Andy tattoo on bottom of foot

The storyline started out as a kinda joke but then he actually ran. It just feels so drawn out now. I wish Travis' storyline focused more on his trauma and personal development and not trying to prove a point to Dickson.
After Travis forgiving Theo for Vic and the sake of moving forward, it seems like the writers don't really know what to do with him anymore.
The most unfortunate thing about all this is that it resulted in Eli being there. Which I find as the most annoying character ever. And it's ruining the little bit of redemption Andy had. She doesn't have to be with every single guy on the show for her storyline to be relevant. And similarly the writers don't need to let Vic's storylines be all about Theo either.

Hello friends.
I’ve had presyncope episodes for years now, where I get very hot, dizzy, and nauseous, and I get this intense feeling of urgency, like I need to drink cold water and lay down or I’m going to pass out. I’ve seen doctors and done heart monitor tests, but they’ve come back normal so I’m told it’s just anxiety. Also I get incredibly dizzy any time I stand up, or if my head is lowered and I raise it. I often need a minute to be able to recover.
As most of us do, I also have a lot of weird health issues - hypermobility, chronic headaches and migraines, near constant exhaustion, gastrointestinal problems (I had my gallbladder out in a somewhat botched surgery in 2015 - and now I can’t eat most foods without my intestines swelling and being unable to process nutrients. Also I now get this horrible horrible pain in between my ribs, I’m told it could be indigestion, either way it’s horrible), adhd, endometriosis, among other fun things.
Anywho, last night I had that really horrible indigestion(?) pain that I get, and I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom trying to get through it, but I got really really hot so I tried to stand up to open the door to circulate air. I got up very slowly because I know I often get dizzy, and I remember being dizzy, and then I remember waking up from what felt like a nap and my face and foot hurting. The door was closed, but my cats were in the room so I know I must have opened it, and I think my foot must have closed it? And my face was against the bathroom cabinet so I’m guessing that’s why it hurts?
I don’t know why I’m posting. Maybe support? I’m going to call my doctor but I’m sure he’ll blow me off again and I’ll never know. I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else gets this.

In episode 1452, Miles and guest co-host Andrew Ti are joined by writer, TV producer, and host of The War On Cars, Doug Gordon, to discuss… Homeschooling Isn’t A Solution To School Shootings You F*king Ghouls, Case In Point.. A School Administrator in Florida Wrote A $100K Check to “Elon Musk”, AI is being Used in courts? Is this good...?, Who's The Asshle: Airplane Edition and more!
footNOTES

• Homeschooling Isn’t A Solution To School Shootings You F**king Ghouls
• Tennessee Rep. Gives Baffling Answer On How To Protect Kids in School Following Nashville Shooting: ‘We Homeschool’
• Homeschooling surges as parents seek escape from shootings, violence
• Tragedies Like The Texas Shooting Make A Somber Case For Homeschooling
• Uvalde kids go back to the classroom this week. These parents chose other options
• Homeschooling Isn't the Solution to 390 Million Guns
• Amid calls to homeschool after school shootings, homeschool alumni group urges caution
• Case In Point.. A School Administrator in Florida Wrote A $100K Check to “Elon Musk”
• Andrew's Social Media Recommendation (VIDEO).
• LISTEN: Tuff Talk by Mick Jenkins & Shorii

https://github.com/BrokenRegistry/Rotp-Fusion/releases
As always, comments and suggestions are very welcome. Especially for other default flag colors! I didn't know which to choose!

• Added an Auto-Flag option acting when a new system is scouted.
  • Set a Flag function of Planet Type.
  • Or set a Flag function of Planet Environment.
  • Or set a Flag function of Planet Ressources.
  • Or set a Flag function of Colony Ship Technologies.
  • Pressing "Home" will run the auto-flag to the selected planet flags.
  • Pressing "Alt"+"Home" will run the auto-flag to all scouted planets flags.
• Up to 4 flags are now available!
  • May be not very useful, but I had fun adding them! ;-)
  • Select Left-Right with "Ctrl".
  • Select Top-Bottom with "Shift".

Fixes: - Fixed second Map Flag showing black instead of not showing. - Fixed text on buttons some time not following the modifier keys. - Precursor Relic event: - AIs and Player have now the same view of the new created planets. - AIs where accidentally "cheating", to be even: now the player too! - Player is always notified of the planet creation.
Others: Partially Disabled Profiles Manager: - It was not updated to the new menu. - It was not updated for the new options - And it may already be broken! - Almost everything is now more easily available from the GUI. - Every save file is a profile that can be loaded! - You can easily change the parameters in game... - The restart function works better! - Etc... - But if you miss some of its features: Just ask! - I will slowly continue to totally remove it!

I am tattooed and pierced. I'm a little shy at first but once you get to know me, you won't be able to shut me up! I like to go out dancing and drinking with my friends, I enjoy gym class. I am very active in sports. My favorite color is blue. I love music, all kinds of music. I'm into rock and metal right now though. It's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes when things are tough. I've had some bad experiences in life but I'm trying to turn it around. I hate drama, so if you're looking for someone to stir shit up then keep on moving. I have no use for people who can't control themselves. If you want to know more about me just ask!
https://www.reddit.com/use2leg2hand/comments/11vydit/hello_reddit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I am tattooed and pierced. I'm a little shy at first but once you get to know me, you won't be able to shut me up! I like to go out dancing and drinking with my friends, I enjoy gym class. I am very active in sports. My favorite color is blue. I love music, all kinds of music. I'm into rock and metal right now though. It's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes when things are tough. I've had some bad experiences in life but I'm trying to turn it around. I hate drama, so if you're looking for someone to stir shit up then keep on moving. I have no use for people who can't control themselves. If you want to know more about me just ask!
https://www.reddit.com/use2leg2hand/comments/11vydit/hello_reddit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Basilus stand at 6 foot 6 tall A young 18 year old with a silver hide with no imperfections, but one large black circle over his left hip, a soft face not yet hardened by battle he has soft brown curly hair that flows in the wind as he runs the lagonna plains. His eyes are separate colours, the left black-equal to the colour on his hip, The right bright blue.
His armour is a plain heavy chain mail suit with a dark brown sash across his waist. On his right shoulder embossed on his pauldron - his name underneath, calvary corps
Strapped to his right hip, a small hand axe, the blade resembles Damascus steel, the handle, red stained oak with divots for the fingers to place naturally, these are lined with gold. A black scabbard holds this tight to his hip and is a family heirloom
The metal scabbard on his back holds his long sword, a simple design, with a leather handle a square hilt offers structure and protection, this sword is named Laviathan.
His shield brandishes the symbol of the alamon army black with a golden edge.

Accepting PayPal & CRYPTO Currency Payments. Read bottom of the page for more information.
Reservation Fee: 5 $ (USD/EUR)
Applied to Everyone. Everyone pays the same Reservation fee no matter the size of your order. Reservation fee is subtracted from the total cost of your Order. Reservation fee is non-refundable.
FAQ (Frequent Asked Questions) can be found on my steam profile.
My Steam Profile
SteamRep
Leave a message in the comment section, and add me. Will respond once I see it.

Treasure Nr. & Year	Rare & Retro Sets	Hero	Price	Stock	Reserved
Diretide 1. 2022	Dark Behemoth	Primal Beast	50💲	7
Diretide 2. 2022	Sublime Equilibrium	Void Spirit	45💲	1
Diretide 1. 2022	Blue Horizons	Marci	20💲	15
Diretide 2. 2022	Brands of the Reaper	AntiMage	35💲	2
Aghanim's. 2021	Wrath of the Celestial Sentinel	Chaos Knight	50💲	1
Aghanim's. 2021	Pyrexae Polymorph Perfected	Ogre Magi	45💲	1
Cache 1. 2019	Gothic Whisper	Phantom Assassin	125💲	1
Cache 2. 2019	Cinder Sensei	Ember Spirit	185💲	4
Cache 1. 2019	Defender of Ruin	Disruptor	35💲	3
Cache 2. 2019	Fowl Omen	Necrophos	20💲	5
Cache 2. 2018	Cruelties of the Spiral Bore	Magnus	80💲	2
Cache 2. 2018	The Rat King	Chen	10💲	2
Collection 2022	Charms of the Firefiend	Batrider	5💲	1

​

Diretide Cache 2. 2022	Hero	Price	Stock	Reserved
Darkbrews Transgression	Alchemist	10💲	2
The Wilding Tiger	Brewmaster	10💲	1
Withering Pain	Clinkz	10💲	2
Dawn of Darkness Foretold	Doom	10💲	3
Sacred Chamber Guardian	Huskar	10💲	2
Bird of Prey	Legion Commander	10💲	2
Feasts of Forever	Night Stalker	10💲	2
Freebot Fortunes	Ogre Magi	10💲	2
Transcendent Path	Oracle	10💲	1
Darkfeather Factioneer	Phantom Assassin	10💲	2
Cursed Cryptbreaker	Pudge	25💲	1
Grand Suppressor	Silencer	10💲	3
War Rig Eradicators	Techie	15💲	1
Acrimonies of Obsession	Vengeful Spirit	10💲	3

​

Diretide Cache 1. 2022	Hero	Price	Stock	Reserved
Hounds of Obsession	Chen	10💲	14
Seadog's stash	Clockwerk	10💲	12
Starlorn Adjudicator	Dawnbreaker	10💲	13	1
Chines of the Inquisitor	Faceless Void	10💲	13
Shadowleaf Insurgent	Hoodwink	10💲	12	1
Champion of the Fire Lotus	Monkey King	10💲	13
Crimson Dawn	Phoenix	10💲	14
Scarlet Subversion	Riki	10💲	13
Whippersnapper	Snapfire	10💲	13	1
Spoils of the shadow veil	Spectre	10💲	13
Forgotten Station	Terrorblade	10💲	12
Dirge Amplifier	Undying	10💲	13
Trophies of the Hallowed Hunt	Ursa	10💲	14
Deathstitch Shaman	Witch Doctor	10💲	13

​

Aghanim's Cache 2021	Hero	Price	Stock	Reserved
Blightfall	Abaddon	15💲	3
Cosmic Concoctioneers	Alchemist	20💲	1
Secrets of the Frost Singularity	Ancient Apparition	15💲	2
Days of the Demon	Axe	15💲	1
Widow of the Undermount Gloom	Broodmother	10💲	2
Perils of the Red Banks	Chen	15💲	4
Apex Automated	Clockwerk	35💲	1
Perception of the First Light	Dawnbreaker	25💲	3	1
Silverwurm Sacrifice	Dragon Knight	20💲	2
The Chained Scribe	Grimstroke	10💲	2
Forgotten Fate	Mars	15💲	2
Scales of the Shadow Walker	Phantom Lancer	10💲	3
Test of the Basilisk Lord	Razor	15💲	1
March of the Crackerjack Mage	Rubick	15💲	1

​

Cache 2. 2019	Hero	Price	Stock	Reserved
Endless Night	Abbadon	15💲	1
Prized Acquisitions	Batrider	10💲	2
Fury of the Bloodforge	BloodSeeker	10💲	4
Automaton Antiquity	BroodMother	15💲	3
Directive of the Sunbound	Clockwerk	15💲	2
Sight of the Kha-Ren Faithful	Drow Ranger	20💲	3
Souls Tyrant	Shadow Fiend	25💲	4
Distinguished Expeditionary	Tusk	15💲	1
Verdant Predator	Venomancer	15💲	2
Tribal Pathways⠀	Warlock	15💲	4

​

Cache 1. 2019	Hero	Price	Stock	Reserved
Echoes of the Everblack	Abaddon	15💲	2
Priest of the Proudsilver Clan	Chen	15💲	2
Allure of the Fadeshade Flower	Dark Willow	25💲	2
Forbidden Medicines	Dazzle	15💲	2
Soul of the Brightshroud	Death Prophet	25💲	1
Scorched Amber	Dragon Knight	25💲	1
Glimmer of Sacred Hunt	Drow Ranger	85💲	1
The Arts of Mortal Deception	Enigma	15💲	2
Pursuit of the Ember Demons	Huskar	25💲	2
Riddle of the Hierophant	Oracle	10💲	1
Appetites of the Lizard King	Slark	25💲	1
Poacher's Bane	Tidehunter	25💲	2
Curse of the Creeping Vine	Undying	15💲	3

Genuine Weather balls can be traded for items without delay

Genuine Weather	Price	Stock
Ash	8💲	1
Snow	5💲	2
Rain	5💲	2
Moonbeam	5💲	0
Harvest	3💲	7
Spring	3💲	2
Pestilence	3💲	3
Aurora	3💲	22
Sirocco	3💲	2

Accepting These Crypto Currencies: Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH), Binance (BNB), Cardano (ADA), Polygon (MATIC), XRP (XRP), Dogecoin (DOGE), Polkadot (DOT), Litecoin (LTC), Tron (TRX), Solana (SOL), Cosmos (ATOM), Stellar (XLM), Algorand (ALGO), Filecoin (FIL), Tezos (XTZ), Fantom (FTM), Zcash (ZEC), Dash (DASH), Celo (CELO)
PayPal payments must be in the form of Friends & Family to prevent fees & chargebacks.

I had my bottom 2 wisdom teeth removed 7 days ago(3/23/23) and I’m kinda itching to go back to the gym. The swelling has pretty much completely subsided and I’m not in any substantial pain anymore, just some discomfort and soreness(easily manageable w some otc stuff and warm compresses). To all my gym people: how long did you wait before going back to the gym after having your wisdom teeth pulled? Do you think semi heavy cardio(like 20 mins on the stair masters and 2 mile jog/speed walk at steep incline) would be too much to start out with? Thinking of doing some weighted glute exercises too. I appreciate any feedback😁

I have attached an image with the section where I have to do these cards with some hover effect, as you can see, in normal state it's just some images, when it's hovered, you can see a background-color underneath and the image gets a gradient.
I have implemented something like this.

I know, it would have been more semantic to use the `img` tag and I agree, but this is the requirement, to use a div and use `background-image`.
Regarding styles, I have given the `.image` some height and width, then I this.

.image { position: relative; background-color: lightblue; &::before, &::after { content: ""; position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; transition: transform 200ms ease-in; } &::before { background-image: url("/images/img-1.png"); background-size: cover; } &::after { opacity: 0; background-image: linear-gradient(0deg, rgba(red, .9) 0%, rgba(yellow, .9) 100%); } &:hover { &::before { transform: translate(-10px, -10px); } &::after { opacity: 1; transform: translate(-10px, -10px); } } } 

The last step is to actually create some text that shows up (preferably from the bottom) when the image is hovered. I have an idea in theory how to do it, like create an inner div and then position it absolute to the .image class and use transform to move it around, but the problem is that I'm most likely having to use `overflow: hidden` on `.image` otherwise the text will be visible. And if I do that, then the "movement" of the image to the top-left won't work anymore.
​
Can you help me with this?
https://preview.redd.it/by7743pmmvqa1.png?width=1372&format=png&auto=webp&s=76d3780b038e05366b66253c1ce430758451591e

I chopped the text into two chapters, hers the first, how is it? New word count of 1589.
Waking up, I felt the beginnings of a throbbing headache in my temples as soon as I opened my eyes. My already constantly mood soured further until vinegar. For one It was quite dark, so my eyes had to adjust to the light, yet I could already tell something had gone wrong. Brown-gray splinters littered a black floor and the periphery of my eyes; light and shadows danced in swinging motion, and the unmistakable smell of burnt hair and flesh filled the air. Huffing, I dove into my disoriented memories for answers as I slowly moved my body in small rotations. Legs-check, torso-check, arms-1/2 shit, head? I might have a concussion. Directive: seek semi-immediate medical assistance.
Breathing slowly through my nose, I waited as my vision flickered until it matched the low light. My head now pounded like a mariachi band with a residence notice inside my head. The notice says 'fuck you'. Groaning like an old piece of oak, I wriggled myself on what I now recognized to be the tile floor of my lab, covered in soot. That’s not good. Struggling to take in fresh air as ruffled bits of sawdust filled the air, a sudden wave of nausea hit me like a ton of bricks, and I had to reconsider my prognoses for my torso as I hurled yesterday's lunch into one of the furthest ash piles. What happened?
But that was only the beginning of my misery. As a sharp pain flared and shot through my shoulder, I cursed under my breath as I slowly maneuvered myself from beneath the battered and worn-out wooden cabinets. If I get out of this, I’m going to strangle gramps for buying it. Jagged splinters grated against my flesh, causing me to wince in agony with every inch of movement.
Yet the world would still mock me as Every now and then, my body twitches as residual electrical charge dissipates in small sparks from my mad scientist static hair. So, there was electricity, fire, and perhaps a chemical explosion, which would explain the soot. Did my last test do this? How? However, my scientific curiosity was momentarily forgotten as I grasped a nearby countertop for support, leaving me breathless and trembling.
Breathing laboriously, my eyes wandered over the slightly charred laboratory countertops until they fell on my sister's old-fashioned chicken clock, still ticking away annoyingly with its head bobbing side to side. Despite the gravity of the situation, I couldn't help but let out a peal of laughter along with a few tears.
Suddenly feeling better, I propped myself up and confirmed my suspicions with pained eyes. My once glories lab, filled with years of my work, was reduced to nothing more than ash and cinders. To be honest, it wasn't that grand—just a renovated basement with whatever villain and power tech I could scrounge off the market for cheap, but now all of it was gone! Gripping the counter top till my knuckles turned white, I breathed through my nose again as I prepared to finish sorting through this mess.
Holding my breath, I looked down at myself, taking in the state of my clothes. My left foot was snugly fitted into a scuffed black sneaker, while my right foot was bare, the other shoe missing in action. My jeans were ripped and filled with soot and wood chips, grating on my exposed skin. The gray wife beater I wore was smeared with black soot, running from my belly up to my chest. Wearing over this mess was my generic white lab coat, now in tatters and stained with black and red; one of the sleeves was even missing!
Choking back bile from seeing the ‘crimson’ fluid, I looked down at myself and saw the culmination of my life's work: a partially liquefied forearm—my forearm—dripped like a leaky roof onto the floor with opalescent goo. Emotionally done for the day, my only reaction was mute shock rolling through my stomach as primitive survival instincts warred with new foreign impulses. Tentatively, I mentally and physically poked at my sloughing bicep and cringed in both abject horror and delight as the remains of my arm twitched.
My mind ground to a halt as the world around me collapsed in chaos. Even my own agony and discomfort paled in comparison to the maelstrom of emotions that flooded my being. I had poured years of blood, sweat, and tears into my research, experimentation, and innovation, all to create the perfect environment for my awakening. But as I stared in disbelief at the twitching remnants of my arm, I was struck with the realization that my quest for power had never been about the greater good, as it is for heroes, or about personal glory, as it is for villains. No, my motives were purely self-serving and driven by an all-consuming jealousy. The realization sent a chill down my spine.
Stopping that train of thought, I took a deep breath of the air, recognizing hints of sharp-ozone, acrid-smoke and sterile plates and willed my new instincts to the forefront of my mind's eye. Eager to leave that personal mess for later and explore the rest of my power set with both arms. Holding my stump outstretched I visualized in painful detail regular human anatomy and pushed the thought into the folds of my new instincts. Feeling a reaction my heart pounded with excitement and apprehension the sensation of a sluggish fluid moving from the center of my being. I watched in wonderment and astonishment as my arm began to piece itself back together, with flesh, blood, and bone reconstituting themselves before my very eyes as opalescent goo polled itself from hidden nooks and crannies of soot.
The whole process took less than a minute but felt like hours as my flesh turned from opalescent to white to grey to brown before finally matching my skin tone. Experimentally, I wiggled and flexed my hand and fingers, noticing a slight delay before even that was worked out seconds later. The only proof that my hand was missing was shredded sleeves. Speaking of which, I turned to my blood-soaked shoulder, fighting back my gag reflex as I shimmied my coat off without disturbing the splinters of wood. Exposed, I saw red, angry flesh intermixed with long shards of wood, peppered with splints, and some bits of glass. Wondering for a moment, I remembered the cabinets having glass windows to see inside. Nodding slowly, I silently promised to send that grisly bastard to the closest retirement home as revenge.
Sighing slowly as to not disturb the wound, I held my hand over the spot and thought of turning my shoulder very slowly to goo, just enough to pull out the unwanted bits without my arm falling off. Can it fall off? Would it even matter though? Blinking those thoughts away, I watched with interest as the red became green and truculent like Jell-O, revealing more fragments trapped deeper than what my eyes had seen. Grabbing hold of the larger bits, I almost stabbed myself as the thing came out like it wasn’t an inch deep. I repeated this without the stabbing part until all that was left were the subdermal fragments, walking over to one of the still-standing lab drawers and taking out a pair of tweezers.
Holding them over my shoulder threateningly, I sighed as I lost whatever steam I had, the idea of doing what amounted to self-surgery not meshing well for me. Sitting down on one of the cleaner spots of the lab floor, I propped my head like a famous philosopher and did my most horrid of tasks: future planning.
It felt like hours passed as ideas were thrown left and right, with lazy solutions popping up like weeds. It had only been like 5 minutes at most. Done with my deep thinking, I stood up and began to monologue. Don’t question it; it helps me think better. "First rule of every Super: keep it in your pants until you make it big." I’ve seen too many schoolmates and friends trying to become would-be heroes or villains and falling like dominoes over their own feet trying to get into the gig without any backing or research.
Walking over to the center of the lab I picked up the remnants of the last experiment and bagged them with my coat to be later dispose of it with whatever remained of my research into the incinerator. Not like anyone would appreciate the research as is, as each awakening environment needs to be fine-tuned for each person. Helps to be cautious as said by, “Rule two of every super: trust no one.” The number of backstabbing girl/boy/them friends is staggering, about 1/3 of all failed beginner supers are ratted out for money with another 1/3 for the prestige. “That’s kind of depressing isn’t it?” The question echoed as I finished collecting the rest of my stuff into one of the Jumbo-Mini Flasks. It’s a novelty lab equipment that can grow or shrink based on the amount of fluids inside.
The guy who made them was a size manipulator villain called Sky-Reaper, guy would steal sky scrapers and ringed the owners for insane ransoms. Most supers leaved him be as he had the nasty habit of throwing relativistic missiles when threatened. Terrifying, and that brings me to “Rule number three of every super: Understand what you got before toy start punching bad guys in the face.” Lest you become the pavement that they walk.

Aliyah Boston didn't just have to contend with the shadow of a great player. She had an 11-foot tall likeness in front of her home arena.
Boston first arrived on campus at the University of South Carolina in 2019, just one year after the greatest player in program history, A'ja Wilson, had finished an NCAA career that transformed the school into a women's college basketball powerhouse. A three-time first-team All-American, Wilson was the hometown star who helped lead the Gamecocks to their first NCAA title in 2017. A bronze statue of Wilson atop a granite base was erected outside the main entrance to Colonial Life Arena in January 2021 during Boston's sophomore year.
https://www.espn.com/womens-college-basketball/story/_/id/35998600/womens-final-four-2023-aliyah-boston-south-carolina-legacy

Overpriced dlc ✅
Overpriced skateboard gimmick ✅
Made trick battles unplayable ✅
Can no longer 360 jump on foot for some reason ✅
Complete lack of skins/cosmetics even though they’ve been recycling the same ones for months ✅
No replay mode still!? Nice ✅
Oh but we got swimming 🏊‍♀️✅
All the content that was released yesterday, should’ve just been free content that was released among additional DLC’s. Honestly pathetic, good job Ubi!

Ajax
I am building a code which displays user information on search. User information, is then displayed in a fieldset, and a image, first name, last name and few profile info. is shown, and in the bottom of the fieldset, there's a add as friend hyperlink:
add as friend Now I want to use jquery $post() method to interact with another page. I also have a hidden field inside that user fieldset which has the user id value. Now, when i create a click functionality using jquery, i am not able to access the different hidden field values. Now i want to know how to achieve this functionality? For checking if i can get the value of hidden fields inside a set of code, i did this.
$(document).ready(function () { $("a#aaf").bind('click', function () { alert($("#uid").val()); });}); But I'm only getting the value of first fieldset, not others. Kindly guide me in this.
Thanks in advance.
EDIT: How to get it in each tag click event? I'm putting some more code here,
result() as $row){?>

firstname.' '.$row->lastname;?>

add as friend

Answer link : https://codehunter.cc/a/ajax/jquery-a-tag-click-event

Having a relapse is one thing - but you know shit might start to get dark real quick when the needles come back out to play. Anyone else regret that fateful day when you took your first point?
I’ve been doing the parTy thing since 2017. However, February 2021 thru April 2022 I was able to stay off of that shit completely. Since the first relapse in April, I’ve been stepping out almost once a month. There have been a couple of clean months in between - and a couple of really heavy usage months as well.
I’ve been really struggling to find the strength to put this shit down again. I’m coming off of a little 48 hour bender - I’d say only 12 of those hours in total were actually fun, kinda. I want to call someone, but people don’t really like to hear about this sort of stuff. You get the whole, “you have to make the choice” speech. I hate that speech - now, I hate it even more. It’s one thing to hear it when you’ve never been clean longer than a month or a couple weeks. But to hear that speech again, after giving the same speech to others during my clean period, is a total mindfuck. It’s kind of crazy watching yourself repeat the same patterns that lead to total chaos and heartbreak the first time. I underestimated the power of addiction when I decided to dip my toes back in the pool again.
When I first started using again, I kept it pretty tight and under control. I thought that I was smarter now. Ha - yea right. There have been a few really scary months that could’ve easily put me right back in the place I’d swore to get out of. Drugs are no joke, y’all; going out for a night or two to get really high seems like the obvious and easy answer. The reality is the opposite, of course. During my year clean I learned that becoming addicted to meth has affected my self confidence and sex life. I also learned that life doesn’t get any easier on you when you accomplish saying no to drugs. To be fair, not being on drugs makes most of the challenges that are thrown at you easier to handle (kinda)
This is gonna sound stupid, but sometimes i “miss” rock bottom because your only focus in that period of time is to climb out of it. One thing to focus on. Skip ahead a year and the sky kind of opens a little. But fuck man life just keeps on doing it’s thing and I eventually find myself back in a place of “fuck it I’m gonna go get high”. Maybe I’m naive. Maybe I’m just being a whiny bitch, but with how stressful life can be, it almost seems pointless at times to stay clean. But that’s not what I thought at the beginning of 2022! So how do I find that within myself again??
I worry that I’ll drag my self all the way back down again. I’m starting to get sick of hearing myself say, “okay that was our last time!!” I really wanted to call someone, but people start to think you’re a broken record after the first few times…Which is fair. Anyway, I’ve been following the page for a few months now, and it’s really nice to read stories about people who also understand the struggle. It helps me deal with the guilt that comes with a relapse; it’s comforting to know that there a bunch of idiots out there like me struggling.
So, if you’ve made it this far, let me know how you got yourself to care about YOU enough to say no when life gets tough. This is something that we’ll be carrying with us for the rest of our lives.I don’t really expect much sympathy after choosing to relapse multiple times. I do, however, think it really fucking sucks that we will always know what being high feels like - especially on the days when life is getting you down.