A goal is an outcome you want to achieve largely by yourself. Your actions might bring you nearer to or further from that goal. The issue might be a need for more dedication to the aim, but students often have competing goals.
Consider your goals and priorities and learn how to manage your time, schoolwork, and social life to achieve them to avoid issues.
Goal Setting Tips for Students to Achieve Academic Success in School
All children of primary school age in Singapore and other cities have distinct ambitions. Their ages, interests, and talents all play a role in determining what they should aim for. Students may think about their year, month, or week goals. This is true for students at any international school near you.
Given below some of the tips that might assist you in achieving academic success at school:
Manage Your Time Well
When you know how to manage your time well, you can put things in order of importance to finish work and assignments on time. To make the most of your time, plan, schedule tasks, and maintain a positive outlook.
Maintain Your Concentration and Drive
The night before a test is different than the night to study. If you have a significant test in five days, evaluate the subject and decide how many hours to prepare. Schedule those hours over several days during your most alert and least distracted moments. Give yourself some time away from the books as a reward for finishing your homework or studying early. So, when the test day arrives, you'll be calm, prepared, well-rested, and full of confidence, and you'll perform very well.
Create a Study Group
There are instant advantages to studying with a group. You may test each other's knowledge to ensure everyone is on the same page, and if anybody has any questions, the rest of the class can step in to fill in the gaps. There are many opportunities for students to interact with one another outside the classroom and provide assistance.
Try Not to Multitask
Avoid multitasking when studying. While it may seem like a good idea at the time, checking e-mails and sending texts will only distract you from your studies.
Improve through Analyzing
If you want to succeed as a student, goal planning is an ongoing process that requires frequent attention.
If you are still on track to complete your objectives, reevaluate your progress, reflect on your efforts, and make any necessary adjustments to your strategy. This method helps you set manageable, time-bound goals.
Every day, reflect on what went well and what may be improved. This will train your mind to take things slowly, look within, and adjust as required.
Conclusion
Goal-setting improves classroom management and academic success. Make sure you research properly and make a strategic plan to achieve academic success in your school.

Been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. We don't live together yet. She's always been the type to respond to texts extremely quickly. I'm talking within the minute, sometimes even in 5 seconds or less. Apparently she got used to that because of her last wfh job that would write her up if she didn't reply immediately, but she's kept the habit and she likes to be available to people, since she's usually bored and doesn't mind the distraction. Generally I can always expect a near-instant reply unless she's asleep, showering, or doing some focused activity (e.g. sports, gaming) but will still get back quickly since she still checks her phone frequently, like after every attempt at rock climbing or after she dies in Valorant waiting for the round to end/start.
Me, I keep my phone on silent or vibrate most of the time because I don't like the sounds, especially while working. I do text her now and then when I have a free moment, and also like to text her while I'm watching Netflix or scrolling on social media in the evenings.
She doesn't like this. She gets irritated if she goes 1hr+ without a reply unless there's some context for it (e.g. she tends not to text me while I'm working) and a huge pet peeve of hers is when I text her, she replies instantly, and I don't text back. Sometimes I do just like to take my phone and send her a message in the middle of the day while on break. I ask her how she's doing, what she's up to, then switch back to another app or lock my phone. She gets upset when I don't see her reply until the next time I check my phone. In the evenings when I'm more free she gets annoyed that I take between 3-10 minutes to respond while we're having a conversation (this happens while I'm watching Netflix and forget to reply to her reply)
Once in a while she gets upset at this, and I can tell when she's angry. Her texts are cold and she starts taking longer to respond. We've fought many, many times about this and it always ends with her promising to be more understanding when I can't respond right away.
But a few weeks ago, she's told me she's tired of complaining about this over and over again, and she's tired of feeling like she's obliged to reply instantly because she's afraid I'll think she's upset, and so she said she would try putting me on silent (all her other notifications are on) . She said she wanted to try a solution for her end since there's nothing that would change outside of her own behavior.
She still gets back to me within 20-30 minutes since she does check her phone pretty often still, but I miss being able to reach her easily. We used to talk a lot in the evenings and throughout the day if I had time, but she frequently misses my messages now and doesn't wait for me to get back to her as often as she did. It upsets me too that she's not as patient with me as anyone else. She gives other people the benefit of the doubt when they take long to get back to her, but with me she gets irritated quickly. Is there any compromise that can help this situation?
tl;dr: girlfriend is angry about my slow replies and it's strained our relationship

For those that are interested in the gray area of online money making, I have decided to create a small tutorial on how to make some money with free movie streaming sites
Another reason for this post is that i've been seeing posts asking for ways that one can make money online with a limited budget and i thought that this would be a useful resource for such people.
I went ahead to create a landing page and a movie streaming leech site that essentially allows for free movie streaming. You can edit the CSS and HTML to add ads, content lockers, offer walls, donation pages etc as you see fit.
Since the site is hot linking to other websites with the content, I think no laws are being broken here.
A portfolio of free movie streaming niche sites that haven’t been up for a long time has been making $400 to $4000 a month. This can be more if marketing was more aggressive.
I have provided the complete source code for the movie sites on the links below if you want to try your hand at it.
If you are non technical and need a hand at hosting the site (node JS and MongoDB for the back-end, bootstrap for the UI ), you can always DM me and I can set it up for you.
So here we go:
There’s a certain user who is making an average of $500 a month with a few niche sites. He is monetizing it with a single popup over a 24 hour period meaning that the daily income could be much higher if he was more aggressive with ad serving. There’s also no mention of up-selling using email meaning that the income from the streaming sites would even go to $x,xxx per day if he exploited them to the max.
Here’s an attached screenshot of income from streaming sites HERE
why you should consider creating a few niche movie streaming sites

1. ppl like movies and they like free things. All it takes is a single tweet or mention to go viral
2. very little investment is needed. The scripts in the links below cost around $20 for a fully functional site
3. high likelihood of making money

why you maybe shouldn’t make movie streaming sites

1. You might have to deal with the legality of said sites in your country
2. hosting can be expensive if your site starts getting traction or if you decide to self host content
3. getting an affiliate network that works for your kind of traffic might be tricky, although not impossible.
4. There’s a lot of competition in the space meaning that you have to niche down e.g maybe make a site for a certain type of scifi movie

What you need to build the site

1. a domain – from what I’ve seen, you should choose from one of the following TLDs: .com, .site, .to, .today, .ru, .it, .pw, .ac, .ws . It seems that these are harder to be taken down than others but you are free to experiment with others
2. a hosting provider: you should use an offshore bulletproof hosting provider just to be safe.
3. a website/ script: you can either code one yourself or buy a starter kit. If you want a kit, there’s one in the links section below
4. something to sell: this can be anything e.g en eBook, an online course, an affiliate product etc. I personally have sold a lot of self published KDP ebooks. Also I have found some success with the CPAgrip affiliate network. What I did is change the script around and put some movies behind an offer wall.
5. A themoviedb.org API key: This free API key is gotten on the API section of the aforementioned site. The streaming site provider uses this free API to list movie details. You can set up a free account here

A word about the provided starter kit
The starter kit in the links below is a fully functional movie streaming website and landing page combo.
The landing page is made with normal CSS and HTML so uploading it to a static hosting provider should be straightforward.
The actual streaming site is a NodeJS, ExpressJS app hooked up to a MongoDB database. The site is hot linking to a third party hosting site for simplicity and also to solve the legal dilemma of hosting such content.
The MongoDB database code is ready to do but the code that connects to it is commented out because you need a unique connection string to connect to it. The site can still work without the db connection since it’s being used to collect emails and user data. You can always DM me to set up a custom db for you if you so need to.
I hosted the landing page and the steaming site on Vercel and Render respectively and it was fairly easy to do. There are many YouTube videos that explain in better detail how to do this.
As always, if you have any questions on how to host the sites, you can always DM me for clarifications.
The following are the live versions of the starter kit templates being offered:
landing page – here
streaming site - here
The easiest way is to use a CI solution with GitHub to the hosting platform. This set up process varies from platform to platform and there’s no need to go into the details in this non technical tutorial
getting traffic
I used the 3 major things to get traffic. They include:

1. SEO
2. influencer marketing on TikTok
3. YouTuber traffic

SEO
The only SEO I did was in the web pages. I made sure I used proper words in the websites without coming off as spammy. There was no off-page SEO because I was opting to go with word of mouth as the main traffic source.
YouTube Traffic
I used a website called channel crawler (just google it). It has a free tier that gives a list of YouTube channels based on, among other things, niche and YouTube subscriber count.
I figured that I should go for smaller YouTubers since the larger ones tend to already have monetized their channels with all sorts of things (membership sites, affiliate links etc). I decided to go for niche channels with under 50k subs that didn't have much of a monetization strategy.
After getting a list of YouTubers, the email extraction was repetitive and time consuming. I'd go to the channel, go to the about page and reveal the email. After doing this a number of times, YT would ask me to solve a capta. I wanted to write a bot to automate this but I decided to first do it manually to see if the idea would pan out.
Now, I noticed that YT only allows you to get about 10 emails every 24 hours. How I went around this was by creating another channel. A new channel on the same account meant a new profile that I could extract around 10 more emails. YT allows around around 50 (or is it 75) channels for a single account. So that means one can extract >500 emails per day with one email account (very tedious by hand, a python script would have made this much easier)
I extracted around around 1200 emails with this method and put them in an excel sheet.
Next came the cold emailing.
I made sure that the email copy had the following characteristics:

1. short, about 100 to 200 words
2. got straight to the point (no fluff words like ‘how is your day’)
3. had a clear call to action. In this case, I wanted a video review and a link on the description

I should also add that I used gmail to send out the emails. I don't think the emails were going to spam because I wasn't send too many from one account. around 40 per email account.
TikTok traffic
I basically opened an account and started following and cold messaging small TikTok creators until some decided to review the extension.
While I got some leads here, most of the traffic has come from the previous 2 traffic sources.
resources needed:
Here are the links to the resources you’ll need if you want to try this method for yourself
required:
movie streaming site starter kit (paid, very little for a fully working site)– here
movie streaming site starter kit (free but content locked) - here
movie list API key (free) - here
optional
MongoDB connection string (free) - here

So I’m currently in college, getting my degree to be a High School teacher, and recently I’ve been seeing more negative things than positive about teaching. For example, I’ve seen so many videos of teachers saying they don’t like their job etc. and now I’m nervous about getting this degree. Can anyone with High School Teaching experience tell me what it’s like and how they feel about teaching? Because if it’s really as bad as people make it sound, I’m not sure what I want to do with my career.

My mum has lots of chronic illness including adrenal insufficiency, brain tumor, carpel syndrome ehlers danlos syndrome and more. I understand that she does need assistance with things and we have done our best at our ages (18M, 16F, 14F) to help with what we can but it feels like its getting too much. She still is capable of driving and doing some usual things as the tumor is non-cancerous and is growing very slowly and her adrenal insufficiency is maintained with the right medications even though she is still bound to have bad days.
The weight on my (18M) shoulders feels too much because of how long its been like this, our father passed away when i was 14 so its all on us. Mum expects mainly me to walk over to the shops almost everytime we need something even though she is capable of driving, she always is asking for me to get stuff for her because she doesnt want to get up again after sitting down like so many times throughout the day I will have to stop whatever work im doing and come out to hand her the tv remote or put her bottle in the fridge or anything so simple when i know shes capable of it. We all have to do our own chores daily and also look after 4 dogs and 2 cats that need feeding, water and attention aswell as mum constantly getting mad at me because I need to be bringing money in yet i never have the chance to hold a job because of how dependent she is on me at home. I feel as if I don't have a life in the slightest and that it will always be this way, I dont get to do anything people my age do, I'm expected to help financially ontop of everything else I do and am burdened because of it.
She only ever yells or gets mad at me for not doing enough because she has it in her mind that i'm 18 so i should be paying my rent and food aswell as doing everything I already do for her and its constantly weighing down on my mental health. I know for sure that she is capable of more than what she is doing, I know because I've lived with her my whole life and I see what she does around the house and when she wants to get smokes she'll drive and everything, it almost feels as if she's using her illnesses as an excuse to not do what she is actually capable of. How can I ever do something with myself when theres such high dependence on me at home all the time. I mean i'm literally yelled at to go and let the dogs in and out of the house like 10 times throughout the day. The smallest things add up.
I feel like I need an out, I don't know if I can keep doing this. She makes me feel like shit everyday. I don't even have a license because I never get the chance to learn to drive.

1. The Benefits of Professional Resume Writers
Are you looking for a new job? If so, you may be considering working with a professional resume writer. While there are many benefits to working with a professional resume writer, there are also some drawbacks. In this article, we will discuss the pros and cons of working with a professional resume writer.
The benefits of working with a professional resume writer include:

1. They have the experience and expertise to help you craft a winning resume.
   
2. They can help you highlight your strengths and accomplishments.
   
3. They can help you target your resume to specific jobs and industries.
   
4. They can help you avoid common resume mistakes.
   
5. They can save you time and stress.
   

The drawbacks of working with a professional resume writer include:

1. They can be expensive.
   
2. They may not be familiar with your industry or field.
   
3. They may not be familiar with the latest resume trends.
   
4. They may not be able to help you if you have a unique career history.
   
5. They may not be able to help you if you have a limited amount of time to work on your resume.
   

If you are considering working with a professional resume writer, be sure to weigh the pros and cons carefully. Make sure you choose a reputable writer who has experience in your industry or field. And be sure to give yourself enough time to work on your resume so that you can get the best results.
2. The Top Ten Professional Resume Writers
Are you looking for a professional resume writer to help you create the perfect resume? If so, you're not alone. Many job seekers use professional resume writers to help them create the perfect resume.
There are a lot of resume writers out there, so how do you know which one to choose? Here are the top ten professional resume writers:

1. Resume Writers' Digest

Resume Writers' Digest is a great resource for anyone looking for a professional resume writer. They offer a directory of over 200 professional resume writers, as well as articles and resources to help you choose the right resume writer for you.

1. Career Directors International

Career Directors International is a professional association for resume writers. Their website offers a directory of over 600 professional resume writers, as well as resources and articles to help you choose the right resume writer for you.

1. The National Resume Writers' Association

The National Resume Writers' Association is a professional association for resume writers. Their website offers a directory of over 700 professional resume writers, as well as resources and articles to help you choose the right resume writer for you.

1. Career Perfect

Career Perfect is a leading provider of resume writing services. They offer a directory of over 1,000 professional resume writers, as well as resources and articles to help you choose the right resume writer for you.

1. Resume Edge

Resume Edge is a leading provider of resume writing services. They offer a directory of over 500 professional resume writers, as well as resources and articles to help you choose the right resume writer for you.

1. Top Resume

Top Resume is a leading provider of resume writing services. They offer a directory of over 1,000 professional resume writers, as well as resources and articles to help you choose the right resume writer for you.

1. Perfect Resume

Perfect Resume is a leading provider of resume writing services. They offer a directory of over 1,000 professional resume writers, as well as resources and articles to help you choose the right resume writer for you.

1. Resume Builder

Resume Builder is a
3. The Five Best Practices of Professional Resume Writers
When it comes to creating a professional resume that will get you hired, there are certain best practices that you should follow. These best practices have been put together by experienced resume writers and will help ensure that your resume stands out from the rest.

1. Use a Professional Resume Template

When creating your resume, be sure to use a professional resume template. This will give your resume a clean and polished look that will make a good first impression on potential employers. There are many different resume templates available online, so take some time to find one that you like.

1. Use Keywords

Be sure to use keywords throughout your resume. Employers often use applicant tracking systems (ATS) to screen resumes, and keywords will help ensure that your resume makes it through the system. Include keywords that are relevant to the job you are applying for, as well as skills that you possess.

1. Highlight Your Achievements

Your resume should highlight your achievements and accomplishments. Employers want to see what you have accomplished in your previous roles, so be sure to include this information. Include any awards or recognition you have received, as well as any significant accomplishments.

1. Use Quantifiable Information

When possible, use quantifiable information in your resume. This will help employers see the impact that you have made in your previous roles. Include numbers and statistics whenever possible, such as how much revenue you generated or how many people you supervised.

1. Keep it Short and Sweet

Your resume should be short and sweet. No one wants to read a lengthy resume, so be sure to keep it to a maximum of two pages. Include only the most relevant information, and leave out any superfluous details.
Following these best practices will help ensure that your resume is professional and polished. By using a professional template, including keywords, and highlighting your achievements, you will give yourself the best chance of getting hired.
4. The Different Types of Professional Resume Writers
When it comes to professional resume writers, there are four main types: traditional, modern, executive, and federal. Each has their own strengths and weaknesses, so it’s important to understand the difference before choosing one.
Traditional resume writers have been around the longest, and they tend to stick to tried-and-true methods. They focus on chronological resumes, which list your work history in reverse chronological order. This is the most common type of resume, and it’s the one most employers are familiar with.
Modern resume writers are a newer breed. They tend to focus on more than just your work history, and they often use creative formats and design elements to make your resume stand out. They’re also more likely to use keyword optimization to ensure your resume gets noticed by applicant tracking systems.
Executive resume writers are geared towards people with high-level careers. They know how to highlight your accomplishments and downplay any negatives in your work history. They’re also experts at crafting resumes that will appeal to executive recruiters.
Finally, federal resume writers specialize in writing resumes for government jobs. They know the ins and outs of the application process, and they can help you craft a resume that will get you noticed.
No matter which type of resume writer you choose, make sure you pick someone who has experience in your field. They should also be able to provide samples of their work so you can see what they’re capable of. And finally, make sure you feel comfortable with them – after all, you’re trusting them with one of the most important documents of your career.
5. The Pros and Cons of Professional Resume Writers
The job market is extremely competitive these days and your resume is often the first impression that potential employers will have of you. As a result, many job seekers are turning to professional resume writers to help them create a resume that will stand out from the rest.
There are both pros and cons to using a professional resume writer. On the plus side, a professional resume writer can help you create a resume that is eye-catching and well-written. They will also be able to help you target your resume to specific jobs and industries. On the downside, professional resume writers can be expensive and it can be hard to know if you are getting a good quality service.
Here are some things to consider if you are thinking about using a professional resume writer:
The cost: Professional resume writers can charge anywhere from $50 to $2000, depending on their experience and the level of service they offer. If you are on a tight budget, you may want to try writing your own resume first or using a resume template.
The quality: Not all resume writers are created equal. Some will simply take your information and plug it into a template, while others will take the time to really get to know you and your career goals. It’s important to do your research and make sure you are using a reputable service.
The turnaround time: Depending on the service you use, it can take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to get your resume back. If you need your resume ASAP, make sure to ask about the turnaround time before you hire a service.
The level of service: Some resume writers simply write your resume and send it back to you. Others will also help you with cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, and even interview coaching. Be clear about what level of service you are looking for before you hire someone.
The bottom line is that there are both pros and cons to using a professional resume writer. If you decide to use one, make sure you do your research to find a reputable service that fits your budget and needs.
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I’ve lost count of the times I’ve set out to change my life via leaving gambling in the past. But this is the last time I say last time.
I’m ready to live real life again. I’m so sorry to all of the people I’ve hurt, neglected, and pushed away as my addiction worsened. For years and possibly a decade I could not even fathom calling this an addiction for me. However, sadly I think it’s irrefutable at this point. To me this became most noticeable not because I failed so many times to quit, and not because of the extreme financial turmoil I was consistently putting myself in - it was the very gradual yet crystal clear lack of empathy toward others in this world (particularly loved ones) that made my addiction so apparent to me. I cannot believe how selfish I have become. In a vacuum, if you take gambling away, I still think I empathize and feel pain for those suffering etc as well as want good for all people the same way I did before this but my ability to exercise empathy and be present enough to realize my surroundings and those who need and deserve my attention is non-existent when in the grips of gambling. I am so so sorry to all.
I don’t expect this to be easy. I have never failed more consistently at anything in my life and my strategies must be different this time to succeed. I don’t know what my plan is yet but I know I can make it through tomorrow gambling free.
I hope those of you reading this thread looking for inspiration and accountability will change your lives and leave gambling behind. You’re talented and have skill sets and passions worth exploring. Be good to the people that love you and be present in their lives. Don’t give your life to this disease.
Cheers to better days and the hope we have ahead.

I'm pretty new. Been taking the game pretty slow and have gotten to stage 9 after like a month and a half or so. Ascension still confuses me though.
For example, I have Honglan at legendary plus, however, I also pulled another Honglan on Aki's banner. What am I supposed to do with this copy? Am I intended to wait until I pull more copies until I get the fodder Honglan to legendary plus, then feed it into my main one to get to origin? Or is there a quicker way I do not see.
I ask because I see the number 8 tossed around a lot in regards to ascension of characters. Is this to take a character to max, or just to origin? If it is 8 characters to get to origin only, how many does it take to reach a character to max ascension?
Last one. If it is only 8 characters to max out a character, how many fodder rare characters are needed and when can they be used in ascension beyond epic plus. I haven't gotten further than legendary plus as of yet.

How To Set Limits At New Casino Online Malaysia?
Setting limits at a New Casino Online Malaysia can be important in ensuring that your gambling experience is safe and enjoyable.
https://preview.redd.it/kpi57qktf8pa1.jpg?width=420&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ecd6b82b30dacc77c14a7e0aee79963ad86a7d9d
Here are a few tips on how to set limits at a new online casino:

1. Determine your budget: Before you start playing at a new online casino, you must determine how much money you are willing to spend. This will help you set limits on how much you can deposit and wager daily, weekly, or monthly.
2. Set deposit limits: Many online casinos allow you to set deposit limits, which can help you control how much money you are spending. For example, you can set limits on how much you can deposit per day, week, or month, and some casinos also allow you to set a maximum deposit limit.
3. Use self-exclusion options: Many online casinos have self-exclusion options that allow you to exclude yourself from the casino for a certain time. This can be a useful tool if you struggle to control your gambling.
4. Take advantage of responsible gambling tools: Many online casinos offer tools such as time limits, loss limits, and session reminders. These tools can help you control your gambling and ensure you don’t spend more than you can afford.
5. Seek help if you need it: If you struggle to control your gambling, it’s important to seek help. Online casinos offer support services such as counseling and referrals to organizations that can help you with your gambling addiction.

Setting limits at a new online casino in Malaysia is important in ensuring that your gambling experience is safe and enjoyable. By determining your budget, setting deposit limits, using self-exclusion options, and taking advantage of responsible gambling tools. You can ensure that you stay in control of your gambling and avoid any financial problems.
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So many spells from books, online materials, etc have suggested using local wildflowers in spiritual practices like offerings and simmer pots. So long as you ask the plant/earth for its blessing and really listen. I really only pick wildflowers during Ostara and Beltane, not so much the rest of the year unless they're dropped pinecones or leaves that are dead.
When I posted earlier to identify a plant in a diff sub, I was told NOT to pick wildflowers as it's harmful for a variety of reasons. I got defensive at first bc I thought I was being a responsible and resourceful witch. But then once I thought more about it, I looked online for general advice about picking wildflowers and many conservation sites said how it's now no longer a good thing to do since so many ppl picking even a few flowers will destroy our surroundings.
As a witch, I feel a little confused. I don't have the money to be purchasing flowers every time I need a spell or offering and I thought working w my local earth was ideal. But I see how picking wildflowers is harmful and I'd hate to hurt mother nature for the sake of my own selfish practice.
How do I reconcile this? Is it buy flowers or use none at all? Plastic flowers seem equally problematic as it's creating waste in the long run.

Hello all, I am a PA with about 4 years of experience working in pulmonary critical care, and I have recently considered making a career change into the non-clinical workforce. This is for many reasons, including the tangible salaray ceiling for PA's, not feeling like I'm contributing to my full earning/promotional potential, and a bit of burnout from long, stressful shifts in the ICU.
Through the help of reddit threads such as this one and youtube, I have recently learned of the MSL career and could definitely see myself making this leap. I know the transition from PA to MSL is less common than that of PhD's and MD's, and I would love to hear some feedback from anyone who has made that career transition or if anyone knows any MSLs who previously practiced as PA's. Additionally, any advice on how to build out my resume and prepare for the interview process when I eventually start reaching out to recruiters and hiring managers would be much appreciated. I think I would like to get at least another year or two of clinical experience under my belt to further strengthen my medical knowledge, as well as take some time to strengthen my resume with QI projects, publications, networking, etc. Additionally, I would like to know if anyone thinks getting experience as a subclinicial investigator could potentially serve as a stepping stone from the advanced practicioner role to MSL. I appreciate the feedback in advance!

Life comes in many flavours, and each day we face many questions. Some of these questions are judgements. And some of these judgements involve others in significant and meaningful ways. On the one hand, we seek to satisfy our personal needs -- self-determination -- while maintaining a sense of virtue -- compassion and justice. For many, there is too much injustice and suffering just to ignore. On the other hand, balancing the needs of us and them beckons honest appraisal of situations and people. But where and how should our finger be pointed?

Core psychology of blame

Among the very earliest struggles in a person's life is the process of ego development. In its simplest, ego is about separating good from bad, self from other. Various theories and models strive to explain the ego, or its development, from various perspectives. For the purposes here, I will be referencing object relations theory, which is part psychoanalytic psychology and deals with very early development, starting at birth. A few things will be slightly simplified to keep the text concise.
Within this theory, the first several months involve what is termed the paranoid-schizoid position. The "schizoid" aspect refers to a cognitive-emotional process known as splitting. This is where external objects, including people, are split into opposing mental parts -- to form part objects, or the "good object" version and the "bad object" version of each meaningful external object or phenomenon. For example, when the caregiver is gratifying to the infant, that part object is the "good caretaker"; and when not so gratifying, that caretaker is the "bad caretaker". At this stage of development and understanding, these two "part objects" are not seen as from the same source. Rather, each is a separate thing appearing and disappearing as circumstances and feelings change. The key word here is separation, which we will come back to later.
The other aspect of the paranoid-schizoid position -- the "paranoid" aspect -- refers to a curious side effect of splitting everything into "good" and "bad". Because each "part object" is either all good, or all bad, and because the appearance and disappearance of these mysterious entities is more-or-less out of control, the infant begins to resent and fear the bad objects that keep happening. That is, the baby hates the bad objects but loves the good objects. This is perhaps the very first stage of moral awareness -- raw, albeit mistaken judgement; love the good; hate the bad; pure, uninhibited attraction and repulsion. As a result, or side effect, of these negative or aggressive feelings toward "the bad", the baby may fear possible persecution, invoking paranoia. Strange though that may sound, there is a bit more to it.
Splitting, as between the mentioned "good" and "bad" objects, is only half the story. The other half of splitting is between "good self" and "bad self". That is, because in the paranoid-schizoid position, objects are temporary and impermanent, so too is the self temporary and fleeting. Moreover, the self is either in comfort, or in distress, giving either "good self" or "bad self" -- depending on circumstance. Since the "good self" appears with the "good object", and likewise the "bad self" with the "bad object", the child fears the appearance of the "bad object" even more. This is because its presence entails essentially collapse of the previous self-concept, as if to enter a realm of deserved persecution for being the "bad self" -- and hence the emergence of paranoia.
On an interesting aside, this manner of judging objects and selves as good or bad based solely on whether one is currently in comfort or pain is the essence of Stage 1 in Lawrence Kohlberg's stages of moral development. This is a theory on the progression of individuals throughout life in moral reasoning. Stage 1, termed obedience and punishment orientation, judges those in trouble or pain as inherently bad. In many cases, this view basically blames the victim. Further, this type of reasoning is essentially the basis for the "might makes right" mindset seen in some cases of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). One thing to keep in mind is that we all start there, but not everyone stays there. In this way, having crude moral reasoning later in life is effectively a sign of delayed or regressed development, much like a disability -- ie. "morally disabled".

Completing the person

Eventually, the child will reach a point in development where objects become whole and persistent, able to have simultaneously negative and positive qualities. Objects or people may take on accounts, or balances, allowing for consideration of simple reciprocity, including guilt and reparation. Self and caregiver become distinct entities, where "good" self is no longer lost each time caregiver is absent or busy. Assuming successful progression, blame and judgement is no longer split dichotically between two extremes. Otherwise a new type of splitting is come, where objects and entities, though whole and persistent, are either idealised or devalued.
An important key trend exists between consecutive steps of ego development. This is the trend of expanding persistence and relatedness. In the part-object stage, objects appear and vanish -- some good, some bad. These raw appearances are neither persistent, nor related. In the whole-object stage, objects become persistent, although at first not really related. Because of this initial lack of relation, the secondary type of splitting -- idealisation and devaluation -- is still likely. Basically, since one person or object is fundamentally unrelated to another, including the self, there is "no harm" in seeing one as all good, and another as all bad. Without a stabilising relation, moral judgements can be whimsical yet extreme. A person or object may alternate between being embraced and discarded, depending on present feelings or arrangements. But what makes a stabilising relation?
In general, stabilising relations develop naturally through observation and reason. For example, a caregiver may through time be taken as an intrinsic part of one's need for support. Or a sibling may eventually be seen as fundamentally similar and related. But the building of these relations, or attachments, can be hindered by certain experiences or feelings. For instance, an unstable or unavailable caregiver may leave a child feeling resentment, shame, or guilt. These feelings may then get in the way of building an emotional bond. The resulting lack of security, mixed with possible shame or guilt for not being good enough, may lead to maladaptive and unstable boundaries and self-definition. Some common results are narcissism and borderline personality -- the former as an escape mechanism from feelings of inadequacy, and the latter as unstable border-lines between what is embraced, and what is rejected. These early childhood misgivings can then live on subconsciously, infiltrating the psyche and its future engagements.

Competition and judgement

While the capacity for blame and hate may emerge, as described above, from fundamental urges of attraction and repulsion -- mixed with innate capacity for making inference -- there is another powerful instinct at play. Complex social animals have a built-in game of gene-selection and mate-selection. This game relies on a simple heuristic, or objective -- form competitive hierarchies, and select those at the top. The evolutionary assumption is that competition filters out less desirable code. Without reflection, this pre-configured notion may be taken at face value, often in fact elevated -- whether spoken or kept silent -- to something of religious adherence. But is the argument sound?
In simple times, back in the tribe, individuals tended to grow up closely-knit and fairly uniformly. Regardless which parents one had, pretty much everyone had access to the same quality of food, healthcare, and education. Tools and other amenities could readily be made or obtained by any abled body, often with only modest effort. As a result, there was, compared to modern times, an extremely even playing field. Very little interfered with the above premise that those who achieved success in social hierarchy likely had something special inside. Sure, luck still played a part, but that part was not only far less significant than today, but also far more visible for those of simple tribes. In probably most cases, everybody knew when someone had encountered bad fortune, as individual stories were less hidden.
In the current age, however, personal merit is vastly more obscured and mangled by deceptive forces. The range of disparity in childhood resources and care, the long duration of schooling needed to be competitive, and the sheer price of admission into money-making pursuits, completely destroy any legitimacy the heuristic of selection by social hierarchy may previously have had. Luck may have played a part back then, but today the part played by the lottery of placement into a particular family, time, and place is riddled with inequity. On top of all that, the behaviours and exploits that set one person atop the next are lost from sight through the complex labyrinth of time, legalese, and the unfathomable size of modern society. Hence, the basis of soundness behind judging merit on personal outcome is no longer something that can be supported with any honesty. To praise or blame based on social status and wealth is to partake in folly.

Entity and arrangement defined

Entities are mental objects, and their social accounts, pertaining to people, groups, aggregates, and other moral agents. I say mental objects for two basic reasons. One, individuals and groups change through time. As the saying goes:

"A person never steps into the same river twice; for on the second occasion, one is neither the same person, nor is it the same river" (paraphrased) ~ Heraclitus of Ephesus.

Two, while we may posit that physical substance seems to exist out there, beyond the mind, we nevertheless must work within our mental model, or worldview, when considering those entities and other things of material or mental reality. Hence, entities and objects can be cognised, or considered, solely as mental objects. This phenomenon of the mental becomes even more apparent when we consider the nature of not only being, but identity, character, and personal story. None of these, from what I can tell, can rightly be said to exist outside the mind. Each has arbitrary, situation-specific, and continually shifting boundaries and connotations.
Arrangements, in contrast, are sets of objects; entities; their relative positions; their internal configurations; and their relations and interactions. Arrangements are hence the frameworks in place either materially or logically between and within entities and or objects. Common examples include law, culture, contract, education, and social hierarchy -- but also the physical placement of people and things.
Not surprisingly, the arrangements in place have substantial influence on the outcomes for individuals and society. The same person lowered into two different cultures and circumstances can be expected to have a different time. Education, ideas, values, struggles, and relationships may all be completely changed. The combinations of butterfly effect, disparity of opportunity, and idiosyncratic accident leave open the door for a wide variety of possibility.

Splitting and blaming the entity

Before talking about what to blame, or how to blame it, we might consider some phenomena which may influence one's ability to make sound judgement. As discussed previously, early development can play a big part in both the way one perceives and understands the world, and also the way one feels about, and hence reacts to, situations and challenges within the world. So let us look at some such phenomena.
Splitting, in the post-infancy sense, is the viewing of mental objects -- including and especially people -- as either idealised all good, or devalued all bad. The primary hypothesis goes something along the lines that a child who felt insufficiently loved or attended during infancy and early childhood may develop an internalised sense of unworthiness -- perhaps shame or guilt. In simple terms, the child may internalise a judgement of "not good enough". Since early, particularly pre-linguistic experiences tend to be deeply-seated and hard-conditioned, the person later in life may not only have little if any recall of such experience, but likely has little ability to reflect or challenge the resulting feelings or cognitive distortions. Basically, the only remnant clearly visible may be the feelings and intuitions themselves -- sense of shame, guilt, and never being good enough. However, as with other inescapable negative feelings, the child or later person is prone to forming habits of escape. Most notably here, the person may partake in defence mechanisms, or unconscious patterns of perception and thinking that seek to turn off or escape uncomfortable or stressful cognitions.
Projection is among the most used defence mechanisms. It involves taking an unwanted feeling or judgement, and throwing it upon someone or something else. The idea is to distance oneself from such negative connotations. In the case of internalised shame or guilt of being "not good enough" during childhood, the person is likely to begin casting this judgement upon others. Unreasonable or unattainable standards may be adopted. The world itself may be viewed as inherently broken or untenable. In the case of splitting specifically, black-or-white, all-or-none thinking may be employed to polarise objects or people -- including oneself -- into all good or all bad -- idealisation or devaluation. This type of projection sorts others into something of angels and demons. Furthermore, as in borderline personality disorder, these dichotic judgements may switch regularly depending on current affairs. The key thing to remember here is that projection is done to escape unfaceable feelings or judgements about oneself. Use of this defence mechanism may shift blame from self to another, often in a way that is difficult or impossible for the user to see.
More broadly, splitting belongs to a class of phenomena known as cognitive distortions. In addition to all-or-none thinking, cognitive distortions include overgeneralising, disqualifying the positive, jumping to conclusions, exaggeration, perfectionism, personalisation, always being right, and labelling of others. Obviously these all have significant implications for how one judges others, and indeed how one places blame. For the discussion here, let us talk about one more of these.
Personalisation is when a person takes the blame personally, regardless what external factors may be at play. This style of attribution is inherently self-deprecatory. Alternatively, blame may be placed entirely on another person or group. The distortion here is not that blame is occurring, but that the object is always a conventional moral agent, such as a human or AI. Essentially, an individual with this style of attribution may have an irrational tendency to place blame on agents, rather than circumstances. The trick is understanding why this happens.
As it turns out, the psychology behind placing blame disproportionately on people and other agents, rather than arrangements, is driven by the instinct of social hierarchy. Like brought up earlier, people have a tendency to compare and compete, judging one another into hierarchies of better and worse -- more or less worthy. The more insecure a person feels, or the more internalised shame or sense of inadequacy one has, the more the person may be compelled to cast blame on others. Put simply, insecurity activates the instinct of social hierarchy.
There are some noteworthy side effects to the habit of blaming the agent. One is scapegoating, or the projection of a group's fears and insecurities onto an external object. In scapegoating, the object chosen is often little, if at all, related to the underlying problem or dysfunction. Rather, the group seeks to unload its insecurity onto an unlucky target. This behaviour is much like that done in narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). One might say that groups too, not just people, can have NPD. One common target of scapegoating is minorities, of pretty much any type, who are often blamed for internal inadequacies of the majority regime. Another side effect of blaming the agent is kicking the dog, or chain reactions of blame shifting where each rung of the social hierarchy blames the next rung, all the way to the dog. Similar to scapegoating, kicking the dog picks a target generally unable to defend itself. This style of attribution, moreover, is contagious within organisations, hindering legitimate consideration of how the true underlying issues can best be resolved.

False object of blame

A curious distortion of interest is blindly taking the mental as fact. In the extreme, there is a phenomenon known as psychic equivalence. This is common in children, where the imagined monster under the bed is believed surely to exist. The line between mental and external is still thin. While most older individuals are beyond such explicit equivalence, we nevertheless have no other option for understanding reality than what our mind beholds. Whether for positive or negative, when we see or imagine someone, we are never seeing the real person. What we witness is our mental model, or mental object, of the other. The same goes for their view of us. When they behold us, they are really beholding someone else -- a construct of their imagination. Likewise, when we judge or blame another, we are really blaming someone else -- a monster of our own creation. Sometimes it can help to remember that in our mental, we are all mental.

Another defence mechanism

Aside from cognitive distortions, another key issue stands in the way of finding truth. In order to resolve deeply-seated emotional baggage, that baggage has to be opened. Yet doing so can be both painful and confusing. The mind has another trick up its sleeve to avoid facing the rain -- intellectualisation. Many have heard of rationalisation, or the making up of good-sounding stories to explain otherwise irrational or emotion-based actions and choices. Intellectualisation is related, but distinct. Instead of making up stories to seem more rational, intellectualisation makes up complex frameworks and red herrings to distract oneself and others from getting too close to the underlying feeling. Just like for splitting, the usual root cause is believed to be insecure attachment during infancy and early childhood. The result, especially later in life, is the excessive overreliance on logic and complex frameworks to avoid looking inside toward emotion. Reason becomes a comfortable hideout from hideous feeling. This disposition prevents proper reflection, making it hard or impossible to stop idealising and devaluing others. After all, one cannot stop spilling pain until one finds the source of that pain.

Relation to free will

The notion of free will comes in many definitions. These can get technical. But one fairly common theme is what they seek to support -- often some type of personal, or entity-centric, responsibility or blame. Regardless whether logically sound, the pursuit is in many cases a rationalisation of the instinctual and emotional urges of social hierarchy and ego defence. Essentially, many debates about free will are really struggles, or disagreements, on the nature of blame, and to where it should aim. In general, the belief in free will -- regardless the definition chosen -- is argued in support of some type of entity attribution. Likewise, the disbelief in free will is usually argued in support of system attribution, or blaming the way society or culture is structured. A person may choose a definition specifically to assert the desired end -- a psychological phenomenon called motivated reasoning. This text will avoid choosing a definition, as the underlying principles of behaviour are more important.
A less known paradox exists within the bounds of psychological agency. As is regularly discussed in certain circles of spirituality, there exists a spectrum of self-boundary between immediate, local, relative and timeless, non-local, absolute. This mental state of contraction or expansion depends in part on the grasping or release of fear and attachment. For those unfamiliar, the felt sense of personal agency -- sometimes called doership -- and one's associated beliefs about personal causation, are prone to change, or shift, depending on the present level of anxiety -- especially social and existential anxiety. There are two key aspects related to the sense of being in control.
The first aspect of interest is that of causal scope, or how far we trace the causes and influences behind any given event or decision. For example, as I type this, among the most immediate, or smallest causal scopes, is that of my finger pressing a key. Moving toward greater scope, we may consider that the arm is moving the finger. Further, of course, one might say the body is doing the typing. But the scope need not end there. We can trace back through the causal chains, finding all manner of influence. After all, why do I care about this? What social factors and life experiences influenced this cause? The more immediate the causal scope, the longer and more encumbered the causal chains. Hence, even though when afraid we may focus on the more immediate, hence feeling more in direct control, the more our felt boundaries of self and causality contract, the more short-sighted, distracted, and materially-bound we are. The paradox is in the inverted pyramid of influence atop our actions.
The second aspect relates to impulse and desire versus self-control and composure. Human desire may be divided broadly into basic animal instinct and social image. In Freudian terms, these would be id and ego. The former is often viewed as impulsive or animalistic; the latter as controlled and composed. A meaningful portion of pro-free will arguments seems to equate or compare the composure and planning of socially-conscious actions and choices as representative of the essence of "free will". That is, more "controlled" or deliberate actions were exercising greater free will than their more impulsive or animalistic counterparts. But is this assessment sensible?
On the one hand, being more socially aware likely helps to prevent being manipulated or impeded by others. Most would probably agree thus far. But on the other hand, the more we care about fitting in, or otherwise playing the game of social hierarchy, the more we submit ourselves to social norms and other hive behaviours. Essentially, the more we care about image, the more we let society control us. Despite this emotional tether, those with the biggest egos often proclaim the greatest sense of self-determination. Certainly one could argue that being on top of the hierarchy usually entails greater access to social amenities, some of which offering greater freedom. But there may be some right reservations here. Firstly, the enhanced freedom of high status often comes with enhanced fitment and scrutiny into the externally-defined social mould. This is not always the case, as for example with dictators. But secondly, the vast majority of those playing the ego game are neither in positions of status and power, nor emotionally secure enough to go their own way toward personal happiness. Perhaps most prominently, for most social animals, the hive provides only minimal amenity, and maximal loss of autonomy. Yet the internalised ego and self-concept obscure this reality by making cultural, emotional artifacts of socialisation -- especially during childhood -- appear as self-chosen. The person is thus a product of upbringing, but because these aspects of conditioning are so deep and unconscious, their effects are simply taken for granted as part of who one is. Hence, a second paradox exists in that what may appear as evidence for free will -- ego and composure -- is in fact the very thing enacting the long-seated will of the hive.
On a different note of the free will debate, there seems to be a phenomenon somewhat like "free will of the gaps", where any unknown of psychology or physics is received wholeheartedly as evidence for freedom. While no doubt one may never really know, particularly when stuck in the subjective mind-box, one might consider the effect of splitting, or black-and-white thinking. This habit may, without enough reflection, colour one's assessment of personal agency as either wholly existing, or wholly absent. This is not to say undue burden and other explicit interference is unregarded, but more that even the mere existence of randomness or unpredictability may be taken as sufficient reason to ward off the behavioural influences and effects known by modern psychology. Remember that splitting is driven by egoic insecurity, and that ego has vested interest in building the narrative which best places oneself in the social hierarchy of the mind. Impulsive or controlled, what we choose is there to satisfy instinct, whether animalistic, or socially-focused.

Blaming the arrangement

On the other side of inferred causation -- after instinct -- we have experience, conditioning, and circumstance. Experience and conditioning are carry-overs from past arrangement while circumstance reflects the present arrangement. For simplicity, I will place all three simply under arrangement. To borrow from earlier:

Arrangements ... are sets of objects; entities; their relative positions; their internal configurations; and their relations and interactions. Arrangements are hence the frameworks in place either materially or logically between and within entities and or objects. Common examples include law, culture, contract, education, and social hierarchy -- but also the physical placement of people and things.

With this definition in mind, what then does it mean to blame the arrangement, and what benefit does so doing provide?
First, let us consider the standard Western approach. When we blame the entity, we are accomplishing three fundamental ends:

1. declaring a point of causal significance;
2. downgrading social status;
3. offloading correction;

On the first point, blaming the entity cuts off past influences, including deficiencies and inequalities in access to essential resources like health, respect, education, and experience. One might wonder why respect is included here. But remember the types of issue that arise from internalised shame, guilt, and feelings of inadequacy. These live on subconsciously, causing non-obvious impairments in judgement and performance. Plus they harm health and performance through elevated stress hormones.
On the second point, blaming the entity lowers its public appraisal, thus cutting off access to the types of resources just mentioned.
On the third point, blaming the entity places the burden of correction squarely on the already broken component. For simple matters like enforcing social norms or decency, this type of blame is probably effective in most cases. But when we start looking at bigger matters, like health, education, intelligence, self-restraint, and general performance, the idea of forcing the suboptimal party to fix itself starts to break down. All these matters are heavily influenced by external circumstance through time. So telling the person to fix the resulting dysfunction is like telling them to rewrite their past environment, including their upbringing. Moreover, those from broken pasts are much more often the least supplied -- in both resource and knowhow -- to make things better.
And this brings us to blaming the arrangement. If instead of burdening and downgrading the unfortunate entity, we recognise the conditions of success and failure, we can apply legitimate effort toward enacting a better future. Obviously society as a whole is far better equipped to improve not only the outcome of tomorrow, but the conditions of today. Some of us, by chance, receive the winning hand. This may be in genetics, family configuration, area of schooling, or maybe just missing detrimental accidents and injuries. What sense does it make to hoard the helpings of fate, thus preventing the wealth of shared development and growth? In a world literally brimming with technological advancement, is it really better for the majority to live polarised as minority winners and majority losers?

Arguments

One might argue that blame and praise are natural and effective tools for motivation and modification of behaviour. Natural though they may be, these tools are premised on the limited knowledge and resources of tribal past. Like using a hammer to insert a screw, messy tools ought to be reserved for desperate times only. Modern medicine, psychology, and sociology offer a new toolbox, today readily available, for resolving problems with minimal collateral damage. True, not everyone has fair access to these modern amenities, and that is exactly why we need to stop blaming the victim. The technology is here. We simply need to open the gates.
Another common argument is that absent of pointing fingers, people would lose motivation, or stop caring. There may be some truth here. If we remove the whip from their backs, the slaves may begin to relax. But is that really a bad thing? Per-capita material output is already worlds higher due to automation and tooling. But artificial scarcity is brought in to "keep up the morale". This scarcity is largely in the form of wealth and income inequality, which ensure the true producers of wealth -- the workers -- are kept chasing their imagined carrot. The effect, in practice, is burnout and learned helplessness. The secondary effect is thus decreased performance, which is then "solved" with ever greater artificial scarcity, perpetuating the cycle of lies and suffering. Instead of entertaining a system of slavery with extra steps, why not more equally distribute the tools and technology of efficiency and success?
A darker argument that occasionally gets said out loud is that excessive competition and suffering help to weed out the less desirable traits. Often, it is proclaimed, nature wanted it that way. Ignoring the obvious lack of compassion, is this argument sound? The simple answer is no. The longer answer is not even a little. There are two main reasons. Firstly, the dirty game of filtering by social hierarchy was not only sloppy for its original environment of small tribes, but is completely unfit for modern, complex, abstract society. As explained previously, the legitimacy of individual merit is no longer known by fellow tribespeople. Wealth generation and extraction are too far removed and abstracted for proper outside judgement. And complex systems of power and propaganda further prevent equitable distribution of the fruits of labour. Secondly, the amount of time needed for such mechanisms of trait filtering to make an appreciable difference are substantially longer than the time from now before technology will allow superior selection of traits. There will be no need to compete in the sloppy ways of the past; nor any need to compete at all. The problem of selection is soon resolved. AI is entering the exponential phase. Petty and primitive worry about traits is irrelevant, for multiple reasons. If anything, those unable to understand this are unfit to be making policy decisions.
An argument which comes up enough to mention is that without blaming the entity, criminals would have free reign, able to do whatever they wanted without repercussions. This argument is missing something quite substantial about what is entailed by blaming the arrangement. Simply, if a certain person is believed to lack the self-control for certain situations or positions, that person will be kept away from those circumstances. A common example is driver's licensing, where one must earn the privilege by proving competence. And similarly to that, if someone is blatantly acting out and causing trouble, obviously they would be put somewhere safer. The key is rearranging circumstances as needed for best outcome while maintaining reasonable maximum personal autonomy -- without unnecessary harm, restraint, or loss of dignity. Yes, this is more involved in terms of resources and labour, but that is what technology is for. Naturally people prefer to have more privilege, and that alone is motivation enough to care.
And before someone accuses this approach of being or supporting a social credit system, we must make clear the difference. In social credit systems, blame is placed on the individual ! Sure, the factors used may involve family and acquaintance, but the burden of correction still goes to the person or small group. This is completely different from what is being proposed here.
A final argument relates to expense. On the surface -- especially from within the perspective of a system based on artificial scarcity and excessive wealth inequality -- the idea of having surplus means available for long-term planning may seem unfathomable. People's reluctance in this regard can be understood. But as mentioned above, we are presently, for presumably the first time in our recorded history, entering the age of exponential growth toward advanced artificial intelligence. Things are moving fast already, and both hardware and software are showing no slowing. If computational capacity continues to double regularly like it has for a long time now, we are probably looking at readily accessible post-human intelligence within five to ten years. Short of disaster or tyrannical interference, existing worries about labour and intellect shortage should soon evaporate. Yes, this time things are different. There is no known precedent.

Summary

Our natural instinct may tell us to blame the person. And Western culture may polarise this tendency to the extreme. But with a little understanding of why we feel the need to downsize others, we may be able to mend the splitting within us. Society may be designed around a game of hierarchy, but one need not partake. By knowing the factors that promote or inhibit wellbeing, and by using the knowledge and tools of modern, we can cast off the shallow assumptions behind us, to build something worth keeping. The first step is looking inside, to see the feeling that fears connection. Then we may look outside, to see that most are facing similar struggle. Situations are what make or break the person. If one should blame, blame the arrangement. The past may not be one for changing, but greater compassion today can find greater love tomorrow.

TLDR: CT says our sex isn't a problem. I'm not sure LLF was transparent in individual session. Looking for feedback because I'm going crazy over here. Need a reality check either way.

LLF 41 and I (HLM/LL4U? 42) have seen our AASECT couples therapist about 4 or 5 times now. Only 1 or 2 sessions post-intake. We did one in-take session together and then each had an individual in-take session. We haven't talked in detail about what came up in our individual in-takes yet; I plan to bring it up this weekend.
LLF was sick this week so I went for a solo session. CT (and others here in HLC) has stated previously that we do not have a sex problem, we have a relationship problem.
In solo session I said "ok, I 1,000% agree we have a relationship problem. But I'm concerned we're going to do all this work and even be in a much better 'relationship place' in say a year from now and still be looking at an underlying sexual problem." In not so many words: is it possible it's both?
CT says "no, the sexual problems are a symptom. If that were to happen, then we'd so 'ok, you're both in a better place and there's still a sexual gap. Let's look at ways to address that.' But we're not there yet. We have to do this other work first."
I don't know. It felt pretty deflating. Because I absolutely agree we need to do the relationship work and I also know LLF has sex issues that were present long before she met me. So how the actual fuck are those now transformed into relationship issues? Does it make sense why I'm confused, or am I just way off base here?
The CT's response put me in a funk. I know LLF doesn't think there's much of a sexual problem, and so I want to bring the list below into the discussion at our next session. Taken in totality, I look at this list below and think "isn't the majority of this due to some sort of sexual aversion on LLF's part? If not, how is all of this pinned on the relationship?"
I'm on mobile so excuse the crap formatting.
I have a spouse who:
Did not want me to look at her body on our wedding night
Was hot and heavy with the petting and making out when we were dating but that did not translate to hot and heavy sex once we were married (we were products of purity culture and indoctrinated to wait until marriage. Total bullshit.)
In first few years of marriage, consistently rebuffed my advances. To the point I stopped trying. Often we would be on the couch watching TV. When discussing this recently, she said "sex is important but TV is also important."
In our first several years of marriage told me that many sexual positions I wanted to try were demeaning (e.g. doggy style)
Tells me she does not have sexual fantasies
Tells me she's satisfied with everything that's happening in the bedroom and rarely if ever has suggestions for new things to do in the bedroom
Until the last two years had only masturbated once or twice
Does not think about sex until it's been about two weeks since last time
Would consistently say "let's have sex tonight (or tomorrow or whenever)" and then completely forget about it
Would say "please don't make eye contact with me when I'm performing fellatio"
Views sex as a checklist or functional activity (her words)
When we scheduled sex dates on the calendar, would not allow for make up opportunities if a date was missed because "it's not Tuesday." And forget about having sex two days in a row.
Has no desire to cuddle after sex
Does not enjoy receiving oral sex
Did not buy a vibrator until I suggested it
Says she is game for just about anything but does not have suggestions for what that might entail.
Does not understand why it is frustrating for me to platonically watch a show with sex scene if it's been a while since we had sex
Will go weeks without talking about sex and then upon finding out I don't want sex b/c I just masturbated will tell me "save some of that for me next time."
Instinctively pulls away from my hand whenever I reach for her body during foreplay, especially breasts, vulva, or butt. This happens regardless of who initiates.
Takes all of the above into consideration (or perhaps doesn't?) and says "I'm sex positive!"
HLC, please give me guidance. Slap me upside the head if that's what I need. Because I'm losing my mind over here.

Ok first I'm gonna go on a little rant. It's a cathartic thing I need to do after people calling me dumb for the last year. You can skip it I'll put a little indicator of the end. So skip to that.
I get that people are upset at this. I am too. It sucks even more considering lance's passing.
But there is one thing I wanna point out in general.
How many people thought us losing wouldn't mean characters dying? I've been saying this to people since the whole thing got popular. And now I'll say it again. Only this time in past tense.
We lost, We failed, We are currently losing this war. We are taking more risk meaning more people are probably going to die. If you don't like that why did you want to lose so bad? I had so many people tell me "they won't kill off -" any time I brought it up.
I just wanna say I told you so.
OK NOW THAT THATS OUTTA THE WAY
Amanda dying didn't really surprise me, but it did shock me. I thought it would come later but still the pay off made sense and the hints were there. Amanda is mistaken for a Guardian because she willingly throws herself at situations light bearers tend to deal with. Splicer is a good example, hell even this season and the intro to lightfall she did it. Through a mix of skill and luck she got out though. But skill can only go so far and luck runs out eventually. This was always going to happen.
The thing that is most obvious however is that Amanda now fully fulfills the requirements to become a guardian. Wonder what will come of that?
I don't hate Amanda. She's an example of how a normal person can almost stand side by side with a guardian. It's really going to affect moral now that she's dead.

I’ve been running on 5 hours of sleep a day for a while, please ignore any mistakes. I’m exhausted in every sense of the word.
I’ve lived in my current apartment since last April. Since then, my issue with my neighbor has gotten worse and worse.
She has 2 large dogs. From early in the morning til around 9pm, her dogs will stand at her front window and basically go rabid over anyone who walks up to building door. It’s just a matter of time before they break the window since they go ape shit everytime someone walks by with a dog. In the same area, they scratch at the floor and fight extremely loudly all throughout the day. It’s above my living room.
All fucking night, her heavy ass dogs run back and forth right above my bedroom. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been woken up by this shit. I have two kids, both autistic, both have been shaken awake terrified at times because of how loud it can get. AND WE HAVE A WHITE NOISE MACHINE! I’m a really light sleeper and struggle with insomnia at times.
Imagine, it’s 12am, not being able to sleep and when you FINALLY drift off, your neighbors dogs start play fighting for 3 hours and wake your kids up too.
I’m in a 1 bedroom, she’s in a 2 bedroom. I only know this because we briefly chatted when I first moved in. There is no option for us to go into a different room. The noise is everywhere in my apartment.
She doesn’t pick up her dogs shit. There’s a kinda secluded grassy area in front of my kitchen window I’ve tried taking my kids out to on nice days but it’s covered in dog shit!!
There was a time she rang my bell bc she locked herself out. As soon as I opened the front door for her, her dog raced down the stairs to my apartment and busted open the door (I left it cracked while I ran to open the door for her), scaring my kids and nearly attacking my cat.
I don’t do well with confrontation so I’m not gonna knock on her door and tell her this. She’s well aware of how loud her dogs are considering she’s home when most of this is going on. She’s very heavy footed, which is a non issue. I’m not mad at the girl for walking in her own apartment. I just know she’s home bc I can hear her.
Im planning on going to the main office in the morning and explaining this. It been an issue but I kept putting it off, kept telling myself it’ll stop. But some recent non related events in my life have made me very angry and I guess I decided to be a passive aggressive bitch about it. I can’t afford to move and I’m stuck in a lease.
The next time I hear her dog even take a step, I’m putting my vacuum on the ceiling.

Hi there...plz help me to make sense of it
I have lots of pdf files and I like to read things...
But let's say my native language is gujarati and I have lot of gujarati pdf in my drive which have my native Gujarati font, the pdf is perfect..but they r too large like 100 mb and 300 mb and take so much time to load and render
I know why they r large because of pdf formats and utf and blah blah blah
But I heard that epub format is lesser in size, they have 5 to 10 % small size then pdf...now I want to convert those non english pdf to epub so I can save space and open ebooks faster...
I've tried so many online tools and offline conversation software like calibre and doxillion
epub generate but they look like this : !^{!£#£_÷&÷$£¥$€÷hsueuyrjfjjguriornrifir}
Idk if this is font isssue or encoding problem ??
Anyone tell me how to convert non english language pdf to epub without those gibberish !^×€×€ error and exact same font readable.
I'm sure there are computer expert in this sub reddit who understands what I'm tryping to say and solve my issue
Thanks...

It's not just me, he refers to attractive women like food. It's only generally woman he's attracted to, on TV online in conversations. He refers to them by food. Like if they're black, we're chocolate. Latinas are always mocha. He calls Asian women kimchi. White women creamy milk. I told him I really don't like it when he does that. I feel like it's diminutive and objectifying. I told him to stop but he acts like I'm overreacting and it's just how he compliments people.
It started a fight with another woman that he casually called "hot chocolate" and as I told him, many people just don't like that, she turned around and agreed and threw her drink at him when he kept pressing it, and he was asked to leave. I stayed because I was going to enjoy my night, and according to him everyone else was overreacting and he was not wrong at all here. I was wrong for not defending him. I told him, I'm not defending you over something I told you I hate hearing. I feel like it's dehumanizing and I am not dealing with it.
Ever since that incident, every time he does it regardless of who it's directed at I just get up and leave. I feel like I've come to the realization this is a deal breaker for me, and he thinks I'm making a huge deal about nothing. But he doesn't plan on ever changing that or trying to prioritize my comfort, he thinks I need to get over it because it's nothing. I'm about to walk away over this it's so frustrating to be demeaned as a food and then further ignored and belittled. I honestly feel like he doesn't see me as an equal or even a person just am object, a little treat. And it disgusted me to realize that.