Check out AMS Radio's Volt FM page to discover new music by independent charting artists!
Brand New DayDorian Whisper
from Audio Mirage (amsradio.com)'s Spotify stats and playlists – volt.fm https://volt.fm/spotify/track/05lu0lLNyzUDNSsNZ5zBV9
via IFTTT

I manage a bouquet of playlists filled with relaxing and calming musical nuggets, ambient and atmospheric soundscapes, cool jazz, nu-jazz, mellow lofi beats, chill electronic music with soothing and enveloping vibes... Background sound ideal for concentration and relaxation. Perfect for my night work sessions. If that can help you...
https://linktr.ee/calmandfocusplaylists
H-Music

I manage a bouquet of playlists filled with relaxing and calming musical nuggets, ambient and atmospheric soundscapes, cool jazz, nu-jazz, mellow lofi beats, chill electronic music with soothing and enveloping vibes... Background sound ideal for concentration and relaxation. Perfect for my night work sessions. If that can help you...
https://linktr.ee/calmandfocusplaylists
H-Music

We dated for 3 months and as far as I thought, everything was going swimmingly. She then suddenly broke up with me, citing all kinds of vague things. That was in the morning and before the day was over she texted me that she missed me and we were back to normal for 3 weeks. Then the exact same thing happened. Broken up with out of nowhere. Knowing I had been on thin ice from the previous breakup, I pretty consistently asked her if there was anything she is unhappy with. She always said she was happy. This time I took the no contact route. after 3 weeks she texted me to remind me to apply for a scholarship she knew I was interested in. Didnt respond.
It's been two months and I unfortunately just today got around to unfollowing her Spotify. Last week she made a playlist of music I showed her. Within an hour of unfollowing, she texted and asked if I am doing okay. What am I to make of this? I am hesitant to give it another shot just to start over the grieving process.

A lovely album, I don't remember liking it so much on my first go. I guess I wasn't into sweet oldies pop music back then. I probably not going to go back to this one in a long time, but enjoyed its company these days.
Spotify / YouTube Music / Apple Music
I'm doing the 1001 albums before you die challenge, this is part of this journey. Join the subreddit here.
***
Next: 804. D'Angelo / Brown Sugar / 1995
Listen on: Spotify / YouTube Music / Apple Music
View Poll

I manage a bouquet of playlists filled with relaxing and calming musical nuggets, ambient and atmospheric soundscapes, cool jazz, nu-jazz, mellow lofi beats, chill electronic music with soothing and enveloping vibes... Background sound ideal for concentration and relaxation. Perfect for my night work sessions. If that can help you...
https://linktr.ee/calmandfocusplaylists
H-Music

Events are listed by the day. Events that happen every week appear first, one time stuff after that. If you have anything you’d like people to know about, comment here or message me and I’ll add it in. If you’d like further info about any of the events, look it up! I usually don’t have any extra to add.
Large Scale, Ongoing, and Multi-Day Events

• 55th Springtime Tallahassee Festival, 9am to 5pm Downtown. Come celebrate the 55th annual Springtime Tallahassee Festival with the Grand Parade & the Jubilee in the Park in Downtown Tallahassee. Being one of the largest parades in the southeast, the Springtime Tallahassee Grand Parade needs no introduction! Come see over 100 colorful units and floats, marching bands, dance groups, Springtime Krewe floats, and much more march down Monroe Street to celebrate the Springtime Tallahassee Festival! After the parade, make sure to head over to the Jubilee in the Park! With more than 200 arts, craft, boutique, and food vendors from around the country, this event is represented by some of the best! You can expect artists displaying original, handmade masterpieces, and find cuisine with international flavors to ignite anyone’s taste buds! Bring the kids and check out the children’s park with lot of fun activities, Gulf Special Marine Lab Touch-tank, face painting, puppet show and more. Be sure to stop by the Community Stage at McCarty Park to see our local performance groups and the Jubilee Music Stage on Adams St for a special musical lineup! Performance times Noon-5pm. We will be open Rain or Shine!

Local Running, Walking, and Biking Info: https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/
OutdooFarmer’s Markets:

• Lake Ella Grower's Market: Wednesday, 11am-2pm. You can always find organic vendors, and foragers: The Holistic Cannabis Community, Artzi Farms, Hickory Nut Gifts, and others. Including Pita Queen! Farmer's Market Nutrition Program Coupons gladly accepted!
  
• Frenchtown Market: 524 N MLK Jr Blvd. Saturdays, 10am to 2pm. Come grow community and support your local farmers and makers, while you get your groceries for the week! Don’t forget! We match SNAP/EBT, so you DOUBLE your money to go towards locally grown fresh fruits and vegetables!
  
• Tallahassee Farmers Market: 2904 Kerry Forest Pkwy, Saturdays, 8am to Noon. Come see us at Tallahassee's longest-running farmers market! We are a year-round market, featuring local farms and vendors that provide the best seasonal produce, meats, baked goods, and more. We welcome you and your whole family (leashed pets included) to come out and meet your local farmers! Ample parking is available between our lot and the shopping center lot next door (by Red Elephant). Come early for the best selection.
  
• Tallahassee Downtown Market: Ponce de Leon Park, Saturdays, 10am-2pm. Join us for a stroll in the park among local makers, bakers, artists and farmers as live music is played by local musicians!
  

THURSDAY, 3/30

• Blue Tavern: Happy Hour Pickfoolery. Butch Burns & Brent Kittrell of the local legendary bluegrass band Bottom Dollar Boys always put the happy in happy hour - even when they're singing those sad cry-in-your-beer ballads. 5pm
  
• The Hub at Feather Oaks: Bingo. 5pm
  
• Dreamland BBQ: Weekly Open Blues Jam. If you'd like to sing, please bring your own mic. 6pm
  
• The Great Games Library: Solforge Fusion Sealed-Deck Tournament. Anyone interested in SolForge: Fusion, please come out! Thursday nights at 6:00pm to 9:00pm ish will be dedicated to SolForge Fusion gameplay and weekly tournaments. If you play or have played MTG but would like to spend less, this is a great alternative CCG with inexpensive entry and minimal purchases to enjoy playing competitively. In-store and online tournaments may be played with the same decks purchased at any store. SolForge was created by the same designer for MTG, Netrunner, and Key Forge, Richard Garfield, and the designer for Ascension, Justine Gary. 6pm/$35 Entry Fee for 4 Sealed Half-decks, Special Art Playmat Prize for 1st Place
  
• World of Beer: Trivia Night. 7pm
  
• Lake Tribe III: Trivia. 7pm
  
• Smitty's Taphouse: Trivia Lab Thursdays. Teams of 6 or fewer players can compete for $30 / $20 / $10 Prizes + The Golden MacGuffin prize table! New format! Interactive smartphone answering for your comfort and safety! 6 Fun Rounds - 42 Total Questions. 7:30pm
  
• House of Music: Prime Rib Thursday & Karaoke. 7:30pm
  
• Cap City Video Lounge: The Brute Man: MST3K Thursday. Join us Thursday as we climb aboard The Satellite of Love along with Joel, Tom Servo and CROOOOW as the Gang tackles the strange film noir horror oddity that is...The Brute Man! 8pm/free but donations encouraged
  
• Fire Bettys: Electronic Thursdays. There will be rotating music genres from local artists! 8pm/free/21+
  
• Poor Pauls: Trivia. 8/21+
  
• 926: Karaoke. 9pm
  
• Fire Bettys: Electronic Show. Join us for Experiment 002 and take a mind-bending trip into the sound of the future! Our electrifying music party will transport you to another dimension with cutting-edge beats and non-stop excitement. 9pm
  
• Bird’s: Karaoke with Nathan. 9pm
  

• Blue Tavern: Jen Clark and the Old Schoolers with Chris Seepersaud, Paddy League, and Jack Straub. 5pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing: Otha Allen Jr. 6pm
  
• Blu Halo: Upside Avenue. 6pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Music of the Spheres Last Thursday: The Rising Stars present the evolution of fife and drum music. 8pm
  

FRIDAY, 3/31

• Lake Tribe: Flannel Friday. Flannel Fridays will be featuring a wide range of fall themed 'Pop-up' activities such as food trucks, live music, campfires, s'mores roasting, new seasonal brews, and more! Come dawn your flannel and cozy up to the simpler things in life. Our beers taste like the outdoors feel, let our tasting room be your Friday cabin retreat. 4pm
  
• Gamescape: MTG Friday Night Magic. FORMAT: Standard Constructed. Swiss rounds as determined by the number of players with a maximum of 5 rounds. 7pm/$5
  
• Hobbit West: Friday Night Dart Tournament. Anyone can Enter! Sign ups at 7:30, Darts fly at 8:00/$10 entry fee
  
• Ouzts Too: Karaoke with DJ Nathan. Best karaoke DJ in town. 8pm
  
• Club Downunder: CDU X Hip Hop Club Presents Freestyle Friday. Show off your freestyle rap or poetry skills at Freestyle Friday! Doors are at 7:30 with the show starting at 8:00 in Club Downunder! Send an email to [email protected] to sign up! 8pm
  
• Just One More: Karaoke with DJ Rah. 9pm-11pm/21+
  
• 926: The Hot Friday Night Party and Drag Show. 9pm/$5/18+
  

• Blue Tavern: Douce Ambiance Reboot. 5pm
  
• Kleman Plaza: MusicFest. Join us on Kleman Plaza the night before the Grand Parade for an exciting musical line-up featuring a country music star CHRIS LANE! Special guests include Walker Montgomery and Temecula Road! This is a FREE community event! Unwind at the BEER GARDEN as we ROCK the plaza for this free festival event! Beer, wine, Coca-Cola products and food will be available for purchase. Make sure to arrive early to enjoy the opening acts as this event will get packed quickly. 6pm
  
• Proof: The Aftermath Band. 6pm
  
• FSU Hillel: Swifty Shabbat. Join us for a Taylor Swift themed shabbat! Services start at 6pm, dinner starts at 7pm
  
• House of Music: Keal Franklin plus Late Night Karaoke. 6:30pm
  
• Island Wing Company: Free Wheelin. 7pm
  
• Southwood Golf Club: Deja Blu. 7pm
  
• Duke’s and Dottie’s: Lloyd Carter Band. 7pm
  
• The Wine House on Market Street: Midnight Caravan. 7pm
  
• Vino Beano: Persian Night & Belly Dancing. 7:30pm
  
• Fire Bettys: Mainstream Band. 8pm
  
• The Rose Room: GeneZone. 8pm
  
• The Bark: No Parts, Lighthearted, and Confession Kids. 8pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Rod MacDonald. 8pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing: Ben Flournoy Trio. pm
  

SATURDAY, 4/1

• Brinkley Glen Park: Invasive Plant Removal. Join Master Gardener Volunteers at this weekly invasive plant removal event. This is a great way to learn to ID our invasive plant species and how to remove them. We recommend wearing long pants and sleeves, closed-toed shoes, gloves, a hat and mosquito spray. Bring gardening tools such as hand clippers, loppers, trowels, etc. if you have them. We are removing coral ardisia bushes and berries, nandina, tung trees, Tradescantia flumenensis, cat's claw vine, winged yam, Japanese climbing fern, skunkvine and more. Directions: The best way to get there is to take Meridian Rd to Waverly Rd, go to the next intersection and turn left onto Abbotsford Way, then turn left at the next road called Woodside Dr. At the stop sign turn left onto Lothian. Lothian ends in a cul-de-sac and there is a sign that says Brinkley Glen Park. 8:30am-11:30am
  
• The Rose Room: The Rose Revue. Performances by your favorite entertainers and special guests! Shows at 8pm, 10pm, & Midnight! A unique cast EACH show! 7pm
  
• Duke’s and Dottie’s: Line Dancing Plus Lessons. 7pm/21+
  
• Bird’s Oyster Shack: Laughterday Night Fever. This week: Five Year Anniversary Laughterday Night Fever! Join us every Saturday at Bird's Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack for a free comedy show! 8:30pm
  
• La Casa Bar: Karaoke With Nathan. 9pm-1pm
  

• LeRoy Collins Library Garage on Bronough (under the library): The Spring Title Wave Book Sale. Classics, vintage, and more! 9:30am-3pm
  
• Capital City Raceway: Rotten Egg Rumble. 10am
  
• Native Nurseries: oil Building and Compost. Learn everything there is to know about increasing soil fertility to grow healthy, nutrient dense fruits and vegetables. Sundiata Ameh-El of Compost Community will walk you through the basics of soil composition, microbiology and how to build your soils to make them perfect habitats for microorganisms that are responsible for healthy soil. REGISTRATION IS REQUIRED via PHONE ORDER. There is a $5.00 fee; your payment holds your spot in the class. Please call (850) 386-8882 to pre-register. Class size is limited to 15 people. 10am
  
• Leon Sinks: First Saturday Hike. If it is the first Saturday of the month, it is time for a hike at Leon Sinks! We will meet at 10 am in the parking lot and hike the trail together to see the beautiful geological features of the area while walking on wooded hiking trails. Right off US 319 south of Tallahassee, the Leon Sinks Geological Area contains 5 miles of trails leading to a series of sinkholes big and small. The land in this area is underlain by a layer of limestone, eroded and dissolved by rainwater and groundwater to form caverns, holes, and tunnels. This type of terrain is called "karst" and results in many geological features such as wet sinkholes, depressions, natural bridges and a disappearing stream. The hikers can either hike the 3.6-mile Sinkhole Trail to view the numerous sinkholes and geological features, or the 2.8-mile Gum Swamp Trail around a cypress and gum swamp. We recommend wear hiking shoes and bring a water bottle, and consider bug spray or long pants/sleeves. 10am
  
• Leon High Tennis Courts: Regional Energy Whiz Expo. The Regional Energy Whiz Expo consists of two events, the Solar Sprint and the Solar Cook-Off, geared towards getting kids involved in utilizing solar energy in fun and innovative ways. The Solar Sprint, open to students in 4th through 8th grade, consists of teams designing and building solar powered race cars. The Solar Cook-Off, for students in 4th through 12th grade, is a two-part competition encompassing the design of a fully solar powered cooker as well as a dish cooked using this same cooker. The winning team from each event will have the opportunity to compete in the state-wide Energy Whiz Expo! Noon
  
• The Puff: Marauders Market. Come join us at our newest smallest venue! Vintage resellers, local artisans, & good tunes! (Rescheduled from last week.) Noon
  
• Potbellys: 1st Annual Rock the SPEAR Benefit Concert with Tobacco Rd Band and former American Idol contestant Paisley Howell. 3pm/$20
  
• The Hub at Feather Oaks: The Jerry Thigpen Trio. 3pm
  
• Theater of Tallahassee: Cabaret Showcase. Join us for a special event at Theatre Tallahassee! We are delighted to bring you a Broadway cabaret of singing, dancing and acting featuring our award winning dance and theatre groups, along with some of our most advanced students, inspirational adult acts, and amazing solo performances. Every person regardless of age needs a ticket. Tickets will not be sold at the door. Ticket sales end two hours before each show. 3pm
  
• Proof: Corey Hall Band. 5pm
  
• The Rose Room: Topsy Turvy Through The Looking Glass. Each Performance inspired by Lewis Carroll's Through The Looking Glass! Performances by your favorite entertainers and special guests! Shows at 8pm, 10pm, & Midnight! A unique cast EACH show! COSTUMES ENCOURAGED! 6pm
  
• Common Ground Books: Crochet Workshop with Peter's Crochet Array. Beginner and intermediate crocheters welcome. No crochet knowledge is needed before attending this class. Space is limited. All ages welcome. All participants will need a crochet hook (between size 4-6mm) and a skein of yarn. Participants can bring their own supplies, or we will be happy to provide them at cost. 6pm/$20 with optional $8 supply fee
  
• Oyster City Brewing: Mechanical Lincoln. 7pm
  
• Square Mug: Dylan Daley, Killer Choice, Zero Shock, and Broken Couch Club. 7pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Harmonious Wail. 8pm
  
• Cap City Video Lounge: MEMELESQUE. Ermahgerd Shaken Not Stirred is back at your fav local theater Cap City Video Lounge!!! You thought it was a show announcement but it was me, Dio! Our entire lives are the internet now so we made a show about it. TXT all your besties & bring them out for for MEME-LESQUE. We will meme till you scream. Masks required. Don't forget to tip your performers! 8pm/18+/$10
  
• American Legion Hall: Latin Soul Orchestra 12th Anniversary Celebration. 8pm/$20
  
• Fire Bettys: Pop Punk & Emo Night. 10pm
  

SUNDAY, 4/2

• Bicycle House: Sunday Ride. Ride at 10:30 AM from Bicycle House. We will ride the Cascades trail to the St Marks trail and down to Wakulla station and return, about 31 miles. Ride speed is 12 to 14 mph, with periodic regroups. Vernon Bailey is the ride leader. Vernon is a new CCC member who’s been biking for 50 years enjoys riding with small groups and weekend touring. 10am
  
• Gamescape: Pokémon League. Come learn, play, and trade with the Pokémon Trading Card Game and the Pokémon video games! We LOVE seeing new players, so come learn how to play! We play both the Trading Card Game and the Video Game casually and competitively. The store offers lots of different seating arrangements to meet our group's needs, as well as food, drinks, and Pokémon products for purchase. We are also hold regular, officially sanctioned tournaments for Pokémon Trading Card Game and Video Game Competitions! 2-4pm
  
• House of Music: Songwriter Sunday. Songwriters of Tallahassee hosted by Rachel Hillman. Bring your original songs on Sunday - sign up is at 4:30. No Cover Songs please - this is an event celebrating original music. Accompanists and Bands Welcome - you must be able to set up within two minutes, so no crazy pedals or amp shenanigans. No Backing Tracks - Please find someone to play your song with you. 5pm
  
• The Plant: Open Jam. All instruments, all players welcome. 5pm-9pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing: Comedy Night. Come have some laughs with us on Sunday nights! If you are interested in participating in the show, reach out to [email protected] 7:30pm
  
• The Rose Room: Synful Sunday. 8pm
  

• Common Ground Books: Clothing Swap. Bring your clothes you no longer want, fit, or no longer feel like "you", and switch them out or just donate them to others. Clothing for all ages welcome. Please bring clothes in a bin or box so they can be easily browsed. Any clothing left will be considered a donation and held for the next swap or be made available for those in need. 2pm
  
• The Bark: Copyright Claim, Animal Nineteen, Funeral Homes, and Heaven Slept. 7pm
  
• 926: Curly Q “First Glance” EP release show with Learning To Swim, Our Final Feud, and Seppe. 7pm
  
• Retrofit Records: Alexalone with Deadharrie. 7pm/free
  
• House of Music: Bywater Call. 7pm
  

MONDAY, 4/3

• Just One More: Bingo. 5pm-6:30pm
  
• American Legion Hall: Cha Cha - Weekly Lessons. 6:15pm/$5
  
• Hangar 38: Bingo. 6:45pm
  
• Vino Beano: Tipsy Trivia. 7pm
  
• The Rose Room: Karaoke Night. 8pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing: The Bachelor Watch Party! 8pm
  

• World of Beer: SINGO Music Bingo SPECIAL EVENT. With SINGO, our host will play 150 of the best hits in the music business, all 30-second music clips, and you'll have multiple opportunities to win house cash courtesy of WoB! You don't have to sing, but you'll definitely sing along! 6:30pm

TUESDAY, 4/4

• Blue Tavern: Happy Hour with Paddy League. 5pm
  
• World of Beer: Poker Night. 6pm
  
• The Rose Room: Drag Bingo and Open Stage Night ft. Britney T. Foxx! 6pm
  
• Crafty Crab: BOOMIN' Karaoke. 7pm
  
• Ology Midtown: Jazz Jam Sessions. 7pm
  
• Island Wings: Trivia. 7pm
  
• House of Music: Tuesday Trivia & Karaoke. 7pm
  
• Burrito Boarder: Karaoke with DJ Roldus. 8pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Tuesday is Blues Day. Every Tuesday is Blues Day @ the Blue Tavern and Blues Meets Girl is a Tallahassee favorite. This perfect, intimate venue provides just what you need for both a mid-week break and authentic blues music experience. 8pm
  
• 4th Quarter: Professor Jim's Tuesday Night Trivia. Popular for a reason! 8pm
  
• Argonaut Coffee: Trivia Tuesday. 8pm
  
• 926: Tacos and Trivia. 9pm
  
• Fire Betty’s: Comedy Show. 9pm/21+
  

• Blue Tavern: Abe Partridge with Cat Ridgeway. 5pm
  
• Richard G. Fallon Theatre: TEDxFSU Rooted in Reality Conference. Hosted by a student-run organization at Florida State University, our event is called TEDxFSU, where x = an independently organized TED event. They will have speakers, performers, activities, and more! Check out tedx.fsu.edu to learn more about them and the event! 5:30pm
  
• Civic Center: The Kid LAROI with Jeremy Zucker. 8pm
  

WEDNESDAY, 4/5

• Rose Room: Women's Wednesday. Featuring Our Rose Roulettes and drink specials all night long. A night for all of our female-identifying friends to enjoy a safe space and an awesome happy hour! 5pm-2am
  
• Birds: The Wednesday Night Lab Session hosted by Jim Crozier. 6pm
  
• Tara Angel’s Magic: D&D Experience - Adult (18+) Group. Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition - Candlekeep Mysteries. A one-shot is a D&D event that starts and finishes in the same session, typically lasting 3 - 4 hours. We have pre-generated characters for players to choose from. WHAT TO BRING: Pencils, Dice (can be purchased in store), Mask (encouraged for unvaccinated participants), Enthusiasm! Please sign up in advance to reserve a spot in this campaign. Tickets can be purchased in-store, over the phone, or on the website. For more information, please email [email protected], or call: (850) 878-4555 6pm-9pm
  
• Goodwood: Wonderful Wednesday. 6pm/$5
  
• Level 8 Rooftop Lounge: Trivia. 6pm
  
• The Great Games Library: Open Game Night. 6pm/free
  
• American Legion Hall: Sue Boyd Country Western and More Dance Class. Session 2 - Beginner 6:30 to 7:45 pm What: East Coast Swing and Waltz. Cost: $8.00 per person. Wear comfortable shoes you can turn in. 7:45 to 8:15 - Practice dance with paid admission. 8:15 to 9:30: Intermediate - 2 Step and WCS. $8.00 per person or $13.00 for both classes. Vaccines are required. Face masks are optional. Changing partners is optional. 6:30pm
  
• Perry Lynn’s Smokehouse in Quincy: Wed Night Open Mic w/ Steven Ritter and Friends. 6:30pm
  
• Hangar 38: Trivia. 6:45pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing Tallahassee: Trivia. Teams up to 6 players for three rounds with 10 questions and a tie breaker each round. Winners are by round so don’t worry if you need to come late or can’t stay the whole time! Prizes include a round of beer, a 6 pack and a gift card! 7pm
  
• Proof: Trivia. 7pm
  
• Vino Beano: Wine Bingo. 7pm
  
• Fermentation Lounge: Trivia. 7pm
  
• The Bark: Oceans in the Sky, Dizzy Bats, and Medians. 7pm
  
• House of Music: Open Mic at House of Music. Join us Wednesday nights for open mic in the bar with host Mike Ingram of The Brown Goose. Come early for Happy Hour and dinner! 8pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Warehouse Wednesdays Open Mic Night. The open mic night that has run continuously for almost 20 years, once housed at the Warehouse, lives on at the Blue Tavern. Doc Russell continues as the host with the most. Sign up starts at 8pm/free to attend
  
• Fire Betty’s: Karaoke! 8pm/21+/free
  
• Dukes and Dotties: College Night and Line Dancing Lessons. 8pm
  
• The Bark: Karaoke with DJ Nathan. Best karaoke DJ in town. 9pm
  
• 926: Dragged Out Wednesday. 10pm
  

• Wfsu Public Media, 1600 Red Barber Plaza: The Village Square Presents Tallahassee Town Hall. Our annual town hall hosts commissioners from the City of Tallahassee and Leon County to have a constructive (and neighborly) discussion about where we are, where we’re going and what the challenges out there on the horizon might be. 6pm

I am very confused here on this instance.
Whenever I’m inside an airplane high up in the sky flying with no service all my friends can still listen to music from their Spotify playlist, but mine immediately goes offline and I can’t listen to any songs.
Same thing when I’m driving and I come across an area with no cellphone service, I can’t listen to my playlist on Spotify.
How do I fix this?

Check out AMS Radio's Volt FM page to discover new music by independent charting artists!
Trapped in My MindWilko Wilkes
from Audio Mirage (amsradio.com)'s Spotify stats and playlists – volt.fm https://volt.fm/spotify/track/6F5nV8Qhua4m44W0csufQ9
via IFTTT

J'ai créé une suite de playlists remplies de pépites musicales relaxante et calmes, de paysages sonores ambients et atmosphériques, de jazz cool, de nu-jazz, de beats lofi moelleux, de musique électroniques chill aux vibrations apaisantes et enveloppantes... La toile de fond sonore idéale pour la concentration et la relaxation. Parfaites pour m'accompagner pendant mes séances de travail nocturnes. Si cela peut vous aider...
https://linktr.ee/calmandfocusplaylists
N'hésitez pas à partager les musiques et playlists que vous écoutez en travaillant
H-Music

J'ai créé une suite de playlists remplies de pépites musicales relaxante et calmes, de paysages sonores ambients et atmosphériques, de jazz cool, de nu-jazz, de beats lofi moelleux, de musique électroniques chill aux vibrations apaisantes et enveloppantes... La toile de fond sonore idéale pour la concentration et la relaxation. Parfaites pour m'accompagner pendant mes séances de travail nocturnes. Si cela peut vous aider...
https://linktr.ee/calmandfocusplaylists
H-Music

Check out AMS Radio's Volt FM page to discover new music by independent charting artists!
The KeyCharles ConnollyThe Blindfold Experience
from Audio Mirage (amsradio.com)'s Spotify stats and playlists – volt.fm https://volt.fm/spotify/track/1C6SEcYWBfUC472qwlMfDp
via IFTTT

I'm kinda jaded with this whole thing, but I still would love to find someone I click with to establish a genuine friendship.
My humor is kinda crass, dark and sarcastic, I can be pretty sardonic as well. I love to share music and playlists. Really into the forest, and late night drives. Have a slight drinking problem and impulse control issues so I've always got a good story to share.
Anyway let's chop it up and see if we can be friends.

I manage a bouquet of playlists filled with relaxing and calming musical nuggets, ambient and atmospheric soundscapes, cool jazz, nu-jazz, mellow lofi beats, chill electronic music with soothing and enveloping vibes... Background sound ideal for concentration and relaxation. Perfect for my night work sessions. If that can help you...
https://linktr.ee/calmandfocusplaylists
H-Music

Here on A2C, the last few weeks have been a combination of amazing, hysterical, stressful, joyful, and just hard -- but then again, that’s humanity. As decisions have rolled out, I’ve watched you celebrate and cheer each other on, even as you share your pain and support others through theirs.
I know for many of you, this is it. This is THE week you've been waiting for. You might’ve even been waiting for this day -- not since December 31 or last fall sometime when you hit submit on your apps, but for years. Still, as I think most of you recognize, some (most) of you are going to be extremely disappointed today, and others (a few) will be over-the-moon excited. So, I want to tell you how proud I am of each and every one of you. In the last year or so that I've been nagging at you to remember to breathe, keep life in perspective, and open your minds about colleges and ECs, I've seen such growth. I've seen you mature from kids who seemingly only care about prestige, where you get in, and writing obnoxious braggy essays to young adults giving each other truly awesome advice and pieces of wisdom. It has been an amazing process to watch. Your support for each other is real. You all are incredible kids. Please remember that today. And tomorrow. And next week. And next year.

Focus on Gratitude -- for just a moment

So, do me a favor. Let’s take the focus off college decisions for just a few minutes. I want each of you to write to me right now, and for the next few days, or the next week or hell, forever, and tell me three things you’re grateful for in your life. You can respond here or pm me if you'd rather. You come from around the world with so many different circumstances, and I know many of you have struggled with parts of your lives -- and because of the difficulties of the last couple of years, more of us than ever are struggling just to get through these days. I've heard your stories, read your essays, and even cried for some of you, but today I want to focus on the good stuff. So tell me three things you are thankful for. Big or small.
(Please feel free to respond even if you're not a senior!)
I'll go first. In the last few years, I've written about being grateful for this subreddit, my love of the blues and music, travel, my crazy amazing kids, and my wonderful mom who supported me in life and decisions even when she disagreed.
Today I’m grateful for:

1. My work. I love stories. I’ve been an avid reader my entire life, and I’ve always loved stories. Reading your stories and my students’ stories gives me a way to do what I love for work, and it couldn’t be a more inspiring, fulfilling way to spend my time. I’ve always loved teaching, but working with applicants as they bring their stories to life takes my teaching to another level.
2. Bees. I decided not to mow our grass this spring and let the clover grow. It's been so fun watching my little community of bees buzzing around and gathering nectar. I sit and watch them and think about where they're flying back to and wonder how I could possibly get the honey made from my clover!
3. Trans Rights Activists, Allies, and Advocates. I’m more than bummed right now about the state of our country and the anti-trans legislation (among lots of other bad legislation) that’s happening in our states and in our country. But I’m super grateful for the amazing people who are organizing and putting themselves out there to fight back for trans rights and for families like mine who are being torn apart by this hate-filled legislation.

So now, it's your turn, and I can't wait to hear from you. As you’re thinking about what you’re grateful for today, you may find it difficult, and that's ok. But remember, it can be big or small. I’ve had kids write about chocolate and air conditioning – this isn’t a gratitude competition or the thankful Olympics. An added benefit for you (and everyone) is that research shows that people who take the time to note their gratitude daily are generally happier and more content.
Regardless, remember that no matter the outcomes today or yesterday or tomorrow — whether in your favor or not, you’re more than your college acceptances. They don’t define you. There are just too many amazing beautiful yous out there to fit into this teeny tiny teacup of schools you’ll be hearing back from today, so keep up with that emotional planning during the day. While it’s ok to hope for the best, be prepared for the worst. Hold on to your hearts, and get ready with the ice cream!

Helpful Links:

• In case you need it, here's my list of colleges still accepting applications. I’ll be creating an updated list of this in a week or so when NACAC releases their list of colleges accepting applications.
• Waitlisted? here’s my FAQs about Waitlists and LOCIs.
• Something to read about dealing with stress and why some stress can be good for you: A metaphor about trees and resilience

​
tl;dr: Let me know what you’re thankful for in your life! 💙😊
XOXO AdmissionsMom

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FOREWARNING – This is long. Dear Reader, seriously, this is extremely long. I have no desire to waste your time. If you desire short reads, this is not for you. I would also like to point out this is an addition to “Alexa! Play Bitches Ain’t Shit by Dr. Dre.” I strongly encourage you to read it first.
Alexa; Play Bitches Ain't Shit by Dr. Dre : pettyrevenge (reddit.com)
Furthermore, there are (Shaking My Head) seventeen updates in total. They are all fairly well received. So, if you want to be totally caught-up, I strongly suggest you read them all. However, if you are like me, you will forgo my advice and simply commence with the fuckery below. Then you will likely have a metric fuck-ton of questions. Again, I would start with the, and then cruise right into the link below. Then you can come back in five days and read this.
All The Bitches Ain't Shit...In Order!!! : FuckeryUniveristy (reddit.com)
Urban Dictionary
Fuck-Around-and-Find-Out: A casual invitation or threat used by an individual that is not around of fucking someone up.
Dear Reader, I often find myself watching documentaries about North Korea. The “Hermit Kingdom” really fascinates me. I have traveled extensively in the Middle East and North Africa. North Korea was never off the table. However, it would certainly have been a Fuck- Around-and-Find-Out scenario. I have watched documentary-after-documentary and failed to realize I live next to a very similar “Hermit Kingdom.”
I thought the pettiness was over. Then my father’s sage advice reverberated inside my cranium, “Thought thought he farted but he really shit his pants.” Kelly was practicing lacrosse in the back yard and a lacrosse ball inadvertently crossed the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) landing in Ken and Karen’s yard. Kelly, foolishly believing they have become civil, decided to knock on the door and ask for permission to retrieve his ball.
Sloppy in garage
Sloppy opens garage door
Sloppy watches Kelly venture into the Hermit Kingdom
Knock. Knock. Kock.
Kelly: Hello! My ball bounced off a chair and went into your yard. Do you mind if I go get it?
Sloppy not certain “who” Kelly is talking to
Karen: YES. I DO MIND. THE BALL IS MINE NOW! NOW GET OFF MY PROPERTY OR I WILL CALL THE COPS.
Sloppy Brain: What a fucking bitch.
Sloppy Brain: We are not going to let this act of injustice slide, are we?
Sloppy Brain: Nope! Time to play the long game.
Defeated Kelly walks back to garage
Kelly (Angry): It’s one ball dad. ONE BALL. Can we move?
Sloppy Brain (Laughing): Can we move? You skipped revenge my man!
Sloppy: Get in the truck!
Kelly: Why?
Sloppy: Thought you wanted to move?
Kelly: Wait, we are moving?
Sloppy: Yes. We are moving to Dicks Sporting Goods. It takes a lot of balls to play lacrosse the way you do, and I told COACH NAME we would donate a bucket of fifty. I also have to run to Lowes now.
Kelly (Pouty): Okay.
Sloppy: Remember last week when you realized Dick’s carries the (Lacrosse) mesh you like?
Kelly: Yeah, why?
Sloppy (Giggling): Remember when you walked in the house and screamed, “I love Dick’s.”
Kelly (Not Happy): Stop!
Sloppy: Dude…
Kelly: STOP!
Sloppy starts driving
Five minutes of unspoken silence
Sloppy selects DMX “Where The Hood At”
Song playing
Sloppy singing
Sloppy: “I show no love, to homo thugs…”
Couple seconds pass
Sloppy: I did not mean that Kelly, I was just…
Kelly (Trying NOT to laugh, but laughing): You did that on purpose, prick! I like that Dick’s carries the mesh I like. I don’t like dicks.
Sloppy: Settle down. Besides, I didn’t say “like.” I know you don’t like Dicks…you love them!
Kelly (Frustrated): Whatever. What are we getting a Lowe’s?
Sloppy: Wood!
Kelly: For…
Sloppy: You like Dick’s and I like wood.
Kelly: What are we doing with the wood?
Sloppy: I figure I will jerk-it-around in the garage and make something that displeases Ken and Karen.
Kelly: Like?
Sloppy: Loud skateboard shit.
Fast Forward – Saturday
Sloppy: Cake!
Nothing
Sloppy: CAKE!
Cake: What?
Sloppy: I made you something, and I need you to try it out. Like now!
Cake: What? Now???
Sloppy: I made you two grind-boxes for your skateboard!
Cake: (Excited) Really?
Sloppy: Yes. TWO of them!
Cake: Can I invite, NAME, NAME, and NAME over?
Sloppy: Oh, I suppose!
Dear Reader, Grind Fest 2023 started around 1300 EST. The cops arrived shortly after 1400 EST. Many of you are aware this is not my first rodeo with my neighbors. This also holds true for the local law enforcement. Two officers arrived, one for me, and the other for my wonderful neighbors.
Joe Friday: (Laughing) What are we out here for this time?
Sloppy: Hear the laughter emanating from my backyard?
Joe Friday: (Puzzled) Yeah?
Sloppy: That! They are terribly opposed to children having fun, especially on skateboards.
Joe Friday: Really?
Sloppy: Yes, but I surmise they called you complaining about “ramps.”
Joe Friday: (Laughing) Yes, it came across the radio as “unauthorized ramps.”
Sloppy: Yes! So CITY NAME has an ordinance ban on skateboard ramps…
Joe Friday: Are you serious?
Sloppy: Exactly. I built a quarter-pipe for Christmas, and they had a Codes and Compliance Officer at my house within forty-eight hours…
Joe Friday: Wow. They sound petty!
Other cop comes from Karen’s house; Pow-Wow commences.
Joe Friday: Sir, I was unaware of the city ordinance, but you clearly are. They are complaining that you are in violation again.
Sloppy: Indeed, but I don’t have a ramp.
Joe Friday: What?
Sloppy: Please, come with me!
Joe Friday 1 and Joe Friday 2 come to see the “ramp!”
Joe Friday 1 and Joe Friday 2 watch the children skateboard on not-ramp.
Sloppy returns to DMZ
Sloppy: Are you really that wretched?
Karen: Excuse me?
Sloppy: They’re kids. They’re doing what kids do, playing outside and having fun!
Karen: (Smirk) They’re loud, obnoxious, and playing on ramps.
Cops are returning
Sloppy: Did you fail third grade math?
Karen: Excuse me…
Sloppy: DID. YOU. FAIL. THIRD. GRADE. MATH???
Joe Friday 2: Let’s try to keep it civil folks!
Sloppy: Sure! So, I assume the children are free to resume?
Joe Friday 1: Yup. Nothing to see here.
Karen: EXCUSE ME? AFTER THE RAMP IS GONE, RIGHT!?!
Sloppy: See clearly you failed the “Shapes” portion of schooling! It’s not a ramp, it’s a box…
Karen: IT’S NOT A BOX…
Sloppy: You’re right! It’s more of a rectangle…definitely a parallelogram of sorts…
Joe Friday 1 “Laugh-Coughs”
Joe Friday 2: He’s correct ma’am. It’s not a ramp. They are two boxes…
Sloppy: Rectangles
Joe Friday: (Looking at the Slop) Sir, we don’t need to make this an issue. (Back to Karen) They are “rectangles,” not ramps.
Karen: But they’re loud…
Sloppy: Fuck yeah they are!
Joe Friday 1 “Laugh-Coughs” again
Joe Friday 2: Yes! They’re loud, but no louder than a lawnmower or weed eater.
Karen: (Toward Sloppy) YOU! YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE.
Joe Friday 2: I seriously doubt…
Sloppy: Oh, I did!
Joe Friday 2: Sir, you are not helping…
Sloppy: I apologize. You’re correct. I will try to be more helpful!
Joe Friday 2: (The “Finally” Look) Thank you. So, as I stated, they are not violating anything. Let’s just try to be civil and go about our days.
Karen screams, “THIS IS RIDICULOUS” and storms into the house!
Joe Friday 2: Wow! (Looks to Sloppy) Are they always like this?
Sloppy: Always. Hey, in the spirit of being helpful, I would like to inform you that grey car (Ken Jr) registration is expired.
Joe Friday 2: (Laughing) Thank you for being helpful!
Joe Friday 2 looks at tags
Dear Reader, Joe Friday 2 returned to the car and began flipping through a notebook of sorts. I was fairly certain it was the ticketing notebook. There was only one way to be positive though; wait and heckle if correct. I waited about ten minutes before Joe Friday 2 exited his cruiser and returned to North Korea. There was a minor dilemma though. I could not hear or see anything from my garage, and going their property was out of the question.
Sloppy walks out in the middle of the street
Joe Friday 2 is explaining “something”
Sloppy is waving in the middle of the street
Joe Friday turns to leave
Sees Sloppy
Shakes head, laughs (A LOT)
Ken Jr: You’re a real fucking asshole!
Sloppy: Woah! Me?!? I am just trying to find common ground here!
Karen: COMMON GROUND?
Sloppy: Yeah. “Compliance!” You were kind enough to ensure my boxes were in compliance, and I simply want to return the favor.
Window rolls down
Joe Friday 2: Sir, like I stated, your car will have to be moved to the driveway until it is registered and undergoes the state emissions test.
Ken Jr: Yes Officer.
Cops leave quickly!
Sloppy is still in the street!
Sloppy: Hey Ken, you’ll need to move one of your cars so Junior can fit in the driveway.
Historic moment incoming!
Ken: Oh, you can go FUCK YOURSELF!
Dear Reader, I was perplexed. Captain Jesus unmounted his high-horse and cussed me out. This cold war has been roaring for the last three years, but I had never witnessed Ken cuss. It seems I had struck a chord.
Sloppy: Ken! Really? I have a neighborhood of young impressionable kids making all kinds of noise in my backyard, and you have the audacity to start dropping the F-Bomb? Wow!
Ken: (Nearing a Mental Break) YEAH. YOU. CAN. GO. FUCK. YOURSELF!!!
Karen: WE CAN’T EVEN SIT ON OUR BACK DECK AND ENJOY THE WEATHER BECAUSE YOU’RE KIDS ARE TOO LOUD
Meanwhile…
Ken Jr drives car down to cul-de-sac to turn around
Sloppy jumps in 4Runner and occupies Ken Jr’s old spot!
Ken: (Irate) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Sloppy: Trying to be neighborly. I will have the boys skateboard in my driveway so you can enjoy the backyard!
Karen: You think you’re cute? We will just park in front of your house.
Ken: Yeah, I will just park in front of your house.
Sloppy: Fine by me. I don’t have cameras out front though. It’s going to be hard to see who dings it up with lacrosse balls.
Ken Jr returns and parks in driveway
Ken Jr: Why the hell are you parked in front of my house?
Sloppy: Junior, Junior, Junior, we’ve had this conversation before. YOU don’t have a house. You’re parents do. You’re 50 year old stay-at-home son. Remember???
Ken Jr: (Pointing) That’s my spot.
Sloppy: Adults are talking!
Lots of yelling starts…
Sloppy returns to house
Sloppy close garage door
I win! I won! Ken, Karen, and Junior knew Sloppy won the battle. They retreated into their house and began licking their wounds. Okay, how many of you honestly believe that occurred? Karen certainly retreated into her house, but she is not capable of accepting defeat. Karen opted to play with fire. She opted to use the tactic that started this entire war.
Door to garage opens
Cake: She’s recording us again Dad!
Sloppy opens garage door
Karen: Oh. Look. Another person to record.
Sloppy: (Not Impressed) I thought we had this conversation before!
Karen: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Sloppy: Okay. Well, I will hit the wavetops for you. You record my children…
Karen: Which is legal!
Sloppy: Yes. I know! “There is no expectation of privacy in public.” However, it’s morally corrupt for a 70 year old lady to heckle and videotape children. I suppose you can record me cutting your tree next!?!
Karen: (Nervous) What?
Sloppy: Yeah, I’ve had enough of your shit. I will probably get a couple feet of your juniper tree trimmed before the Ken’s get a tow strap. Remember, everything that overhangs my property is free game!
The Fuck-Around-and-Find-Out had startled Karen. There was genuine fear in her eyes, and the ensuing panic was comical. Two hundred pounds of human Jell-O attempted to run for the door. Her extremities were moving vigorously, but her body refused to move. It was “mall walk” at best.
Karen: KEN. KEN. KEN.
I made it to the backyard with what felt like an infinity to spare. Karen ran through the house and poked out the back door. Ken and Junior ran to the back yard knowing they had failed. It was a Mexican standoff. Seriously, it was a comical standoff. I had the clippers in the “ready to eat” position as I exclaimed…
Sloppy: DON’T MOVE OR I WILL CUT IT!
Then tension was palpable. I have no issue with the ongoing war, but I draw issue when Karen records children. I vividly remember this exact predicament years prior. Don’t record crib midgets or mini humans and I won’t cut your tree.
Karen: I STOPPED RECORDING!
Sloppy: Yes, but you recorded. I said that was the “red line.” That is the ONE THING you DON’T DO.
Karen: I STOPPED!
Sloppy: Ken, how much do you think is fair?
Ken: (Puzzled) What?
Sloppy: Oh, this will not go unpunished. HOW. MUCH. Do you think is fair?
Karen: RUN!
Writing “Hysterical Laughter” does not justify how hard I was laughing. I literally could not see through the joyful tears that were streaming down my face. I apologize for being a killjoy, but I did not cut the tree.
Dear Reader: What? Sloppy? Are you serious?
Sloppy: Yes!
Dear Reader: Why?
It’s no secret, but I live in a very large Home Owners Association (HOA). It is also no secret that I am “in” with one of the highest-ranking Board Members. Sue, Board Member, frequently reaches out for her dose of comedy. She is fully aware of the ongoing feud, and she has grown to despise them as much as I do. Sue quickly became sick of the baseless accusations. However, Sue is not capable of retaliation. For the most part…
Last week was my neighborhoods “Spring Assessment.” The HOA essentially audits to the houses for appearance, and to ensure everyone is following the archaic rules established by the HOA. You either get a post card thanking you for keeping everything neat and tidy, or you get a Nasty-Gram stating you have thirty-days to fix your deficiencies.
Sue was kind enough to inform me about the drive-by inspections days prior. I am sure it comes as no surprise, but using a neon green tow strap to tether a juniper tree to a back porch is not kosher. Sue was kind enough to tell me they have thirty-days to rectify their deficiency.
TODAY 11:39 EST
HOA Truck drives through neighborhood
Sloppy is woodworking with garage door open
Sue stops by
Sue: Howdy!
Sloppy: Hey!
Sue: (Laughing) They wrote a rebuttal letter.
Sloppy: (Puzzled) They?
Pause
Sloppy: Oh. “They!” About what?
Sue: It may come as a surprise, but you cannot tow strap trees to the porch.
Sloppy: You don’t say!?!
Sue: (Laughing Harder) They said they are being “held hostage” and “fear our tree will be cut.”
Sloppy: Fucking FINALLY!
Sue: Finally what?
Sloppy: They are finally being honest about something.
Sue: Are you going to cut the tree?
Sloppy: The juniper? No, but they don’t know that.
Sue: They have three weeks to figure it out.
Sloppy: Thus the reason they have been kind lately.
Sue: So, what are you going to do?
Sloppy: Give them every indication I fully intend on cutting the tree.
Dear Reader, they have three weeks. They have three weeks to gravel and beg me to not chop their precious juniper tree down. Honestly, I have two trees hostage right now, and I do not plan on losing my leverage unless I find another ace. I am sure they will revert to playing nice in hopes I will forget, but I will take every single opportunity to drive the screws to them. I am not going to cut the tree, but that does not mean I won’t try to break them.
Cheers FUckers!

FOREWARNING – This is long. Dear Reader, seriously, this is extremely long. I have no desire to waste your time. If you desire short reads, this is not for you. I would also like to point out this is an addition to “Alexa! Play Bitches Ain’t Shit by Dr. Dre.” I strongly encourage you to read it first.
Alexa; Play Bitches Ain't Shit by Dr. Dre : pettyrevenge (reddit.com)
Furthermore, there are (Shaking My Head) seventeen updates in total. They are all fairly well received. So, if you want to be totally caught-up, I strongly suggest you read them all. However, if you are like me, you will forgo my advice and simply commence with the fuckery below. Then you will likely have a metric fuck-ton of questions. Again, I would start with the, and then cruise right into the link below. Then you can come back in five days and read this.
All The Bitches Ain't Shit...In Order!!! : FuckeryUniveristy (reddit.com)
Urban Dictionary
Fuck-Around-and-Find-Out: A casual invitation or threat used by an individual that is not around of fucking someone up.
Dear Reader, I often find myself watching documentaries about North Korea. The “Hermit Kingdom” really fascinates me. I have traveled extensively in the Middle East and North Africa. North Korea was never off the table. However, it would certainly have been a Fuck- Around-and-Find-Out scenario. I have watched documentary-after-documentary and failed to realize I live next to a very similar “Hermit Kingdom.”
I thought the pettiness was over. Then my father’s sage advice reverberated inside my cranium, “Thought thought he farted but he really shit his pants.” Kelly was practicing lacrosse in the back yard and a lacrosse ball inadvertently crossed the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) landing in Ken and Karen’s yard. Kelly, foolishly believing they have become civil, decided to knock on the door and ask for permission to retrieve his ball.
Sloppy in garage
Sloppy opens garage door
Sloppy watches Kelly venture into the Hermit Kingdom
Knock. Knock. Kock.
Kelly: Hello! My ball bounced off a chair and went into your yard. Do you mind if I go get it?
Sloppy not certain “who” Kelly is talking to
Karen: YES. I DO MIND. THE BALL IS MINE NOW! NOW GET OFF MY PROPERTY OR I WILL CALL THE COPS.
Sloppy Brain: What a fucking bitch.
Sloppy Brain: We are not going to let this act of injustice slide, are we?
Sloppy Brain: Nope! Time to play the long game.
Defeated Kelly walks back to garage
Kelly (Angry): It’s one ball dad. ONE BALL. Can we move?
Sloppy Brain (Laughing): Can we move? You skipped revenge my man!
Sloppy: Get in the truck!
Kelly: Why?
Sloppy: Thought you wanted to move?
Kelly: Wait, we are moving?
Sloppy: Yes. We are moving to Dicks Sporting Goods. It takes a lot of balls to play lacrosse the way you do, and I told COACH NAME we would donate a bucket of fifty. I also have to run to Lowes now.
Kelly (Pouty): Okay.
Sloppy: Remember last week when you realized Dick’s carries the (Lacrosse) mesh you like?
Kelly: Yeah, why?
Sloppy (Giggling): Remember when you walked in the house and screamed, “I love Dick’s.”
Kelly (Not Happy): Stop!
Sloppy: Dude…
Kelly: STOP!
Sloppy starts driving
Five minutes of unspoken silence
Sloppy selects DMX “Where The Hood At”
Song playing
Sloppy singing
Sloppy: “I show no love, to homo thugs…”
Couple seconds pass
Sloppy: I did not mean that Kelly, I was just…
Kelly (Trying NOT to laugh, but laughing): You did that on purpose, prick! I like that Dick’s carries the mesh I like. I don’t like dicks.
Sloppy: Settle down. Besides, I didn’t say “like.” I know you don’t like Dicks…you love them!
Kelly (Frustrated): Whatever. What are we getting a Lowe’s?
Sloppy: Wood!
Kelly: For…
Sloppy: You like Dick’s and I like wood.
Kelly: What are we doing with the wood?
Sloppy: I figure I will jerk-it-around in the garage and make something that displeases Ken and Karen.
Kelly: Like?
Sloppy: Loud skateboard shit.
Fast Forward – Saturday
Sloppy: Cake!
Nothing
Sloppy: CAKE!
Cake: What?
Sloppy: I made you something, and I need you to try it out. Like now!
Cake: What? Now???
Sloppy: I made you two grind-boxes for your skateboard!
Cake: (Excited) Really?
Sloppy: Yes. TWO of them!
Cake: Can I invite, NAME, NAME, and NAME over?
Sloppy: Oh, I suppose!
Dear Reader, Grind Fest 2023 started around 1300 EST. The cops arrived shortly after 1400 EST. Many of you are aware this is not my first rodeo with my neighbors. This also holds true for the local law enforcement. Two officers arrived, one for me, and the other for my wonderful neighbors.
Joe Friday: (Laughing) What are we out here for this time?
Sloppy: Hear the laughter emanating from my backyard?
Joe Friday: (Puzzled) Yeah?
Sloppy: That! They are terribly opposed to children having fun, especially on skateboards.
Joe Friday: Really?
Sloppy: Yes, but I surmise they called you complaining about “ramps.”
Joe Friday: (Laughing) Yes, it came across the radio as “unauthorized ramps.”
Sloppy: Yes! So CITY NAME has an ordinance ban on skateboard ramps…
Joe Friday: Are you serious?
Sloppy: Exactly. I built a quarter-pipe for Christmas, and they had a Codes and Compliance Officer at my house within forty-eight hours…
Joe Friday: Wow. They sound petty!
Other cop comes from Karen’s house; Pow-Wow commences.
Joe Friday: Sir, I was unaware of the city ordinance, but you clearly are. They are complaining that you are in violation again.
Sloppy: Indeed, but I don’t have a ramp.
Joe Friday: What?
Sloppy: Please, come with me!
Joe Friday 1 and Joe Friday 2 come to see the “ramp!”
Joe Friday 1 and Joe Friday 2 watch the children skateboard on not-ramp.
Sloppy returns to DMZ
Sloppy: Are you really that wretched?
Karen: Excuse me?
Sloppy: They’re kids. They’re doing what kids do, playing outside and having fun!
Karen: (Smirk) They’re loud, obnoxious, and playing on ramps.
Cops are returning
Sloppy: Did you fail third grade math?
Karen: Excuse me…
Sloppy: DID. YOU. FAIL. THIRD. GRADE. MATH???
Joe Friday 2: Let’s try to keep it civil folks!
Sloppy: Sure! So, I assume the children are free to resume?
Joe Friday 1: Yup. Nothing to see here.
Karen: EXCUSE ME? AFTER THE RAMP IS GONE, RIGHT!?!
Sloppy: See clearly you failed the “Shapes” portion of schooling! It’s not a ramp, it’s a box…
Karen: IT’S NOT A BOX…
Sloppy: You’re right! It’s more of a rectangle…definitely a parallelogram of sorts…
Joe Friday 1 “Laugh-Coughs”
Joe Friday 2: He’s correct ma’am. It’s not a ramp. They are two boxes…
Sloppy: Rectangles
Joe Friday: (Looking at the Slop) Sir, we don’t need to make this an issue. (Back to Karen) They are “rectangles,” not ramps.
Karen: But they’re loud…
Sloppy: Fuck yeah they are!
Joe Friday 1 “Laugh-Coughs” again
Joe Friday 2: Yes! They’re loud, but no louder than a lawnmower or weed eater.
Karen: (Toward Sloppy) YOU! YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE.
Joe Friday 2: I seriously doubt…
Sloppy: Oh, I did!
Joe Friday 2: Sir, you are not helping…
Sloppy: I apologize. You’re correct. I will try to be more helpful!
Joe Friday 2: (The “Finally” Look) Thank you. So, as I stated, they are not violating anything. Let’s just try to be civil and go about our days.
Karen screams, “THIS IS RIDICULOUS” and storms into the house!
Joe Friday 2: Wow! (Looks to Sloppy) Are they always like this?
Sloppy: Always. Hey, in the spirit of being helpful, I would like to inform you that grey car (Ken Jr) registration is expired.
Joe Friday 2: (Laughing) Thank you for being helpful!
Joe Friday 2 looks at tags
Dear Reader, Joe Friday 2 returned to the car and began flipping through a notebook of sorts. I was fairly certain it was the ticketing notebook. There was only one way to be positive though; wait and heckle if correct. I waited about ten minutes before Joe Friday 2 exited his cruiser and returned to North Korea. There was a minor dilemma though. I could not hear or see anything from my garage, and going their property was out of the question.
Sloppy walks out in the middle of the street
Joe Friday 2 is explaining “something”
Sloppy is waving in the middle of the street
Joe Friday turns to leave
Sees Sloppy
Shakes head, laughs (A LOT)
Ken Jr: You’re a real fucking asshole!
Sloppy: Woah! Me?!? I am just trying to find common ground here!
Karen: COMMON GROUND?
Sloppy: Yeah. “Compliance!” You were kind enough to ensure my boxes were in compliance, and I simply want to return the favor.
Window rolls down
Joe Friday 2: Sir, like I stated, your car will have to be moved to the driveway until it is registered and undergoes the state emissions test.
Ken Jr: Yes Officer.
Cops leave quickly!
Sloppy is still in the street!
Sloppy: Hey Ken, you’ll need to move one of your cars so Junior can fit in the driveway.
Historic moment incoming!
Ken: Oh, you can go FUCK YOURSELF!
Dear Reader, I was perplexed. Captain Jesus unmounted his high-horse and cussed me out. This cold war has been roaring for the last three years, but I had never witnessed Ken cuss. It seems I had struck a chord.
Sloppy: Ken! Really? I have a neighborhood of young impressionable kids making all kinds of noise in my backyard, and you have the audacity to start dropping the F-Bomb? Wow!
Ken: (Nearing a Mental Break) YEAH. YOU. CAN. GO. FUCK. YOURSELF!!!
Karen: WE CAN’T EVEN SIT ON OUR BACK DECK AND ENJOY THE WEATHER BECAUSE YOU’RE KIDS ARE TOO LOUD
Meanwhile…
Ken Jr drives car down to cul-de-sac to turn around
Sloppy jumps in 4Runner and occupies Ken Jr’s old spot!
Ken: (Irate) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Sloppy: Trying to be neighborly. I will have the boys skateboard in my driveway so you can enjoy the backyard!
Karen: You think you’re cute? We will just park in front of your house.
Ken: Yeah, I will just park in front of your house.
Sloppy: Fine by me. I don’t have cameras out front though. It’s going to be hard to see who dings it up with lacrosse balls.
Ken Jr returns and parks in driveway
Ken Jr: Why the hell are you parked in front of my house?
Sloppy: Junior, Junior, Junior, we’ve had this conversation before. YOU don’t have a house. You’re parents do. You’re 50 year old stay-at-home son. Remember???
Ken Jr: (Pointing) That’s my spot.
Sloppy: Adults are talking!
Lots of yelling starts…
Sloppy returns to house
Sloppy close garage door
I win! I won! Ken, Karen, and Junior knew Sloppy won the battle. They retreated into their house and began licking their wounds. Okay, how many of you honestly believe that occurred? Karen certainly retreated into her house, but she is not capable of accepting defeat. Karen opted to play with fire. She opted to use the tactic that started this entire war.
Door to garage opens
Cake: She’s recording us again Dad!
Sloppy opens garage door
Karen: Oh. Look. Another person to record.
Sloppy: (Not Impressed) I thought we had this conversation before!
Karen: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Sloppy: Okay. Well, I will hit the wavetops for you. You record my children…
Karen: Which is legal!
Sloppy: Yes. I know! “There is no expectation of privacy in public.” However, it’s morally corrupt for a 70 year old lady to heckle and videotape children. I suppose you can record me cutting your tree next!?!
Karen: (Nervous) What?
Sloppy: Yeah, I’ve had enough of your shit. I will probably get a couple feet of your juniper tree trimmed before the Ken’s get a tow strap. Remember, everything that overhangs my property is free game!
The Fuck-Around-and-Find-Out had startled Karen. There was genuine fear in her eyes, and the ensuing panic was comical. Two hundred pounds of human Jell-O attempted to run for the door. Her extremities were moving vigorously, but her body refused to move. It was “mall walk” at best.
Karen: KEN. KEN. KEN.
I made it to the backyard with what felt like an infinity to spare. Karen ran through the house and poked out the back door. Ken and Junior ran to the back yard knowing they had failed. It was a Mexican standoff. Seriously, it was a comical standoff. I had the clippers in the “ready to eat” position as I exclaimed…
Sloppy: DON’T MOVE OR I WILL CUT IT!
Then tension was palpable. I have no issue with the ongoing war, but I draw issue when Karen records children. I vividly remember this exact predicament years prior. Don’t record crib midgets or mini humans and I won’t cut your tree.
Karen: I STOPPED RECORDING!
Sloppy: Yes, but you recorded. I said that was the “red line.” That is the ONE THING you DON’T DO.
Karen: I STOPPED!
Sloppy: Ken, how much do you think is fair?
Ken: (Puzzled) What?
Sloppy: Oh, this will not go unpunished. HOW. MUCH. Do you think is fair?
Karen: RUN!
Writing “Hysterical Laughter” does not justify how hard I was laughing. I literally could not see through the joyful tears that were streaming down my face. I apologize for being a killjoy, but I did not cut the tree.
Dear Reader: What? Sloppy? Are you serious?
Sloppy: Yes!
Dear Reader: Why?
It’s no secret, but I live in a very large Home Owners Association (HOA). It is also no secret that I am “in” with one of the highest-ranking Board Members. Sue, Board Member, frequently reaches out for her dose of comedy. She is fully aware of the ongoing feud, and she has grown to despise them as much as I do. Sue quickly became sick of the baseless accusations. However, Sue is not capable of retaliation. For the most part…
Last week was my neighborhoods “Spring Assessment.” The HOA essentially audits to the houses for appearance, and to ensure everyone is following the archaic rules established by the HOA. You either get a post card thanking you for keeping everything neat and tidy, or you get a Nasty-Gram stating you have thirty-days to fix your deficiencies.
Sue was kind enough to inform me about the drive-by inspections days prior. I am sure it comes as no surprise, but using a neon green tow strap to tether a juniper tree to a back porch is not kosher. Sue was kind enough to tell me they have thirty-days to rectify their deficiency.
TODAY 11:39 EST
HOA Truck drives through neighborhood
Sloppy is woodworking with garage door open
Sue stops by
Sue: Howdy!
Sloppy: Hey!
Sue: (Laughing) They wrote a rebuttal letter.
Sloppy: (Puzzled) They?
Pause
Sloppy: Oh. “They!” About what?
Sue: It may come as a surprise, but you cannot tow strap trees to the porch.
Sloppy: You don’t say!?!
Sue: (Laughing Harder) They said they are being “held hostage” and “fear our tree will be cut.”
Sloppy: Fucking FINALLY!
Sue: Finally what?
Sloppy: They are finally being honest about something.
Sue: Are you going to cut the tree?
Sloppy: The juniper? No, but they don’t know that.
Sue: They have three weeks to figure it out.
Sloppy: Thus the reason they have been kind lately.
Sue: So, what are you going to do?
Sloppy: Give them every indication I fully intend on cutting the tree.
Dear Reader, they have three weeks. They have three weeks to gravel and beg me to not chop their precious juniper tree down. Honestly, I have two trees hostage right now, and I do not plan on losing my leverage unless I find another ace. I am sure they will revert to playing nice in hopes I will forget, but I will take every single opportunity to drive the screws to them. I am not going to cut the tree, but that does not mean I won’t try to break them.
Cheers FUckers!