What follows is the transcript of a piece I wrote for a (UK-based) radio show a couple of years ago, so apologies in advance for the slightly odd phrasing and the presumption of a certain level of knowledge of Eurovision Song Contest history.
Anyone who'd followed the build-up to the 1974 Eurovision Song Contest would have been forgiven for wondering if the entire event was losing its mind.
To begin with, the 1974 contest was held in Brighton in the UK, despite the fact Luxembourg had won the previous year. Normally the winner claimed the right to host the next pageant, but Luxembourg declined as 1973 was its second successive win and the cost of hosting Eurovision twice in a row were too much for the diminutive nation to bear.
Not to be outdone, the UK involved Australia in the contest 41 years before its official debut by choosing Olivia Newton-John as its representative. She courted further controversy by disagreeing with the entry the public voted for and stating afterwards that she'd wanted to sing something else.
This was after France pulled out of the competition at short notice, as it clashed with a memorial service for its former president Georges Pompidou, who'd died in office four days previously. Malta also withdrew, but mysteriously neglected to tell anybody why.
Greece competed for the first time in 1974, but did so under the worst possible conditions, sending a substitute performer after their original entry – rock group Nostradamus – were involved in a scandal involving a rape allegation related to a possible blackmail attempt.
Then the Italian state broadcaster refused to broadcast the competition for the most Italian reason possible: the country was in the middle of an intense referendum campaign over whether to legalise divorce. It was argued that the country's entry – entitled “Si” – could be construed as subliminal message to vote “yes” in the referendum. So although Italy still competed, the song was banned from Italian media.
Ultimately, Sweden triumphed with an entry called 'Waterloo'. The writers and performers of the song were a band called ABBA, who used it as a launchpad for a decade-long career in which they sold over 150 million albums and more or less conquered the world.
Amid these shenanigans, observers would have been forgiven for overlooking the Portuguese entry on the night. Most voters certainly did, meaning Paulo de Carvalho's Vegas-style ballad 'E Depois do Adeus' ended the night 14th and equal last alongside Germany and Switzerland, having received only 3 points.
However, certain extremely influential individuals were listening, meaning that Carvalho's song ultimately left a greater mark on history even than ABBA's.
At the time, Portugal was ruled by a brutal quasi-fascist dictatorship known as the Estado Novo, or “New State”. By the early 1970s, this regime was increasingly unpopular due to its oppressive policies and the immense human and financial costs of Portugal's ongoing colonial wars in its African and Asian colonies.
On April 24 1974, 19 days after Carvalho's Eurovision performance in Brighton, a radio station in Portugal's capital, Lisbon, played 'E Depois do Adeus' at 10:55pm. On this signal, an organisation of politically left-leaning Portuguese military officers known as the MFA launched a coup.
The MFA broadcast appealed for the public to stay indoors while it was taking place, but on hearing that someone was trying to overthrow the hated Estado Novo, thousands of civilians took to the streets armed with nothing but red carnations. They gave the flowers to the MFA troops, who wore them on their uniforms and placed them in their gun barrels.
The military coup became a popular movement. Within hours, the “Carnation Revolution” had deposed the Estado Novo with barely a shot fired.
'E Depois do Adeus' translates into English as “and after the farewell”. The following year, Portugal held its first democratic election in nearly half a century.
The song.
The show.

Hi guys, So you could consider this post both as venting and a serious predicament that I've been in since I graduated.
Be aware.... this is a LONG post, and I want to let out part of what I've been through for these couple of years...
Every detail I'm mentioning has a role to play in this... I'm not just writing prose... I'm a non US-IMG, I've lived all my life outside my home country (Syria), and then had to move to a different country to attend medschool. In my 4th year in medschool, after a year of struggling, my family was basically forced out of the place we lived in all of our lives (as foreigners).
After that, a coup d'etat f***ed everything up in the place I'm studying in (Sudan)... well... actually... two coup d'etats. I studied there via a scholarship (international academic merit scholarship), and the scholarship covers "all" of our tuition fees through a specific agreement with the government. My amazing medschool unlike any in the region does NOT include Internship year in their program, so get an MBBS certificate without FY or PGY1. I know that this is the case for medschools in so many places around the world, but not in our sh**hole called the middle east. After these coup d'etats, the new government changed almost everything. One of the many things they've changed was the fact that Internship training became chargeable, you have to pay 6 THOUSANDS DOLLARS for ONE Internship year. Not only that... they stopped enrolling any new foreign graduates into any training program for like 9 months. The scholarship refused to pay these fees, & in the middle of all of this, I was stuck in a place where you can't get licensed to work in (you can't as a "foreigner" work in Sudan even if you get that internship year EVEN BEFORE ALL THESE coups) and can't get the prerequisites (Intern year) to do residency in our horrifyingly advanced systems with their requirements!
I'm not a "fortunate son".. I wasn't born silver spoon in hand, so I couldn't afford 6K for one year to thankfully qualify as a fit candidate to pay this same amount for residency each year (YES residency also requires you to pay for each year as a FOREIGNER in this AMAZING part of the planet).
I can't get back to Syria (for so many obvious reasons). This is something even Non-US IMGs can't understand... Syrians (and those who lived in similar circumstances) are the IMGs of the IMGs. Most of us left our home country after the war and had to study in adjacent places where even after graduation we can't practice or get licensed most of the time. For me it was even before the war. I was born a foreigner, lived two decades in a place as a foreigner and seems like I'm destined forever to be a foreigner... So this whole dilemma might not be even conceivable to people who have a home country to go back to if things go all the way down... The easy solution of: why don't you just do home-country residency is not available.
So, I have to choose a place where this Internship year is not an obstacle...and as I've mentioned early on, my family had to move out to a new place... Turkey... Fortunately, residency in Turkey doesn't... or actually I should say... didn't require an Intern year for training. Only equivalency exams (and by the way as a "foreigner" you can't practice in public hospitals even after equivalency AND training). After I moved to Turkey having finished medschool (graduation mid 2021) and after a year of learning the language (self learning) and studying for the exams; a new regulation was passed: Intern year is to be requested from each and every foreign applicant who graduated from 2020 onwards. All of my effort went into the dumpster...
I'm not mad nor am I bemoaning these "lost" opportunities. I don't regret not being able to work in such places where you are always considered an intruder... I've always (since I was a child) liked the American pop culture, the inclusivity, diversity and passion to thrive (it resembles my beloved Syria [the people of Syria not the monstrous government] despite anything you might hear on news, but war changes everything) and when I started medschool I've always wished if I had the means to pursue residency in the US, but as you can see, my hands (and my family's) were full, and the USMLE journey by itself requires so much dedication and financial support that you have to plan for, years ahead... Since late 2022 I started studying for the USMLE and I'm almost done with Step 1. I'm planing on taking Step 2 in a short period after (I've covered most of its material during my studying for the Turkish equivalency exams) but I'll not be able to get into this next cycle, due to the fact that I've no USCE nor do I have any research (couldn't study Turkish & equivalency exams and at the same time do research without even being allowed to set foot in hospitals or labs [all requires equivalency tests first]) so this year was only studying (No Internship and no obviously no Residency) and I know that it'll be considered as both professional and gap year in general, despite the fact that it wasn't something in my hands.
My only regret is had I known what I know now, and realized that I literally have no place to do my training in without paying everything I have on me... If I knew that political instabilities and coups could f*** up my whole future despite not taking any part in them... If I knew all of this and just went with the USMLE route, I would've been celebrating this year's Match just like many of 2021 grads, or even celebrated THEM as a PGY1 becoming a senior... but I can't look into the seeds of time, And say which grain will grow and which will not... whatever happened, happened.
Thankfully, recently a scholarship agreed to cover the fees for my intern year in another country. I'm gonna do it in a place where I can hopefully get the chance to get involved in research, and even if not, given the fact that I'll be in a hospital I'm gonna work my ass off in this Intern year, even more than I'm already doing now. I should've gotten my certificate only after my Intern year like any graduate here, and got thus got the fair and full chance to compete with my peers and enroll in clinical practice without having to go through all of this, but again, whatever happened, happened.
I just want to know: If I do this.. complete this intern year (starting in 2 months).. Am I still gonna be considered an "old" graduate if I apply to 2025 cycle? Are these gap years actually gap years? Or does this internship possibly "reset" this f***ed up situation?

Hi guys, So you could consider this post both as venting and a serious predicament that I've been in since I graduated.
Be aware.... this is a LONG post, and I want to let out part of what I've been through for these couple of years...
Every detail I'm mentioning has a role to play in this... I'm not just writing prose... I'm a non US-IMG, I've lived all my life outside my home country (Syria), and then had to move to a different country to attend medschool. In my 4th year in medschool, after a year of struggling, my family was basically forced out of the place we lived in all of our lives (as foreigners).
After that, a coup d'etat f***ed everything up in the place I'm studying in (Sudan)... well... actually... two coup d'etats. I studied there via a scholarship (international academic merit scholarship), and the scholarship covers "all" of our tuition fees through a specific agreement with the government. My amazing medschool unlike any in the region does NOT include Internship year in their program, so get an MBBS certificate without FY or PGY1. I know that this is the case for medschools in so many places around the world, but not in our sh**hole called the middle east. After these coup d'etats, the new government changed almost everything. One of the many things they've changed was the fact that Internship training became chargeable, you have to pay 6 THOUSANDS DOLLARS for ONE Internship year. Not only that... they stopped enrolling any new foreign graduates into any training program for like 9 months. The scholarship refused to pay these fees, & in the middle of all of this, I was stuck in a place where you can't get licensed to work in (you can't as a "foreigner" work in Sudan even if you get that internship year EVEN BEFORE ALL THESE coups) and can't get the prerequisites (Intern year) to do residency in our horrifyingly advanced systems with their requirements!
I'm not a "fortunate son".. I wasn't born silver spoon in hand, so I couldn't afford 6K for one year to thankfully qualify as a fit candidate to pay this same amount for residency each year (YES residency also requires you to pay for each year as a FOREIGNER in this AMAZING part of the planet).
I can't get back to Syria (for so many obvious reasons). This is something even Non-US IMGs can't understand... Syrians (and those who lived in similar circumstances) are the IMGs of the IMGs. Most of us left our home country after the war and had to study in adjacent places where even after graduation we can't practice or get licensed most of the time. For me it was even before the war. I was born a foreigner, lived two decades in a place as a foreigner and seems like I'm destined forever to be a foreigner... So this whole dilemma might not be even conceivable to people who have a home country to go back to if things go all the way down... The easy solution of: why don't you just do home-country residency is not available.
So, I have to choose a place where this Internship year is not an obstacle...and as I've mentioned early on, my family had to move out to a new place... Turkey... Fortunately, residency in Turkey doesn't... or actually I should say... didn't require an Intern year for training. Only equivalency exams (and by the way as a "foreigner" you can't practice in public hospitals even after equivalency AND training). After I moved to Turkey having finished medschool (graduation mid 2021) and after a year of learning the language (self learning) and studying for the exams; a new regulation was passed: Intern year is to be requested from each and every foreign applicant who graduated from 2020 onwards. All of my effort went into the dumpster...
I'm not mad nor am I bemoaning these "lost" opportunities. I don't regret not being able to work in such places where you are always considered an intruder... I've always (since I was a child) liked the American pop culture, the inclusivity, diversity and passion to thrive (it resembles my beloved Syria [the people of Syria not the monstrous government] despite anything you might hear on news, but war changes everything) and when I started medschool I've always wished if I had the means to pursue residency in the US, but as you can see, my hands (and my family's) were full, and the USMLE journey by itself requires so much dedication and financial support that you have to plan for, years ahead... Since late 2022 I started studying for the USMLE and I'm almost done with Step 1. I'm planing on taking Step 2 in a short period after (I've covered most of its material during my studying for the Turkish equivalency exams) but I'll not be able to get into this next cycle, due to the fact that I've no USCE nor do I have any research (couldn't study Turkish & equivalency exams and at the same time do research without even being allowed to set foot in hospitals or labs [all requires equivalency tests first]) so this year was only studying (No Internship and no obviously no Residency) and I know that it'll be considered as both professional and gap year in general, despite the fact that it wasn't something in my hands.
My only regret is had I known what I know now, and realized that I literally have no place to do my training in without paying everything I have on me... If I knew that political instabilities and coups could f*** up my whole future despite not taking any part in them... If I knew all of this and just went with the USMLE route, I would've been celebrating this year's Match just like many of 2021 grads, or even celebrated THEM as a PGY1 becoming a senior... but I can't look into the seeds of time, And say which grain will grow and which will not... whatever happened, happened.
Thankfully, recently a scholarship agreed to cover the fees for my intern year in another country. I'm gonna do it in a place where I can hopefully get the chance to get involved in research, and even if not, given the fact that I'll be in a hospital I'm gonna work my ass off in this Intern year, even more than I'm already doing now. I should've gotten my certificate only after my Intern year like any graduate here, and got thus got the fair and full chance to compete with my peers and enroll in clinical practice without having to go through all of this, but again, whatever happened, happened.
I just want to know: If I do this.. complete this intern year (starting in 2 months).. Am I still gonna be considered an "old" graduate if I apply to 2025 cycle? Are these gap years actually gap years? Or does this internship possibly "reset" this f***ed up situation?

1. While Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York" is probably one of the crooner's best-known songs, it was originally very different. Turns out, we have Robert De Niro to thank for it! Composer John Kander and lyricist Fred Ebb were tapped to write music for Martin Scorsese's 1977 film, New York, New York, which stars Liza Minnelli and De Niro. When the duo previewed the songs they had written, De Niro thought the title track, which was connected to his character, was too lighthearted. Although Kander and Ebb said they thought De Niro seemed "pompous" in telling them to rewrite the song, they took the criticism to heart and ended up penning their new version of the song in just 45 minutes.
2. Ferris Bueller's Day Off is my favorite movie of all time, so it's honestly criminal that I've never done a deep dive into some behind-the-scenes moments from the film! John Hughes, known for his teen movies, ended up writing the script in just a few days in order to get a draft finished before the Writers Guild of America went on strike. The script was reportedly so strong that it was barely edited before filming started. The movie is widely considered to be a love letter to Hughes's Chicago hometown and is filled with references to his own upbringing and shots of the city's skyline. In fact, Hughes even gave Ferris the same address as his childhood home, and his bedroom reportedly resembled Hughes's.
3. If I had to learn about this giraffe mating ritual, then it's only fair that you do too, okay? Unlike other animals, giraffes don't have a set mating season. Instead, they have an estrous cycle, which resembles a human menstrual cycle, except this cycle swaps blood for urine. When a male giraffe approaches a female giraffe, he begins to rub against her, which she takes as a signal to begin peeing. The male giraffe then tastes her pee to see if she's fertile, and thus, the mating ritual begins. A typical giraffe pregnancy lasts for 400–460 days. Male giraffes typically have no role in raising their offspring.
4. In 2007, Lisa Nowak became the first NASA astronaut to be arrested when she drove across the United States to confront a woman who was dating a fellow astronaut with whom Nowak had also had a relationship. About a decade after graduating from the US Naval Academy, Nowak was selected to be an astronaut at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, where she specialized in robotics. Nowak said she was deeply affected by the 2003 Columbia space shuttle explosion because her best friend, astronaut Laurel Clark, died. Nowak told NASA that her children convinced her to continue on with her space career despite her unease.
5. Despite what you might believe after watching The Greatest Showman, P.T. Barnum was not a good guy. He had a long history of animal cruelty and was known for mistreating enslaved people and people with disabilities. He even reportedly hated the people who paid money to come see his exhibits. Barnum was allegedly frustrated that people were taking their time during visits to his museum, so he decided to post signs reading "This Way to the Egress" all over the place. He (correctly) believed that most of the visitors wouldn't know that "egress" meant "exit," so when they followed the signs, they ended up unknowingly leaving the entire museum. As a result, many people paid to reenter, bringing home even more money for Barnum.
6. Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" is essentially History 101 in song form. The track name-drops 118 historical events from 1949 to 1989, including everything from pivotal moments in the civil rights movement to details from sports and pop culture history. Joel was inspired to write the song after having a conversation with Sean Lennon, who was then in his 20s, while in the recording studio. One of Lennon's friends allegedly said that it was a terrible time to be a young person. Joel, who was about to turn 40, reportedly said that his own younger years hadn't been that easy either.
7. Coney Island's skyline looked a lot different back in the 1800s. The Brooklyn boardwalk was once home to a 200-foot-tall elephant-shaped hotel! The hotel, known as the Elephantine Colossus, was built in 1885 and contained 31 rooms, a concert hall, and a museum. The elephant's head housed an observatory, and its eyes served as telescopes. The real kicker was that the hotel was built several years before the Statue of Liberty was completed, so the giant elephant was often the first thing immigrants saw when they reached New York. At some point, the hotel was seen as gimmicky and lost most of its clientele. Soon, sex workers began moving in. In 1896, Elephantine Colossus burned down and was never rebuilt.
8. During Ronald Reagan's 1966 California gubernatorial campaign, he began eating jelly beans in an attempt to curb his pipe-smoking habit. His jelly beans of choice were the Goelitz Mini Jelly Beans from the Herman Goelitz Candy Co. Once the company caught wind of Reagan's love for the treat, they began to send the politician a monthly shipment of candy and even gifted the governor with a custom jelly bean jar. After Reagan's two terms as governor ended, the company continued to send him jelly beans. In 1976, Goelitz debuted their latest creation: the Jelly Belly. Within two years, Reagan's entire jelly bean shipment shifted to include only Jelly Belly jelly beans.
9. There are two main groups of whales: baleen whales, which include species like the blue whale and the humpback whale; and toothed whales, consisting of orcas, belugas, and sperm whales. While you probably guessed that toothed whales are named as such because they have teeth, baleen whales have baleen plates in their mouths, which help them filter out krill and other food. Toothed whales also have a "melon" in their foreheads. The melon is a mass of tissue that helps with communication and is crucial for echolocation, which they use to find food and to navigate underwater.
10. In 1997, construction on Disneyland's California Adventure Park was halted after Princess Diana was killed in a limo accident in a Paris tunnel on Aug. 31. California Adventure was supposed to include a ride called Superstar Limo, which involved guests boarding a limo and embarking on a high-speed chase through some of Los Angeles's biggest landmarks in order to get to the Disney offices in time to sign a huge movie contract. Riders also had to evade the paparazzi. Once the ride ended, passengers were encouraged to buy mock tabloids featuring the pictures the "paparazzi" had taken of them. Following Diana's death, Disney knew they could no longer debut the ride. Soon, they began to brainstorm alternative ideas to replace the limo theme.
11. Donald Gorske, who is known as the ultimate Big Mac fan, has reportedly eaten at least one McDonald's Big Mac every day for the past 50 years. As of May 2022, Gorske believes he has consumed about 32,340 Big Macs. He told Guinness World Records that he typically eats two Big Macs a day, although he revealed that at one point, his daily diet included nine burgers! "May 17, 1972, was the day I got my first car," Gorske said. "I drove to McDonald’s, ordered my first three Big Macs, went in the car, and ate them. And I said right there that I’m gonna probably eat these the rest of my life, and I threw the cartons in the backseat and started counting them from day one." Despite his Big Mac diet, Gorske and his wife say that doctors have given him a clean bill of health.
12. Although you probably picture Queen Elizabeth II wearing one of her signature colorful skirt suits, her fashion history is actually quite fascinating! Elizabeth was photographed wearing pants only once during her entire reign. In 1970, she was reportedly interested in updating her look, and asked her tailor for a custom pantsuit to wear during her royal tour in Australia. It's safe to assume that Elizabeth wasn't too fond of the outfit, as she was never again seen wearing pants in public. In order to maintain professionalism and avoid any type of fashion mishap, her dress hems were always cut below the knee.
13. In 1986, Clint Eastwood ran for mayor of Carmel, California, in part because he wanted to overturn the town's strict law regarding ice cream sales. Eastwood announced his intention to run for office in 1985 after he reportedly found the City Council very difficult to work with when he wanted to turn property he owned into office space. He also cited a 1929 law in Carmel that banned the sale of ice cream cones as another reason for his campaign. In April 1986, he defeated incumbent Charlotte Townsend. His first order of business? He removed from office all of the people who supported the ice cream ban, thus allowing the sale of ice cream cones in Carmel for the first time in decades.
14. Chances are, you read George Orwell's Animal Farm in school. In the novel, a group of animals team up to rebel against the farmer who owns them, only to end up living in a communist dictatorship led by pigs. Although Orwell said that the book was the first time he had successfully been able to blend politics and art, he had a hard time finding a publisher. Several publishing houses turned down the book because they felt uneasy about its political stance. Secker & Warburg ultimately agreed to publish Animal Farm, and the book became a hit and was even used by the CIA as a propaganda tool during the Cold War.
15. In 1928, Huey Long was elected governor of Louisiana on a promise of helping people who had been neglected by the federal government. He soon had his sights set on Washington and won a Senate seat. But before leaving for DC in 1932, he had the lieutenant governor replaced by two successors who promised to follow Long's commands. In the Senate, he created the “Share Our Wealth” program, which many thought was part of his bid for the presidency. In 1935, Long was assassinated by a political rival. Despite his death, his impact in the state lived on. In 1940, a study showed that rural schoolchildren not only had no idea that Long had been killed but also believed he was president.
16. The Real Housewives franchise put Bravo on the map for its depiction of the wild and wacky antics of wealthy women around the country, but it originally looked like a much different show! Scott Dunlop, the original producer of the Real Housewives of Orange County, got the idea for the show in 1986 when he moved from Los Angeles to Coto de Caza, one of the world's largest gated communities, located in Orange County, California. Dunlop began to notice that many of his female neighbors spent their days shopping and playing golf while their husbands went to work.
17. The first meal eaten on the moon included bacon bits, peaches, sugar cookie cubes, and a pineapple-grapefruit beverage. Bacon reportedly had a long history when it came to space travel. It was a staple during the Gemini missions and became a favorite among many astronauts. Despite all of the bacon love, it's since disappeared from space menus. Now the closest thing to bacon is a sausage patty that has to be rehydrated with warm water before being eaten.
18. Oscar Gamble, a baseball player who spent over 20 years in the major leagues, was known not only for his on-field play but also for his Afro, which sparked quite the controversy. In 1973, Gamble arrived at the Cleveland Indians training camp sporting an Afro. Although many Black basketball players had Afros, the hairstyle wasn't too popular among baseball players. Baseball was often seen as more conservative, and during the 1970s, the Afro was associated with the Black Power movement. Gamble's hair quickly became controversial. "People took one look at that hair and thought I was a bad guy," Gamble said in 1979. "There were some sportswriters who wouldn’t talk to me. They thought I was some kind of militant, with my beard and my hair."
19. In December 1990, Iben Browning, who claimed that he was a climatologist, predicted that a major earthquake was going to hit the St. Louis area on Dec. 3. In New Madrid, a Missouri town located on a fault line, people began stockpiling supplies, while others left town completely. Browning reportedly used weather patterns to make his predictions, although his exact methods were never publicized. Although scientists didn't vocally deny Browning's claims, it was believed that they didn't support his prediction, since it's impossible to predict an earthquake. The earthquake never happened. In fact, the area has not faced an earthquake at the magnitude Browning predicted in the three decades since.
20. While kangaroos are known for their hopping abilities (they can jump about 25 feet in one go!), they are unable to go backward because their big feet and long tails prohibit any backward movement. This anatomical hindrance has since been used by their native Australia as a symbol. The kangaroo was reportedly included on the Australian coat of arms to represent the idea that Australia is a nation that is always moving forward.
21. And finally, Elouise Cobell, who was also known as Yellow Bird Woman, fought for Native Americans to have control over their land and finances. Cobell was born on the Blackfeet Reservation in Montana, where her family did not have running water or electricity. Her great-great-grandfather notably stood up to the US government in the 19th century. When Cobell was 4 years old, her father built a one-room schoolhouse that she attended until she was in high school. Cobell reportedly took notice of her family's complaints about the Bureau of Indian Affairs, an agency that many suspected mismanaged the profits from land and trusts owned by Native Americans.

Link to article

throwaway, for obvious reasons.
i (f17) trust my friends a lot and i believe if anyone decides to make me uncomfortable, sexually, it's what has happened to ME and it's MY information. MY choice who i tell about it.
from 2014-2019 i was sexually harassed thrice. all three times- i have seen my harasser every day IN SCHOOL (senior about 5-6 years older) knowing that he's gotten away and my parents didn't do anything about it; i've known that my harasser will never be found because he was just in my area once (delivery man) and will never be back; and i've known my harasser cannot be caught because i was too scared to tell anyone since my parents didn’t do anything the first time and my mom almost called that person home years later to fix our laptop. so, i mostly keep to myself and thus have very less guy friends.
this person (m17) was someone i trusted w my life. someone my parents trusted (which is very rare even with family friends) and everything was okay for a long time. one day out of the blue he replied to my instagram story which was just a picture of me in a fully covered dress standing in a place with a nice view. he referred to my boobs and said, “how are those coconuts so big?” i brushed it off. but it only got worse. this guy has commented a shit ton on my tits; said, and i quote, "give some [pussy] to eat since his ex is giving it to someone else"; said he'll wait for my boyfriend and i to break up; said he'll show me what a kiss is (this is when i finally told him that he's making me uncomfortable). and these are just the main highlights. every single time he did so i asked him to stop like, "what are you even saying", "shut up", "i’ll slap you"; until one day i finally told him that he makes me uncomfortable with the things he says. he didn't understand, didn't even try to and just said sorry like it was just a word. we have been in no to minimal contact ever since.
recently, i told someone else other than my sister and my boyfriend. she had gone through something with him which was vastly different but somewhat along the lines of her not letting him “do anything” with her (she’s his ex-girlfriend). this girl blocked him because of the things he was saying and doing (cheating throughout the relationship). they had a conversation today and the girl told him that he had been “a creep” to me too. he said i was lying. but he just told her i was lying. he very well came into my dms knowing exactly what has happened but blamed me for apparently not telling him what he did but telling her "someone who is already biased against him". that triggered me because i have on multiple occasions pointed it out to him. he continued blaming me for talking to someone else and not talking to him about it when i tried to multiple times and he was clearly not even realising that it’s wrong.

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You can watch Creed using the on-demand feature if you have a traditional cable subscription that includes TNT, truTV or TBS. Currently, it’s available on-demand at no extra cost through both of the channels listed above.
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If you’re looking for a streaming service that’ll act as a cable replacement, Sling ($40/month) and Hulu + Live TV ($69.99/month) are both great options that include TNT and TBS. These services also come with on-demand capabilities that’ll let you watch Creed.
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You can also buy or rent Creed from Amazon, Vudu, and Apple TV. It costs $3.99 to rent (rentals are available for 30 days and 48 hours once you’ve pressed play) and $7.99 to buy.
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Is John Wick: Chapter 4 Streaming Online?
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Well, not right now. In terms of the streaming release, John Wick: Chapter 4 will most likely follow the 45-day theatrical window before being available to stream online. Due to Amazon's multi-billion dollar acquisition of MGM (the franchise's production company), it's most likely that Prime Video will be the main platform that will stream John Wick: Chapter 4.
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Where to watch John Wick: Chapter 4 Online:
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As of now, the only way to watch John Wick: Chapter 4 is to head to a theater when it releases on Friday, March 3. You can find a local showing on Fandango. Otherwise, you’ll just have to wait for it to become available to rent or buy on digital platforms like Vudu, Peacock, Apple and YouTube, or become available to stream on Amazon Prime Video.
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Watch Now: John Wick: Chapter 4 Online Free ​​​​​​​
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Following its release in theaters, the film will be available to stream on Prime Video. Expect the movie to hit the streamer 45 days after its theatrical run, which should be sometime in April. it's most likely that Prime Video will be the main platform that will stream John Wick: Chapter 4.
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Will John Wick: Chapter 4 be on Netflix?
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No, John Wick: Chapter 4 will not be available on Netflix — at least not anytime soon, since it will be heading straight to Peacock after its theatrical release. In the meantime, you’ll just have to wait for it to become available on the NBCUniversal-owned streaming platform.
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Is John Wick: Chapter 4 streaming on HBO Max?
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John Wick: Chapter 4 is expected to stream on HBO Max at some point after its theatrical run. No official streaming release date for the movie has yet been given, but as it comes from Warner Bros., it will likely arrive on the platform after its cinematic debut barring some unprecedented events or a unique deal.
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Is John Wick: Chapter 4 streaming on Prime Video?
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After completing its huge $8.5 billion acquisition of MGM, the movie studio behind John Wick: Chapter 4, in March 2022, Amazon Studios will undoubtedly be making the film available to stream on their Prime Video platform.
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The first two Creed movies are available to watch on the streaming service, so it is just a matter of time before John Wick: Chapter 4 also makes an appearance. No official date has yet been set, but it will likely take a couple of months from the film’s theatrical release before it is available for streaming.
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Is John Wick: Chapter 4 Available On Hulu?
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Viewers are saying that they want to view the new movie John Wick: Chapter 4 on Hulu. Unfortunately, this is not possible since Hulu currently does not offer any of the free episodes of this series streaming at this time. It will be exclusive to the MTV channel, which you get by subscribing to cable or satellite TV services. You will not be able to watch it on Hulu or any other free streaming service.
There are a few ways to watch John Wick: Chapter 4 online in the U.S. You can use a streaming service such as Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon Prime Video. You can also rent or buy the movie on iTunes or Google Play. You can also watch it on-demand or on a streaming app available on your TV or streaming device if you have cable.
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What is John Wick: Chapter 4 About?
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John Wick: Chapter 4 continues the story of boxer Adonis Creed, son of Apollo from the Rocky movies. Here's the official synopsis from MGM:
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After dominating the boxing world, Adonis Creed has been thriving in his career and family life. When a childhood friend and former boxing prodigy, Damian, resurfaces after serving a long sentence in prison, he is eager to prove that he deserves his shot in the ring. But the face-off between former friends is more than just a fight, and to settle the score, Adonis must put his future on the line.
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John Wick: Chapter 4 Cast
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John Wick: Chapter 4 was written by Keenan Coogler and Zach Baylin. It was directed by Michael B. Jordan and stars the following actors:
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Released: 2023-03-22
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Runtime: 169 minutes
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Genre: Action, Thriller, Crime

I have said this to everybody that knows me. GET THE FUCK OUT OF THESE CLOWN COINS. This is the biggest Suckers rally ever. If anybody is dumb enough to buy this rally they deserve to loose all their money. If you were dumb enough to buy the only thing you should be doing is thanking the good Lord for this rally b/c its giving you an opportunity to dump your clown coins and come over to real commodities like Gold, Silver, Oil, Real Estate, hell even utility stocks. You can't have value created from nothing which is exactly what owning a bitcoin is, hoping to fool the next clown into buying it for a higher price.
People who own bitcoin and other clown coins have told me to see them in 10 years. It wont take that long, all these clown coins are going to crash with the Nasdaq. Don't send me hate messages again because you don't want to hear the TRUTH

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A rule breaking truck driver takes a forbidden detour.
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Don't Feed the Pumpkins
I'm typing this as a record of what has happened to me. If someone should find me out here, where ever here is, this is what happened and who is responsible. Also, out of the dozens of vehicles bogged down in this field, mine is the Blue Jay 2013 Freight Liner. If I should die and it is recoverable, it should go to my son, John Grainger in Antioch, Illinois.
I left Litchfield Illinois around 2pm on Halloween with a last-minute load of pumpkins destined for the Antioch Walmart. Despite the fact I was once that told Illinois is the #1 pumpkin producer in the country the itself state appears to be in the midst of a shortage. I was due in about 8pm, but I was trying get in by 6pm and after unloading, I was going to visit my wife Carly and my son for Halloween. It was going to be the first Halloween in my son's life that I was going to be there for trick o treating. My wife was making a big deal out of it and John was 10 now, so, she said he would be “scarred with disappointment” if I didn't show now. So, I probably should have gotten better sleep the night before and sue me, I was gear jamming and popping go-pills like popcorn. Don't look down on me, don't be fooled, this is just the nature of the trucking industry. Everyone does it and I'm not afraid to tell it like it is.
Just after Normal on 39 I hit a wall of traffic. I could hear on the CB that there is a hazmat incident up ahead and they require special teams to clear it off. I, like the other truckers, get to gabbing on the radio, looking for shortcuts. To my surprise, after scrutinizing this route several times before, I was informed about a “gutshot” shortcut just ahead that could get in me into my destination at least an hour earlier, even with the fact I had sat in the backup for at least 45 minutes at this point. A second comrade in gears piped in and stated that the shortcut was closed. The first driver contradicted him and stated, he had used it two weeks ago, it was wide open country land you could go 70 the whole way, and the only town along the way had burned down in an industrial accident 30 years ago. The second trucker chimed in again. He said it was closed for tonight and only tonight and not to use it. I disregarded the second trucker, exited the interstate and followed the directions of the first trucker.
Well, Carly, you always said it would be this way. You always said, I needed to learn how to follow directions to not cut so many damn corners all the time. You always told me didn't put in the work, and the funny thing is, for the first time, on this drive, get there, I did. Sure, I cut all the corners, but I wanted to to put in the work. But you're right, I never put a second of effort in, and if this is how it ends, I suppose you're right, I never will. But I guess, one way or another, you're getting what you've wanted, what you text me, what you don't tell me about, and what I didn't care about. I was coming home for him and damn it, I know it won't hold up in court but I want my boy to get the damn truck!
Anyway, I found the road, 2 lanes clear to the sky, surrounded by corn and then pumpkin fields forever. My straight shot, I pushed 80 the whole way flying on cracked asphalt, diesel, and go-pills. Ahead, there were barricades and I applied the brakes and barely stopped in time. I got out and saw they were chained up with a padlock to concrete posts in the ground. In theory, I could blast through them but I would sustain serious damage. The ground was a bit wet so I didn't think I could cross the ditch and field and not get stuck either. The barricades were not official in the least. They had a sign on them made out of it mailbox stick-on letters which said: “Do Not Feed The Pumpkins”. As far as I could see from my cab and binoculars, there was absolutely nothing wrong with the damn road. I said hell and I knew it would take hours to reverse course and get back in time – in time to even unload much less make it in time to go trick o treating.
And I said it wasn't worth it. I didn't bother to call. I'd just show up now. Because it wasn't my fault. So I started back, turning around with great difficulty. I traveled back 2 miles and saw small signs for a rest area. I must have missed it the first time, too deep into the zone I suppose now. I needed to pee and probably eat a bit before starting a roundabout way back, so I stopped. It was a little old 2 story joint with a small dinner on the 1st level and looked like 4 or 5 small motel rooms on top and oddly an outhouse for a restroom. I want to emphasize the outhouse because that is how you'll find and catch this guy, the guy who did this to me. It was Bill Shaw of Shaw's Shack, who did this to me. It had a sign with the building, it too was made of stick-on letters and vaguely resembled a huge ransom note. It read “Yes! We are open! We are the only rest area for 67 miles and 1 of 2 “tombstones” for the late great town of Pumpkin Grove Illinois – the former pumpkin capital of Illinois. Ask Your host, Bill Shaw about the Pumpkin-beef-bean stew!
The parking lot had three vehicles in it, not including my own, a silver Prius, a grand cheeroke with wood panels, and an older model chevy pick up truck. I went inside. The dinner was small, set in a rustic décor with old license plates nailed to the walls. The cafe had eight counter seats and two smaller tables near the two windows. There were two witnesses to what happened that night, to what Bill Shaw did – at least partial witnesses. There was the older man with stringy white hair and octagonal glasses – unfortunately, I didn't get his name. There was that irritating millennial – All I remember is the metal crap in her ears and lip. Hell, if I die and John starts ever pulling that crap, I'll come back and haunt the crap out of both of you. Anyway, now, I wish I could remember their names or something else about them to put here. I didn't care about either one of them enough to remember.
I guess that goes for Shaw too. He was a bit taller as sometimes I couldn't see his face while sitting at the counter because of the low lights in the ceiling blocking his face. He had gray hair. Hell. That's it. Anyway, the old man said he was part of a historical society, said he spent the better part of his past two years tracking down anyone or anything about Pumpkin Grove. The college student – of course – it was college student said she was from the school newspaper, looking for a spooky story. When she asked me where I was from, I didn't respond.
Shaw came from the kitchen with two big bowls of the famous Pumpkin-beef-bean stew for first two. He seemed taken back by my presence for a bit before saying “howdy” and trying to get real friendly with me. He asked what media I was from. I told him I wasn't from no media and I was trying to get through the barricade up ahead. Neither of the other two seemed to know about the barricade. Shaw said he didn't know anything about it either. I was suspicious of him then because of the lettering on the signs. But I didn't push it. I wanted to eat and he said my choice was the stew or stew. So the stew seemed fine. He said he wished he had more time to chat with me but he promised to tell the story of Pumpkin Grove to the two others but I was welcome to listen and ask questions. I didn't say it but I couldn't care less, I was going no where fast and I needed to eat.
He started off by saying he and his wife are among a handful of survivors of the fire that consumed the town of Pumpkin Grove some 30 years ago on Halloween night. Then his story descended into a cross between a rambling fading nightmare and a ghost story. He said, without hesitation, fear of consequence or remorse that he was accessory to a murder in his childhood. Specifically, some 40 years ago, again on Halloween, he was friends with a small group of young men including one named Donnie, who was a little slow and had a slightly misshaped head. He was picked on a lot by the Gerst Brothers, notorious town bullies and teenage thugs of a bad seed thanks to their neglectful alcoholic single father. Long story short, he said, the Gerst Brothers lured Donnie, himself and another 2 boys out to a pumpkin field where they gave back Donnie's missing dog. Apparently they kidnapped the dog and wrapped every inch of it in duct tape a few days ago. They watched us try to peel and pull the duct tape off while the weakened, hungry, and thirsty dog whimpered away its last in the field. Unbeknownst to any of us, Donnie had a pocket knife and he lost it as the Gerst Brothers cackled around him and the dead dog. He leaped up as they laughed and sliced the vein on their necks. One of the Brothers died quickly while Donnie and the two others fought the other to death. Shaw said he just stood there, covered in arterial blood splatters, watching Donnie and the others finish off the Gersts.
Much of the town was shockingly grateful to hear the Gerst Brothers were dead and everyone was all too happy to sweep it under the rug rather than have 4 of their sons incarcerated for decades when they were needed to help with the town's bread and butter – the Pumpkins. So, they buried the Gerst Brothers in that field and grew pumpkins on their corpses and no one really talked about it. The town paid off their father, who was too inebriated most of the time to care and he gleefully drank himself to death on the payoff only about a year later.
I didn't have much of a reaction to the story. The historian on the other hand, was hesitant to stay and keep writing and he made a brief protest concerning whether or not the story was true and whether or not he could legally listen to it. Shaw said it was both true and legal. After all, there was nothing left of the town and the remains were long gone and he himself, would not bare witness to himself. The college student's dumb metal encrusted mouth was agape in a mix of horror and disbelief.
I was waiting, patiently, might I add, for my stew. Shaw promised it would be up soon. He continued the story, stating that the fields produced abnormally well afterwards and 10 years later he was visiting his parents with his girlfriend for the annual Pumpkin fest. It was just that the pumpkins weren't just more numerous and larger, or more resistant to the rains and the fungus, they were alive and nothing could keep them tame or from spreading wider and wider. And everyone thought this was great at first, the profits were never higher but then weird things began to happen. Equipment went missing and two farm hands were crushed by a wagon full of pumpkins tipping over onto them in what was at first called a freak accident. Shaw recounted how he took his girlfriend through one of the patches and the vines seem to wind and grapple her legs, of course, Shaw's folks passed it off as her not being used to the mud but Shaw said he knew better.
Shaw continued to describe that over the days that led up to Halloween, the Jack O Lanterns on people's porches and elsewhere began to do some unusual things. Things like seemingly move by themselves from dusk to dawn, changing the carvings of their faces slightly, or appearing to “jump” off a table onto the porch without damage or apparent cause. On the morning of Halloween, Shaw said that he found his black cat, Lucky, incinerated in front of a jack o lantern as if it had breathed fire on to it from its mouth though they had long ago blown out the candle inside.
After the cat burning, the elderly man from the historical society tossed his spoon in his bowl. Shaw asked if something was wrong. The elderly man got up to leave and he said it tasted like bitter cold bull and his story was bull and thanked him for nothing. After checking the remaining contents of his bowl of stew, Shaw chased him out of the door, to his car, asking him what direction he planned to go home. When he peeled out of the parking lot he was headed southwest. Shaw came back in and threw up his hands.
I tell nothing but the truth, he said, most people can't handle it. Part of me wanted to go, but I was cozy there, it was warm and the story, while bull to me at the time, was entertaining enough. The SJW sitting down the way looked exhausted, barely keeping her eyes open as Shaw finished out the story. In short he said, Donnie approached him at dusk on Halloween while he and his family sat on the porch eagerly awaiting trick o treaters. Donnie said the Gerst Brothers are alive in the pumpkins and that they planned to burn the whole town down tonight. Donnie said, he had to tell Shaw because Shaw wasn't supposed to die, he was supposed to watch.
I rudely stopped him and demanded more stew. I was still hungry and the stew was somehow unsatisfying. When he returned, he finished the story, stating the town was suddenly engulfed in flames and their house in particular with Donnie on the porch, flash burned to the ground like napalm from an exploding pumpkin. He escaped with his family and his future wife in the pick up truck sitting outside now.
The college student said she felt like she needed to lay down, that she didn't think she could make back to the campus to the north. Shaw attended to getting her one of the rooms upstairs. I stayed down stairs and went to the back for more stew. I rubbed my eyes intensely and felt as if I too should stay for the night. But in the tug of war between fatigue and dexrine, the dexrine was slowly coming out ahead.
Next to the stew was a cutting board and a knife and on it was some bluish whitish powder which I found peculiar. On floor was a bottle of medication. It was Insomnex – a sleeping pill I use when I'm coming off of dexrine. The stew was dosed.
I ran to my truck and pulled out my dexrine and my revolver. As I climbed out of the driver's side, I could see Shaw running out of the dinner with a huge kitchen knife. I ducked under the trailer and back out on his side and pointed the gun at him.
What the hell I asked as I slowly advanced on him with my snub nose pointed at his head. He dropped the knife. He said, I just wanted to puncture your tires, I had to do something to stop you. I know you want to go north and I know you might be crazy enough and your truck tough enough to smash the barricades but I can't let you. I can't let anyone else go through, he said hysterically. I asked the dumb question about whether or not he set the barricades and just as I previously suspected, he did.
I'm supposed to watch, Shaw cried. No one can get through tonight, no can be allowed to. I told him to shut up as he rambled on about how he and his wife took it upon themselves to ward off travelers on Halloween Night. Its a cursed road tonight, he said, we're cursed to stay here and this is the best we can do to stop it from spreading. Its been calling us for 30 years, he went on, we tried to walk away but it kept on spreading, the pumpkins, he said gritting his teeth in anguish.
Maybe it was the dexrine and the insomnex working together, hell maybe it was the stew by itself but I just started to laugh as I guided Shaw back into the dinner and proceeded to duct tape him down to the dinner chair to make sure he could not cause anymore harm to anyone else until the police arrived. I had some cash on me, I wasn't a criminal, I wasn't going to make it seem like I tied him up and dinned and dashed, I was in the right, I was doing the lawful thing. So I left him exact change, no tip for the food. In the process of making change for myself, I found the padlock key in the cash drawer, I was certain of it at the time as I waved it in front of Shaw and he gasped and thrashed behind the duct tape the hardest.
I got into my truck and gunned it north towards the barricades, which, as I suspected was easily opened with the key I confiscated from Shaw. I got on my CB and started making emergency calls to the State Police, I gave them my name, the location of the diner, and Shaw's name. I was in the middle of nowhere so it didn't surprise me when I got static and no acknowledgment. I had no bars on my cell phone either but that is typical of central Illinois.
I was going along about 70. The sun was almost down but I hadn't seen the moon yet. I turned on the radio and found a classic rock station. The song was Born on the Bayou from CCR. The opening riff perked me up and reassured me that I had done everything all well and all good. If things held, there was a chance, I could get my freight unloaded and see John tonight. I was eagerly tapping the steering wheel waiting to bust into “When I was just a little boy...” But just as the lyrics should have entered, the radio station seemed to have accidentally reset the song, it just started over.
The sun faded away entirely and yet no moon came up. The sky was so dark but I didn't remember seeing any clouds or expecting any for that matter. The song continued restarting itself, the same opening again and again. I flipped through the other stations and all of them had it playing. Eventually, the digital clock on my dash began to spin wildly like the LCD numbers on the tuner while in scan mode. The truck buffeted and shook side to side despite my headlights showing no cause for it.
To my shock, ahead, in the distance was single traffic light. It was went from green, to yellow, and red, as any other traffic light but there were no lights or towns on this road. I slowed to 40, then 35 then to 30 as I entered an unnamed densely populated area with small buildings, stores, and houses and one traffic light. I came to a stop at the light and I looked around, locked my doors and tried to glimpse where I was. Where ever I was, I felt, I felt like I shouldn't be there. There were dim orange lights in some of the rooms of the houses at the edge of the intersection.
I looked up at one of the windows and I saw a figure with large head in the window. I couldn't believe my eyes at least not until the figure turned to face outward. It was a jack o lantern, a classic one with a black glow where the eyes, nose, and mouth sat. It was held up right by a thin vine structure that seemed to grow and stretch as it stuck its head out of the window and let out a barely audible shrill whistle and stared directly at me.
I gunned it. I blew the red light as the town seemed to collapse into nothing by dark green swelling pumpkin vine and a sea of glowing jack o lanterns in my side view mirrors. I hit the radio off because all I could hear on it was that whistle filtering through. I drove and the mass of jack o lanterns grew in the mirrors. I glimpsed the left and right windows and the plains were glowing black with more pumpkins rolling and creeping towards the road.
The road began to warp and bend as I started to red line my truck. The buffeting side to side became difficult to control as the engine groaned. I couldn't explain how the road began to shift nor how the moon, blood orange began to circle around me from horizon to horizon. Aside from the moon, I thought I was making progress as I couldn't see the vines nor the hundreds of blacklight pumpkins swirling after me.
The moon slowed and dipped down and I started climbing a hill. As I crested, the moon filled the entire windshield and more. It spun and then settled on a black light pumpkin face and bore down on the cab.
I don't know what happened next but I woke up in my cab. The was engine smoking. All I could see was mud and putrid rotten pumpkins as far as I could see. My Blue Jay was sunk up to the cab down in mud, vines and rot. It wasn't going anywhere in it without some serious assistance. To my right and left I saw dozens of other vehicles, most of them at least ten years old, also up their doors in mud and rot. Swarms of flies were visible all around in the boiling midday sun. I'm not really sure how long it has been or what time it really was because the clock on my phone is broken and simply reads as 99:99. I don't know what day it is. I have no cell signal and no radio.
Carly, I need to be honest with you. I cheated on you. Maybe a dozen times. I did it before I thought, before I knew you were doing it to me. I can't live by the rules of trucking, or marriage or anything. It is the road and you command it and that is the only rule. But now, I'm worried I've broken my last rule. I have no food and no water. There is no road here. There is only rule of a blazing sun with jack o lantern face that never sets. I fear that in time, unless I find help or help finds me, I will be feeding the pumpkins.
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Theo Plesha

Here’s a list of records I’d like to trade:
**Arlie - Wait (VMP Exclusive - SUPER rare EP - sealed)
Armand Hammer - Furtive Movements (VMP Exclusive - sealed- seam split on top)
Bruce Springsteen - Lucky Town (90s release - sealed)
Capcom - Street Fighter Alpha 3 boxset (Pink Swirl variant)
Danny Elfman - Big Fish (Green Barnes & Noble variant - sealed)
Death Grips - Bottomless Pit (unofficial - sealed - white)
Electric Wizard - Come my Fanatics… (Splatter variant - sealed - seam split on top)
Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine (VMP Exclusive - Green/Blue Swirl variant - sealed - seam split on bottom)
Green Jelly - Maximum Carnage (Red Black Marble - unofficial release)
Hermanos Gutierrez - El Bueno y El Malo (VMP Exclusive - sealed)
Hello Meteor - An Unfamiliar Place (Sky Blue Variant - sealed)
Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights (VMP exclusive - Red - sealed)
John Williams - Memoirs of a Geisha (Pink Marble Barnes & Noble variant - sealed)
**John Williams - Superman OST (Test Pressing - Mondo)
Kevin Wet - Hard Attack (Picture disc - explicit photo)
Konami - Silent Hill 2 (Silver Mondo variant - sealed)
Konami - GetsuFuma Den: Undying Moon (Red Black Smoke - sealed)
Khanate - Khanate (OOP)
**Lady Gaga - The Fame Monster (Deluxe Box Set from Urban Outfitters - VERY rare - sealed)
Laufey - Everything I Know About Love (VMP Exclusive - corner ding - sealed)
Napalm Death - Scum (Picture disc)
Oklou - Galore (black - sealed)
Operation Ivy - Energy (sealed - small cover dent)
PEGA 速力 - 新しい日 (Sealed)
Revolting Cocks - You Godamned Son of a Bitch (US press - VG+)
Sleep - The Sciences (Green vinyl - VG+)
**Sparklehorse: Box of Stars (sealed boxset - SUPER rare)
**that dog. - Old LP (Kickstarter yellow variant - includes thank you insert - signed by band!)
Towers - Towers (Blue and White Moonphase variant - 2020 release)
Ushirogami Hikaretai - うしろ髪ひかれ隊
Various - Steven Universe Vol 1 (10” collection - sealed)
悲しい ANDROID - APARTMENT - The Stars Through Your Eyes (Picture disc - sealed)
I also have a lot of rare vaporwave/future funk cassettes incl Bigwave, Neon City releases, etc.
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I’m mainly looking for raw keys, such as:
ASM 300
ASM 129
Ultimate Fallout 4
Uncanny X-men 140
Incredible Hulk 340
Uncanny X Men 167
Uncanny X Men 234
Batman 497
Savage She Hulk 1
Batman Adventures 12
Edge of Spiderverse 2
Darth Vader 3
Wolverine 1
Any hip-hop variants
I know I’m asking for some super rare keys, so I’ve included some $200-400 items (the ones with **) as trade bait. Also, I’m wide open as to offers for other raw keys!

Hi! I made a post earlier asking if anyone would be interested in me doing movie reviews for movies playing at the Rutgers Cinema, and I got a very positive response! This will be my first official post doing so, and I hope you all enjoy (and go support the movies!)
ENVIRONMENT
My friend and I had planned to see Scream 6 after we returned from the break, and we expected the theater to be PACKED--so much so that we booked our tickets for the 10:15 showing in advance. When we entered (around 10 p.m.) we found the lobby empty. I asked the cashiers (super nice dudes!) about the turnout and they said that there were two other people who had gotten tickets, with that number growing to around 6 once we sat down, which includes us. Every horror movie I have seen at the RU Cinema so far had a huge audience, which is my favorite way to watch the genre in theaters, so I was a little disheartened. Nevertheless, we settled in to watch with high hopes. Throughout the movie, it was pretty silent, but it didn't impact my watch and I was happy to have my friend (hi Lia!) to share my awful theories and opinions with.
REVIEW
I won't lie, I had some pretty significant expectations after seeing all of the marketing for the movie. I was involved in a fair amount of teaser and trailer analysis, and much to my surprise, the movie not only surprised me but exceeded these expectations!
The cold open was perfect. Samara Weaving is one of my favorite horror actress and she does not disappoint. EVER. It kept the conventions and tropes of the Scream franchise enough to satisfy long-time fans (me) while reinventing the formula in a pretty major way. I find that a lot of franchises have issues adapting their sequels and reboots into the modern age, with a lot of stilted references pop culture that really kill the vibe and ruin your immersion. However, just like the franchise, each new iteration of Ghostface has developed with the times beautifully.
Character-wise, I will say that almost all of my criticisms lie here. Melissa Barrera, for all of her talents, just cannot keep her character afloat amongst the far more interesting characters surrounding her. Sam was my least favorite character in the past movie, rivaled only by her boyfriend, and while she does improve immensely and has an EXTREMELY satisfying arc, I never found myself caring for her more than the others--which is a shame, since she has set up to be the main protagonist. I think that is actually where the problem lies, but I know others might disagree. I enjoyed the returning characters otherwise and thought the usage of the legacy characters was done well.
I'm a bit torn on the reveal. I have too many thoughts to be able to properly separate them out for this review, but I'll just promise this--I suspect it will be VERY polarizing. At the very least, it was for me!
The kills... oh, the kills! This is where the movie shines. I've seen the word "brutal" being thrown around in reference to each attack, and while I think that fits, I really can't fully describe the direction that they've gone with without spoiling some of the film. Just know, for the bloodthirsty fans of Scream who wanted more from the last installment... you won't be disappointed.
(Also, a little challenge for savvy watchers--if you see someone bleeding from the mouth, check the shape of their cheeks. Those blood packs take up a lot of space!)
My final thoughts review-wise are that you can't watch this movie with a stick up your ass. Yes, characters die when they shouldn't and survive when they shouldn't. Yes, some of the violence is unrealistic (though, IMO that's what makes it fun). Scream as a franchise exists in its own bubble of realism at this point, so don't watch Scream 6 as a horror movie--watch it as a part of the Scream franchise. You'll have a much better time letting loose and enjoying yourself that way.
RECOMMENDATION
Go see it. Seriously. Even if you've never seen a Scream movie, even if you're not a horror fan, go watch it. It far surpasses the previous film and I would genuinely put it on par with the first film. Maybe don't bring a friend if they have a weak stomach, but everyone has different limits. Regardless, GO SEE IT! We need more people in movie theaters, so don't just wait for it to inevitably go to streaming. Plus, RU Cinema is insanely cheap compared to other theaters, just remember to bring your ID.
RATING
Like I said before, I am more than pleased with this installment. I gave it an 8/10 on my Letterboxd, but I'm hovering between that and a 9/10 upon more reflection. Right now, I'll settle at 8.5/10 just to ease my mind.
I hope you all enjoyed this review! PM me if you'd like a more in-depth and not spoiler-free review. Also, please let me know your thoughts for wha you've seen this week!
NEXT REVIEW: John Wick: Chapter Four

Posting here, should anyone look for more feedback than just Steam Reviews.
​
Played about 11 hours so far, with a few short games and then one that lasted for about 6 hours to see just how far you can get. Even with it being EA, I was pretty impressed. The game caught my eye based on the C&C visuals and vibe and honestly is playing better than some phone Tower Defense games I have tried out. A long game like the one I had was certainly challenging due to the lack of additional research, but I have it wishlisted and will certainly give the game a more in-depth playthrough when there is more to do.
​
Some thoughts:
Pros:
-Simple game play that might have you losing a few matches at first, but once things can be researched I think it becomes pretty easy to keep growing and expanding.
-While everything is pixeled, the layout and feel is also easy to get used to. It didn't take much to figure out how to build things with some efficiency to keep unlocking more space.
-Pixelation Filter is nice! Feels fun to turn it on and gives that old game vibes, but off the game is pretty clean and sharp looking!
-2x and 4x Speed option is nice and the game doesn't seem to suffer much for it. I know plenty of TD's that just break past 2x speeds, even if they offer higher.
-My Pros list is short as its still EA, but I've already suggested it to a few of my friends as a simple time sink while we have downtime.
Cons/Suggestions:
--The turret audio gets wildly intense at times and I often played with the volume nearly at zero. After several hours on one map, the audio was just a total mess of "under attack/turret lost" and mine + enemy gunfire going rampant. I know this is a hard one to address, but if 30 guns are firing, I would limit that sound clip to only a few playing vs every single one going off.
--When you are placing anything, such as a wall and you accidentally click another object while in placement mode, it deselects that and selects the new thing. If in placement mode, disabling the ability to select something would be clutch. Otherwise, I frequently place a wall, click a turret, have to mouse back to the wall, select it and go back into trying to place it and hope I didnt lose the turret behind it (I did). Then you have to also re-place the turret and run into a similar problem. Later in the game, this is really painful with walls being blown away instantly and trying to replace your defenses. Typically it was just me letting a huge swath of defense getting destroyed, then trying to rebuild it all between waves or after the blob moved on.
--Boss HP bars are nice, at first, but at one point I had I think 6 or 7 and it consumed nearly 50% of my screen, making it difficult to see paths and build things.
--No mass repair option, or even a choice to auto-repair. Being able to toggle that for say, just walls, just turrets, etc, would be really nice. Otherwise, I stopped using the repair at all and just let stuff die and then replaced it. Only really used the repair on my HQ as needed.
-Turrets have the ability to shoot different things based on the priority you choose, but a 'deadliest' or 'boss' first would be neat! I set a pile of turrets to shoot highest HP thinking that would work, but it looked like they would switch to something else after some damage was done, moving to a higher HP unit because it was new in that targeting range. They don't stick to the boss or the bigger threats. Tried this with several settings to see if I could find one to do this, but didn't find one that worked.
-No mass select for turrets. Having to manually select each one to change priorities is a slow, tedious process.
-On the main home page and when loading, the camera shakes/tries to be dynamic in movement but its just really disorienting. It can follow the unit but it swinging around does not feel thematic or needed. Loading a map the cannon fires and the screen zooms in/out at a tilted angle. I think a little wiggle here is okay, but the zooming tilt effect is a bit much.
-No pause feature. Opening the research panel and it pausing would be nice, or an overall option to pause. Its not a huge con and I get why there might not be one. Still, it can be pretty useful. UI: --The UI isn't bad, especially again in EA and really gives that old C&C feel. However, a few things complicate the game:
--No shortcuts for buildings, if you misclick during placement, you have to go re-select it.
--Opening the research window in a game, its always stuck in a weird place with the camera in the upper right. Have to use WASD to reposition it every time. If its going to open in a static place, maybe a zoomed out full view is better, like it is on the main home page. Makes it easier to zoom into what I need to see.
--Text in the research descriptions is all different. Font size is huge for some titles, with tiny red & green text that's a little hard to see. You have to zoom in a good bit to read it clearly. Feels like the description box is a set size and the text is trying to squeeze into that space.
--The 'Expand' button on multiple playthroughs covers building space. Can you make it only pop up when you hover over the dome?
-Not every time, but most my games when I build the Radar, the spot for it still has the silver background, some games its all black.
Huge wall of text, thanks for reading it all if you did! I know the game is EA, but this is going to be something I keep an eye on and I really think its good so far and has tons of potential! Thanks for your hard work and I am looking forward to seeing the direction you take it :D

Something's missing. People (and entities) are starting to notice.
First Previous
***
Far across the multiverse in a tavern that, depending on one’s point of view, may or may not have actually existed, Zeb, Petunia, Bethany, Bergamot, Cleve, and Zilandrial sat at a large wooden table.
“Thank you, Shauna,” Bergamot said as a buxom woman in a low-cut peasant dress filled their mugs with a “magic” pitcher of beer that never ran dry. “You don’t have to serve us, you know.”
“Oh, I know,” Shauna replied brightly, “but I am a barmaid. Besides, I am not giving up my magic pitcher!” she added with a laugh. “The next batch of stew should be out in a second.”
“If it is as good as this bread…” Cleve said, holding up a thick, floppy piece of flatbread.
“Better!” Shauna exclaimed. “The pantry keeps filling back up with the best stuff! It’s almost a shame to make stew out of it, but the “fancy” chef went to the “fancy” place. We just figured out the roaster thingy, so we’ll be serving roast fowl as soon as the first batch cooks!”
Shauna paused and took a big drink from her pitcher.
“It turns out that you just had to talk to it. Weird… But no weirder than anything else, I suppose. You guys want to wait for the roast fowl?”
“We shouldn’t tary,” Zeb replied, “We don’t know how long this blessed peace will last.”
“Maybe it’s over?” Bethany the Tinker, now reunited with her beloved hat, asked.
“One can hope,” Zeb shrugged as he drank deeply from his tankard, “but I’m not delaying my repast, and neither should you. When you have fiends like Pantsu and F10w3rchy1d in play, things can get much worse than they already are.”
“Worse?!?” Bergamot exclaimed in horror.
***
Melinda the Stalwart was starting to believe that she should have stayed in bed today.
It was supposed to be her day off! Yeah, things were starting to get “weird,” but with all of those high-rated champions running around up north, it was probably going to get handled pretty quickly… and she was tired of chasing around after their scraps.
Her copper-rated ass was sitting this one out. The fact that everyone had gone gank-crazy just further confirmed that she had the right idea.
So, she decided to head back to the royal city of Raven’s Peak to take advantage of the richer and more powerful adventurers running off to the north, leaving all the armorers, enchanters, alchemists, and publicans in town behind.
It was nice not constantly getting shoved out of the way by stronger champions and ignored by shopkeepers far more interested in their gold than her silver for once.
It started out as such a lovely day, too!
She awoke in a lovely bed at the Blade and Wand, her absolute favorite inn, and a place where it was nearly impossible to get a room without a reservation or a lot more status than she had. There, she enjoyed a wonderful breakfast, at a discounted rate no less, and then went out for a day of crowd-free shopping!
It. Was. Bliss! There were no lines, and all of the storekeepers and craftsmen were all too happy to not only serve her and her meager purse but actually take time to chat!
Then, for lunch, she decided to visit the main branch of the adventurer’s guild, where she had an honest-to-gosh hamburger and fries along with some cider. After that, the plan was to get some training or maybe buy a buff or two…
Well, that was the plan, anyway.
What actually happened was that her wonderful burger, which she could never get under normal circumstances (they were always sold out before a copper-rated nobody could get their coppers taken), was interrupted by the most unholy screams she had ever heard inside or outside a dungeon.
She barely had time to stand before the doors to the guild offices exploded outward, and a demon covered in spikes and flames charged into the main hall.
That looks just like the guildmaster, was about all she had time to think before the fiend was on her.
***
“What’s happening?!?” Melinda cried in terror as she hurtled through absolutely nothing.
(Shh bby is ok)
“H-hello?” she called.
(😊)
“W-who are you? What happened to me?”
(Shh bby is ok)
“Am I… Am I dead?!?”
(is ok)
“Oh, it is definitely NOT okay! Who are you, and what the hell happened?”
The bedbug sighed with exasperation as it bounced off an invisible barrier again.
It had taken too long. The soul was starting to wake up.
Before much longer, it would start to get wiggly. It hated it when they began to wiggle.
Not knowing exactly what else to do, it let out a little ping.
It was answered by thousands of its kind! They couldn’t get through either, so they were having a rave! Awesome!
With a happy little (woo!), it zipped off towards the largest concentration of pings dragging an increasingly indignant Melinda the Stalwart along whether she wanted to or not.
***
“Hahaha!” Tawdry laughed into a prepaid “burner phone” her parents didn’t know about. “I can’t be-lieve you got me fucking grounded, you skank!”
“You’re still grounded?” Claudia snickered, “You diminished that badly?”
“It’s my parents. I managed to talk them down to a week without brain fucking them too hard. Besides, this cell is a lot nicer than the holes you used to stick me in. I’ll just do my time and be done with it. Besides, it will give our friends time to leave town since someone can’t manage to find a freaking truck.”
“First of all, fuck you,” Claudia laughed, “Second of all, thanks for getting that bastard to show up in a park and chase you across all of that nice soft turf. We got a lot of data we didn’t have before.”
“Like what?”
“Like its estimated mass, tire treads, a few lovely material samples where it nailed a park bench while trying to kill you… oh, and confirmation that it actually materializes and dematerializes. We can only assume the little bitch does the same thing. Too bad you couldn’t actually lay hands on her.”
“She was slippery, okay?” Tawdry chuckled.
“Hey,” Claudia said, “before Evika and her party ganked you, did they say anything about whom they were working for, or did they mention a little blonde girl named Petunia… or Pantsu?”
“No, they just said hi and blew my head off. Oh! Stephen did say that David finally confessed to Evika!”
“Took him long enough,” Claudia laughed, “Think he has a chance?”
“I know he has one,” Tawdry replied, “Evika’s gonna drop those drawers any second.”
“Good for her.”
“You said that Robert the Golden Peckerhead got sent back?”
“Yeah, and he is not adjusting well,” Claudia replied, “We have him in a ‘special’ inpatient facility where we are keeping the people with ‘issues’.”
“You got a lot of ‘patients’?”
“Not as many as you would think,” Claudia said, “Not everyone is happy about things, but there is something to be said about not having to sleep with a dagger under your pillow.”
“True that,” Tawdry replied. “High school is a pain, but being able to go out for pizza without an enraged wife (or husband) trying to shank you is nice.”
“Careful,” Claudia laughed, “Enraged spouses here might have a gun. You might want to go easy on the adultery this time around. There is also no magic contraception, and cure disease potions aren’t for sale in every town.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Tawdry groaned. “Doesn’t really matter, though. I might as well be a nun these days.”
“You can’t be diminished that much!”
“I am not into kids, and any man worth screwing isn’t into jailbait. I’m the exact opposite of screwed… Speaking of, you did mention a possible trip to Denmark?”
“Aren’t you grounded?”
“I won’t be next week!”
“And how will you explain your sex tourism to your folks?”
“Let me worry about my folks,” Tawdry replied, “You worry about that plane ticket!”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Claudia replied with a chuckle.
Natasha! Come down for dinner!
“I’ll be right there!” Tawdry yelled.
“I gotta go. It’s taco night…”
Tawdry grinned.
“Speaking of tacos, did you get that camel toe fixed yet?”
“And just when we were even, too!” Claudia laughed. “Your little suggestion has everyone looking at my snatch… including me, and I know it’s bullshit!”
“Ha! Is your new fuck toy looking?”
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Detective Martin! I know you have a thing for that whole world-weary crusader vibe. And don’t think I didn’t see you checking out his ass, either.”
“I have the same problem you do,” Claudia sighed, “worse even. The sort of man I like certainly won’t be messing around with a ‘kid’, even if I am ‘legal’.”
“Yeah, you do like them a bit crusty, don’t you? How about finding some rich asshole who is having a mid-life crisis?”
“I will repeat myself. The sort of man I would like isn’t interested… and won’t be for years.”
“Meh. You’re not giving yourself enough credit… and giving them far too much of it.”
“Well, Slaker turned me down cold… goddamn chain of command…”
“No! You tried to give it up to Slaker?”
“Wouldn’t be the first time…”
“No way! I need details, all of them!”
“Well…”
Natasha! Dinner!
“I have to go,” Tawdry said, “but this is not over!”
***
Vroom? an old Peterbilt truck revved as it sat in a remote corner of a truck stop in the middle of nowhere.
“Still nothing,” the little girl huffed. “How can an entire universe disappear?”
Vroom… Vroom?
“Let’s hope not,” the girl replied, “Even so, he wouldn’t abandon us!”
“What?” the spirit asked with alarm.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” the little girl replied.
“Doesn’t sound like nothing.”
“Okay,” the little girl replied, “There is a remote chance that our boss has had to… um… cease operations and relocate. It hasn’t happened in a really long time, but it has happened.”
“Does that mean that I’m stuck?!?”
“No, of course not. It just means we might have to wait until we’re collected.”
Vroom.
“He won’t forget us!”
VroOoom…
“Hey! Don’t even start talking like that! We’ve done good work for the boss on several worlds. He won’t just discard us!”
“What do you mean, discard?”
“Just watch your anime, weeb,” the little girl snapped. “He hasn’t abandoned us, and he won’t forget us. He’s just… um…”
Vroom.
“I don’t know, alright!” the little girl replied angrily, “I have no idea where those others came from. All I know is that we didn’t squish them.”
VvvrOom.
“If he had another team, I would know about it!”
Vroom?
“I just would, okay! WE AREN’T GETTING REPLACED!... I’m… I’m going to get some air, maybe a Coke or something.”
The little girl threw open the door to the cab angrily and hopped out.
“Hey!” the spirit yelled, “See if they have any audiobooks!”
***
We’ve been abandoned… the little girl thought to herself as she prowled the truck stop trying not to panic.
She had to keep it together for Truck-Kun… and their new companion. If she fell apart, Truck-Kun would, too, and who knows what the spirit would do. He was two seconds from making another run for it as it was.
She paused by a rack of dusty old audiobooks on CD. Now that wasn’t something she had seen in a bit.
Thankful for the distraction, she started perusing the titles. Some of them were things she hadn’t already read (or listened to).
She grabbed a few for herself and then started looking for something appropriately nerdy for her new guest.
She might have murdered them in cold blood, but that was no reason not to be a good host.
She was so distracted by her own troubles and the audiobooks that she didn’t notice that she was being followed until the guy’s shadow fell around her.
She then became aware of his oily aura and smiled.
All work and no play…
“Hello, little girl…”
She looked up at him with an innocent expression and doe-like eyes.
“Hi.”
***
Truck-Kun quietly ground his gears as he watched a beat-up RV pull onto the highway.
Vroom, he grumbled as he put himself in gear and started to follow.
“What?” the spirit asked.
About half an hour later, Truck-Kun pulled over next to an RV that was parked on the side of the highway.
The door opened, and the little girl hopped out, holding a paper bag.
Vroom, the truck revved disapprovingly.
“Such a nice man,” the little girl said impishly as she plopped into the driver’s seat, and the truck drove away.
“Are those bloodstains?” the spirit asked as he pointed at the bag.
“What answer would you prefer?” the girl asked as she pulled out a half-filled fifth of vodka and most of a pack of smokes graciously donated by the nice man in the RV (it wasn’t like he was going to be needing them).
Vroom.
“I know I quit,” the girl replied as she put one in her mouth. “Give me a break. My nerves are shot.”
Vroom.
“Yes, shot enough to smoke menthols!”
The little girl lit up and drew heavily on the cigarette, exhaling a lovely smoke ring.
Vroom!
“So, crack a window!”
Vroom! Vroom! Vrooooom!
“You can’t smell, and you know it! So please, cut me some slack. I’ve had a bad day,” she said as she turned up the bottle of vodka like it was Juicy Juice.
Vroom!
“I know you’ve had a bad day, too,” the girl said as she wiped her mouth, “Want me to get you some fuel treatment at the next stop, maybe some starting fluid?”
Vroom.
“Okay, and a new air freshener, maybe some of those fuzzy dice you like? Deal?”
Vroom!… Vroom?
“As a matter of fact,” the little girl said as she pulled out a wad of bills. “the nice man did keep his cash on him.”
Vroom! the truck revved happily.
***
“Jesus!” Gary Martin, formerly Detective Martin, winced as he looked inside an abandoned old RV the following day.
“Say what you want about her,” Claudia Smythe said as she ate a corn dog. “but she is thorough.”
“We think the girl did this?”
“Matches her MO,” Claudia shrugged as she flicked the corn dog stick aside. “And we have surveillance footage at the truck stop. The asshole was talking to someone small, the cameras didn’t get a good shot of the kid, and eyewitnesses state that he was in the company of his ‘daughter’ when he left.”
“You said this was her MO. She’s done this before?” Gary asked.
“She rolls guys like this for their pocket change. We’re not sure if it’s how they finance their operations or if she just does it for fun, but this is the third one this year.”
A well-dressed and very young man in sunglasses approached the pair.
“Sir Lark,” Claudia said without turning around. “We have an ID on this guy yet?”
“Boris Veetch,” the young man said. “a registered sex offender with an active warrant for skipping out on his parole.”
“Yeah, she likes those,” Claudia shrugged. “Nobody will mourn his passing. He was easily ensnared, and he probably was carrying cash.”
“And she is professional bait,” Gary shrugged. “He was slime, but I’m not sure even he deserved what happened to him, though. What sort of monster would do something like this?”
“You just answered your own question,” Claudia replied, “a monster.”
“If you think this is bad," Lark said as he started photographing the scene, "You should see what a pack of goblins will do if they get the chance."
“Considering what we now know,” Claudia said with a shrug, “this trail is beyond cold. Even if they couldn’t do the whole disappearing act, they could be in any of several states by now. We’ve lost them… again.”
She looked over at Gary.
“Just as well,” she added, “We need to get you processed and briefed… agent.”
She smiled.
“Welcome to the Temporal Protection Agency.”
***
Deep within the deepest dungeon on Asteria Prime, a monstrous giant of a spider fidgeted uncomfortably.
“H-hello… boss,” it said nervously, “T-to w-what do we owe the honor of your visit?”
Frostie smiled an icy smile that filled the giant spider with horror.
“Oh, I was just in the area and thought I would give my friends here,” she said, indicating The Great Erectus, The Herald, and Cuddles, “a tour.”
“O-of c-course!” Log’Sharingoth LXXXIII stammered as their legs twitched miserably. “W-would you like a guide?”
“That would be lovely,” Frostie smiled. “Where’s Pantsu? I think she and The Big Guy over here would get along famously.”
“S-she isn’t available, boss.”
“Not even for me?”
“I-I apologize,” Log’Sharingoth said nervously, “but she isn’t here right now?”
“Well, where did she go?”
“I-I’m not sure, boss…”
“Okay, how about Nova?”
“S-she’s not here, either.”
“Shai-Vai-Loshara?”
“Um…”
“Steve?”
Log’Sharingoth made a whining bubbling noise as they shrank away.
“Why don’t you just tell me who is missing and exactly what the fuck is going on?” Frostie said with an angry gleam in her eye.
***
“…and I don’t know where anyone is!” Log’Sharingoth wailed miserably. “And everything is going wrong, the players almost rioted, and the physics engine threatened to quit! I didn’t know what to doooo!!!”
“And at no point did it occur to you to call me?” Frostie asked with a frightening edge to her voice.
“Pantsu told me not to!!!”
Frostie let out a long-suffering sigh. Of course, the current Log’Sharingoth wouldn’t go against Pantsu. It was horribly unfair to expect otherwise.
“I’m not going to come down on you because of what she did,” Frostie said a bit more gently. “However, since I now clearly know something is amiss, anything you can tell me will be of great value.”
“I-I’m not in trouble?”
“Not from me,” Frostie replied, “and Pantsu won’t be giving you any problems after I’m done with her.”
Frostie paused.
“So, this glitched Pantsu, where is it now?”
“Pantsu had me send it to Tartarus! I’m sorry! But she said to!”
“Sounds like the only sensible thing she’s done thus far,” Frostie replied.
“I didn’t want to, but she told me to do it!”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Frostie shrugged, “sounds like the perfect place for it. Wait. She told you?”
“Yes, Boss!”
“That means you have a line of communications?”
Log’Sharingoth’s multiple eyes all widened with fear.
“Y-yes?”
“Call her and tell her to give me her location… now.”
“Y-yes boss…”
Log’Sharingoth fell silent for a few moments.
“Um… Boss?”
“Let me guess,” Frostie said, “You can’t reach her, can you?”
“No, Boss.”
“Fine,” Frostie grumbled. “We do this the hard way. You’ve done a great job, considering everything.”
“I have?” Log’Sharingoth asked hopefully.
“You have,” Frostie said reassuringly. “Keep doing what you’re doing, and I’ll send a crisis response team to help out in the meantime.”
“A… A crisis response team?” Log’Sharingoth asked fearfully.
“You didn’t think you were getting off Scot free, did you?” Frostie laughed as she and her companions disappeared.
“…Ssssshit,” Log’Sharingoth hissed as she stalked off into the shadows.
***
The hominid looked around at their new surroundings.
Everything was white. The floor was white. The walls were white. The furniture was white…
Even the plants were white…
And everything was spotless.
“Interesting décor,” he said after a few seconds.
“They like to keep things tidy,” Frostie replied as she took a seat on one of the white couches.
“They?” the ape-man asked dubiously as Cuddles slipped one of her tentacles into The Herald’s hand.
He gently gripped it, causing Cuddles to suppress a delighted squeal.
“Playtime is over,” Frostie said in a matter-of-fact tone. “I’m calling in my real operatives.”
“Jesus!” The Great Erectus exclaimed as a spotless white door opened, and a short, slender blue male amphibian-like biped in a white tunic bearing a three-headed dog embroidered with platinum thread walked in.
“You never told me you had… them!”
“Oh, you are familiar with their kind?”
“Those little monsters are responsible for the death of entire universes! Every time there is a parallel manifestation of those… monsters… entire galaxies die.”
“They can be a handful,” Frostie said pleasantly, “But I’ve found them incredibly valuable over the years… for that very same reason. These do come from much more reasonable stock from a much more reasonable ancestor... Maybe 'reasonable' is pushing it a little,” Frostie added with a laugh. "Reasonable for one of them, at least."
The blue amphibian smiled pleasantly and blinked his huge amber eyes, their pleasant hue replaced with a whirling madness of color.
“Hello, Hades,” Frostie said with a smile. “It has been quite a while. How have you been?”
“Bored,” Hades replied. “I trust you have come to alleviate that?”
“Most definitely,” Frostie replied. “Awaken the others…”
“…It’s time to hunt.”

​
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https://www.buzzsprout.com/371360/8844528
Transcript: https://www.johannadraconis.com/episode-81-100

Intro [0:00]

Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we do things a little bit different. With this being the 100th episode, I thought it would be a good time to redo the introduction, as quite a bit has changed since then.
We will go chronically from my earliest years to the most recent perspective. I will summarize a lot to keep the size manageable and try to avoid being graphic or anything the like. This should help not to overwhelm people.
I have more information in episode 1 and there will be more on the website or in doubt just ask me. That being said - lets get started.
​

Early years [0:47]

We start… with me being a baby. Even that early the abuse started, not that I have any memories of that, but there are family videos with strong indication of what is happening off screen, but not off sound. The body remembers and it causes a unique trauma.
I suffered through every version of trauma at least once, except being penetrated - before I even entered primary school around age 6. This also includes the torture. I also lived in constant fear of dying through the whole time. Non stop. 24/7.
I had a main abuser, no not my parents, but also a wide array of lesser abusers in my family. I was able to identify some now on the narcissism spectrum - which is rather hard given the subject matter.
So one can say I have an extensive knowledge about trauma - to put it mildly. Despite being the perfect little girl they told me to be, so the bad things wouldn’t happen. And did I try to be that good girl. But it was set out to fail from the start.
​

It gets worse [2:12]

And it only gotten worse from there - as in starting around age 6. Besides the daily beating - the other behaviors became more and more escalating. All while the daily beating just got worse and will end up causing nerve damage in my arms.
Which was a trade in for my brain, that I desperately tried to protect and succeeded to do so. But as bad as the beating were, they were on a schedule. The surprise attacks during the day were worse and more dangerous.
While in the evening it was just to let out all the anger - during the day he exploded and had no limits how far things could go. This was when he went the farthest and was the most unhinged. Where he liked to experiment. Where my suffering was the focus.
Around age 12 it started getting more towards psychological torment. Despite that, one of the consequences was that my body started to deteriorate slowly, but steadily. Something I still feel the consequences of to this day… and likely will stronger in the future.
At age 16+ it came to a showdown which ended with the whole ordeal ending… the physical side mostly at least. But my mental state nonetheless kept getting worse - slowly, but inevitably.
​

Breakout and the time after [3:48]

Until it completely broke out during my psychology study. It is truly never a good sign to see your symptoms on the screen during class… I remember just thinking “Fuck me”. I also knew I had to move fast and get help ASAP.
Despite my attempts to get help as soon as possible - no one accepted me. I was an old case. Hopeless. The chances of treatment were low and no spots available or none at least for an old case.
I ended shortly in a spot with an unfinished psychology student, but had to give that up, when my state worsened and I had to move back with my mother. There I got no help. Which meant I was doomed to die.
It gotten worse and worse. I was in a state of intense pain, it felt like my body was torn apart, but slowly and without me dying. I slept… when I could… in short patches. Hours of sleep became more and more a rarity.
Even if I slept I had horrific nightmares and kept waking up. I couldn’t eat. When I was able to eat I just stuffed my face to not starve. I couldn’t focus - I could barely do anything at all. This was PTSD in end stage for me. Agony - without any chance of distraction.
​

The End of the line [5:24]

Which lead inevitably to the end of the line for me. My body told me, that I was a few months at best away from dying. Whatever I was doing needed to change. That was the point, where I decided I couldn’t make things worse - as if I am an optimist.
But there was literally no other choice besides lying down to die and that was never my way. So - not an option. I had no hope of healing, I just tried to apply my knowledge to reduce my suffering and make my remaining time less painful.
I was actually shocked how easy and successful I was - despite it taking weeks to do so. I had no help, the support of my surrounding could be boiled down to “Are you healed yet?”, despite knowing C-PTSD was incurable. At least to our knowledge back then.
Suffering less and getting more time sounded like a pretty good deal to me, so I tried again. And kept going and going and going… until after years I had bitten enough down and had conquered my first C-PTSD. I was healed, but not cured.
Which meant now I had the choice, do I return back to normal life or continue what I started? And… after that absolute agonizing experience I decided I want to NEVER EVER deal with this nightmare again.
So I went underground to deal with it once and for all. In the end with great success. Better than anything I had dared to dream for.
​

Survivors guilt and this podcast [7:17]

Now that I was fully cured I tried to get to the club meeting of C-PTSD cured people, and as I had taken so long with all those wrong paths I had chosen and with no help - I lost track of many of my fellow sufferer on the way. I thought I was dead last.
The club house was empty. And it dawned on me what happened to those I lost track along the way. I knew the state of others. That was the moment I developed survivor’s guilt and got my PTSD symptoms back. Which slowly started to escalate again.
I will stick to my comparison of a burning building. You get out, completely blinded still by the smoke that made seeing inside almost impossible. Only to discover you are the only one who made it out of the building - while you can still hear the screams.
Or sometimes only the body that is left from their attempt. What do you do in such a situation? Going back in isn’t going to do any good. So you try to shout instructions. Which is how the idea of this podcast was born.
The plan was to give the instructions on how I left the building and help so others to leave the building.
​

Changing the theme and therapy [8:48]

While preparing and doing the podcast I began to cure myself from more and more C-PTSD s and PTSD s, that I had to change my position on either you have it or you don’t - and started making a list. I also kept learning about PTSD and everything around it.
During the podcast I realized, that I hadn’t gotten any help not only because I was an autist and it was harder, but also because how horribly bad the situation was for everyone. How lacking resources and information and available treatment was.
Which made me change my podcast to cover more and me starting to offer therapy. But then - once again - tragedy hit at the second half of last year and I was confronted with a horrendous situation that would last for months and cause a cluster trauma.
This lead me to cancel and stall my plans. But the worst was that at the end of the last year - I had to deal with 3 cluster traumas at the same time. That was a lot - even for me. While my success wasn’t in question - that did block and slow down me quite a bit.
Which lead to a noticeable chaos and change in podcast - which I am sorry for, but it was outside of my control. The aftermath of it sadly still causes for stumbling in my everyday now and then. Nothing serious, but enough to cause trouble occasionally.

The silver lining [10:46]

I want to end this episode on a silver lining after all this rather dark content. I gained intense and deep knowledge of trauma and how it is structured and works. This knowledge I believe can be used to help so many people who have little hope right now.
My trouble with putting that knowledge into words that people understand is sadly the biggest slowdown and something I can’t just change, because the reason is my autism. Which also makes it possible for me to visualize PTSD.
And this helped me to be able to say, that I can cure a base C-PTSD within a few months. It of course depends on how strong the patient is going and if life doesn’t sabotage. Which it realistically does most of the time. That is just how it is.
This is what makes me hopeful - that my experiences will help eradicate or at least constrain this illness as much as possible. And rid humanity of this bane as much as possible.
​

Outro [11:56]

That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it insightful. Hope you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/Podcast, information regarding therapy you can find under johannadraconis.com/therapy/ and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.

Hey, this page helped me a lot. Got hit with a 2 day notice drug test. Just used someone else pee and it worked. Gonna give back and share my story. https://www.reddit.com/drugtesthelp/comments/11wqznd/run_down_on_how_to_use_someone_else_pee/jczm75o/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3 Pretty much followed what this guy said. However, I heated mine on the stove up to 107-109 and then it would cool down to 98 degrees in 30 mins and 96.5 degrees in an hour. Do test runs. I checked right before I went in and my temperature was 98. Medium sized orange pill medicine bottle was barely just enough, so maybe bring an extra little bottle if you wanna be careful. The crotch spot is perfect. I just wore baggy sweatpants and long Johns and 2 pairs of underwear. They didn’t even pat me down just made me take off my hoodie and jacket. Person sniffed the pee so if your using synthetic urine make sure to wipe a smudge of your own piss on the edge of the bottle for scent.
https://www.reddit.com/drugtesthelp/comments/11wqznd/run_down_on_how_to_use_someone_else_pee/jczm75o/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3

Hey,
I have been struggling with anxiety and deep sadness for as long as I can remember. I’m now 23.
I have already seen a lot of psychologists but it has never worked for me. I think I was around 13 when a doctor offered me for the very first time some antidepressants. I have always refused until now thinking that there is a way for me to figure my problems out by myself, I just haven’t found it yet.
Today, I’m still suffering daily and I’m fed up. Even if I have had ups and downs, I have the feeling that my life has been mostly so hard and sad. I just would like some ease. I feel so exhausted of all of that. I have the feeling that more the time flies, more the downs are longer and deeper. At the opposite, my energy to get up again becomes lower. I have the feeling that I don’t know anymore what to try and people who were beside me during those tough years either…
Last morning a doctor in a walk-in clinic prescribed me 50mg sertraline (zoloft) and I feel so bad, I don’t know what to do. Should I take this med or not? In one hand I have the feeling that it’s the last thing that could help me and on the other one just the thought of taking it makes me so anxious and asking myself so many questions. Actually, that why I’m here, maybe some of you can help me.

• I have a bad health anxiety (hypochondria) and just thinking about all the potentials side effects makes me panic. If I experience one or many of these side effects and I panic, how will I be able to know if it’s a true side effect which requires medical attention or if it’s just a panic attack because of my anxiety? Do you get me?
  
• I’m wondering, am I depressed / anxious enough to take those meds? I’m a “legit”? Shouldn’t I try again and again, for longer other options first (talk therapy, exercice, meditation, supplements or just be strong enough to “be happy by myself”). How can I know if I reached or not this point where I can tell myself it’s ok to try? I want it to be really a last option, not to give up too early…
  
• I’m afraid to “loose myself”, my personality, everything. What if I become crazy, no more able to earn my life, to take care of my loved ones? Is that possible with that kind of medication? Maybe it’s just an assumption but I have the feeling that “playing with the brain” is dangerous, isn’t it? Will I still be « me »?
  
• If I don’t tolerate it (even after weeks or months) and get prescribed a new med, will it be hard to change (withdrawal symptoms)? If none of the meds available on the market work for me and I have to stop, will I be able to? I’m so afraid to be even more depressed after this experience if it doesn’t work because it was my “last option”. Has someone experienced that?
  
• Even if it works for me, does it mean that I’ll have to take them for years or even all my life? Is it possible to stop when you feel better and keep being good without them? Or will I feel bad again as soon as I will stop? It’s so scarring… and is it safe on the long term? Does it affect any area of your brain or body? Memory, reproduction, etc?
  
  • I have read that while you take sertraline you have to avoid certain things such as alcohol, St John’s Wort, grapefruit, etc and I have the feeling that my list of « forbidden » things is far from being complete. What if I do something wrong and die because I wasn’t aware? Can someone add things to the list please?
• I have also read that when you start taking antidepressants, your depression might get worse, you can have suicidal thought / suicidal ideation especially for young adult who have or have already had suicidal thoughts. Actually, it describes me pretty well (no more suicidal thoughts now but I have had in the past) so I’m even more scared. What if I absolutely want to suicide and that I can’t control myself? What if I kill myself because I took a med which is supposed to help? Are those thoughts bearable?
  
• With this med, can you keep working, doing your groceries, etc (things that I have lost interest in but that I manage to keep doing even depressed)? Can people notice that you are taking meds (co-workers, etc)? Do you usually let know people around you that you are taking antidepressants?
  
• When you start taking antidepressants, do you need to have a particular mindset? Is it similar to recreational drugs I mean better your « set and settings » are, bigger will be the chance to experience positive effects instead of the opposite? Or is it better not to expect anything to avoid being disappointed if it doesn’t work? What is your opinion?
  

Thanks so much for reading and answering if you did so. I wish you all the best on your own way with meds and problems you face right now. You deserve to be happy.
PS: sorry for the mistakes in my text, english is not my first language.