That’s impossible!” spat Everett. “There would be a… a goddamn ear-bursting pressure! There’d be so much dust we… we wouldn’t be able to breathe! And there wouldn’t be goddamn snow all over the ground!”
We tried to get our phones to work. We tried moving the rocks, but the thick moisture in the air had frozen; making them all stick together like bricks and mortar. There was no way.
We wasted hours, and the temperature just kept dropping. I’d started shivering, and Sam’s breath had frozen into little icicles in his beard. Everett paced back and forth, trying to come up with a plan.
The snow was either expanding, or we kept coming back to it. Either way, it was everywhere. And the temperature kept dropping; fast.
At one point, that strange feeling in my stomach came back to me. I removed my bike light and used it as a torch. I noticed something in the snow.
I could see our tracks. Both from our bikes, and our shoes. But there was something else; a slight impression. Two thin parallel lines, running next to the wall. They twisted and turned at times, but I couldn’t make out what it was supposed to be. I called Sam and Everett over to help me, but we suddenly got distracted.
Somewhere deep in the tunnel, I heard something.
A voice.
“You should be helping me.”
It came from further in. Without a doubt in my mind, and after all these years, I could still recognize Josslyn’s voice. We tried to pinpoint where it came from, but the tunnel made it impossible.
“Joss?” Sam called out. “Joss, you there?”
Nothing. We looked at one another. It took Everett a few moments to even attempt to accept this.
“Joss!” Everett finally called out “Josslyn!”
Still, nothing.
We looked for her. I could feel myself growing more desperate as the air got colder. My teeth had started to chatter, and no amount of rubbing my arms changed a thing. My hairs were standing at attention, as if listening for warmth.
Sam and Everett kept calling out to her, but we got no response. And all over the snow I kept seeing these two parallel lines, just barely scraping the top of the snow. Either they’d been there for a while, or whatever was making them were something extraordinarily light. But there was no way of telling where it came from.
I have no idea how many hours we spent walking up and down that freezing tunnel. At some point, we all gathered in a circle and wrapped ourselves in sleeping bags. I tried to use my Firestarter, but we didn’t have much to burn. We piled up some of our extra clothes and spent the better part of an hour setting it on fire. It burned for less than ten minutes.
At some point, we just stopped trying. Our hands were raw, and I started having cold sweats. We’d turned off the lights to save on battery, but my restless eyes kept moving. I could feel myself going cross-eyed, my mind confused by the pressing dark.
There was too much ground to cover. There might be some side tunnel that we might’ve missed, but we were losing hope. I didn’t know what to make of it. Sam and Everett had gone through several cycles of arguing, making a desperate effort, being anxiously hopeful, and then back to arguing. Now they were just quiet.
I would’ve preferred an argument.
“You… should be helping me.”
We all looked up. It was distant, but not as distant as last time. I could hear Sam shuffling as he got up. He called out to Josslyn again and again, but there was no response. Sam was growing more and more desperate, and his screams got louder. At some point, he stopped calling out to her; he just screamed.
The arguing started again as Everett tried to shut him up. But I heard something. I looked up, concentrating on the sound. There was a slight reverb, like the sound bouncing off something metallic.
I put my bike light back on and looked up, letting the bright cone answer my question.
There were drainpipes running along the ceiling of the tunnel.
“Some… some kind of drainage, or a run-off,” said Sam, looking up. “That’s gotta… wait. This wasn’t at the entrance.”
“So it started further in,” I said. “Maybe there’s a maintenance area.”
At that, Everett got up.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Yeah, that makes, uh… that makes sense.”
We followed the pipes, and I couldn’t help but notice that the parallel lines in the snow that seemed to be going the same way. They were roughly following the way the pipes were running in the ceiling. Sam and Everett didn’t seem to notice.
“There might be another way out,” said Sam. “Like a… maintenance entrance.”
“Yeah,” agreed Everett. “They can’t have people running in and out of here when the trains are coming, right?”
My stomach turned. The stress was getting to me. I wasn’t usually the quiet one of the group, but crawling around in the dark just weighed my entire mind down. It wasn’t supposed to be cold. It wasn’t supposed to be dark. We were supposed to be making hot dogs by the cabin.
There was a faint tapping sound. Something banging against the pipes, somewhere up ahead. Sam and Everett pushed forward.
And there it was. A maintenance door.
We all got excited. We ran up to it, and the moment Sam put his hands on the handle, I shouted at them to stop.
They just looked at me, barely illuminated by our combined electronics. I could see the parallel lines running in the snow leading into the maintenance door. I pointed it out to Sam and Everett, who didn’t pay it no mind. Sam thought it was water drops from condensation. Everett didn’t care.
It couldn’t be water drops. It was too cold, and too consistent. Something in me screamed at me to just… not go further. This was bad.
But the door flung open, and we stepped inside.
There was an awful smell in the air. Chemicals; mostly ammonia. It took some time getting used to, but we pushed on. There was a small corridor leading us further in, branching into maintenance tunnels that were so small that we had to move sideways to fit.
We explored, as a group. We couldn’t find an obvious way out, but we could make an educated guess. We just had to find a way that pointed us either straight forward, or straight back; following the curvature of the Rosewater tunnel.
At one point, we hit a dead end. As we turned back, I was suddenly first in line. Then we heard it again.
“You should… be helping me.”
This time it was just down the hall. It was so close it chilled me more than my freezing breath. And for a split second, I could swear I saw something move just at the edge of the light. Something that retreated into the dark with a rhythmic sound. And it was leaving behind those strange parallel lines in the frost-covered floor.
We got back to one of the maintenance hubs. The drainpipes coalesced, leading us further in. We stopped for a while, as Sam was out of batteries.
“They will come looking for us,” said Sam. “We should just go back and wait.”
“We’ll freeze,” I said. “It’s absurd, but we’ll freeze.”
“She’s right,” agreed Everett. “We… we gotta push.”
“Then I go second. I don’t have a light.”
We agreed.
And as we turned around, there was Josslyn.
We could barely make out her shape at first. She looked taller, and her hair clung to her face like she’d crawled out of a cold bath. She just stood there, barely keeping herself upright. Sam and I stood there in shock, but Everett burst into action. He sprinted forward towards her.
In a whiplash-like motion, Josslyn was pulled back into the dark. She didn’t make a sound.
I noticed two things.
One, that her legs didn’t move.
And two, that her feet barely touched the ground; leaving parallel lines in the frosted floor.
Everett rushed after her, screaming her name over and over like a desperate parrot. I was right behind him, and Sam was trying his best to keep up. We ran, seeing whiffs of her hair disappear further and further into the darkness. She was moving, fast, and we could barely keep up. Just seconds later, as we came to a four-way junction, she was gone.
Everett fell to his knees, panting. I stopped short of tripping over him.
“She… she’s here,” Everett panted. “S-something’s wrong.”
I spat and tried to stay in motion to keep my sweat from freezing. The salt stung my eyes.
“Why… why is she doing this?” he asked. “What’s going on?”
“Wait,” I said.
I turned around.
“Where’s Sam?”
We backtracked. We tried to mentally map those labyrinthian halls, but we just came up with dead end after dead end. Sam was gone. Disappeared into the dark.
And somewhere, far ahead, we could hear something again.
“Yooooouu~ should be… helping me.”
But this time, in Sam’s voice.
Sam’s broken, drawling, drawn-out half-voice. It made the drainpipes reverberate, shaking with excitement.
This time, we turned the other way. We couldn’t keep getting pulled further and further in. We made a silent agreement that whatever was in there was something we didn’t want to see. We had to keep going, and once we got out, we could help.
“We… we have to follow the pipes,” said Everett. “They have to lead outside at some point!”
“Or they’ll just… just lead us further in!”
“We can’t keep running in circles! We pick a path, and we stick to it!”
He grabbed my shoulders. Even with barely functioning light, I could see the panicked size of his pupils. I nodded. Whatever it took for us to stick together.
We must’ve walked for hours. And finally, it opened up into another junction. This one with only two adjoining corridors. But by now, we’d moved around so much there was no way to tell what was north, south, or in-between. We could only guess.
“You pick,” said Everett.
And I did.
We followed one of the halls, and I could hear my footsteps growing louder. The echo was increasing. Moments later, the halls opened into a kind of hub area where all the drainpipes coalesced. It was much large than expected, with solid concrete walls and floors. Dozens of pipes lead us here.
Everett was about to rush forward when I put a hand on his shoulder. I looked around for a bit, but he brushed me off and kept going.
“Wait!” I called out, pointing.
There was something up ahead.
It was impossible not to recognize Sam. His body hanging limp, inches off the ground like a stringed-up puppet.
His skin white as snow, with icicles hanging from his beard and hair. He didn’t move.
“You shooooould… be helping me,” his body groaned, without ever moving his mouth.
The shadows behind him moved.
The very dark of the room; it moved.
And at that moment, I realized there was something oil-slick and dark slithering along the pipes; holding Sam up like a ventriloquist dummy.
“Sssssshould. Sssssshould be.”
I could see Josslyn’s bike, snapped in half and thrown into a corner. Strange flowers grew along the edge of the wall; like little sunflowers, frozen and blue.
I could see Josslyn’s backpack torn open and thrown across the floor. The hot dogs, trampled and abandoned. And there at the very edge of my light, I could see Josslyn’s frozen hair splayed across the concrete in a pool of frozen blood.
Unnatural hands crawled across the drainpipes, causing a rhythmic thumping. And just as the horror of this vision sunk into me, my mind exploded into panic. It was like watching through my eyes like a passenger, surrendering completely to whatever power would get me out of there. My mind lit up the world with fear, as a real and tangible threat started coming our way; and it was dragging Sam along.
I bolted back out the door. Something was right behind me, but I didn’t know if it was Everett or… that Sam-thing. I didn’t care. I didn’t care the slightest.
I turned a quick corner. Everett followed. The Sam-thing couldn’t keep up, and whatever held him just tossed him aside. I could hear his body shattering like a gypsum statue; his body frozen solid.
Another corner. A quick turn.
Too quick.
I tripped on my own feet. I fell, and Everett fell right after me. We ended up on our sides, lying face-to-face. Something in my elbow broke, and I couldn’t get up.
Then, Everett stopped. I did too. I held my breath, waiting for whatever pain there was to come. Everett looked at me, slack jawed.
His breathing stopped. A long mosquito-like appendage had extended down from the drainpipes, piercing the back of his skull, like popping a water balloon. It was sucking out his warmth, making his skin lose its color. Eyes sinking into his skull, freezing. Nails and tongue turning black. Skin cracking like porcelain. Membranes shriveling into nothing but dry meat.
“Yooooooou~ “ it started. “… yoooOoou… heEeeeeEelping me. Help. Helping meeeee.”
I couldn’t look away.
But as my light dwindled, all that was left was the cold of his touch, and his words; frozen in time.
“Shhhh… shhhhoooOo… should be. Be. Be.”
As my light went out, all that was left was one desperate plea. And for a moment, it sounded just like him.
“Helping me. Helping. Helping me. Helping… me.”
I must’ve stayed there for hours, growing colder by the minute. I just lay there, listening to him slowly learning how to talk with Everett’s body. My tears had frozen my eyelids shut, and my shivers had subsided to a deep throbbing pain.
At some point, Everett was lifted off the floor. And as a cold spike poked against my skin, I realized I could barely feel it. I was too cold.
The creature must’ve thought the same thing, as it left me there. I had no warmth left for it to feast on.
I was no longer interesting prey. I’d accidentally strained my elbow as I fell, and I could barely feel my legs. Further and further away, I could hear the rhythmic thumping as the creature moved along the drainpipes. The pleas of what remained of Everett grew more confident, and distant.
At some point, it wasn’t interested anymore. I fumbled down corridor after corridor, trying to keep my eyes open.
And out of nowhere, the tunnels just seemed to... open up.
On the other side of the Rosewater Tunnel, the light blinded me.
The sun of late June promised me that I was finally safe.
Now, this was all about… five years ago. Law enforcement insist that we were “urban explorers” who messed up. There had been reports of rockslides near the Rosewater Tunnels, and they figured that Sam, Everett and Josslyn got caught in it somewhere deep in the abandoned side tunnels. They didn’t take any other report or indication of wrongdoing seriously. That I had frost burns in late June didn’t seem to bother them.
I’ve been holding off on writing this story as it was technically open for investigation until last September. They finally closed it, officially classifying it as a kind of spelunking expedition gone wrong. They swear they’ve investigated the tunnel, but I have yet to see a single squad car anywhere near it.
I don’t think this is over.
I’ve since left it all behind. The town, the people, the past.
And whatever future I have left, I will cherish.
2023.03.25 02:02 CaptMcStabbyPants Has anyone else tried Caddy from Heritage Provisioning?
 | Stopped into Noxx yesterday to pick up some wax and saw they had a 'twofer' 2 x 1g carts from Caddy, who I was unfamiliar with. So I grabbed a pack of Durban Poison to try since they had a sale on them, for $15. Tried it once I got home and it got me there in no time at all and what I want to remark about the most is the flavor. It's familiar, yet new. I can't put my finger on what it tastes like, but I kind of really like it! submitted by CaptMcStabbyPants to Michigents [link] [comments] What do you think about them? I want to go grab the other strains they have just to check them out. https://preview.redd.it/o292jr73cspa1.jpg?width=1332&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=645a3d93dd93b7f6a51d76095d874b22d57e8db5 |
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2023.03.25 01:58 TheEndDragon My dog saved me from itself.
I never thought any harm could happen to me. Not because I feel superior to others, but in my town, Brookwood, nothing bad ever happened. You rarely heard of accidents, and homicides or robbery were unheard of. But now, I’ve received PTSD and therapy from an incident in my very own hometown.
Four years ago, I was 23. I played baseball every Saturday, and my life was good. I had bought a dog about eight months prior, a Doberman, her name being Athena. I lived in a house that my late grandparents had left to me. As a child, I never liked staying with my grandparents for even one night, as wildlife seemed to be very active at night.
Eventually I grew out of my fear, assuming that nocturnal animals approached the lake a few hundred meters from our house. Suddenly, one night the noise stopped. Not even a cricket could be heard. Out of nowhere, my eardrums shattered. Hundreds of animal noises could be heard all at once.
I went to investigate the noise after it stopped, but there was nothing. No animals, no sounds. I couldn’t see any rustling in the grass, or any animals chirping in trees. Athena was all that remained, trying to comfort my uneasiness.
Athena has separation anxiety, and appears depressed on any cameras after I leave for work. One day, I beckoned her inside from the backyard. She ran in, and ran upstairs. I paid no attention and left for work.
I checked my home cameras to see how Athena was holding up, but I noticed her laying down next to the door in my room. Eventually, the door closed, locking her in my room. I sighed and reminded myself to open my room door when I arrived home. However, when I came back from my uneventful day at work, I was greeted by my dog.
I was confused. Very confused. I greeted Athena with a skeptical tone in my voice. She seemed to notice this. I checked my phone to see if she was still in my room. She was. Athena seemed to notice this.
I baby-talked her and went upstairs to see if possibly the camera was delayed, and Athena somehow managed to open the door herself. She did not. I opened my door, and Athena greeted me.
I walked to my bedside and grabbed a baseball bat from my equipment bad. I looked downstairs. Athena was not there. I stayed as quiet as possible, discarding my shoes to make less noise. Upon hearing a scuttling, I looked towards the noise. The dog was climbing up a wall. I rushed into my room, and locked the door.
I rushed to my phone to call the police. Upon dialing 9-1-1, I heard a bashing against my door. I heard more, and started hearing splintering. The dog was breaking down my door.
I dialed the number and talked to the operator. I was told to stay calm, and that they would call animal control. My door kept splintering. Eventually, I could see through the door. This thing was no dog. It wasn’t human, it wasn’t animal, it was just a thing.
The thing had long limbs, and a deformed face. It had huge chunks of flesh missing where its ears used to be, and a completely removed nose. It looked pale, as if there was no longer any blood in it. All of its fur was shedding off instantaneously, as if it was shedding on command. No baseball bat could take the thing down.
I rushed to my bedside drawer. 3 months ago, I got a license to carry firearms. I bought myself a Mark XIX Desert Eagle to use in shooting ranges, just for fun. I thought this would save my life. I was wrong.
The thing broke through the door, and stared me down for a few second. It started moving towards me, and I fired. I had used one magazine. It was still standing. Two magazines. It still stood. Three magazines. It stayed strong.
The thing leaped at me, and I realized my inevitable death. Until my dog came in. My dog jumped at the creature, tearing into its flesh. The creature was dead in a matter of seconds.
Animal control arrived, finding me stunned on the ground, my dog comforting me, and an alien corpse in the middle of the room. They took the corpse back, informing me that they would get back to me with what the thing was.
When they reached out to me, they informed me that it had no signs of life. It had no cells, nor DNA. It was as if it had turned into a hyper-realistic, flexible statue. I didn’t care for the information though. What I did care for was seeking therapy.
I ended up with PTSD from the event, and a large dependence on my dog. Even four years after the event, I still have nightmares about it sometimes. Sometimes I hear the hissing sounds the creature made right behind me. However, whenever these happen, I always have my dog to rely on.
submitted by TheEndDragon to nosleep [link] [comments]
Four years ago, I was 23. I played baseball every Saturday, and my life was good. I had bought a dog about eight months prior, a Doberman, her name being Athena. I lived in a house that my late grandparents had left to me. As a child, I never liked staying with my grandparents for even one night, as wildlife seemed to be very active at night.
Eventually I grew out of my fear, assuming that nocturnal animals approached the lake a few hundred meters from our house. Suddenly, one night the noise stopped. Not even a cricket could be heard. Out of nowhere, my eardrums shattered. Hundreds of animal noises could be heard all at once.
I went to investigate the noise after it stopped, but there was nothing. No animals, no sounds. I couldn’t see any rustling in the grass, or any animals chirping in trees. Athena was all that remained, trying to comfort my uneasiness.
Athena has separation anxiety, and appears depressed on any cameras after I leave for work. One day, I beckoned her inside from the backyard. She ran in, and ran upstairs. I paid no attention and left for work.
I checked my home cameras to see how Athena was holding up, but I noticed her laying down next to the door in my room. Eventually, the door closed, locking her in my room. I sighed and reminded myself to open my room door when I arrived home. However, when I came back from my uneventful day at work, I was greeted by my dog.
I was confused. Very confused. I greeted Athena with a skeptical tone in my voice. She seemed to notice this. I checked my phone to see if she was still in my room. She was. Athena seemed to notice this.
I baby-talked her and went upstairs to see if possibly the camera was delayed, and Athena somehow managed to open the door herself. She did not. I opened my door, and Athena greeted me.
I walked to my bedside and grabbed a baseball bat from my equipment bad. I looked downstairs. Athena was not there. I stayed as quiet as possible, discarding my shoes to make less noise. Upon hearing a scuttling, I looked towards the noise. The dog was climbing up a wall. I rushed into my room, and locked the door.
I rushed to my phone to call the police. Upon dialing 9-1-1, I heard a bashing against my door. I heard more, and started hearing splintering. The dog was breaking down my door.
I dialed the number and talked to the operator. I was told to stay calm, and that they would call animal control. My door kept splintering. Eventually, I could see through the door. This thing was no dog. It wasn’t human, it wasn’t animal, it was just a thing.
The thing had long limbs, and a deformed face. It had huge chunks of flesh missing where its ears used to be, and a completely removed nose. It looked pale, as if there was no longer any blood in it. All of its fur was shedding off instantaneously, as if it was shedding on command. No baseball bat could take the thing down.
I rushed to my bedside drawer. 3 months ago, I got a license to carry firearms. I bought myself a Mark XIX Desert Eagle to use in shooting ranges, just for fun. I thought this would save my life. I was wrong.
The thing broke through the door, and stared me down for a few second. It started moving towards me, and I fired. I had used one magazine. It was still standing. Two magazines. It still stood. Three magazines. It stayed strong.
The thing leaped at me, and I realized my inevitable death. Until my dog came in. My dog jumped at the creature, tearing into its flesh. The creature was dead in a matter of seconds.
Animal control arrived, finding me stunned on the ground, my dog comforting me, and an alien corpse in the middle of the room. They took the corpse back, informing me that they would get back to me with what the thing was.
When they reached out to me, they informed me that it had no signs of life. It had no cells, nor DNA. It was as if it had turned into a hyper-realistic, flexible statue. I didn’t care for the information though. What I did care for was seeking therapy.
I ended up with PTSD from the event, and a large dependence on my dog. Even four years after the event, I still have nightmares about it sometimes. Sometimes I hear the hissing sounds the creature made right behind me. However, whenever these happen, I always have my dog to rely on.
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2023.03.25 01:51 sadmonkey91016 Why do you keep coming back but keep pushing me away again?
You somehow just knew I would be interested in trying to get back together again even though recently it’s like you don’t care about me at all. You like this idea of me stringing me along when you’re bored and that’s the only time you see me. You never check in on me. Never asked how I’m doing. I grieved so much over someone that’s so callously tossed away all the love that I have. I lost my spark. I’m trying to find myself again. I loved you wholeheartedly and yet i keep losing you. I know that I can’t make someone love me. I know that you’re going through some stuff but I am too. I am somehow too much but at the same time never enough. Not once did you ever asked if I was okay nor did you care. I just wish someone could see me. This is the main reason i just wanted to disappear. You’ll say you’re too busy and I understand that. But even when you’re not busy I still don’t exist. I’m tired. I’d rather just love you from afar and remember the person i loved the way you were. I’d rather just grieve for losing everything. And I don’t want to be your backup for anyone. I’d rather be alone than feel like i’ll never be chosen or that i was the last resort. I have no doubt you’ll be happy if you weren’t already you seemed to have moved on and that’s good. I have lost so much time. I have lost so much of myself already. I was on route to recovery and I feel like i’m back to square one. You barely interact with me you gave me not even the bare minimum of attention while I’m still at rock bottom.
At this point you’ll probably say how selfish i am or i’m being overdramatic or I’m overthinking. I’m gonna stop you right there. I have every right to say how and what i feel, no im not guilt tripping you right now, but the feeling i have tears me apart. I have been writing this for a few days now i had time to think and feel my loneliness. I lost so much, i lost my future, i lost a year and i loved you for 5 years…i practically lost my sanity cause you ghosted me and gaslit me into thinking i was crazy, enough to think it was okay that we barely talked that it was okay you don’t feel the same way that i do about us. I ached and yearned for you for more than a year. And i was okay even when you treated me like shit. How much more do I have to lose? All i wanted was a sign of you actually caring about me. You kept leaving me over and over again and it kills me. I know you would never understand it from my perspective but it’s just so hard to mentally and emotionally go through the cycles over and over again and each time I have to pick up all the pieces I have to fix it and I can’t anymore it’s shattered. I’ve been in pain for too long and I really want therapy and all the medication I’m taking to work. I love you so much but I’m dying inside. I just wanted to be loved as much as I loved you back and I know you can’t because you don’t. I just want to be honest about it all. I don’t know when my time on this earth will be up. Every day feels like a losing battle. I don’t want you to be with me anymore because it seems forced and I know you don’t want that. Maybe you’ll read this, maybe you won’t but i hope you do. I really need to let you go but unfortunately I’ll love you forever always. There will never be US again don’t worry you made sure of that. And I’m trying to come to terms with it.
Right now my health has severely declined. Im losing a lot of hair, i barely sleep well from vivid horrible dreams not about us but horrific gorelike entities and experiences. I’m losing parts of my memory. I talk a lot slower and I stutter more. It’s a side effect. I am a shadow of myself. I’m scared of going crazy even tho my psychologist tells me i’m not it’s probably a different health problem mostly cause im anemic but that’s doesn’t matter. I still go to therapy, i still talk to my psychiatrist. The long months before you talked to me helped me realize how much you don’t really love me. And i need to go back to that state of where im healing and be okay that you don’t love me again. I don’t want to hope for us again it puts me back to a place where i dont want to be. Every time you decided i exist for you again and then you throw me away i suffer so much. I need to say goodbye. Don’t give me hope for us to be together again if you can’t prove that you still want us to be together. I didn’t want to send this to you while you’re mourning for losing your bestfriend for 15 years. I know how much that dog means to you. But I’m at my breaking point now and i’m sorry but i need to set my boundaries. I’ll always love you to the moon and back. But I’m just so tired I hope you understand I’m done fighting a losing battle.
submitted by sadmonkey91016 to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]
At this point you’ll probably say how selfish i am or i’m being overdramatic or I’m overthinking. I’m gonna stop you right there. I have every right to say how and what i feel, no im not guilt tripping you right now, but the feeling i have tears me apart. I have been writing this for a few days now i had time to think and feel my loneliness. I lost so much, i lost my future, i lost a year and i loved you for 5 years…i practically lost my sanity cause you ghosted me and gaslit me into thinking i was crazy, enough to think it was okay that we barely talked that it was okay you don’t feel the same way that i do about us. I ached and yearned for you for more than a year. And i was okay even when you treated me like shit. How much more do I have to lose? All i wanted was a sign of you actually caring about me. You kept leaving me over and over again and it kills me. I know you would never understand it from my perspective but it’s just so hard to mentally and emotionally go through the cycles over and over again and each time I have to pick up all the pieces I have to fix it and I can’t anymore it’s shattered. I’ve been in pain for too long and I really want therapy and all the medication I’m taking to work. I love you so much but I’m dying inside. I just wanted to be loved as much as I loved you back and I know you can’t because you don’t. I just want to be honest about it all. I don’t know when my time on this earth will be up. Every day feels like a losing battle. I don’t want you to be with me anymore because it seems forced and I know you don’t want that. Maybe you’ll read this, maybe you won’t but i hope you do. I really need to let you go but unfortunately I’ll love you forever always. There will never be US again don’t worry you made sure of that. And I’m trying to come to terms with it.
Right now my health has severely declined. Im losing a lot of hair, i barely sleep well from vivid horrible dreams not about us but horrific gorelike entities and experiences. I’m losing parts of my memory. I talk a lot slower and I stutter more. It’s a side effect. I am a shadow of myself. I’m scared of going crazy even tho my psychologist tells me i’m not it’s probably a different health problem mostly cause im anemic but that’s doesn’t matter. I still go to therapy, i still talk to my psychiatrist. The long months before you talked to me helped me realize how much you don’t really love me. And i need to go back to that state of where im healing and be okay that you don’t love me again. I don’t want to hope for us again it puts me back to a place where i dont want to be. Every time you decided i exist for you again and then you throw me away i suffer so much. I need to say goodbye. Don’t give me hope for us to be together again if you can’t prove that you still want us to be together. I didn’t want to send this to you while you’re mourning for losing your bestfriend for 15 years. I know how much that dog means to you. But I’m at my breaking point now and i’m sorry but i need to set my boundaries. I’ll always love you to the moon and back. But I’m just so tired I hope you understand I’m done fighting a losing battle.
2023.03.25 01:50 peleni74 For sale. $12 each plus shipping. NWT from pet/smoke free home. Thanks.
 | submitted by peleni74 to BSTsquishmallow [link] [comments] |
2023.03.25 01:50 Ill-Cod8556 Budget gaming PC for my daughter
1. What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games (ex: resolution, FPS, settings) or programs you will be using.
- Mostly for simple school work, also some light gaming, may do some photo processing as well
2. What is your maximum PRE-TAX budget before rebates and shipping?
- 800 up to 1000 if needed
3. When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
- not in a hurry, as long as I get parts ready, but don't want delay unnecessarily
4. What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ex: toweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
- just tower for now.
5. If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? How old are they? Brands and models are appreciated.
- Not reuse any part.
6. Will you be overclocking (ex: CPU/GPU/RAM)? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line?
- No.
7. Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSDs, mass HDDs, Wi-Fi / Bluetooth, VR, VirtualLink, tensor cores, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc.)
- Needs wifi
8. Do you have any specific case preferences (ex: mITX/mATX/mid-towefull-tower sizes, styles, colours, window or not, LED lighting, etc.), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
- My daughter prefer a nice looking white case with RBG light, the first case she saw in store is Fractal design Torrent, which set the bar way too high, but that case is way over too expensive for her use. The other case I looked is the Pop Air white RGB, still the cheapest is $140, not sure if it is worth it
9. Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? Note: some post-secondary students can get Windows 10 for free at OnTheHub or through their school's IT software distribution department.
- Yes, is it cheap just to buy a activation key
10. Will you be upgrading this PC in the future (ie: will you swap out better parts later on or will you build an entirely new tower later)? If so, when?
- Probably but likely only video card swap in short term, in long term, yes, I will swap parts if it can prolong lift of the PC.
11. Do you have a brand preference? (ex: AMD/Intel for CPUs, AMD/NVIDIA for video cards, etc.)
- None.
12. What are the specs of your old PC / laptop? Do you want to see if it can be upgraded instead? If so, paste its build from PCPartPicker here.
- My last windows PC is a Q6600 G0 build, have then switched to a i5-4200U based laptop that I still use
- 13. Extra info or particulars:
- This is the build I am drafting,
TypeItemPrice
:----:----:----
**CPU** [AMD Ryzen 5 5600X 3.7 GHz 6-Core Processor](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/g94BD3/amd-ryzen-5-5600x-37-ghz-6-core-processor-100-100000065box) $214.98 @ Amazon Canada
**Motherboard** [ASRock B550M Phantom Gaming 4 Micro ATX AM4 Motherboard](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/TG9tt6/asrock-b550m-phantom-gaming-4-micro-atx-am4-motherboard-b550m-phantom-gaming-4) $88.80 @ Vuugo
**Memory** [TEAMGROUP T-Force Delta RGB 16 GB (2 x 8 GB) DDR4-3600 CL18 Memory](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/7Wytt6/team-t-force-delta-rgb-16-gb-2-x-8-gb-ddr4-3600-cl18-memory-tf3d416g3600hc18jdc01) $59.99 @ Canada Computers
**Storage** [Corsair MP600 PRO XT 1 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/gcBG3C/corsair-mp600-pro-xt-1-tb-m2-2280-nvme-solid-state-drive-cssd-f1000gbmp600pxt) $124.99 @ Amazon Canada
**Video Card** [Gigabyte EAGLE Radeon RX 6600 8 GB Video Card](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/G9ytt6/gigabyte-radeon-rx-6600-8-gb-eagle-video-card-gv-r66eagle-8gd) $299.99 @ Canada Computers
**Case** [Deepcool MACUBE 110 MicroATX Mini Tower Case](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/TYMTwP/deepcool-macube-110-atx-mid-tower-case-r-macube110-bkngm1n-g-1) $79.98 @ Amazon Canada
**Power Supply** [Asus ROG Strix 550 W 80+ Gold Certified Fully Modular ATX Power Supply](https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/product/ddJmP6/asus-rog-strix-550-w-80-gold-certified-fully-modular-atx-power-supply-rog-strix-550g) $69.99 @ Canada Computers
*Prices include shipping, taxes, rebates, and discounts*
Total (before mail-in rebates) $968.72
Mail-in rebates -$30.00
**Total** **$938.72**
Generated by [PCPartPicker](https://pcpartpicker.com) 2023-03-24 21:06 EDT-0400
- I already bought the motherboard from Newegg, and bought the SSD as well (but I do feel it is a bit overkill wondering whether I should swap to a cheaper SSD), Main concern is the case, PSU and video card, I bought them mostly based on sales. But first the case (got $55 in CC before tax) is not white (which is OK but preferred white) and not sure if it is a good choice, also no RBG so likely have to spend more later to get RBG fans. For the PSU, it seems to be a good unit, and that is the only reasonable price PSU I can find for a while, just not sure if I should go higher watts. I have also considered going with a less know Azza white case and Azza PSU to keep price down but not sure if it is the right way to go
https://www.newegg.ca/azza-psaz-650w-argb/p/N82E16817517013?Description=AZZA%20PSU&cm_re=AZZA_PSU-_-17-517-013-_-Product
- The other part I am totally unsure is the video card, the problem is the main game my daughter want to play now is Genshin impact, which is not really a very graphics demanding game, I am thinking I might be able to get away with buying a used video card first (a 1060? RX580, 1070 or 1660 etc.) and swap it if she is going to play some more demanding game or if the GPU market becomes better, but of course, going new would make life a lot easier, especially I don't have a spare PC to test video card if I go used.
2023.03.25 01:48 marsangelo Not even a whisper from Washington about NASDAQ offering crypto custody
The title says it all. Maybe you haven’t seen the news but NASDAQ is planning on offering a crypto custody service some time this year. Not in the far future after we’ve got a bunch more clarity on regulation or volatility has died down, but literally this year in this shitshow of a market. No concern at all about the opacity that is the SEC and their Wells notice dinner invitations or the White House report that speaks of crypto as an abject failure.
We’ve seen the SEC raise a stink about custody services recently and who should be authorized to offer them, they’ve also voiced this concern to Grayscale and sued Coinbase. Senators and Congress also voicing the dangers of crypto and so far have been totally mum about it (Elizabeth Warren says absolutely no crypto in your 401k!).
Where are they now? Well, they’re at home drinking Opus One doing other shit because they dont actually care. They only care that incumbents get their piece of the pie. You’re not a tradfi legacy institution? Sorry there’s not enough room on this block for you. Its a scam, ponzi, no value pet rock if you’re not on Wall Street.
submitted by marsangelo to CryptoCurrency [link] [comments]
We’ve seen the SEC raise a stink about custody services recently and who should be authorized to offer them, they’ve also voiced this concern to Grayscale and sued Coinbase. Senators and Congress also voicing the dangers of crypto and so far have been totally mum about it (Elizabeth Warren says absolutely no crypto in your 401k!).
Where are they now? Well, they’re at home drinking Opus One doing other shit because they dont actually care. They only care that incumbents get their piece of the pie. You’re not a tradfi legacy institution? Sorry there’s not enough room on this block for you. Its a scam, ponzi, no value pet rock if you’re not on Wall Street.
2023.03.25 01:46 peleni74 For sale. $12 each plus shipping. Nwt and pet/smoke free home. Thanks
 | submitted by peleni74 to Squishmallowsforsale [link] [comments] |
2023.03.25 01:40 Redditaccount1543354 [WTS] 14K Gold Bracelet + Necklace Close To Melt, 2022 Britannia, 1993 ASE, 2017 Silver Privy Maple.
https://imgur.com/a/p8W1mJw
14K Yellow Gold Bracelet - 7 and 3/4 Inches Long - 3.30g - MELT $123 - $150
14K Italian Yellow Gold Necklace - 3.75g - 15.25” Inches Long - MELT $140 - $170
2022 Great Britain Britannia 1 oz Silver Coin - $30
2 - 2017 1 Oz Silver Maple Leaf Reverse Proof COUGAR PRIVY - $35/Each 1 sold, 1 available
1993 - 1 oz American Silver Eagle - $35
Atocha 1622 Spanish Galleon Shipwreck Pendant 925 Sterling Silver - $55
Payment
I accept Zelle, Venmo, PayPal f&f as a last resort.
Shipping
$5 USPS Shipping under 8 Oz, $6 for 8 Oz and over, $10 For USPS Priority, $16 USPS Priority Medium Box.
•Signature Confirmation $3 (Optional)
•Insurance is also available at buyers expense.
•I pack safely and discretely - All Sales Final
•Prices are subject to change at any moments notice, if error occurs in pricing then purchase is void or canceled.
•Message me if you have any questions.
•All packages will be dropped on Wednesday or earlier.
•Once I drop the package at the post office I’m not responsible for USPS mistakes or losses.
submitted by Redditaccount1543354 to Pmsforsale [link] [comments]
14K Yellow Gold Bracelet - 7 and 3/4 Inches Long - 3.30g - MELT $123 - $150
14K Italian Yellow Gold Necklace - 3.75g - 15.25” Inches Long - MELT $140 - $170
2022 Great Britain Britannia 1 oz Silver Coin - $30
2 - 2017 1 Oz Silver Maple Leaf Reverse Proof COUGAR PRIVY - $35/Each 1 sold, 1 available
1993 - 1 oz American Silver Eagle - $35
Atocha 1622 Spanish Galleon Shipwreck Pendant 925 Sterling Silver - $55
Payment
I accept Zelle, Venmo, PayPal f&f as a last resort.
Shipping
$5 USPS Shipping under 8 Oz, $6 for 8 Oz and over, $10 For USPS Priority, $16 USPS Priority Medium Box.
•Signature Confirmation $3 (Optional)
•Insurance is also available at buyers expense.
•I pack safely and discretely - All Sales Final
•Prices are subject to change at any moments notice, if error occurs in pricing then purchase is void or canceled.
•Message me if you have any questions.
•All packages will be dropped on Wednesday or earlier.
•Once I drop the package at the post office I’m not responsible for USPS mistakes or losses.
2023.03.25 01:36 ViSSUALx Constant Gas-lighting, and just overall unhappy with where I am.
Before we get started yes I need to take a grammar class, I’m very tired, and a little high from my doc.
Anyway I want to make this as easy to understand and quick too.
Basically I started seeing older guys at 16 the age of consent in my state is 16. I decided to start young. It was my choice to leave school during the day, and sneak into an older man’s car and go get fucked by him at his house.
I did enjoy it at first I was always super turned on by my coaches, and some of my teachers in school this started at 11. I stopped playing sports my favorite sport Lacrosse because of this.
Transitioned slowly to 22 where I am now, well not slowly it feels, as I just turned 22 in February and man does it go quick one day you’re 18 the next you are 22 it feels, and time just goes faster as you age I feel.
I really enjoyed sex with older guys but I wouldn’t say I’m super attractive so I don’t attract the hottest daddies, and when you do age I’m 22 now they get picky. I’ve never had a successful relationship or even had a relationship they have all been flings. My last fling completely ruined me financially, mentally, and just overall very time consuming and I’m basically at rock bottom at the moment. Totally my responsibility I am very naïve, uneducated( still am), and do-not pay attention to a lot as I’d rather be ignorant and as they say ignorance is bliss and very comfortable.
More recently the past two years I’ve been experiencing escorting as in my head I feel as long as I’m compensated I can go home not feeling as used, and not feel so bad. I can buy my Doc, or clothes or do something else to forget about it for the moment. That stuff is really starting to catch up with me when it’s late at night and you can’t sleep. I basically cry myself to sleep every-night and probably haven’t had a full nights rest because of nightmares, and night terrors.
Anyway I just feel at this point even when I’m hanging out with older guys I don’t enjoy it anymore and it’s just constant gas lighting about my daddy issues, and why I’m having sex with them etc.. this has happened I can count 3 different instances and I’m just like do I make it this obvious? I guess so, so they gaslight me and i act completely ignorant to it like I don’t understand it but I do and it hurts.
I’m laying this all to rest and taking a break from looking for anything. It’s over I’m 22! And tired. I really just am looking for a golden ticket, or a white horse chariot as we go into the sunrise.
None of that has happened. So now I sit in my room at my home, as I moved back in with family.
I’m so depressed and basically at my lowest.
Thanks for reading. I take full responsibility for this and basically want other boys on this Reddit to read this because I do-not want any boys to be used. Have great night everyone.
submitted by ViSSUALx to gayyoungold [link] [comments]
Anyway I want to make this as easy to understand and quick too.
Basically I started seeing older guys at 16 the age of consent in my state is 16. I decided to start young. It was my choice to leave school during the day, and sneak into an older man’s car and go get fucked by him at his house.
I did enjoy it at first I was always super turned on by my coaches, and some of my teachers in school this started at 11. I stopped playing sports my favorite sport Lacrosse because of this.
Transitioned slowly to 22 where I am now, well not slowly it feels, as I just turned 22 in February and man does it go quick one day you’re 18 the next you are 22 it feels, and time just goes faster as you age I feel.
I really enjoyed sex with older guys but I wouldn’t say I’m super attractive so I don’t attract the hottest daddies, and when you do age I’m 22 now they get picky. I’ve never had a successful relationship or even had a relationship they have all been flings. My last fling completely ruined me financially, mentally, and just overall very time consuming and I’m basically at rock bottom at the moment. Totally my responsibility I am very naïve, uneducated( still am), and do-not pay attention to a lot as I’d rather be ignorant and as they say ignorance is bliss and very comfortable.
More recently the past two years I’ve been experiencing escorting as in my head I feel as long as I’m compensated I can go home not feeling as used, and not feel so bad. I can buy my Doc, or clothes or do something else to forget about it for the moment. That stuff is really starting to catch up with me when it’s late at night and you can’t sleep. I basically cry myself to sleep every-night and probably haven’t had a full nights rest because of nightmares, and night terrors.
Anyway I just feel at this point even when I’m hanging out with older guys I don’t enjoy it anymore and it’s just constant gas lighting about my daddy issues, and why I’m having sex with them etc.. this has happened I can count 3 different instances and I’m just like do I make it this obvious? I guess so, so they gaslight me and i act completely ignorant to it like I don’t understand it but I do and it hurts.
I’m laying this all to rest and taking a break from looking for anything. It’s over I’m 22! And tired. I really just am looking for a golden ticket, or a white horse chariot as we go into the sunrise.
None of that has happened. So now I sit in my room at my home, as I moved back in with family.
I’m so depressed and basically at my lowest.
Thanks for reading. I take full responsibility for this and basically want other boys on this Reddit to read this because I do-not want any boys to be used. Have great night everyone.
2023.03.25 01:35 isnt_it_weird Who could pass up this deal?
Who does this?
submitted by isnt_it_weird to pittsburgh [link] [comments]
2023.03.25 01:35 Wishful_kiwi Maybe the eyes is related to " the all seeing eyes of god" + etc
Hey everyone!
If someone already made a discussion post about this please post the link to that thread here in the comment.
I came here from the night mind episode and I have to say there is extreme amount of imagery related to eyes specifically. Even the first drawing on the home page where Wally is sitting on the rock, you can see a drawing of a realistic eyes on the bottom left side of the rock and it stick out from a artist perspective so i kept taking a closer look at the art. Also, I checked scrolling artwork of the side of the computer homepage and the image on the side of the path leading to Wally's home being filled with eyes. I know someone had mentioned that "good words" saying was a very specific and usually related to the bible. Could it be possible that to Wally, they see the home as some sort of god and seem themselves as a prophet. It would explain the multiple imagery of Wally through the site and page that show him in holy stances and worshipping. It would also explain why Wally would want to spread the good word of the neighborhood, not because he think the show should come back, but to indoctrinate as many people as possible. Turning his followers into characters on the show and replace them when they don't fall into line. Beside we don't know what happens when Wally goes back home and decides to close his window, but it could be the place where inducts new members of the cult or how the characters get transported into the world of the show.
It could also explain why Frank and Poppy look more upset than the other puppet in many of the promotional and additional artwork made for the show. Especially when you look at the counter at the bottom of the main page of the show. They don't look happy, excited, or pleased with the increased attention their website is getting like the other characters, they looks scared and worried. Maybe the people who end up taking over these character have a harder time taking on the roles of the poppy and frank and get replaced more often, ending their cycle and starting another unlucky victim cycle of being trapped in the world of the show.
It also does not help that if someone were to put into Poppy's body, they would have difficulty walking, standing, or getting any work done because her body proportions would not match that of a normal human being. Which does match up with what her description say and hides the sinister implication because there is no way for her to properly adjust to her body without showing something is clearly wrong. So it make me wonder if some of the information put into the description of the character was there from the original show or information that was added in to help make the transition of real people into characters look more natural.
submitted by Wishful_kiwi to WelcomeHomeNeighbor [link] [comments]
If someone already made a discussion post about this please post the link to that thread here in the comment.
I came here from the night mind episode and I have to say there is extreme amount of imagery related to eyes specifically. Even the first drawing on the home page where Wally is sitting on the rock, you can see a drawing of a realistic eyes on the bottom left side of the rock and it stick out from a artist perspective so i kept taking a closer look at the art. Also, I checked scrolling artwork of the side of the computer homepage and the image on the side of the path leading to Wally's home being filled with eyes. I know someone had mentioned that "good words" saying was a very specific and usually related to the bible. Could it be possible that to Wally, they see the home as some sort of god and seem themselves as a prophet. It would explain the multiple imagery of Wally through the site and page that show him in holy stances and worshipping. It would also explain why Wally would want to spread the good word of the neighborhood, not because he think the show should come back, but to indoctrinate as many people as possible. Turning his followers into characters on the show and replace them when they don't fall into line. Beside we don't know what happens when Wally goes back home and decides to close his window, but it could be the place where inducts new members of the cult or how the characters get transported into the world of the show.
It could also explain why Frank and Poppy look more upset than the other puppet in many of the promotional and additional artwork made for the show. Especially when you look at the counter at the bottom of the main page of the show. They don't look happy, excited, or pleased with the increased attention their website is getting like the other characters, they looks scared and worried. Maybe the people who end up taking over these character have a harder time taking on the roles of the poppy and frank and get replaced more often, ending their cycle and starting another unlucky victim cycle of being trapped in the world of the show.
It also does not help that if someone were to put into Poppy's body, they would have difficulty walking, standing, or getting any work done because her body proportions would not match that of a normal human being. Which does match up with what her description say and hides the sinister implication because there is no way for her to properly adjust to her body without showing something is clearly wrong. So it make me wonder if some of the information put into the description of the character was there from the original show or information that was added in to help make the transition of real people into characters look more natural.
2023.03.25 01:35 NoNeedleworker5437 Mindset for BJJ, especially those struggling or for older chaps.
Long time lurker, decided to share my recent experience with BJJ in the hope that it’ll resonate with others at all levels, especially those struggling for motivation or having the blues:
I joined a GB academy in my home town when I was 34, at the time I had a very busy job so found it hard to get motivated, although I loved open mat. I got all the way up to the lofty heights of three stripe white belt before I decided that I had to focus on my work, so BJJ went to the wayside and I eventually left GB.
Fast forward six years, by which time I’d completed a part time degree, wasn’t exercising, was using alcohol to deal with stress, finally I worked so hard that I burned myself out and in 2022, I had a mental breakdown. I had reached 40 years old and was at rock bottom, I can honestly say this was 100% the absolute worst point in my life so far.
Over the next couple of months my partner, my therapist and my doctor all indirectly saved my life. I was fortunate that I could move to a less stressful role that was 9 to 5. After a lot of work on myself, my therapist recommended that I try exercise to get my motivation and focus back. I hate the gym, I hate running, I like swimming but it’s a solitary activity & I yearned a social connection while training.
BJJ came back into my life!
I joined a small independent club rather than returning to GB. The head coach is ex military, but is an unassuming, friendly and patient man. Being a bit older and having a few ingrained bad habits, plus some of my old “work is more important” mindset, I would turn up for the beginner classes but find reasons not to stay for extra classes or to roll afterwards.
What’s great about the coach is that he likes to push people just a little outside their comfort zone in every class. He does this in a subtle and understated way, you barely notice it’s happening. It’s just enough to scare you but not so much that you are intimidated or scared off.
He said two things that I want to share in particular: First, during a class he was teaching a technique which involved intent, something you had to either commit to or fail at, he said, “If you do things half assed, you’ll get half assed results”. This resonated with me on a professional level as that’s the attitude I have always had towards work. I had never thought about BJJ in this light before.
Secondly, a week later he talked about his own personally journey and how he decided early on that BJJ was “for him” and that he knew he would become a black belt. He said, “commit ten years and you can be a black belt too, you’re going to be somewhere in ten years, you might as well be there”. Reflecting on my previous ten years I realised I had made a soulless choice by focusing on my work. I had nothing to show for it but a shattered mind. It was like a switch flipped in my head and I made a mental decision there and then, “I am going to give BJJ 110%”.
Almost a year on from the worst point in my life, I am training 5 days a week in BJJ and loving every second of it. The harder I focus on my training, the more I seem to get back in return. I am happier, less stressed and more balanced than I’ve ever been in my life. I feel connected to my teammates and my club is a healthy, positive environment. So if you’re having doubts, struggling, have hit a plateau in your training; here’s some advice from my coach, “Don’t think about it, just fucking send it, give it your all”. Oss.
submitted by NoNeedleworker5437 to bjj [link] [comments]
I joined a GB academy in my home town when I was 34, at the time I had a very busy job so found it hard to get motivated, although I loved open mat. I got all the way up to the lofty heights of three stripe white belt before I decided that I had to focus on my work, so BJJ went to the wayside and I eventually left GB.
Fast forward six years, by which time I’d completed a part time degree, wasn’t exercising, was using alcohol to deal with stress, finally I worked so hard that I burned myself out and in 2022, I had a mental breakdown. I had reached 40 years old and was at rock bottom, I can honestly say this was 100% the absolute worst point in my life so far.
Over the next couple of months my partner, my therapist and my doctor all indirectly saved my life. I was fortunate that I could move to a less stressful role that was 9 to 5. After a lot of work on myself, my therapist recommended that I try exercise to get my motivation and focus back. I hate the gym, I hate running, I like swimming but it’s a solitary activity & I yearned a social connection while training.
BJJ came back into my life!
I joined a small independent club rather than returning to GB. The head coach is ex military, but is an unassuming, friendly and patient man. Being a bit older and having a few ingrained bad habits, plus some of my old “work is more important” mindset, I would turn up for the beginner classes but find reasons not to stay for extra classes or to roll afterwards.
What’s great about the coach is that he likes to push people just a little outside their comfort zone in every class. He does this in a subtle and understated way, you barely notice it’s happening. It’s just enough to scare you but not so much that you are intimidated or scared off.
He said two things that I want to share in particular: First, during a class he was teaching a technique which involved intent, something you had to either commit to or fail at, he said, “If you do things half assed, you’ll get half assed results”. This resonated with me on a professional level as that’s the attitude I have always had towards work. I had never thought about BJJ in this light before.
Secondly, a week later he talked about his own personally journey and how he decided early on that BJJ was “for him” and that he knew he would become a black belt. He said, “commit ten years and you can be a black belt too, you’re going to be somewhere in ten years, you might as well be there”. Reflecting on my previous ten years I realised I had made a soulless choice by focusing on my work. I had nothing to show for it but a shattered mind. It was like a switch flipped in my head and I made a mental decision there and then, “I am going to give BJJ 110%”.
Almost a year on from the worst point in my life, I am training 5 days a week in BJJ and loving every second of it. The harder I focus on my training, the more I seem to get back in return. I am happier, less stressed and more balanced than I’ve ever been in my life. I feel connected to my teammates and my club is a healthy, positive environment. So if you’re having doubts, struggling, have hit a plateau in your training; here’s some advice from my coach, “Don’t think about it, just fucking send it, give it your all”. Oss.
2023.03.25 01:33 Oofmadonnn Try this if you are struggling
Let me start by saying my life was a TOTAL MESS due to 20+ years of trauma at home and around family. Things are still tough, but in just the last 2 weeks I have made tremendous progress and I wanted to share my experience just in case it can help anyone else. For the first time in my life, I can finally feel some ACTUAL HOPE for my future and hopefully you can too.
I honestly can't believe how much better I feel now and the only thing I've changed/added is this. It is not for everyone but it is definitely worth a try in my opinion. It's free and does not require anything beyond a simple pen/pencil, paper, and a quiet space. It's a method called the daily practice. If you Google "crappy childhood fairy daily practice" it will come up. You should watch her videos to learn the ins and outs but in a nutshell, here is how it works
-When you wake up, get a pen and paper, and write down your fears and resentments. There's a specific format, you write "I have fear that..." and then whatever is on your mind. Or "I have resentment at x because I have fear that..." So for me an example might be "I have resentment at my neighbors because I have fear that they make too much noise." And you just keep writing for 5-10+ minutes, don't overthink it (hard I know, trust me), just whatever comes to mind. You can write as much or as little as you like, be gentle with yourself and do what you can handle.
-After writing, immediately take the paper and crumple it up and throw it in the trash. (Unless you have a friend/buddy you want to read it to, then save it for 1 day before discarding it after reading it to them. I choose to just throw it away and don't read mine to anyone else).
-Set a timer on your phone or some sort of alarm for 20 minutes away and find a quiet space. Close your eyes, relax as best you can (again, hard for people like us with possible PTSD, I get it!, do your best), and simply repeat a neutral word softly. The example used by Anna Runkle in her course is "this." So you just have your eyes closed, and you repeat "this...this...this...this" until the timer beeps and then you're done.
-Repeat steps 1-3 again around 5-6 hours later. So not right before bed, more like after dinner if you work the traditional 9-5 schedule. You ideally want to have a few hours before bed when you repeat it.
Stick with it for 1 week and honestly assess your progress.
I'm happy to explain further, or answer any questions but this has been a literal life changer for me. I've never felt this way in my entire life. I'm happy, and hopeful and productive now. I honestly did not believe that was possible 2 weeks ago, I was beyond rock bottom, barely could get out of bed, barely could shower or shave or do laundry or anything. My life isn't perfect by any means but now I have HOPE and I feel so much better!! I do still struggle with the basics here and there but it's like my brain is STARTING TO HEAL and I notice a huge difference. For just one specific example, 2 weeks ago I was struggling massively with binging on porn, it was a huge waste of time and just bad news. I hadn't been on any dates in 20+ years. And in the last 2 weeks I have already been on 1 date, it did not work out (we just didn't click) but guess what, instead of binging on porn and being sad/depressed/triggered like I normally would, I decided to reach out to someone else and asked them out and they also said yes! So now I have ANOTHER date lined up for next week. And if it works out, great. If not, I'll keep trying. Trust me, this is such a massive change in my mindset, I was stuck just watching porn with no possible escape until I added this daily practice. I would write down things like "I have fear that I binge on porn" or "I have fear that I use porn to escape" or whatever else, and then a few days later my urges just sort of went away! And I felt this new urge to actually meet real women. So I would really encourage anyone and everyone to give this a try for 1 week and see what happens for you.
submitted by Oofmadonnn to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
I honestly can't believe how much better I feel now and the only thing I've changed/added is this. It is not for everyone but it is definitely worth a try in my opinion. It's free and does not require anything beyond a simple pen/pencil, paper, and a quiet space. It's a method called the daily practice. If you Google "crappy childhood fairy daily practice" it will come up. You should watch her videos to learn the ins and outs but in a nutshell, here is how it works
-When you wake up, get a pen and paper, and write down your fears and resentments. There's a specific format, you write "I have fear that..." and then whatever is on your mind. Or "I have resentment at x because I have fear that..." So for me an example might be "I have resentment at my neighbors because I have fear that they make too much noise." And you just keep writing for 5-10+ minutes, don't overthink it (hard I know, trust me), just whatever comes to mind. You can write as much or as little as you like, be gentle with yourself and do what you can handle.
-After writing, immediately take the paper and crumple it up and throw it in the trash. (Unless you have a friend/buddy you want to read it to, then save it for 1 day before discarding it after reading it to them. I choose to just throw it away and don't read mine to anyone else).
-Set a timer on your phone or some sort of alarm for 20 minutes away and find a quiet space. Close your eyes, relax as best you can (again, hard for people like us with possible PTSD, I get it!, do your best), and simply repeat a neutral word softly. The example used by Anna Runkle in her course is "this." So you just have your eyes closed, and you repeat "this...this...this...this" until the timer beeps and then you're done.
-Repeat steps 1-3 again around 5-6 hours later. So not right before bed, more like after dinner if you work the traditional 9-5 schedule. You ideally want to have a few hours before bed when you repeat it.
Stick with it for 1 week and honestly assess your progress.
I'm happy to explain further, or answer any questions but this has been a literal life changer for me. I've never felt this way in my entire life. I'm happy, and hopeful and productive now. I honestly did not believe that was possible 2 weeks ago, I was beyond rock bottom, barely could get out of bed, barely could shower or shave or do laundry or anything. My life isn't perfect by any means but now I have HOPE and I feel so much better!! I do still struggle with the basics here and there but it's like my brain is STARTING TO HEAL and I notice a huge difference. For just one specific example, 2 weeks ago I was struggling massively with binging on porn, it was a huge waste of time and just bad news. I hadn't been on any dates in 20+ years. And in the last 2 weeks I have already been on 1 date, it did not work out (we just didn't click) but guess what, instead of binging on porn and being sad/depressed/triggered like I normally would, I decided to reach out to someone else and asked them out and they also said yes! So now I have ANOTHER date lined up for next week. And if it works out, great. If not, I'll keep trying. Trust me, this is such a massive change in my mindset, I was stuck just watching porn with no possible escape until I added this daily practice. I would write down things like "I have fear that I binge on porn" or "I have fear that I use porn to escape" or whatever else, and then a few days later my urges just sort of went away! And I felt this new urge to actually meet real women. So I would really encourage anyone and everyone to give this a try for 1 week and see what happens for you.
2023.03.25 01:31 Oofmadonnn Try this if you are suffering
Let me start by saying my life was a TOTAL MESS due to 20+ years of trauma at home and around family. Things are still tough, but in just the last 2 weeks I have made tremendous progress and I wanted to share my experience just in case it can help anyone else. For the first time in my life, I can finally feel some ACTUAL HOPE for my future and hopefully you can too.
I honestly can't believe how much better I feel now and the only thing I've changed/added is this. It is not for everyone but it is definitely worth a try in my opinion. It's free and does not require anything beyond a simple pen/pencil, paper, and a quiet space. It's a method called the daily practice. If you Google "crappy childhood fairy daily practice" it will come up. You should watch her videos to learn the ins and outs but in a nutshell, here is how it works
submitted by Oofmadonnn to CPTSD [link] [comments]
I honestly can't believe how much better I feel now and the only thing I've changed/added is this. It is not for everyone but it is definitely worth a try in my opinion. It's free and does not require anything beyond a simple pen/pencil, paper, and a quiet space. It's a method called the daily practice. If you Google "crappy childhood fairy daily practice" it will come up. You should watch her videos to learn the ins and outs but in a nutshell, here is how it works
- When you wake up, get a pen and paper, and write down your fears and resentments. There's a specific format, you write "I have fear that..." and then whatever is on your mind. Or "I have resentment at x because I have fear that..." So for me an example might be "I have resentment at my neighbors because I have fear that they make too much noise." And you just keep writing for 5-10+ minutes, don't overthink it (hard I know, trust me), just whatever comes to mind. You can write as much or as little as you like, be gentle with yourself and do what you can handle.
- After writing, immediately take the paper and crumple it up and throw it in the trash. (Unless you have a friend/buddy you want to read it to, then save it for 1 day before discarding it after reading it to them. I choose to just throw it away and don't read mine to anyone else).
- Set a timer on your phone or some sort of alarm for 20 minutes away and find a quiet space. Close your eyes, relax as best you can (again, hard for people like us with PTSD, I get it!, do your best), and simply repeat a neutral word softly. The example used by Anna Runkle in her course is "this." So you just have your eyes closed, and you repeat "this...this...this...this" until the timer beeps and then you're done.
- Repeat steps 1-3 again around 5-6 hours later. So not right before bed, more like after dinner if you work the traditional 9-5 schedule. You ideally want to have a few hours before bed when you repeat it.
- Stick with it for 1 week and honestly assess your progress.
2023.03.25 01:24 CoralGlass Thoughts on BBIO for Monday PM watch after this news?
 | submitted by CoralGlass to Daytrading [link] [comments] |
2023.03.25 01:24 kanryuu29 [US][Selling] OOP and boutique blus, Friday the 13th collection tin
https://imgur.com/a/xBdtWai
Hi folks. I have some OOP and boutique stuff for sale in the pictures linked above. Thanks for taking a look!
Shipping is $4
I can accept Venmo, Cashapp, and Paypal (if you want to use G&S, I'd ask that we split the fee)
Anything from here can be combined with my previous post
Some of these are sealed, some open, but all in great shape and come from my own personal collection in a smoke free home. As a collector, I will make sure to package them with care.
Please feel free to ask any questions or request more detailed pics for any of them.
Friday the 13th The Complete Collection blu-ray tin (OOP) - $36
Trick r Treat blu-ray (Scream Factory, brand new/sealed) - $12
Nightbreed Director's Cut blu-ray (Scream Factory, brand new/sealed) - $12
Assault on Precinct 13 blu-ray (Scream Factory) - $7
Ginger Snaps blu-ray (Scream Factory) - $7
This will be a first come first serve basis, if you edit your comment after the fact to include something else, I will still need to try and work with the comment that expressed interest before your edit.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.
submitted by kanryuu29 to MediaSwap [link] [comments]
Hi folks. I have some OOP and boutique stuff for sale in the pictures linked above. Thanks for taking a look!
Shipping is $4
I can accept Venmo, Cashapp, and Paypal (if you want to use G&S, I'd ask that we split the fee)
Anything from here can be combined with my previous post
Some of these are sealed, some open, but all in great shape and come from my own personal collection in a smoke free home. As a collector, I will make sure to package them with care.
Please feel free to ask any questions or request more detailed pics for any of them.
Friday the 13th The Complete Collection blu-ray tin (OOP) - $36
- As pics show, has 3 minor dents, 2 to back and 1 to corner edge. Light scratching as well which is pretty common for this tin case
- Everything it comes with is included and in great shape (booklet, 3D glasses, patch, strap)
- Includes The Friedkin Connection memoir book
- Added this later after taking overview pic, sorry about that
Trick r Treat blu-ray (Scream Factory, brand new/sealed) - $12
Nightbreed Director's Cut blu-ray (Scream Factory, brand new/sealed) - $12
Assault on Precinct 13 blu-ray (Scream Factory) - $7
Ginger Snaps blu-ray (Scream Factory) - $7
This will be a first come first serve basis, if you edit your comment after the fact to include something else, I will still need to try and work with the comment that expressed interest before your edit.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.
2023.03.25 01:23 PhillyDillyFoles Buy now or wait
In need of some advice. 26 years old. Single, male, no degree, no debt. Credit around 790. Have roughly $32,000 in my bank account. Can net around $2800 a month in income (probably around $55,000 yearly gross). Wanted to know if I could afford a house rn. I live pretty much dead center between Philly and Allentown (PA). One of my dilemmas is that I may change careers completely by the end of the year. I’m cold calling (sales) and don’t like it very much. Looking to try to get into an Ibew. Have applied recently and waiting on some good news back. If hypothetically speaking I do make a career shift my income would be lower the first couple of years. So I guess my question is do I wait on buying a home until I get my future career aspirations in order, keep renting for now, and maybe get lucky with mortgage rate declines in the future. Or do I take the risk and buy a home now, hopefully no more than 250,000 on a FHA loan with 3.5% down, and see what happens down the line with my potential career change. I know that was probably a lot to digest. Thanks, any advice is appreciated.
submitted by PhillyDillyFoles to RealEstateAdvice [link] [comments]